Living
YEAR IN REVIEW: Best quips and quotes
From classic lines to mammoth blunders, gay topics kept tongues wagging
“I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.”
— Pop singer Ricky Martin, in a coming out message on his website which cited his two sons as his inspiration to speak out (Rickymartinmusic.com, March 29)
“You know if I could go back in time, I would lez it up 24 hours. Believe me, one thing I would not miss? Balls. Terrible little things.”
Betty White in the “Gingey” skit, one of several with gay jokes that were part of her May 8 appearance as host of “Saturday Night Live.” (NBC.com, May 8)
“Tired Gay succumbs to Dix in 200 meters”
Headline on a July 3 Reuters article about Walter Dix beating Tyson Gay in the 200 meters at the Prefontaine Classic Diamond League track meet. (Reuters.com, July 3)
“Please spare me the 40-minute dissertation on how fabulous ‘Glee’ is. It’s 2010. You can just come right out and say you’re gay.”
Comedian Bill Maher in his “New Rules for Emmy,” a humorous take on the Aug. 29 television awards broadcast (HollywoodReporter.com, Aug. 26)
“When I sit here and I hear adulterers and womanizers and folks cheating on their wives and down-low brothers saying they are going to vote against this [civil unions] bill, it turns my stomach … We know what you do at night!”
Illinois State Sen. Rickey Hendon (D-Chicago) as the Illinois Senate debated a bill to offer civil unions to gay couples, which passed Dec. 1. The governor has pledged to sign it into law. (Queerty.com, Dec. 1)
“What I really meant was that the sound of the guitar is very happy.”
—Former Guns N’ Roses guitarist Slash, backtracking after initially saying the guitar hook on Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” was “gay.” (Spinner, March 15)
“I feel like the biggest weight is off my shoulders, Publicity stunt my ass, this is my life.”
Momentary lesbian Kim Zolciak on Twitter (TV Guide, March 24)
“I would not be surprised if Oprah is gay. If she is, she is. It certainly fits.”
Author Erica Jong, a friend of talk show maven Oprah Winfrey, as quoted in Kitty Kelley’s new book, “Oprah: A Biography.” (USA Today, April 11)
“There are half a million kids in foster care in America. To have public officials deem homosexuals unworthy of parenting is disastrous for the nation, for equality and for humanity and, Mike, for Christianity.”
Lesbian comedian and talk show host Rosie O’Donnell in an April 24 chat with former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee on her Sirius radio show. Huckabee, who ran for president in 2008 and may run in 2012, criticized gay adoption last month by saying that “children are not puppies.” (New York Daily News, April 24)
“What I’m saying is that I think the ideal environment for children is in a relationship that has both a mother and a father.”
Mike Huckabee, attempting to explain his remarks to Rosie O’Donnell. (New York Daily News, April 24)
“I prayed every day for God to change me and it was, ‘Dear God, please don’t let me be gay. I promise to be a good person.’ … Young people in every corner of America are being told by their churches … that they are damaged goods and they are not. I have to stand up. I’m in a unique position.”
Chely Wright on why she decided to come out publicly (Toronto Sun, May 19)
“I promise you I did not kiss her and it is ridiculous that two entertainers can’t even rock out with each other without the media making it some type of story.”
Pop singer Miley Cyrus, 17, defending her recent performance on “Britain’s Got Talent,” in which the Daily Mail reported she simulated a kiss — but did not actually touch lips — with a female backup dancer. (Us Magazine, June 5)
“I think if two people love each other, then what the hell? I think that everyone should have the chance to be equally miserable, if they want.”
Rapper Eminem, who has previously been criticized for anti-gay lyrics, supporting gay marriage in an interview with the New York Times Magazine (The Guardian, June 18)
“Please don’t tell me that God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. If the Bible story is literally true, who did Cain marry?”
Cox newspapers columnist Cynthia Tucker, arguing that allowing same-sex couples to marry will not weaken heterosexual marriage (AJC.com, June 18)
“I think I’ve been in every gay club from New York to California. I would be in clubs with my recorders in my pocket, taping people talking. But at the end of the day, I drew more from my sisters and my mother. I’ve been mimicking them my whole life. They’re in my bones.”
