a&e features
Sophie B. Hawkins goes deep in advance of D.C.-area concert
‘90s hitmaker known for ‘Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover’ is on fall mini-tour


Sophie B. Hawkins will sing hits and new songs at her Saturday evening concert in Vienna, Va. (Photo by Shervin Lainez; courtesy No Big Deal PR)
Ellis Paul and Sophie B. Hawkins
Saturday, Oct. 28
6:30 p.m. (doors, 5:30)
Jammin Java
227 Maple Ave. E
Vienna, Va.
$25
Singer/songwriter Sophie B. Hawkins is at a place in her life where she’s being highly deliberate about what she does.
She’s sitting on a finished album but wants to figure out a way to release it strategically for maximum impact. A recurring theme in our lengthy phone chat last week is that there are lots of great ideas, but several are just not high on her priority list right now.
Newly single after nearly two decades in a same-sex relationship, the 52-year-old singer known for ‘90s radio staples “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover” and “As I Lay Me Down” is back in New York focusing on her art and raising her two young children, Dashiell, 8, and Esther, 2.
She makes a rare D.C.-area appearance this weekend at Jammin’ Java in Vienna, Va., on her fall mini-tour. Her comments have been edited for length.
WASHINGTON BLADE: How does it feel to be back in New York again after so many years in Los Angeles?
SOPHIE B. HAWKINS: Well I was born and raised in Manhattan so when I get home to New York or anywhere near, I feel a certain accessibility to my soul. I feel like this is where I came into the world, where I’m coming back to and where I’m allowed to be me. I can be my age here, I can be a single woman, so exotic and excited to be alive, just in the day, and it’s not weird. I don’t have to drive a fancy car, I don’t have to wear makeup, I can just live and enjoy everyone’s energy and creativity. That’s the difference between L.A. and New York. In California, it’s harder to connect with people and harder to connect with people’s creativity. In New York, it’s very much coming up from the ground.
BLADE: What can we expect at your show this weekend and why are you doing a mini-tour now?
HAWKINS: This mini-tour came about for a very specific reason. I wanted to go out and do solo shows without one single musician, just me because I’d never done that before until weekend before last. I did it in Massachusetts and Maine and I really felt like this was the time for me to just go on stage and really see if I’m a good-enough musician and good-enough artist and good-enough storyteller to get out there and be the person that I am (in my home studio) working and writing songs. … I loved the last two shows. They were my favorites in a very long time because I just got up there with my instruments, my banjo, my drums, my guitar and my piano, and I sang the songs and it was so relaxed and emotional and, of course, intimate, but it was something more. Sort of a heightened experience. … I wouldn’t say it’s me being me because I’m always me, but it’s really one on one. It’s scary but that’s where I really like it the best.
BLADE: How was it received?
HAWKINS: Both audiences, and not that this should ever happen again, but they both gave me standing ovations and they all came back and it was a different conversation after the show. … It really could have gone terribly — that’s why I didn’t do it in New York. I could have walked off the stage and said, “I’m never doing that again,” and called my guitar player. But I’m actually excited to do it more.
BLADE: You’re working on a musical, you have a new album in the can, you did the Janis Joplin play a few years ago and said you even wrote some songs as Janis. What all will you be singing? Stuff from your albums or some of that stuff as well?
HAWKINS: Well, OK, first of all, I’m always going to do my hits. They’re beautiful and I just want people to know they won’t get deprived of that. The second thing is I’m definitely doing some new songs. People seem to really love the new songs and I’m doing one I just wrote a couple weeks ago that’s a brand new original Christmas song so it’s going to be exciting to do one that I just wrote. As for the album, I’m going to be totally candid because I always am, I don’t quite know how to get it out. I don’t want it to just be the same old process of putting all this effort into something and then making no money from it. I’m trying to find a new way and really taking my time. I really love it, I put a ton of energy into it and the songs are, in my opinion, phenomenal so I don’t want to just throw it out and have it go nowhere. The musical is still a work in progress. … I may put the Christmas song out just to have a little something but … I can’t just throw things out there anymore.
BLADE: You did some shows in New York back in June that you said you were going to record to try to capture something elusive you said doesn’t always show up on your studio work. Did you?
HAWKINS: Yes, well, I don’t know if I captured that elusive whatever but I did record all three shows and they were filmed. I don’t know if the filming was good because I haven’t seen it yet. … I’m not sure if I’m going to edit them and put anything out because that takes so much work. I wish I had another me to do that kind of work. And sometimes you’re just too close to it. I thought it sounded terrible when I listened to it in June but then I heard it again in September by accident and I was like, “No, that sounds pretty good, I should get to editing that.” … But again, it goes back to not wanting to just put stuff out just to do it. I’m looking for a right connection. I’m not dying for people to say, “Oh she’s great, listen to this,” and then move on to the next thing. There’s no reason for that. Maybe once I figure out when the album is coming out, the live stuff could be like the thank you for being part of my life and here is this gift.
