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Someday we’ll be together?

Bi-national couple describes pain, anxiety of navigating U.S. immigration laws

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You’re waiting on your partner and he’s late.

Most gays in that situation might be mildly irked, especially if a dinner reservation or theater tickets are at stake. Even if a few hours pass, you realize the likelihood that something serious has happened is small.

But when Kelly Cross, a local gay attorney, found himself waiting more than two hours at the Foggy Bottom Metro station last summer with no sign of his partner, who was scheduled to join him following a stint in Europe, it was a much more serious situation — it could have meant the end of their relationship.

Because the United States doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage at the federal level — where immigration is handled — bi-national same-sex couples have few options for staying together long-term in the U.S. or anywhere else. The 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) further complicates the matter.

Cross and his partner, who declined to be identified because it could increase his chances of being deported, had tried to make a go of it in Europe, spending more than a year together in Dusseldorf, Germany, but a bounty of practical considerations — most pressingly Cross’s cancer-stricken mother in West Virginia — made staying there untenable. Cross returned in June 2009. But on the July day when his partner was scheduled to arrive at Dulles Airport, Cross’s panic increased as time went by.

“I was going around calling all kinds of people,” Cross says. “I thought he’d gotten pulled over and sent to the detention center where they’re double- and triple-checking everything probably. They want to make sure these folks are not going to stay in the U.S. They have no idea of his life here, his friends and family. It’s terrifying to know that you could be traveling and get the wrong immigration officer and not be able to get back into the country and I would not be able to go back and say anything and have no right to appeal anything. We’re very much at their whim.”

It had already been a nerve-wracking month for Cross, 31. Since he’d returned to the United States, he’d spent a frantic month trying to find someone willing to give his partner a job. Without that, there was no hope for the partner to stay. Though the partner’s background is in public policy, he had some experience doing financial analysis in Europe and that led to a D.C. opportunity but one that they say is more of a temporary fix than a long-term career plan.

For the couple, who got serious quickly after meeting at Apex in 2007, it was just one more in a string of seemingly endless obstacles. The relationship is strong enough, they say, that it’s worth the constant anxiety and uncertainty.

Cross’s partner, also 31, came to the states from his native Poland in 2003 to study public policy at the University of Northern Iowa. Disenchanted with Iowa, he came to D.C. for an internship in 2006. Though he liked the U.S., he was planning to return to Poland or possibly somewhere else in Europe — wherever he might find a good job. His plans changed radically when he met Cross.

“This is an everyday concern, how are we going to survive,” the partner says. “In our situation, we’re lucky that we have sufficient funds to live in this not-very-pleasant situation, but I just cannot imagine if somebody is gay and working for McDonald’s and he has a boyfriend who is working for Burger King. I don’t think they are going to make it. They won’t make it for sure because they’re not able. But if there’s a couple who’s straight, they have all the rights and all possibilities to make it because it will be possible. A law that gives them the opportunity, one piece of paper, a marriage license, that gives all kinds of rights and we don’t have it.”

The couple did enter a New Jersey civil union last summer, but they say it was purely symbolic and has little practical benefit. The partner says although he understands the arguments of those who will settle only for marriage, he’d be happy with a federally recognized civil union.

“That would be fine, I don’t give a shit,” he says. “Just anything so I don’t have this headache every morning. I would be perfectly happy with a civil union.”

Cross and his partner are, of course, not alone. Immigration Equality, a gay rights advocacy group working to end discrimination in U.S. immigration law against LGBT people, points to Williams Institute figures based on the 2000 Census that indicate there are about 36,000 bi-national same-sex couples struggling to stay together in the U.S. They’re hoping the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA), versions of which date back to 2000, will solve the problem. Because its wording says “permanent partner,” activists say it wouldn’t conflict with DOMA, though they’re hopeful — as are virtually all gay activists — that DOMA will eventually be repealed.

But how are the odds looking for UAFA? Immigration Equality’s communications director Steve Ralls is optimistic.