Actor Nelsan Ellis, who is straight, on how he creates the character of Lafayette, the flamboyant gay Louisiana man he portrays on HBO’s vampire series “True Blood.” (Philadelphia Inquirer, July 4)
“Like maybe I’m having a clandestine affair with Ricky Martin. I know it’s really gonna upset a lot of gay men — I’m sure hundreds of ’em are gonna be jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge — but I ain’t available. I ain’t gay. Sorry.”
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) responding in a New York Times interview to long-standing rumors about his sexual orientation (WLTX.com, July 1)
“To boost development, a city needs to be open to a full range of people, especially the innovative ones who break barriers, like people of the gay community.”
Houston Mayor Annise Parker, the first openly gay mayor of a major U.S. city, in remarks at the Shanghai World Expo. Parker led a 60-member Houston business delegation to the Chinese city. (Xinhua, Aug. 2)
“You have a rare opportunity to right a wrong and I pray to God that you will take it. As an African American you understand the ugliness of hate and the pain of discrimination. This is not a battle of heterosexual against homosexual, but a struggle of justice against injustice.”
Black LGBT activist C.D. Kirven in an open letter to Alveda King, niece of Martin Luther King Jr., requesting a meeting to discuss King’s claim that gay marriage is “genocide” at a recent anti-gay marriage rally in Atlanta (Cherrygrrl.com, Aug. 9)
“I believe that Thomas Jefferson said: ‘If it neither breaks my leg nor picks my pocket what difference is it to me?’”
Conservative talk show host Glenn Beck, when asked on “The O’Reilly Factor” if he thinks gay marriage is “going to harm the country.” (Washingtonpost.com, Aug. 12)
“So, get this: David and I are expecting twins this fall. We’re super excited/nervous/thrilled.”
Actor Neil Patrick Harris, announcing via Twitter that he and his partner, David Burtka, will become parents via surrogacy. The babies were born in October. (USMagazine.com, Aug. 14)
“I always am confused why they don’t worry about shows that don’t have any gay characters on them. They should put some focus on them as well, but we’ll give the audience exactly what they need.”
Eric Stonestreet, who plays Cam on the ABC series “Modern Family,” on how his character will finally kiss partner Mitchell on the hit show – but allegedly not because of a Facebook campaign and other critics clamoring for a gay kiss (E! Online, Aug. 23)
“This church asks me to be in the closet about my sexual orientation and about my faith. I am a Christian lesbian pastor who marries heterosexual couples and lesbian and gay couples; I cannot lie about either part of me nor would I ask any pastor to do this.”
Rev. Jane Spahr, during testimony in her Presbyterian Church trial for marrying same-sex couples. Spahr was found guilty and censured. (New York Times, Aug. 28)
“And thank you to all the gays for remaking this video over and over again.”
Lady Gaga, accepting the Video Music Award for Best Female Video for her song “Bad Romance.” (MTV.com, Sept. 12)
“I think we should just try to make heterosexual divorce illegal.”
Iconic filmmaker John Waters on how gay and lesbian couples can achieve marriage equality. (Associated Press, Sept. 13)
“All women are lesbians except those that don’t know it yet.”
Lesbian feminist writer and cultural critic Jill Johnston, author of “Lesbian Nation,” during a 1971 debate over feminism. Johnston died Sept. 18 at age 81. (New York Times, Sept. 21)
“One of the reasons I was interested in exploring this character is we don’t often see a guy my age gay on television, explored in an intelligent, dignified, funny, serious way. So I thought, when David approached me with it three years ago and said, what if Saul’s gay? I said, bring it on.”
Actor Ron Rifkin on Uncle Saul, the older, newly out, HIV-positive man he plays on the ABC series “Brother and Sisters,” which premiered its new season last week. (Advocate.com, Sept. 23)
“I know what it’s like to be bullied and teased every single day, and I know that it may seem like there is no chance of happiness left. But I promise you there is a world full of acceptance and love just waiting for you to find it.”
Actor Chris Colfer, who plays Kurt Hummel on “Glee,” in a PSA for The Trevor Project, a national 24-hour, toll-free confidential hotline for gay and questioning youth. (TrevorProject.org)
“With a voice like this, you know I got to be a New Yorker. But I’m also an American. And to me that means justice and equality and liberty for everyone.”