BLADE: What has it been like rebuilding after going through the break-up of a 17-year relationship?
HAWKINS: Oh, it was awful. Just so incredibly sad, I can’t even tell you. … It’s still so difficult to understand how that could have happened. … I felt like I was saved when I got back to New York … by the skin of my teeth. There’s this amazing other part of yourself that says, “I’ve got to move before the tsunami hits, I gotta get out of my bed and start running” and that’s what happened. The tsunami was coming down on me and my son and I actually got out of bed and said, “We’re getting up now, move, move, move, get the dogs,” and we got to New York and boom, we would have been dead if we’d stayed a moment longer. And I mean completely dead emotionally, psychologically, financially, everything. It’s scary to think about. That’s one aspect of it. But thank God I landed and … could begin again. … There is still a reckoning I’m dealing with in my art and in conversations with close friends, you know, walking around going, “I can’t believe this is part of my story now.” … I never thought it would happen — a betrayal on that level.
BLADE: One song of yours that’s always haunted me is “I Need Nothing Else.” I know songwriters hate to explain what songs are about but can you illuminate us at all on that one?
HAWKINS: I love that song too because of the combination of the visceral and the spiritual and accepting it all as one and knowing that all things go together with no boundaries. All these things need each other and pull each other and tug each other and there’s that feeling of passion that I really love and then the phrase, “I need nothing else,” is what you do — you go through your life and you eliminate, you start to realize what you need and what you don’t need and you come back to this very essential quality. … You bring the drama on when you don’t know what you need and you do so many things to mask and then you find it and it’s unmasked — that’s that song, it’s unmasked, here it is.
BLADE: It’s taboo to say you wanna have sex with Jesus but pop music is kind of this nice place where you can entertain both the spiritual and the carnal, which is forbidden in gospel music. Is that a fair interpretation or am I off base?
HAWKINS: No, you’re so on base and I love that you said have sex with Jesus. Yes, it’s so true and in a way, that’s sort of what we’re doing. … And yes, that is the great thing about pop music and great poetry, it connects all these things. … There’s actually a movie out now that’s about all this called “The Novitiate.” Have you heard of it?
BLADE: No.
HAWKINS: It’s not out yet but I saw a screening and it’s really a brilliant movie but it’s not with men, it’s with nuns. Oh my God.
BLADE: How long did it take to make “Tongues and Tales” (1992) and “Whaler” (1994)? How long did you spend recording vocals and how long were the whole projects?
HAWKINS: OK, well, “Whaler” took shorter than “Tongues and Tales” because I worked with Stephen Lipson and he was — well, for both albums by the way, we used my demos a lot, which was interesting, so we’d have to include that time. I’d recorded those songs at home first. Like in “Did We Not Choose Each Other” when you hear the frying pans and all the crazy percussion and the keyboards, all that stuff was done at home. “As I Lay Me Down,” the percussion, the keyboards, all that was taken from my original demo and we just overlaid and built upon it.
BLADE: You felt you’d captured something on those that couldn’t be bettered?
HAWKINS: Yeah. There were periods where different producers would try to get away from it but even the head of the record company, Don Ienner at the time, the head of Sony, he said, “No, you’ve got to use the vocal on her demo, that’s why I signed her.” So there were always those moments where we would go back to that. … So “Whaler” didn’t take a long time ‘cause Stephen works fast. “Tongues and Tales” took a long time because I’d never made a record before and Rick Chertoff is known for taking a really long time. He wanted demo after demo after demo after demo. He could spend years on just a thought. It takes him hours to get a freaking sentence out. But in some ways, that’s also why he’s brilliant. He’s like an old-fashioned director. He’ll take you to dinner and you have to include all that in the process. So on “Tongues and Tales,” they didn’t spend anytime on me. It was all about the radio, what will happen to the album, and Rick Chertoff takes everything into consideration but then when it came time for vocals, believe it or not, they gave me like a day. I was really upset about that inside, but I did not wanna complain because they didn’t make me write with anybody, they completely stayed true to my vision so I thought, “Well, OK, I have a day, I’m just gonna use a day.” So the vocals were very fast. … But that worked out OK because I’m one of those people you can’t overdo things too much with. On “Whaler,” though, he did take much more time with the vocals.
BLADE: What happens to all the alternate takes and photo and video outtakes when a major label project like that wraps? Do you get it all or is it sitting in box in a warehouse somewhere?