“Now that health care is officially behind us, there are indications that Congress and the White House are turning to immigration reform in the coming weeks and months,” Ralls says. “The White House has called key lawmakers to plot a way forward for comprehensive immigration reform and as part of that process, we’re working very hard to ensure that the Uniting American Families Act is part of that comprehensive bill.”

If it fails there — and many are opposed to its inclusion — it could pass on its own but Ralls says Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and U.S. Sen. Charles Schumer, supporters of the legislation, have told him they want to tackle a comprehensive bill before individual ones. U.S. Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vermont), who introduced UAFA in the Senate last year, is a key ally, Ralls says.

“He’s chair of the Judiciary Committee, which has enormous influence on what immigration bills move through Congress when,” Ralls said. “He remains willing and determined to pass UAFA as a standalone bill if necessary. That gives us a legislative leg up right out of the starting gate.”

But if it fails, what are the options for couples like Cross and his partner? They’re few, they say. Moving to Canada is not practical because the antitrust law Cross specializes in is not viable to practice there. Cross says he was lucky he spoke German and that his England-based international law firm was able to transfer him there, but he took a large pay cut to do it.

His partner becomes indignant at the mere suggestion of moving to Canada.

“This question is not really appropriate,” he says. “Who the heck is going to tell me where I should live? … I am entitled to decide where I should like to live because I’m your partner. We want to live here. Nobody’s going to tell me what I’m supposed to do with my life. I’m not a random person who’s just coming and pushing to want to settle in the D.C. area. We have our life here.”

And though the immigration problem is by far the couple’s biggest challenge, Cross says it’s compounded by other factors that flair up occasionally. They have cultural, interracial and homophobic issues that pop up, mostly externally. Cross encountered it often when he was trying to arrange a job for his partner.

“There’s a different sort of worth people ascribe to a heterosexual relationship that they don’t ascribe to homosexual ones,” Cross says. “There’s a presumption that if you’ve found a woman and are in love with a woman, then that must be love and there must be something there and you know, that’s your family. People attribute that and assume it’s real. But I think with gay couples there’s a mentality that yeah, you could find someone else or why go to the effort for this, there’s plenty of other people you could find. But it’s not true. When you love somebody, you love somebody.”

Cross says the challenges sometimes overwhelm his friends and colleagues.

“I think it’s just a combination of the whole thing,” he says. “Black, interracial, bi-national, gay — sometimes it’s just too much and people don’t know how to deal with it.”

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Maryland

Expanded PrEP access among FreeState Justice’s 2026 legislative priorities

Maryland General Assembly opened on Jan. 14

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Maryland State House (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

FreeState Justice this week spoke with the Washington Blade about their priorities during this year’s legislative session in Annapolis that began on Jan. 14.

Ronnie L. Taylor, the group’s community director, on Wednesday said the organization continues to fight against discrimination against people with HIV/AIDS. FreeState Justice is specifically championing a bill in the General Assembly that would expand access to PrEP in Maryland.

Taylor said FreeState Justice is working with state Del. Ashanti Martinez (D-Prince George’s County) and state Sen. Clarence Lam (D-Arundel and Howard Counties) on a bill that would expand the “scope of practice for pharmacists in Maryland to distribute PrEP.” The measure does not have a title or a number, but FreeState Justice expects it will have both in the coming weeks.

FreeState Justice has long been involved in the fight to end the criminalization of HIV in the state. 

Governor Wes Moore last year signed House Bill 39, which decriminalized HIV in Maryland.

The bill — the Carlton R. Smith Jr. HIV Modernization Act — is named after Carlton Smith, a long-time LGBTQ activist known as the “mayor” of Baltimore’s Mount Vernon neighborhood who died in 2024. FreeState Justice said Marylanders prosecuted under Maryland Health-General Code § 18-601.1 have already seen their convictions expunged.

