Living
Queery: Philip Clark
20 gay questions for the librarian, historian and editor
Philip Clark has a thing for books. The 30-year-old high school librarian even says books played a huge part in his coming-out story.
“It really does tie directly into my sexuality,” the Arlington, Va., resident says. “When you’re coming out as a teen and there’s not a lot of information around, you quickly become a really good researcher. I wanted to find out more about what being gay was all about and what other gay people were about so I found a bunch of novels with gay characters and tried to read as much as I could about who I was.”
Seeds were planted that are still bearing fruit. A collection of gay literature on the SMYAL bookshelves instilled Clark with an appreciation for contemporary gay authors. Over the years, though, he’s been saddened to find many of them have died of AIDS and their writings have gone out of print and are hard to find.
During a Lambda Literary Foundation awards reception in New York in 2005, Clark met David Groff who’d been friends with legendary gay author Paul Monette who died of AIDS in the mid-’90s and was managing his estate. The two bonded over their mutual love of poetry and spent years putting together “Persistent Voices: Poetry by Writers Lost to AIDS,” an anthology that finally made its way to print this year.
“I see it as a way of giving back and showing appreciation to these writers whose work meant a lot to me and was very sustaining to me when I was a teen,” Clark says.
A reading from the collection will be held on Nov. 30 for World AIDS Day at the True Reformer Building in Washington. The book can be found on Amazon and other online outlets.
His love of LGBT history also led him to the Rainbow History Project, the board of which he now chairs. That group’s 10th anniversary event is Tuesday in the Sumner School’s Great Hall at 1201 17th St. at 6:30 p.m.
Clark grew up in Arlington and went to college in Williamsburg. He loves anything book related — reading, writing, collecting, selling, promoting and “getting the best of them into other people’s hands.” He has an aversion to reading on screen and admits he’s “very” old-fashioned despite being just 30.
Clark loves long walks in the woods or in the city, reading and spending time with his friends. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?
I started letting people know when I was 14. Parents are always the biggest hurdle—even when, as mine did, they react in a reasonable way.
Who’s your gay hero?
There are so many, past and present, but I’ve admired the late gay drag singer Sylvester since I was a teenager. His courage and songs were a positive force. More broadly, all the men and women whose energy and forthrightness and guts have built our culture and brought us what equality we have.
What is Washington’s best nightspot, past or present?
Soho Tea and Coffee has always been a hospitable place for me. I realize that’s not the usual image people have of a nightspot, but, hey, they’re open late.
Describe your dream gay wedding.
I’m conflicted about the whole gay marriage idea and the current obsession with gay weddings does nothing for me.
What non-gay issue are you most passionate about?
Literacy in all its forms. If I see someone’s place and they don’t have books, I really wonder what’s wrong with them.
What historical outcome would you change?
Any one of a number of genocides.
What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?
I got to see Alison Moyet sing live, solo, at the 9:30 club. It may not mean much to anyone else, but she tore the roof off and ruined me for all future concerts.
On what do you insist?
That Amazon is evil. Do not buy from Amazon. Thank you.
What was your last Facebook post or Tweet?
I posted Joan Armatrading’s video for “Drop the Pilot.” I’m a big ‘80s music fan, and that’s one joyous, sexy song.
If your life were a book, what would the title be?
“The Patron Saint of Lost Causes.”
If science discovered a way to change sexual orientation, what would you do?
Run in the opposite direction from the scientists.
What do you believe in beyond the physical world?
To quote Linus from Peanuts: “The theological implications of that are way beyond me.”
What’s your advice for LGBT movement leaders?