HAWKINS: I think Sony probably trashed it all because, you know, I fought with them by the third album. I have all the demos, which is shocking. … But they didn’t care about what they didn’t use so I would think by this time they would have trashed everything. I did get a bunch of pictures. … Great outtakes from sessions by David LaChapelle, Bruce Weber and Mark Hanauer. It would be fun to do something with those but at this point in my career, I don’t want to spend the time looking through photos.
BLADE: I sense from what you’re saying there was some frustration with the release of “The Crossing,” your last album in 2012. Was the rollout underwhelming? How do you feel about it now that you have a little distance from it?
HAWKINS: Well that’s why I don’t want to put out another record the same way. I think there are some songs on it that are amazing. I just love “The Land, the Sea and the Sky.” It’s so raw, I don’t know, I just love the feel of it. And I love “A Child.” There are some songs I love. But certain songs I think are terrible on “The Crossing” and those are the ones I actually worked the most on. Like “Betchya Got a Cure,” I think could have been a great song but I think it’s just terribly done. … My manager-slash-partner had lost interest in me as a person and as an artist or whatever and I couldn’t really — I mean, I did it totally alone. No producer, no nothing. I even engineered the goddamn record. It was a beautiful studio, but still. I put it out with zero, and I mean zero, support, so in a way, it’s amazing it sounds as good as it does and it’s as lively as it is. There’s no way really I could have done better in that situation.
BLADE: What was your cover of “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down” from? I found it later on a compilation and wasn’t sure.
HAWKINS: That was for a charity album. It might have been breast cancer because they wanted songs by women and I chose that because Joan Baez sang it and I loved it. I recorded it in my apartment where I was at the time on Christopher Street and I just did it at the piano with all those crazy vocals and the djembe drum and that was basically it. But people seem to like it. Sony was pretty mad at me. They said it wasn’t professional enough. I was like, “Well, then, you know, give me some money and I’ll do it more professionally.”
BLADE: Melissa Etheridge’s VH-1 “Duets” special now seems like this amazing time capsule of great ‘90s women rockers. What was it like taping it?
HAWKINS: Well, the first memory is when she called. … I dove to the floor to pick up the land line at a house in L.A. where I was staying and I couldn’t believe I was talking to Melissa Etheridge because this was at the time when she was having her huge, breakout like big, big moment, and I hit my head on the closet door when I went for the phone so I was pretending to be completely with it and cool and obviously I wasn’t. … I remember rehearsing with her and just thinking she was so amazing, her guitar playing and her presence. I loved her and felt like I would have loved her even if she wasn’t Melissa Etheridge, but I never would have because she’s from such a different part of the world. So then we got to the show and I really thought I’d botched it and I was kind of embarrassed. But I loved being with her and Paula Cole was super nice too.
BLADE: I get what you’re saying about prioritizing certain projects over others but it’s been 25 years this year since “Tongues and Tales” and “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover.” Are you doing anything to commemorate that?
HAWKINS: No, I didn’t really realize it was exactly 25 years. See that’s where it would be nice to have a team to help me remember those things.
BLADE: It’s so cool that you’re able to still devote yourself to art. New York and L.A. are both so insanely expensive and you’re raising two kids. Do you ever feel practical or financial concerns encroaching on your art? How do you soldier on?
HAWKINS: You do have to soldier on as an artist no matter what and as a mother because you cannot let those people down. It doesn’t matter if you have any money or not. The thing about being an artist in this day and age is that you cannot expect any kind of support if you’re in the music business. I’m lucky to have the support and recognition that I do. I see young people I’ve met and let open for me who have these amazing songs, they’re young and beautiful and talented and they’re in a way worse position than me. I’m doing really well, I actually am. … I could make a choice. I could make a lot of money, I mean relative to what I’m going to get back, and throw it in my career right now, but I really do feel the timing isn’t right and it would be a complete waste. I feel it’s a time to be really selective. … I learned with “The Crossing,” it’s not good enough to just stay afloat. It’s actually better almost to disappear and for everyone to think you’re gone forever and you were so beautiful and great then and if you have a rebirth or even if you don’t, then at least your work stands on its own. That’s a big concept. I hadn’t even really thought about it, I was just kind of talking out of my ass but yeah. I’m maintaining an amazing lifestyle in this amazing city and my children and art are doing amazingly well and I will tell you the honest truth — I’ve never been so happy in my life.
BLADE: How has being a mom shifted your artistic lens or has it?
HAWKINS: It’s made me more appreciative and patient with myself. … It’s moved me away from trying to be a perfectionist. … It’s also been fun to see how some things that I thought were just about me, they’re sort of genetic. Like the singing and stuff. … Not so much the creation of a song, but my son is like this amazing little walking poet and he says things that blow me away, but I think maybe he gets it from my mother. There’s some quality about it that’s really fun to see.

