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Polyak discusses marriage referendum, future activism

Former Equality Maryland board chair spoke to the Blade less than a month after she stepped down

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Lisa Polyak, gay news, Washington Blade
Lisa Polyak, gay news, Washington Blade

Polyak was lead plaintiff in the Maryland marriage equality lawsuit (Deane and Polyak v. Conaway). (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

The former chair of Equality Maryland’s Board of Directors stressed on Monday she remains optimistic that voters will uphold the state’s same-sex marriage law in November.

“The polling trend is definitely way more positive than it has been in the last couple of years, but we continue to see evidence of people feeling strongly in another way,” said Lisa Polyak, referring to the controversy over Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy’s comments against marriage rights for gays and lesbians. She also described Josh Levin of Marylanders for Marriage Equality as a “very effective campaign manager” who has begun to receive the resources she said he needs to defend the same-sex marriage law at the ballot. Polyak added she feels that both President Obama’s support of nuptials for gays and lesbians and the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People’s resolution in support of the issue provided the campaign with additional momentum.

“If we win in November, it will be in large measure because of those two events,” she said. “The campaign, rightly, is coming in under that and doing their job efficiently and well.”

Polyak and her partner of more than 30 years, Gita Deane, have remained two of the most prominent figures in the fight for nuptials for gays and lesbians in Maryland since they became the lead plaintiffs in the same-sex marriage lawsuit that Equality Maryland and the American Civil Liberties Union filed in 2004. The Maryland Court of Appeals in 2007 ultimately upheld the constitutionality of the state’s ban on nuptials for gays and lesbians, but Polyak stressed to the Blade that she and Deane simply wanted to protect their children.

“The reason we got involved in the first place was because we’ve had all of these sorts of unexpected experiences trying to take care of our kids,” she said, pointing to obtaining health care and passports for the couple’s two daughters and entering the country with them were among the difficulties they faced. “Starry eyed, we thought well we’ll get involved with the marriage litigation because you know if we were married we wouldn’t have these problems, although of course we had no idea what was ahead.”

Polyak said that the children of she and her wife Deane, Maya, who is 16, and Devi, who is 13, “were fairly renascent” about their decision to challenge Maryland’s same-sex marriage ban.

“For the older one, we told her that we were going to be in the litigation and we told her why in terms that we thought were appropriate for her… [what] it boiled down to is that we wanted to be married and that we couldn’t be married right now because of the way that the law was and just that she was shocked. And she told us so,” she recalled. “She goes; what do you mean you’re not married? I thought you were my parents and why aren’t you married? So it began sort of not just being the public face, but also like having this conversation in an ongoing way with our kids every year of their growth about what they could understand.”

Court of Appeals decision was “awful”

“Ultimately, for me especially it was important for them to see that even when things don’t go the way you want the first time, you don’t give up,” said Polyak as she stressed the need for her and Deane to “hold ourselves together for our girls so that they didn’t think bad things were going to happen to them or to our family.”

More than four years after Maryland’s highest court ruled against them in Deane and Polyak v. Conway, state lawmakers approved a same-sex marriage bill. Governor Martin O’Malley signed it into law in March. “Of course happiness,” said Polyak when asked about her reaction. “More than that just relief at not having to visit it again next year, hopefully, with the referendum not withstanding because I think everybody who has worked on this, truthfully, is exhausted.”

The looming likelihood of a referendum on the same-sex marriage law once the governor signed it factored heavily into their decision to marry in D.C. last year. Attorney General Douglas Gansler said in Feb. 2010 that the state could recognize same-sex marriages that were legally performed in other jurisdictions. O’Malley subsequently ordered state agencies to recognize such unions.

“My partner Gita felt very strongly about us getting older, about our kids getting older and you know what would happen if we could’ve got married and we didn’t get married, what might that bring if something happened to one of us, and that has to do with our family situation basically,” said Polyak. “Again, looking again through the eyes of our girls, they knew that marriage was available in D.C. and of course Gita and I wanted to be married. For them it didn’t make sense about why weren’t we getting married, so we were very aware of our personal needs and then also the fact that we didn’t want people in Maryland to think that we were giving up. We weren’t telegraphing of course any kind of negativity about the ongoing legislation. We literally went down to D.C. on the down low and we got married with a very small group of people — like eight people who were close to us.”

Polyak spoke to the Blade less than a month after she stepped down.

She was appointed acting chair of Equality Maryland’s Board of Directors in June 2011 after attorney Chuck Butler resigned in the wake of former executive director Morgan Meneses-Sheets’ April 2011 departure from the organization. The board voted to appoint Polyak chair during Equality Maryland’s annual meeting in January.

“I don’t know about lessons learned, but I know for Patrick Wojahn, who was the other board chair, and myself, both he and I were plaintiffs in the marriage litigation, and then just through serendipity found ourselves as the board chairs of the respective boards at the time when Equality Maryland went through all those difficulties,” she said. “I think somehow for both of us we weren’t going to let it to fall apart. What Equality Maryland aspires to, which is the legal and the policy health of LGBT citizens I think is something both Patrick and I feel strongly in. And without really having a road map about how we were going to sort of keep things from falling completely apart, we just decided that we weren’t going to let it happen and we had three of the residual board members who worked with us all last summer. In retrospect I can’t believe that we did it, but i think it’s just like anything — if you really believe in something, you find a way.”