Taylor said FreeState Justice will continue to “oppose anti anti-LGBTQ legislation” in the General Assembly. Their website later this week will publish a bill tracker.

The General Assembly’s legislative session is expected to end on April 13.

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Virginia

From the Pentagon to politics, Bree Fram fighting for LGBTQ rights

Transgender veteran running for Congress in Va.

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(Photo courtesy of Bree Fram)

After being ousted from military service, Col. Bree Fram — once the highest-ranking openly transgender officer in the Pentagon — is now running for Congress.

Fram, who lives in Reston, Va., brings more than two decades of public service to her campaign. From the battlefield to the halls of the Pentagon, she spent more than 20 years working inside the federal government, often advocating for LGBTQ people and other marginalized communities from within the system.

Fram spoke with the Washington Blade about her decision to run amid sustained attacks against her — and against the LGBTQ community more broadly — from the Trump-Vance administration and far-right officials.

She said her commitment to public service began more than 22 years ago, shaped in large part by watching the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

“I had grown up expecting that there was this beautiful American peace stretching into the world for the foreseeable future, and that kind of image was shattered,” Fram told the Blade. “I realized that there was a continuous price to be paid to protect our democracy, to protect our freedoms. To be able to play a small part in defending those freedoms was incredibly important to me — to be part of something larger than myself.”

(Photo courtesy of Bree Fram)

Commissioned through the U.S. Air Force Officer Training School in 2003, Fram served as an astronautical engineer and rose to the rank of colonel in the U.S. Air Force before later serving in the U.S. Space Force. She remained on active duty until 2025, when she was forced out following the Trump-Vance administration’s reinstated ban on trans military service.

Fram has been married for 20 years to her spouse, Peg Fram, and they have two children.

Beyond her military service, Fram has long been involved in advocacy and leadership. She has been a member of SPARTA, a trans military advocacy organization, since 2014, served on its board of directors beginning in 2018, and was president of the organization from 2021-2023.

Most recently, Fram served as chief of the Requirements Integration Division at Headquarters, Space Force, and as co-lead of the Joint Space Requirements Integration Cell in collaboration with the Joint Staff. Previously, she was chief of the Acquisition Policies and Processes Division for the assistant secretary of the Air Force for space acquisition and integration.

Earlier in her career, Fram served as a materiel leader at the Air Force Research Laboratory, overseeing the development of counter-small unmanned aerial systems and offensive cyberspace technologies in support of Pentagon and intelligence community priorities, managing an annual budget exceeding $100 million.

Her previous assignments also included oversight of Air Force security cooperation in four strategically significant Middle Eastern countries and 258 foreign military sales cases valued at $15.79 billion; serving as executive officer to the Air Force director of strategic plans, where she helped integrate the 30-year, $3.6 trillion Air Force Plan; a legislative fellowship on Capitol Hill with then-U.S. Del. Madeleine Bordallo (D-Guam), handling military, veterans, and foreign affairs issues; and a program management role at the National Reconnaissance Office, where she led a $700 million multi-agency engineering and IT contract overseeing more than 500 personnel and supporting $40 billion in assets.

Fram also directed 24/7 worldwide operations and maintenance of mission data processing for space-based and airborne national intelligence assets and co-led the Department of the Air Force’s LGBTQ+ Initiatives Team and Barrier Analysis Working Group from 2023-2025.

She holds a master’s degree from the Air Force Institute of Technology and is a distinguished graduate of the Naval War College. Fram deployed in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom, where she worked on airborne counter-improvised explosive device technologies.

In January, Fram, alongside four other trans military officers, was given a special retirement ceremony by the Human Rights Campaign — a direct result of President Donald Trump’s 2025 Executive Order 14183, titled “Prioritizing Military Excellence and Readiness.” The policy directed the Pentagon to adopt measures prohibiting trans, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming people from serving in the military.

Under Virginia’s current congressional maps, Fram would challenge Congressman James Walkinshaw in a Democratic primary in the 11th Congressional District, which includes the city of Fairfax and most of Fairfax County. However, the district’s boundaries could change pending ongoing redistricting discussions in the state.

