Connect with us

Opinions

Dating in D.C. Part II: the bars

A Saturday night visit to Orchid, Fireplace and Larry’s

Published

on

gay dating in D.C., gay news, Washington Blade

Larry’s Lounge (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)

I’m here to report back. Last month I started out my three-part series on dating in D.C. The first part of the series focused on the apps. And while I went out on a few honest-to-god dates, the whole venture wasn’t all that successful. What I really discovered was that with all the various apps — Chappy, Tinder, Hinge, whatever — it was more or less the same guys. It all depends on the app, too. On one, a guy opens with his love of opera, on another I noticed the same guy looking to get ‘bred.’

People are complex, I guess. Plus, I had a sneaking suspicion that as someone who is over 40, I may have aged out of some people’s search criteria. Oh well, on to the next. And that next was going out on the town on my own to three gay bars I normally don’t visit.

Going out solo seems to be something people just don’t do anymore. What with the advent of gay liberation, the aforementioned apps, and all sorts of other ways to meet guys, it seems people, unless they are just traveling through, aren’t willing to put themselves out there in a way that makes them conspicuous or vulnerable.

Starting off, I got picked up outside of Trade on 14th Street on Saturday around 9 p.m. or so. The Uber driver immediately saw me and asked if I was “calling it a night.” So I guess I wasn’t exactly exuding excitement and confidence. And maybe I picked the wrong night for it. Hearing all about parties at Trade that were happening later on and a bit past my bedtime — CTRL, Peach Pit, something called “Bush Meat” — I was nevertheless undeterred.

Orchid: First off was Orchid on Barracks Row. I never really get over to this side of town. And even though the area once had a thriving gay scene, it’s not often thought of now as a gay going out destination. Orchid itself was a pretty classy spot — great music, a fantastic interior with a long, marble bar. I had a martini because it just looked like a drink you should have while sitting at a marble bar. Unfortunately, it was quiet. There was a woman un-ironically wearing a ‘Navy Mom’ sweatshirt. I finished my martini and left.

The Fireplace: Getting picked up in Eastern Market, the driver asked my destination and asked if I was going to “the Firetrap.” “No, the FirePLACE,” thinking he had just misread it. “Well, that’s we called it back in the day,” he said back to me. It turns out my Uber driver, also from a small town in Arkansas, had lived in D.C. as a gay man since the 70s. And in our shared car ride, Nick gave me the history of gay life in D.C. — bars and people long since gone. When we arrived at the Fireplace, Nick turned off his app and came in to have a drink with me.

We sat for a while and chatted. If you know the Fireplace at all, you know that it caters to a largely African-American crowd. I was enamored with it. Nick and I talked about how it is perhaps the most authentic queer space in the city. No pretense, stiff drinks, good music — the whole place had a real signature to it. But like the previous bar, no one I know really thinks about it. It also finds itself in a part of town that used to have a larger queer bar scene. Although the place was packed, both the first and second floors, I asked the bartender why the Fireplace wasn’t more popular. “I’m not sure we want everyone here,” he said. The bar was more about community than marketing. And who could blame them. A roving band of Sunday kickballers or even, god forbid, a swarm of bachelorette parties can drastically alter a bar’s edge and vibe. It was no wonder they wanted to protect their corner.

Larry’s: My last stop of the night was Larry’s on 18th. Larry’s put me closer to home and, like the Fireplace, the bar was full.

I was home around midnight. And though I did strike out on the romantic front, I had fun. More so if I had gone out with friends? Well, maybe. It was a different kind of fun. Let’s just say I wouldn’t have gotten to know Nick, or even been able to convince a group to try Barrack’s Row or even the Fireplace. And striking out alone, and purposefully keeping my phone in my pocket, I was more open to meeting new faces and exploring new spaces.

Next up in this series — volunteering. What will face-to-face interactions outside of the bars and away from alcohol produce? Stay tuned.

 

Brock Thompson is a D.C.-based writer. He contributes regularly to the Blade.