OK, getting on my soapbox: each of us individually should be a leader, so let’s get our own house and thinking in order. What’s the movement’s purpose? It’s not (or shouldn’t be) about making sure that well-off, blandly mainstream gays and lesbians can rub elbows with politicians and celebrities who deign to pat their heads and tell them that LGBT people are tolerated. It should be about ensuring that our elders are respected and loved, that our youth are taught their history and taken care of, that effeminate gay men and butch dykes and drag queens are able to walk the streets without fear of being bashed and go to work without fear of being fired and that the love and the sex we share is shown to be so powerful that even the most scared and confused would rather risk blowing open the doors of their closets than miss out on it all. But it’s easier to get dressed up and go to a party or to stick an equality bumper sticker on your car than to do the grand imaginative work this would require, so I don’t expect it to happen.
What would you walk across hot coals for?
It’s clichéd, but anyone I love.
What gay stereotype annoys you most?
I’m more annoyed by how gay people sometimes treat each other than by what others think about us.
What’s your favorite gay movie?
“The Crying Game.” There’s so much more going on there than the existence of Jaye Davidson’s appendage.
What’s the most overrated social custom?
Alcohol consumption as a way to have fun. People tell me that I’d actually have to drink in order to understand how great it is, but I’m not interested.
What trophy or prize do you most covet?
I’m content, but it would be nice if the Wizards could win a championship during my lifetime. It would reward 25 years and counting of rooting for them futilely.
What do you wish you’d known at 18?
Not to take everything in life so seriously.
Why Washington?
I love the history, the architecture, the museums — but the preoccupation with politics, the glut of lawyers, the humid weather? Keep ‘em! I’m thinking about relocating to New England.
Real Estate
Under-the-radar Delaware beach towns smart buyers are targeting
There are other options if Rehoboth prices are scaring you off
Look, we love Rehoboth. We will always love Rehoboth. Queer folks have been flocking there since the 1940s, and with scores of LGBTQ-owned businesses and a Pride calendar packed tighter than the boardwalk in July, “Rehomo” earned its crown fair and square.
But let’s be honest with each other: trying to buy property there right now feels a lot like trying to get a reservation at the one good restaurant in town on a Saturday in August. Everyone wants in, inventory is tighter than your swim trunks after Labor Day brunch, and the prices have officially entered “are you kidding me” territory.
So here’s a thought: What if you didn’t fight the crowd? What if, instead, you let Rehoboth keep doing its glorious, chaotic, glitter-bomb thing and you quietly built your beach life 15 minutes away for considerably less drama and considerably more square footage? Here are four towns ready for their close-up.
Lewes: The Charming Overachiever
Lewes is what happens when a beach town actually has its life together. Historic charm, walkability, proximity to Cape Henlopen State Park, less crowding, and a strong year-round community. Unlike towns that turn into ghost towns after Labor Day, Lewes maintains a real community all year long, which is more than we can say for some situationships.
And right now, the market is practically begging you to make a move. It’s one of the most desirable and stable markets in the county — built for buyers thinking long-term, not flippers, and Sussex County overall has flipped into genuine buyer’s market territory for the first time in years. Translation: you finally get to be the one with leverage.
Bethany Beach: My Personal Pick
Full disclosure: I own in Bethany. So consider this section a little biased — and also the most honest thing I’ll tell you in this whole article.
When I drive down from D.C., I’m not looking for more of D.C. I love this city, but I also love leaving it — and yes, some of the people in it too (you know who you are, and so do I). Bethany gives me that full exhale. It’s quiet in the way that actually means something: fewer crowds, slower mornings, a soundtrack that’s mostly waves instead of nightlife. It leans hard into its “quiet resort” reputation, with low property taxes and a limited geographic footprint, and it is not the least bit sorry about it.
But quiet doesn’t mean isolated. I’ve got a genuinely excellent food scene nearby, real shopping, and a string of charming neighboring beach towns — and when I do want a taste of Rehoboth’s energy, it’s a short, easy drive away. I get to choose my dose of chaos instead of living inside it.
And here’s the part that matters most for this article: the price. If you’ve looked at Rehoboth listings and quietly closed the tab in despair, I need you to hear this — you can absolutely afford a beach house. It just doesn’t have to be in Rehoboth. Bethany’s average home value sits around $848,592, which is still real money, no question — but it buys you more house, more land, and more peace than the same budget gets you closer to the boardwalk. Bethany is welcoming too, just without Rehoboth’s decades of built-in queer institutional history — and for plenty of us, that trade-off is more than worth it.