In spite of her departure from Equality Maryland, Polyak said she plans to continue to advocate on behalf of LGBT families and children. She remains the online moderator of Families with Pride, a group for LGBT parents in Baltimore. And it plans to hold a reunion in the coming weeks.

“Both my girls are getting ready to think about college. And so that’s always time consuming and lots of planning and I want to share in that time with them,” said Polyak. “I have to say both for Gita and for myself, our focus has always been about what is the lack of law, what the lack of protections do to children and so I’m fairly certain that ending Equality Maryland won’t be the end of my sort of advocacy for equality for our community.”

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District of Columbia

To school to homeschool to school again

‘Pandemic took more than 2 years of school. It took 2 years of my childhood’

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Gloria Collazo Huamani studying at home during the COVID-19 pandemic (Photo courtesy of Gloria Collazo Huamani)

It wasn’t until I no longer had those 30 minutes of lunch and recess, when all the boys and girls would come together to trade bracelets, make up games, gossip about who we liked, play tag and sports, that I realized how much of my childhood happened during the parts of school that had nothing to do with schoolwork. 

I was in the third grade when the COVID-19 pandemic began. I remember my parents explaining that I couldn’t go back to school and wondering when I would see my friends again — or whether I wanted to go back at all. But after spending two years learning from home, cut off from the friends, teachers and routines I had known, I began to understand what I had lost. 

For many of my friends and classmates, going to school changed from a bus ride every morning to clicking a link and seeing their teachers and classmates through a screen. My experience was a little different. Instead of going to virtual school, I was homeschooled. My new routine was sitting at my kitchen table, with my mom teaching me how to write a paragraph or solve a math problem, surrounded by the same walls I saw every day. 

My family was not alone. Many families across the country turned to homeschooling after schools shut down. Homeschooling increased sharply during the pandemic, especially among Black families, rising from 3.3 percent in the spring of 2020 to 16.1 percent that fall, according to the U.S. Census Bureau’s Household Pulse Survey.  

It would be two years before I entered a classroom again.

At first, I loved homeschooling.

I didn’t have to wake up early or put on a uniform. I liked the comfort of my own room, surrounded by my stuffed animals and toys. I didn’t have to push my way through that horrible lunch line because my food was now waiting for me at the kitchen table. 

It felt like a fever dream where school was canceled and all day was fun. That was my view as a 9-year-old. 

But as days turned into weeks and weeks into months, that initial excitement wore off.

Every day became the same routine. There was no recess when I could play princess with all the other girls. There were no conversations in the lunch line and none of the small things that had broken up the school day before. I didn’t realize how much those moments mattered until I could no longer experience them. 

With less to look forward to, I started spending more time on the internet. 

I turned to platforms such as YouTube and TikTok to distract myself. Instead of seeing what the kids around me were doing every day, I could watch people online show off their clothes, makeup, dances, art and lives. 

Over time, I started comparing myself with what I saw. I thought the way I dressed was childish and wanted to be like the superstars I saw online. I followed what was trendy and admired the girls and boys who looked so confident on screen.

Before the pandemic, my friends and I didn’t need the internet to tell us what was popular. But during those years at home, I became much more aware of what other people thought was cool and what someone my age was supposedly supposed to like. I felt as though I was growing up without getting to experience all the steps in between. 

When I finally returned to school, I thought my classmates would be excited to see each other again after spending so much time apart. 

Instead, I realized how much we all changed. 

When I walked through those doors, I remembered vague memories of running down those halls and always seeing my peers with smiles on their faces. Now those same faces were tired, with eye bags. The lunchroom, which used to be full of life with happy kids eating to their hearts’ content, turned into a lunch where all the girls controlled what they ate and talked about the latest trend on TikTok.

Maybe some of that change would have happened anyway. Kids grow up. Interests change. Middle school has always been awkward.

But I didn’t get to watch my classmates gradually change or change alongside them. I left one social world and came back to another.

When I returned, I was expected to understand a social world that had changed while I was gone. I felt I missed so much that I would never get back, and without that day-to-day learning to help me adapt to these new norms, I struggled.

Those everyday interactions are an important part of how children learn to get along with others: A 2026 meta-analysis of 157 studies from 33 countries published in the academic journal Child Development found that children’s social and emotional skills declined during the pandemic, along with their overall well-being. The researchers noted that schools are not just places where children learn math and reading. They are also places where children learn how to make friends, work through disagreements, understand other people’s feelings and manage their own emotions.

Years later, many parents say some of those effects are still being felt. In a 2025 Gallup survey, 45 percent of parents with school-age children said the pandemic hurt their child’s social skills, and 22 percent said those problems were still ongoing. Forty-two percent said the pandemic negatively affected their child’s mental health. Parents were more likely to report problems with their children’s social skills and mental health than with their academics or physical health.