Actress Fran Drescher in a video for a new Human Rights Campaign ad series that urging New Yorkers to support gay marriage. (On Top Magazine, Oct. 21)
“After a hurricane comes a rainbow.”
Lyric from “Firework,” the new Katy Perry song that includes two boys kissing in the music video. The New York Times noted the current string of gay-inclusive pop songs. (New York Times, Nov. 5)
“It will completely get rid of Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Will Survive’ as the gay anthem.”
Sir Elton John on the title track to Lady GaGa’s new album, “Born this Way,” set to be released in early 2011. (Entertainment Weekly via the New York Times, Nov. 5)
“Death threats, and the now-worldwide controversy surrounding your election of me as bishop, have been a constant strain, not just on me, but on my beloved husband, Mark, who has faithfully stood with me every minute of the last seven years, and in some ways, you.”
U.S. Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson, who became the Anglican Communion’s first openly gay bishop in 2003, announcing his retirement seven years early (The Guardian, Nov. 7)
“I don’t think any gay person is going to be happy and bring joy to themselves and other people unless they can be honest about their sexuality, and if other people don’t like that honestly, that’s a comment on them and not on the person who is being honest.”
Actor Sir Ian McKellen, who came out in 1988, expressing his fear that some managers and agents continue to pressure gay actors not to come out. (Popeater.com, Nov. 5)
“In terms of a leading man, a heterosexual, playing a homosexual … do you worry about your image as a leading man and a heterosexual?”
Talk show host David Letterman, stammering as he questioned actor Jim Carrey about his new film “I Love You, Phillip Morris,” in which Carrey plays a likable gay con artist. (ABC, Nov. 19)
“Boy, we haven’t grown at all, have we? We are still children in the schoolyard. For god’s sake, Dave, have you ever seen a gay man?”
Actor Jim Carrey, responding to David Letterman’s questions. (ABC, Nov. 19)
“I don’t want to underplay this, because I understand it is very significant. But I don’t want to overplay it either. I don’t want people to think I am anything other than an associate municipal court judge.”
Attorney Phyllis Frye, on her appointment to the Houston bench, making her the first openly transgender judge in Texas. (Houston Chronicle, Nov. 22)
“In the light of this broad and profound vision of human sexuality and the problems it currently faces, the Pope reaffirms that ‘the Church does not of course consider condoms to be the authentic and moral solution’ to the problem of AIDS.”
Statement from the Vatican after Pope Benedict said in an interview that condoms, which the Catholic Church bans, may be appropriate for HIV prevention in certain situations like male prostitutes. (NationalPost.com, Nov. 22)
“That means the next TSA official that gives you an enhanced pat-down could be a practicing homosexual secretly getting pleasure from your submission.”
Eugene Delgaudio, a member of the Loudoun County (Va.) Board of Supervisors and president of the conservative group Public Advocate of the United States, in an e-mail denouncing the TSA’s inclusive non-discrimination statement (WTOP, Nov. 30)
“It was like the pink elephant in the room that was never touched upon until it was the day to shoot. Then we just did it really quickly and called it a day.”
Actress Mila Kunis discussing her lesbian sex scene with Natalie Portman in the new movie “Black Swan”; Kunis says she asked her father not to watch the scene. (MTV.com, Nov. 30)
Real Estate
Real terrors of homeownership come from neglect, not ghosts
Mold, termites, frayed wires scarier than any poltergeist
Each October, we decorate our homes with cobwebs, skeletons, and flickering jack-o’-lanterns to create that spooky Halloween atmosphere. But for anyone who’s ever been through a home inspection there’s no need for fake scares. Homes can hide terrors that send chills down your spine any time of year. From ghostly noises in the attic to toxic monsters in the basement, here are some of the eeriest (but real) things inspectors and homeowners discover.
Every haunted house movie starts with a creepy basement, and in real life, it’s often just as menacing. Mold, mildew, and hidden water leaks lurk down there like invisible phantoms. At first, it’s just a musty smell — something you might brush off as “old house syndrome,” but soon enough, you realize those black or green patches creeping along the walls can be more sinister than any poltergeist.