Advertisement
FUND LGBTQ JOURNALISM
SIGN UP FOR E-BLAST

Opinions

Is Pete Hegseth’s nomination Trump’s sick joke?

GOP senators must reject unqualified Fox News host

Published

on

Pete Hegseth (Screen capture via MSNBC)

Of all of Trump’s problematic Cabinet nominees, Pete Hegseth’s stands out as a sick joke. Unfortunately, if he is confirmed, the joke will be on the world. 

Hegseth has ZERO qualifications to be Secretary of Defense. If merely serving in the military (and I thank him for his service in the National Guard) constitutes an acceptable qualification, then millions of veterans are qualified. While so many of them would be better qualified than Hegseth, they are still not qualified simply based on their service, and I think nearly all would agree on that. 

The Department of Defense is one of the largest organizations in the world and the most lethal. What is coming out now as people look at Hegseth’s past is he was apparently forced to step down from one small veterans’ rights non-profit based on financial, and other issues. Then there are the issues his mother brought to light when he was in the process of divorcing his second wife, when she sent him an email saying he was a sleazebag all his life when it came to his dealing with women. 

Then there are the allegations of excessive drinking from a number of sources, including those who worked with him at Fox News. So, it’s not just one thing, it’s a host of things added to his admission that he was investigated for sexual assault, and then paid off the woman who made the allegations. Hegseth’s views on the LGBTQ community have been made clear a number of times. GLAAD reported, “such as when he opposed the New York Times’s decision to announce same-sex marriages writing ‘that it was a path to incest and bestiality: At what point does the paper deem a ‘relationship’ unfit for publication? What if we ‘loved’ our sister and wanted to marry her? Or maybe two women at the same time? A 13-year-old? The family dog?”

Were he to be confirmed, we would be the laughing stock of the world. I am pretty confident that there will be at least four Republican senators who will vote against his confirmation, if it’s not withdrawn before a vote. How could Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Iowa) herself a veteran who served overseas during the Iraq war, vote for someone who has said women should not be allowed in combat? Ernst herself is clearly more qualified to hold the position than Hegseth. I am not supporting her, but compared to Hegseth, she is the superior choice. But then most people compared to Hegseth would be better. I see Ernst is now kowtowing to Trump, going as far as saying she is keeping an open mind on Hegseth, but it will be interesting if the FBI investigation comes up with even more negative reports on him. 

The Republicans in the Senate are faced with working with Trump. They can go along with every dumb thing he wants to do, or face his wrath. I am betting there are four senators who will not go along with everything. They will show they have some balls. While I can’t off-hand name the four, it is my hope and prayer, they will materialize. 

We are living in a weird world where Trump can nominate Tulsi Gabbard as Director of National Intelligence , another nominee with absolutely no qualifications. Her support of deposed Syrian dictator Assad may come back to haunt her. Then there is Trump nominee Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. as Secretary of HHS, with his dangerous views on healthcare. Republicans will somehow have to deal with these nominations and now they have added a new issue. Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah) tweeted, “It will be my objective to phase out Social Security, to pull it out by the roots.” We will see what the Senate does with that, and what the House of Representatives does with it. We will be looking to see what the views of the person Trump named to head the Social Security Administration, Frank Bisignano, thinks. Let’s hope the Senate committee vetting him will ask detailed questions. Then Mike Johnson, Speaker of the House, hasn’t guaranteed he won’t support some cuts to Social Security. 

If Congress cuts either Social Security or Medicare, it just might be the fastest way for Democrats to take back the House in 2026. 


Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.

Continue Reading

Opinions

Navigating the holidays while estranged from ultra-religious, abusive parents

I never regretted decision to separate myself from my family

Published

on

(Bigstock photo)

It will be the fifth Christmas season I will have as a person who is estranged from their ultra-religious and abusive parents. 