Fenwick Island: Small Town, Big Flex
Fenwick rarely gets mentioned and, frankly, it should be insulted. It’s tiny, it’s quiet, and it has beach access without the carnival energy. The market data tends to lump it in with Bethany, where single-family oceanfront homes clear $1 million while entry-level condos start in the $600s — proof that “under-the-radar” doesn’t mean “bargain bin,” it means “fewer people fighting you for it.”
South Bethany: For the Boat Gays
Some of us want sand between our toes. Others want a private dock and a boat named something deeply unserious. South Bethany’s canal communities are built for the latter — water access on both sides, fewer crowds, and a lifestyle that says, “I have a captain’s hat and I am not afraid to wear it.”
The Math Works in Your Favor Now
Here’s the part that should really get your attention: Sussex County’s median sold price has dropped to $440,000, down 3.3% year-over-year, and buyers are routinely closing around 88 cents on the dollar compared to asking price. That’s a far cry from the unhinged bidding wars of 2021 and 2022, when overpaying was basically a competitive sport. Inventory across the county sits at nearly 2,500 active listings — the most of any county in Delaware, meaning you actually get to be picky for once. Revolutionary, we know.
And no, choosing one of these towns doesn’t mean leaving your people behind. Sussex Pride serves the entire county, not just Rehoboth proper, and CAMP Rehoboth’s resources extend well beyond town limits too. You’re not exiling yourself to the suburbs of queerness — you’re just getting a bigger kitchen, a quieter porch, and a much shorter line for the bathroom.
Add in the fact that Delaware has no estate tax and some of the lowest property taxes around, savings that genuinely add up over a retirement horizon, and the case writes itself. Rehoboth will always be the beating, sequined heart of queer beach culture in Delaware. But if you’ve been telling yourself a beach house isn’t in the cards — I’m here to tell you it absolutely is. It just might be 15 minutes south, with your own quiet porch, your own salt air, and considerably more room to breathe.
Have a real estate question or Rehoboth market tip? Reach out to [email protected] for LGBTQ-friendly real estate resources in the Rehoboth area.
Justin Noble is a Realtor licensed in D.C., Maryland, and Delaware with Monument Sotheby’s International Realty. Reach him at [email protected] or 302-897-7499.
Real Estate
‘Culture eats strategy for breakfast’
Real estate agents must adapt, learn how to manage from within
“Culture Eats Strategy for Breakfast” was a phrase often repeated in many of my management courses from the University of Illinois. The concept was discussed at length – how the best laid plans can sometimes be supported or derailed by the culture of the people involved in whichever project to be implemented. Whether it be a project to implement new software, roll out a new product or service, or just reaching a sales target, the way the team involved works together can indeed affect the outcome.
Perhaps this is just another way to say, “teamwork makes the dream work!” Most teams usually have someone who is designated as a leader. The leader can try to lead through authority and control or can alternatively try to lead through influence and encouraging a more collective framework for solving problems.
Why does this matter when picking the right real estate agent or team to work with? Besides having a job as a salesperson for the brokerage, the real estate agent is contractually bound to act on their client’s behalf. The buyer broker agreement is in place so that the agent and the client can work together as a team in communications regarding offer strategy, during negotiations, implementing marketing plans, as well as selecting which renovations or upgrades to choose before selling a property. After the property goes under contract, the job isn’t “done”. There is still work to do.
At this point, the agents then turn into a project manager of sorts – coordinating communications between the lending team, the title attorneys, the other client’s agents, any governmental agencies that could be involved in down payment assistance or helping to clear a property for a sale, and often times groups like a condo board, a home inspector, or contractors when arranging repairs and estimates before a final walk through.