Black mold (Stachybotrys chartarum) is particularly fearsome – it thrives in damp, dark places and can cause serious respiratory problems. It’s not just gross – it’s toxic and, while some types of mold can be easily cleaned up, removing black mold can cost more than an exorcism.
Have you ever heard strange buzzing or seen flickering lights that seem to move on their own? Before you call the Ghostbusters, call an electrician. Faulty wiring, outdated panels, and aluminum circuits from the mid-20th century are the true villains behind many mysterious house fires. Home inspectors can also find open junction boxes, frayed wires stuffed behind walls, or overloaded breaker panels that hum like a restless spirit.
Imagine an invisible specter floating through your home – something that’s been there since the 1950s, waiting for you to disturb it. That’s asbestos. Home inspectors dread discovering asbestos insulation around old boilers or wrapped around ductwork. It’s often lurking in popcorn ceilings, floor tiles, and even wall plaster. You can’t see it, smell it, or feel it—but inhaling those microscopic fibers can lead to serious illness decades later.
Lead pipes, once thought to be durable and reliable, are like the vampires of your water system – quietly poisoning what sustains you. The results of a lead test can be chilling: even a small amount of lead exposure is dangerous, particularly for children.
And it’s not just pipes – lead paint is another problem that refuses to die. You might find it sealed beneath layers of newer paint, biding its time until it chips or flakes away. This is why, when selling a property built prior to 1978, homeowners must disclose any knowledge of lead paint in the home and provide any records they may have of its presence or abatement.
Scratching in the walls. Tiny footsteps overhead. Droppings in the attic. It’s not a poltergeist – it’s pests. Termites, rats, bats, carpenter ants, and even raccoons can do more damage than any ghost ever could.
Termites are the silent assassins of the home world, chewing through beams and joists until the structure itself starts to sag. Rats and mice leave behind droppings that can spread disease and contaminate food. Bats are federally protected, meaning your haunted attic guests can’t just be evicted without proper precautions. And I once had a raccoon give birth in my chimney flue; my dogs went crazy.
Ever step into a home and feel the floors tilt under your feet? That’s no ghostly illusion – it’s the foundation shifting beneath you. Cracked walls, doors that won’t close, and windows that rattle in their frames are the architectural equivalent of a horror movie scream.
Foundation damage can come from settling soil, poor drainage, or tree roots rising from under the structure. In extreme cases, inspectors find entire crawl spaces flooded, joists eaten by rot, or support beams cracked like brittle bones. Repair costs can be monstrous – and if left unchecked, the whole house could become a haunted ruin.
Some homes hold more than just physical scares. Behind the drywall or under the floorboards, inspectors may uncover personal relics – old letters, photographs, even hidden safes or forgotten rooms. Occasionally, however, there are stranger finds: jars of preserved “specimens,” taxidermy gone wrong, or mysterious symbols scrawled in attic spaces.
These discoveries tell stories of the people who lived there before, sometimes fascinating, sometimes chilling, but they all add to the eerie charm of an old home, reminding us that every house has a history — and some histories don’t like to stay buried.
So, while haunted houses may be a Halloween fantasy, the real terrors in homeownership come from neglect, not ghosts. Regular inspections, good maintenance, and modern updates are the garlic and holy water that turn a trick of a home into a treat.
Valerie M. Blake is a licensed associate broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her via DCHomeQuest.com, or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.
Advice
Sexual desire is waning, should we open our relationship?
Couple faces difficult choices after seven years
Dear Michael,
When I met my husband seven years ago, I was super attracted to him and we had a really hot sex life.
That feeling has been waning for a while and now I am just not feeling it.
I know that people get older, gain weight, get less attractive over time but that’s not the case here. Ben is as good looking as ever. But I have little desire to have sex with him.
It bothers me that I don’t really want to have sex with the guy I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.
Is this why everyone else I know has an open relationship? Is there something I can do to want to have sex with my husband again?
This is causing major problems in my marriage. I don’t initiate anymore and half the time I find an excuse to not have sex when Ben initiates. He knows something is up but I usually blame it on work stress or not feeling well. I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
Aside from this, I love Ben and we have a lot of fun together. We’re very close, talk about all sorts of stuff, but not this.