I have never seriously regretted my decision to estrange my family, despite it sometimes felt tough. Well, I regret not seeing my little brother, but all communication with him was controlled by my parents, and without them I was estranged from him as well. Hope he will find me one day, but I didn’t mourn not having my parents near me, more like I’m mourning a perfect family I dreamed about and never actually had.

The holiday season could bring an additional toughness for people like me, especially now, when more and more families are broken apart by a political turmoil that shattered and polarized American society after the election. Donald Trump winning the 2024 presidential election is more than just a regular political event; it is a social phenomenon that shows a lot of American trends.

Gen Z and Millennial adults are less likely to become Republicans and Trump supporters than their parents and grandparents who are Baby Boomers, Gen X, or members of the Silent Generation. Of course, it is not universal, because Trump somehow managed to win the hearts of alienated young men, while some Boomers turned left in this election. Not all LGBT people are Democrats, but the vast majority of them are. 

This year the LGBT electorate moved away from Trump even more dramatically than in the previous election. Many young LGBT people felt like they were betrayed by the older generation and their cis-hetero peers; LGBT youth felt scared, angry, and helpless. Despite the fact that the majority of LGBT people are leftists and liberals who generally do not support free arms trading, after Trump’s victory, more and more LGBT people — and cis/hetero women — bought guns and are learning how to defend themselves. Folks do not feel safe near Trumpists! 

You may see what tension exists in the society if LGBT people need to take such a radical step as arming themselves or cutting family ties. And during the holidays, when our culture pushes families to meet together and makes you believe that there is something deeply wrong with you if you do not want to spend the festive season with your loved ones, this tension could move from streets to houses and could lead to serious problems.

It is particularly tough when we are speaking about conservative religious families that do not accept their queer children and siblings. Despite the fact that Christmas has had less religious and more cultural meaning in recent decades, it is still a deeply religious holiday, and so that day all the religious-based, bigoted, homophobic, transphobic, and biphobic conversations with well-meaning relatives who “just wanted to save your soul” will be more likely to accrue. It is especially true for white families. Despite the majority of Black religious people supporting Harris, MAGA supporters are often the white Christian religious people. According to a pre-election  Pew Research Center survey, 61 percent of white Protestants were planning to support Trump during the last election, and among them 82 percent were white Evangelicals. NBC News showed a similar statistic, with 72 percent of white Protestants, including 82 percent of white Evangelicals, being Trump supporters. 

Some of them even saw Trump as a savior with a divine mission.

I personally knew how it felt because my toxic father was trying to justify Russian military aggression as a divine mission and promoted Trumpism during our holidays dinners, and it was almost impossible to argue with a person who justified political violence by supernatural means. In this case being an enemy of a political figure made you into the enemy of God. Religious zealotry and political bigotry are hard to bear even when they are not intersected, but together they may bring something that was planning to be a perfect family reunion with vibes of the “Home Alone” ending scene turned into a nightmare that will leave you broken and completely traumatized. 

You may dread the Christmas season like other folks dread complicated medical operations, or have a strong but fading hope that the Christmas miracle will occur, and the family will accept you for who you are. Unfortunately, it is not very likely to happen, and there are always chances that home could be the most dangerous place.

I wouldn’t advise someone to estrange their family because of political or religious beliefs, and I know a lot of cases when people had a good relationship with someone who has completely different beliefs as you are. The fact that someone is voting for Trump or visiting a homophobic conservative church does not automatically make a person dangerous, but if this person is trying to push their views on you and change who you are, it is a big red flag. Unfortunately, in our society we used to forgive parents for things we would never forgive any other human beings. I had a pretty traumatic experience with it, and I spent years in therapy because of it.

If you are a well-meaning friend of an LGBT person who had family problems, the only good thing you may do is to let the person make their own decisions and not press on them. Sometimes the home — and the church — is the least safe place in the world, and you may never know what is going on behind closed doors.

Ayman Eckford is a freelance journalist, and an autistic ADHDer transgender person who understands that they are trans* since they were 3-years-old.