In short, the agent takes on somewhat of a “leadership role” in the transaction and ensures that all the ducks stay in a row until the project is complete. That agent will hopefully be very fluid and forthcoming with their information, copying the required parties on all communications and creating a “paper trail” of who said what or didn’t offer to fix A, B, or C, so that all the minutiae of the contract can be addressed and fulfilled before the settlement date. The agent often must wear many hats and quickly learn the communication styles of an entire new set of people in a short period. One person may not return calls for a week after being contacted. Another person may go on vacation at the beginning of the process and not return emails for two weeks. Another person may wish to have daily updates of the progress of the process.
In this way – an agent quickly learns in each transaction that “culture can eat strategy for breakfast.” Because the agent must adapt to a wide variety of communication styles, learn how to “manage from within”, build support for closing the project by the due date, and somehow keep all the interested parties invested, engaged, and responsive.
Who you work with matters when picking the right person to represent you in your next transaction – so, just remember that “teamwork makes the dream work!”
Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with RLAH. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].
Dear Michael,
I’ve been dating Mark for three years, living together for two, and I’m not sure he’s for me. We get along great but I’m questioning how attracted I am to him.
I was never crazy about him physically but he was such a sweet and smart guy that I wanted to date him.
Sex was never mind-blowing and the longer we’ve been together the more this is bothering me. I wonder if I could find someone who appeals to me more, physically.
On the plus side, I like him a lot. He has good values, shares my religious faith, which is hard to find in another gay guy, is responsible and has a good work ethic. Also, I just have fun with him and he’s always interested to hear what’s on my mind. He’s an all-around decent guy.
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking that he seems great and that I’m a fool for even questioning our relationship. But all my friends are always talking about the amazing sex they are having, and then I think I’m missing out on a key part of life because my sex life is comparatively lackluster.
I don’t want to settle. But how likely am I to find another guy who is as all-around a good catch as Mark, but with more sexual chemistry?
Michael replies:
I don’t think the right approach is to wonder about your chances for of finding someone better. Anyone you find will have things you aren’t crazy about.
For example, you might find someone whom you’re wildly attracted to sexually, but they’ll bore you or annoy you, or have values you don’t respect.
I understand that you aren’t wildly sexually attracted to Mark. The truth is that it’s extremely unlikely that you would remain wildly sexually attracted to anyone for that long. People tend to get used to each other over time. Sex can remain great, but more from closeness and love than heat and sizzle.
I work with people all the time who wonder if there is someone “better” out there. And I tell them, they’re never going to get through all the possibilities before they die. Instead, how about thinking if the guy you are with is someone you’d like to go with on this journey through life?
Mark’s attributes that you mention sound wonderful to me. After more than 30 years working with folks on relationships, and being in my own 30+ year relationship, I have learned a thing or two about what creates a relationship that is satisfying and good. A decent, kind guy with admirable values is an excellent start.
The question is, can you live with your sex life not being on an orgasmically hot mind-blowing level? I hope the answer is yes, because sex with anyone you pick is not likely to stay in that sort of realm for long.
Another point to consider: I don’t think you should get too caught up in what your friends are telling you. They may be having amazing sex, but are they all having it with the same long-term partner? As I mentioned, long-term sex can be great, but the excitement tends to be replaced by caring connection over time.
I’ll generalize here for a moment: Because so many gay men have many sexual partners, the kind of sex you have with someone new, whom you’re tremendously attracted to, tends to be glorified among gay men as the gold standard of sex. But it’s not realistic for sex with a long-term partner.
This glorification is a big problem: It leaves gay men who are not having torrid sex with lots of guys feeling like there is something wrong with the sex they are having, that they are missing out on something super fantastic. Just like you are feeling.
If you want a lifetime of ongoing hot sex, I don’t think you should be looking for a relationship. If you are willing to accept sex being a not-always fantastic, but perhaps consistently loving, often good, and occasionally great part of life with a kind decent guy, then Mark might just be the right partner for you after all.
(Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].)
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