Michael replies:
Pretty much everyone in a long-term relationship has to deal with decreased desire at some point.
Sex changes after you’ve been with your partner for a while. Sex is not going to be as easy, hot, and irresistible as it was at the beginning of the relationship. Newness generates a lot of the sexual heat at the outset of a relationship, and when the newness is gone, you don’t easily feel the same sizzling excitement that you felt when you first met.
Unfortunately, the kind of sex that people have at the beginning of a relationship is totally glorified in our culture as the gold standard of sex.
I say “unfortunately” because it’s not possible to consistently have the hot sex of a new relationship, ongoing, with a long-term partner. So if you think that is the best or only kind of sex to have, you will be contemptuous of anything else, and you will be disappointed in your sex life with your partner as time marches on.
But the sizzling sex people have at the start of a relationship is just one way to have sex. If you are willing to be imaginative, and are open to change, there are many other kinds of sex that can be wonderful.
How about sex for emotional connection? Sex for physical closeness? Sex for romance? Sex to celebrate just being together?
So, consider changing (not lowering!) your expectations. Rather than sulking or moping that you don’t want to spontaneously jump Ben’s bones, be open to having sex with your husband that is based more on your relationship and on your love for each other.
Now, here’s a whole other angle to consider: While the excitement of a new partner often fades, there are still ways to generate excitement and passion in a long-term relationship by taking risks and revealing yourself more deeply. Stick with me and I’ll explain.
- You haven’t said anything to Ben about your waning interest. I encourage you to re-think this. You would be much better positioned to tackle this issue collaboratively. Not talking about how stuck you feel is likely to deepen your feeling of shame and fear that something is wrong. Speaking with Ben about what is actually a fairly common couples’ issue could be a relief.
- Ironic as this may seem, the closer two people are, the less comfortable they may be being frankly sexual with each other. Clients often tell me that they are more comfortable expressing their real desires to someone they hardly know (or don’t know at all) than to their significant other. For one thing, the more your partner means to you, the more you may fear rejection if you reveal sexual feelings and desires that might upset or even shock your partner. For another, as couples get closer, sex may start to feel like too much closeness, and avoiding sex may be a way to create some space.
Not speaking up about what is important keeps you distant from your partner and drains your relationship of vitality. A powerful antidote to this: work toward becoming a person who can take risks, tolerate discomfort and uncertainty, and be able stand on your own when you don’t get your partner’s validation.
Talking with Ben, whether it’s about your lack of spontaneous desire for sex, or about sexual interests you may be keeping from him for fear of judgment, would involve your making uncomfortable moves that might lead to Ben’s judgment or even rejection. But doing so would also, of course, allow the possibility of more happening between you sexually. It would also let Ben know you better, thereby deepening the level of intimacy in your relationship. Making these moves could also be inherently exciting, which —guess what—could help to shake you out of your sexual doldrums and bring more passion and life into your relationship.
Similarly, you might start initiating. Even if you’re afraid it won’t go well and even if you’re not feeling it. That is the only way you are going to figure out how to have satisfying long-term sex. Take the need for an erection or orgasm off the table. Sex with your partner should not be a performance. Go for closeness, connection, and what feels good. And challenge yourself to go places that you are uncomfortable about going.
If any of this intrigues you, “Passionate Marriage” and “Intimacy and Desire,” both by David Schnarch, explore how your sexual connection can deepen over time in a long-term relationship.
Finally, with regard to your considering an open relationship as a remedy: Do you think that would enhance the sexual connection between you and Ben?
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
Wedding Announcement
Douglas M. Haller and Timothy H. Longnecker wed in Detroit, Michigan
Couple weds in Detroit, Michigan
Douglas M. Haller and Timothy H. Longnecker were married on September 15, 2025 in Detroit’s gay-welcoming suburb Ferndale after 11 years as domestic partners in Midtown Detroit. Julia Music, coordinator of LGBTQ Pride celebrations in Ferndale, served as officiant.