I saw some of those changes around me, too. Classmates who once seemed outgoing became quieter or more withdrawn. Starting conversations felt harder. Making new friends felt harder. Sometimes retreating into myself felt easier than trying to figure out where I belonged.

Now, the kids who were in elementary school when the pandemic began are moving through high school. We are older, but some of us are still figuring out what those missing years meant.

Before the pandemic, I thought lunch and recess were simply breaks from learning. Now I understand that we were learning during those 30 minutes, too. We were learning how to make friends, how to disagree and make up, how to be embarrassed and recover from it, what we liked and what we didn’t, and slowly who we wanted to become.

I can’t know exactly who I would be if I had spent those years inside a classroom instead of at home. Maybe middle school still would have been awkward. Maybe I still would have worried about fitting in.

But I know I missed something I didn’t understand was important until it was gone: the ordinary, sometimes boring, sometimes ridiculous parts of growing up alongside other kids.

You can make up schoolwork. You can return to the classroom. But there are some parts of childhood you don’t get to repeat.

Gloria Collazo Huamani is a sophomore at Benjamin Banneker Academic High School in D.C., one of Youthcast Media Group’s journalism class partners. Gloria worked with James Jarvis, a YMG mentor-editor and reporter for Inside Health Policy, on this story.

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Virginia

Gay Va. couple hopeful voters will enshrine marriage equality in state constitution

Early voting has already begun in the state

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Virginia flag flies over the state Capitol. Voters this year will consider a proposed amendment that would enshrine marriage equality in the state's constitution. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

A referendum on whether to enshrine marriage equality in Virginia’s constitutional amendment is on the ballot this year.

If voters approve Question 2, it will codify the U.S. Supreme Court’s Obergefell ruling in 2015 that extended marriage rights to same-sex couples across the country — gays and lesbians have been able to legally marry in Virginia since Oct. 6, 2014.

Ron Bookbinder and James Fisher are a married couple who live in Arlington.

They have been together for 38 years — Bookbinder and Fisher married in 2014.

“We think this is a critical vote to remove this discriminatory language from the constitution and to ensure that going forward, no matter what happens, the state of Virginia will ensure marriage equality,” Fisher told the Washington Blade. “It is it is really difficult and upsetting to think that our current state constitution would prohibit same-sex marriage, even though the federal government overrides that now. There’s no saying what may happen in the future.” 

Bookbinder said it was important for him and Fisher to get married “to gain social equality.”

“I was surprised how good it felt, how important it was to begin to say, ‘my husband rather than my partner,'” Bookbinder said.

Bookbinder then explained why it feels good to be married.

“Is it a legal partner, a business partner, a tennis partner, you know, or a romantic partner? But when you say my husband James, everyone knows exactly what you mean and confers an equal status with everyone else who’s married, and we were both surprised at how good it felt and how equal it felt to suddenly be married and be able to state that you were married and discuss your husband rather than your partner, and I would hate to lose that,” he said. 

Bookbinder and Fisher said they are hopeful that voters will approve the amendment, noting Virginia has become more progressive over the years.

“I think people have, with the Supreme Court decision, people have seen that a same-sex marriage is just a marriage,” stated Fisher. “It’s just two people who love each other, and I think more and more people have attended a same-sex marriage, someone in their family or a friend, and the experience of what this is, firsthand experience, is so important in shaping people’s opinions, and I think the period of time that we’ve had since the Obergefell decision has given a lot of voters that experience, which I think is really important and powerful.” 

The couple also said the push to enshrine marriage equality in Virginia’s constitution is in response to the Trump-Vance administration.

“And I think due to President Trump doing all the horrible things he’s done to so many groups, including LGBTQ, especially trans people, that Virginians are kind of pushed to be even more progressive to protect those who need protection, which would include the LGBTQ community in terms of marriage equality, so I’m confident it will pass,” said Bookbinder. 

Narissa Rahaman, executive director of Equality Virginia, sent the Blade a statement about early voting on Question 2 that has already begun.

“With early voting now underway, our focus is making sure every Virginian knows Question 2 is on their ballot,” said Rahaman. “The outdated ban on same-sex marriage still in Virginia’s state constitution leaves a gap in protections for the thousands of same-sex couples that call this state home, but after 20 years we have the chance to fix it.” 

Log onto www.mobilize.us/vaformarriage to find out more about the campaign in support of Question 2.

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Baltimore

Baltimore’s oldest gay bar to reopen this week

Leon’s owner Ron Singer died in July

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Leon’s, the oldest gay bar in Mount Vernon, will reopen Wednesday. (Photo by Kaitlin Newman for the Baltimore Banner)

By JOHN-JOHN WILLIAMS IV | Those legendary heavy-handed pours, spirited karaoke and trivia nights, and groan-worthy wall-to-wall patrons on packed nights are back!

Leon’s will live to see another day.

Baltimore’s oldest gay bar, which opened in the 1950s, closed in July following the death of its owner, Ron Singer.

The rest of this article can be read on the Baltimore Banner’s website.

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