Fram emphasized that her decades working within the executive branch shaped her understanding of what it means to take — and uphold — an oath to the Constitution, even when those in power later forced her out of service solely because of her identity, not her performance.

“Through 23 years of service, I learned what it meant to fulfill that oath to the Constitution, and I wanted to continue serving,” she said. “But when this administration came in and labeled me and others like me ‘dishonorable’ and ‘disciplined liars who lack the humility required for military service,’ it hit hard. When the Supreme Court then agreed to let the administration fire all of us, I had to figure out what would allow me to continue my service in a way that was meaningful and lived up to that oath.”

After being told she would have to retire from a career she describes as her life’s calling, Fram said she began searching for another way to serve — a path that ultimately led her to run for Congress.

“I had done the work over the past couple of decades to understand the America that I believe in, that America I believe we all can be,” Fram said. “That’s where this decision came from. I believe I can fight back and fight forward for Virginians — with the knowledge I have and with a vision of the America we can be.”

That vision, she said, is one that has yet to be fully realized — despite decades of promises from Democratic leaders across all branches of government.

“This is about protecting our fundamental rights — freedom of speech, freedom to assemble, bodily autonomy, a woman’s right to choose, and the ability for queer people to live our best lives,” Fram said. “Right now, our government is throwing barriers up in front of many people. They’re strengthening them, building walls higher, and actively damaging lives.”

(Photo courtesy of Bree Fram)

Fram said her leadership philosophy was shaped by watching strong, effective leaders during her time in the Air Force and Space Force — leaders who reinforced her belief that true leadership means expanding opportunity, not restricting it.

“Leadership is about tearing barriers down — not climbing over them and forcing others to suffer through the same things,” she said. “It’s about making sure the people coming up behind us have even more opportunity to go further, faster. How do we be better tomorrow than we are today? How do we fulfill our founding promise of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?”

One way Fram said Congress could help dismantle those barriers is by passing the Equal Rights Amendment, enshrining constitutional protections for all people — particularly LGBTQ Americans.

“Getting the Equal Rights Amendment into the Constitution is absolutely critical to the future of queer rights,” she said. “Voting rights must also be clearly protected.”

Protecting democracy itself is also among her top priorities, Fram said.

“We need to take control of the House so we can put real checks on this administration,” she said. “That allows the American people to see how this administration is actively making their lives worse and less affordable — and it’s how we ultimately throw them out and get back to making life better.”

Fram said her experience working under four presidents — including during Trump’s first term — reinforced her belief that opposition to efforts curtailing civil liberties is essential.

“The primary thing we can do to protect democracy is to get rid of this administration,” she said. “Taking control of the House gives us true investigative power. Under every rock, there is likely an impeachable offense because they are failing to faithfully execute the laws of the United States.”

For her, the message Trump is sending is clear — he and others close-minded to the LGBTQ community are threatened by the possibility of what someone truly dedicated to service can become.

“One of the reasons this administration had to throw us out and silence us was because we were an example of what was possible. We shined so brightly by meeting or exceeding every standard that they couldn’t hide us away by any other means except kicking us out.”

Fram acknowledged that her identity has been a political target since 2016, but said those attacks have never been grounded in her ability to lead or accomplish complex missions over more than two decades of service.

“If others want to attack me on my identity, I welcome it,” she said. “I’m focused on whether people can afford groceries or feel safe in their communities.”

“I’m happy to be a lightning rod for those kinds of attacks,” she added. “If it allows Democrats to advance an agenda that makes life better for Americans, they can come after me all day long. They attacked me while I was in the military, before I was ever running for office.”

On policy, Fram said affordability, health care, and safety are at the center of her agenda.

“No one should be afraid to go to the doctor or fear surprise medical bills that put them into debt,” she said. “Every American deserves access to affordable, high-quality health care.”