The couple sang stanzas of the 1927 song “Side By Side” as their vows, concluding with an AI Gay Wedding Pledge: “to be Allies pursuing happiness, equality and shared dreams.”
The couples’ families hail from Detroit’s Old Redford neighborhood; Douglas is Irish and French-Canadian, Timothy is German and English. DNA testing confirmed to the couple that each shares substantial ancestry from Ostrobothnia, Finland.
Douglas began his advocacy as a gay cultural and political activist in 1971 by coming out in the disco dance scene of Detroit’s Gay Palmer Park neighborhood. In Washington, D.C. after 1974, he was an interior designer at Georgetown’s Little Caledonia boutique. Douglas became the co-owner of Hermes Antiques with Helen Coutts, a retired English Literature teacher from Redford H.S. On S St. at Connecticut Ave., D.C.’s first Pride celebrations were held in front of their shop, alongside Lambda Rising bookstore. Following victimization in an anti-gay hate attack, Douglas became the public awareness coordinator of the Gay Activists Alliance, and was the principal organizer of its Anita Bryant demonstration at Dupont Circle.
Returning to Detroit in 1979, Douglas achieved an M.A. in Ancient History & Archival Administration at Wayne State University (WSU), studying under Finley Hooper & Philip Mason; his Master’s Essay re: an American Labor Movement cartoonist, utilizing the Walter Reuther Library’s archives. His WSU 1973 B.A. included American Political/ Diplomatic History, & Interdisciplinary Studies. During 1979-82 he was Information Officer of ASP (Assoc. of Suburban People)— Metro Detroit’s largest gay and lesbian social and political organization.
Douglas relocated toSan Francisco in 1982. He was Curator of Photographs at California Historical Society Libraries in Pacific Heights and Los Angeles. Living in the Mission & Haight, he was active in Castro and South-of-Market gay life, just as the HIV/AIDS epidemic first appeared.
In 1986 Douglas relocated to Philadelphia, as Head Archivist of the University of Pennsylvania Museum of Archaeology/Anthropology; authoring an illustrated book on Maison Bonfils, 19th-century French photographers of the Near East. Douglas was Founding Archivist of Penguin Place, now Philadelphia’s William Way LGBT+ Community Center. He became a Charter Member, Academy of Certified Archivists; and Founding Member, Lesbian/ Gay Archives Roundtable, Soc. of American Archivists (Chicago).
Returning to WSU’s Reuther Library (1998), Douglas was Coordinator of Audiovisual Collections, & History of Photography Instructor. Following 9/11 Attacks (2001), he relocated to New Orleans as Head Curator of Louisiana State Museums. Later owning the Gay-welcoming Creole Inn B&B in the Marigny (nr the French Quarter), with his finger on the pulse of Nawlins’ Gaylife—until Hurricane Katrina (2005). GLBT+ neighborhoods weren’t inundated—becoming lively islands amidst destruction. Douglas returned to Detroit in 2008 as caregiver for his mother, Jeanette Kalahar (Haller) Marchand, formerly a radio singer in 1940s Detroit. He met Timothy in 2014.
Timothy achieved a 1991 MBA in Finance & 1985 BS in Management Information Systems from the Univ. of Michigan-Ann Arbor. During 30 years, he held Information Technology & Automotive Business positions in Metro Detroit & LA, including Partner at Deloitte & Touche, Ford Motor & IBM. As a Consultant, his work involved extensive travel in North America, Europe & Asia. He has two married daughters from a previous marriage, a Pediatric Cardiology Nurse Practitioner & a Recruiting Executive for Automotive Technology clients, both living in Metro Detroit. As their final project before retirement, Timothy & Douglas worked as Archivist & Technology Consultant for Detroit educators Harriet (Choreographer) & Irving (Sculptor) Berg. Harriet acted as a godmother during their early relationship & they assisted in caregiving during her final years.
Timothy and Douglas spend their retirement in a 1905 apartment near the Detroit Institute of Arts’ exhibits, films and concerts, enjoying ethnic restaurants, and traveling. In 2025 they went by train to experience the “First Homosexuals 1869-1939” exhibition in Chicago. The curator of the exhibition, Jonathan Katz, 1976 book “Gay American History”, inspired Douglas to become a gay archivist.
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