Continue Reading

Opinions

Will RFK Jr.’s ideas cause illness and death?

A danger to the children of the nation, and the world, if confirmed

Published

on

Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. (Photo by ITLPhoto/Bigstock)

We are looking at having our ideas of good healthcare turned upside down. This will happen if RFK Jr., whose ideas on healthcare have been widely discredited, is confirmed as Secretary of Health and Human Services. 

Kennedy thinks vaccines hurt people. He believes a measles epidemic in our country is better than children getting a measles vaccine. Brian Deer writes in the New York Times, during a measles outbreak in Samoa, “Kennedy sent the prime minister of Samoa a four-page letter. In it, he suggested the measles vaccine itself may have caused the outbreak.” He wrote in his role as the chairman of Children’s Health Defense, an anti-vaccine group. “By the time a door-to-door vaccination campaign brought the calamity to a close, more than 80 children had died.” Imagine him writing that letter as U.S. Secretary of HHS. 

Kennedy supports the discredited theory that childhood vaccines cause autism. In 2023, he even said the polio vaccine, which has basically eradicated polio, “did more harm than good.” The Times wrote, “Mr. Kennedy, an environmental lawyer, has also spent years working abroad to undermine policies that have been pillars of global health policy for a half-century, records show.” 

Today most people don’t even know what diphtheria is, outside of the historical context. If they do it’s most likely because they have scrutinized a childhood immunization schedule and know it’s the “D” in the DTaP vaccine. “Vaccine breakthroughs over the past two centuries have cumulatively made the modern world a far more hospitable place to be born. For most of human history, half of all children died before reaching age 15; that number is down to just 4 percent worldwide, and far lower in developed countries, with vaccines one of the major drivers of improved life expectancy.” So, one has to question how someone like RFK Jr., with his warped view of vaccines for children, will impact their lives. How many will become ill, or die, because of him? 

It’s not just children’s vaccines we have to question Kennedy on. What will he do if we have another pandemic, and there surely will be one. Will he agree the government should support research to develop a vaccine, or will he oppose funding? Will he support the World Health Organization, or will we see the United States withdraw from it? What about the continued research at NIH, which supports development of a vaccine to end HIV/AIDS? What does he now believe is the cause of AIDS? Will he end the studies at NIH to aid in the search for a vaccine to end prostate cancer? Or will he determine it is better to let millions die, rather than develop these vaccines. 

We have to ask whether he will stop Medicare and Medicaid from covering the cost of vaccines for those who want them, and can’t otherwise afford them. Will he work to stop mandates to have children vaccinated before they enter school? These are just some of the questions the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee, and the Senate Finance Committee, which typically hold the confirmation hearings for Secretary of Health and Human services nominees, should be asking RFK Jr. They must grill him on where he gets his medical information, and what research he bases his positions on, with regard to all these issues. Add issues like his position on removing fluoride from the water, and allowing raw milk to be sold. Let’s be clear: Our children’s lives are literally at stake here. 

It might be interesting to ask him whether he asked Trump if his children were vaccinated, and if Ivanka and Jared have had their children vaccinated. I have yet to hear any media person ask Trump about this, or ask Ivanka and Jared their thoughts on RFK Jr. The committees must ask whether he believes vaccines should be available for children whose parents want them, and whether he will mandate insurance pay for them? 

Yes, RFK Jr. has some positions I agree with. He wants to get dyes out of our foods as California Gov. Gavin Newsom is doing in his state. RFK Jr. has promoted healthier diets for children, more fruits and vegetables, something Michelle Obama has been doing for years. But we must recognize doing these things will be worthless if we let children get ill, or die, by not vaccinating them. RFK Jr. is an embarrassment to his own family with his unsubstantiated claims on a host of issues, and he will be a danger to the children of the nation, and the world, if confirmed. 


Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.

Continue Reading
Advertisement
Advertisement

Sign Up for Weekly E-Blast

Follow Us @washblade

Advertisement

Popular