She also emphasized a willingness to work across party lines — even with those who previously politicized her identity — if it means delivering results for constituents.

“If someone wants to work together to make people’s lives better, I’ll work with them,” she said. “If they want to come after me based on who I am, they can waste their energy on that.”

Asked how she defines hope in the current political moment, Fram rejected the idea of passive optimism.

“Hope isn’t naive optimism,” she said. “Hope is doing the work — engaging people and bending the moral arc of the universe toward justice.”

She added that representation itself can be transformative.

“Just being in Congress changes the narrative,” Fram said. “It lets a kid say, ‘Oh my God — I could do that too.’”

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District of Columbia

Eleanor Holmes Norton ends 2026 reelection campaign

Longtime LGBTQ rights supporter introduced, backed LGBTQ-supportive legislation

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Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton (D-D.C.) in 2023. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

The reelection campaign for D.C. Congressional Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton, who has been an outspoken supporter of LGBTQ rights since first taking office in 1991, filed a termination report on Jan. 25 with the Federal Elections Commission, indicating she will not run for a 19th term in the U.S. House of Representatives.

Norton’s decision not to run again, which was first reported by the online news publication NOTUS, comes at a time when many of her longtime supporters questioned her ability to continue in office at the age of 88.

NOTUS cited local political observers who pointed out that Norton has in the past year or two curtailed public appearances and, according to critics, has not taken sufficient action to oppose efforts by the Trump-Vance administration and Republican members of Congress to curtail D.C.’s limited home rule government.  

Those same critics, however, have praised Norton for her 35-year tenure as the city’s non-voting delegate in the House and as a champion for a wide range of issues of interest to D.C. LGBTQ rights advocates have also praised her longstanding support for LGBTQ rights issues both locally and nationally.

D.C. gay Democratic Party activist Cartwright Moore, who has worked on Norton’s congressional staff from the time she first took office in 1991 until his retirement in 2021, points out that Norton’s role as a staunch LGBTQ ally dates back to the 1970s when she served as head of the New York City Commission on Human Rights.  

“The congresswoman is a great person,” Moore told the Washington Blade in recounting his 30 years working on her staff, most recently as senior case worker dealing with local constituent issues.

Norton has been among the lead co-sponsors and outspoken supporters of LGBTQ rights legislation introduced in Congress since first taking office, including the currently pending Equality Act, which would ban employment discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.  

She has introduced multiple LGBTQ supportive bills, including her most recent bill introduced in June 2025, the District of Columbia Local Juror Non-Discrimination Act, which would ban D.C. residents from being disqualified from jury service in D.C. Superior Court based on their sexual orientation or gender identity.

For many years, Norton has marched in the city’s annual Pride parade.

gay events dc, gay news, Washington Blade
Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton (D-D.C.) participates in the city’s 2019 Capital Pride Parade. (Washington Blade photo by Drew Brown)

Her decision not to run for another term in office also comes at a time when, for the first time in many years, several prominent candidates emerged to run against her in the June 2026 D.C. Democratic primary. Among them are D.C. Council members Robert White (D-At-Large) and Brooke Pinto (D-Ward 2).

Others who have announced their candidacy for Norton’s seat include Jacque Patterson, president of the D.C. State Board of Education; Kinney Zalesne, a local Democratic party activist; and Trent Holbrook, who until recently served as Norton’s senior legislative counsel.

“For more than three decades, Congresswoman Norton has been Washington, D.C.’s steadfast warrior on Capitol Hill, a relentless advocate for our city’s right to self-determination, full democracy, and statehood,” said Oye Owolewa, the city’s elected U.S. shadow representative in a statement. “At every pivotal moment, she has stood firm on behalf of D.C. residents, never wavering in her pursuit of justice, equity, and meaningful representation for a city too often denied its rightful voice,” he said.

A spokesperson for Norton’s soon-to-close re-election campaign couldn’t immediately be reached for a comment by Norton on her decision not to seek another term in office. 

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