Sophie B. Hawkins at a 2004 Pittsburgh concert. (Washington Blade file photo by Joey DiGuglielmo)
a&e features
D.C.’s most eligible queer singles
It’s not too late to find a date for Valentine’s Day

Each year, the Blade seeks our readers’ help in identifying the most eligible local queer singles. Here is this year’s list.
(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)
Hallie O’Rourke, 26, non-profit management, lesbian

What are you looking for in a mate? I’m looking for someone who is kind, loyal, intelligent, funny, and who shares my interests while also introducing me to new things. I’m looking for a long term partner who can make me laugh every day and who inspires me to be a better version of myself.
Biggest turn off: Flaky and indecisive people.
Biggest turn on: (Over) communication, taking initiative, making plans.
Hobbies: I enjoy reading and am always in search of the next great book. I also adore arts and crafts and collage frequently. I love experimenting with new mediums and exploring different art forms.
What is your biggest goal for 2025? My biggest goal is to be more outgoing and comfortable introducing myself to strangers. I’d love to go on more solo trips and meet new people around the world.
Pets, kids, or neither? Neither at the moment, but I am looking to get a cat in the near future.
Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? No, I’d like to be with someone who shares my core political values and beliefs.
Celebrity crush? Ruby Cruz
Name one obscure fact about yourself? I’m a huge fan of “The Room” (AKA the worst movie of the 21st century) and have met two of the cast members, including the infamous Tommy Wiseau.
Danielle Pasekoff, 25, Democratic strategist and community organizer, lesbian/she/her

What are you looking for in a mate? A genuine partnership! A hopeless romantic, good listener, always down for an adventure and perpetually optimistic.
Biggest turn off: Poor communication, dishonesty, apathy, loud chewing
Biggest turn on: NJGs (Nice Jewish Girls)
Hobbies: Watching reality TV, running, singing in the shower, going to concerts, game nights with friends, shopping, running a community group for queer women and trans folks! Check out DC Gay Girls Plus!
What is your biggest goal for 2025? Finally make a dent in my ever-growing TBR book stack.
Pets, kids, or neither? Neither but ultimately want both.
Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? Not in 2025!
Celebrity crush? Caitlin Clark
Name one obscure fact about yourself? I have six tattoos
Mauricio Pita, 39, actor/producer, gay

What are you looking for in a mate? Confidence, authenticity, creativity, resiliency, kindness, humor, and attraction. The rest we can figure out.
Biggest turn off: Shame
Biggest turn on: A well-executed wink.
Hobbies: I love stories (movies, theater, books, poetry, gaming, music, writing, etc.) both as a receiver and a giver, dancing like no one (or everyone) is watching, and exploring new spaces.
What is your biggest goal for 2025? To see more of my family.
Pets, kids, or neither? I have the most chill Chihuahua, I’m open to all.
Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? It all depends, but we must agree on freedom.
Celebrity crush? Right now, Drew Starkey from “Queer”
Name one obscure fact about yourself? My other career choices were Paleontology and Computer Science.
Portia McDaniels, 39, attorney, lesbian

What are you looking for in a mate? A thoughtful, kind monogamist woman to share life’s adventures. Willingness to laugh at my bad jokes is a plus. Find me on instagram @esqmasc
Biggest turn off: Bad hygiene, rudeness especially to people in customer service, lateness without any warning
Biggest turn on: Effective communication, good sense of humor, loves fitness and staying active, a great signature scent
Hobbies: Weightlifting, reading everything I’ve bought on Audible, trying new cocktail bars. During good weather, I enjoy kayaking and hiking. Soon to be: improving my Spanish and relearning Mandarin.
What is your biggest goal for 2025? Hitting some new PRs in the gym, and being consistent with the gentle art (Brazilian jiu jitsu)
Pets, kids, or neither? Neither right now, but I definitely want kids. Former dog mom who would love another pooch. Not opposed to cats, but they make me sneezy.
Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? It depends
Celebrity crush? Janelle Monae, Zaynah Bear
Name one obscure fact about yourself? I was on NPR in college
Lily Kardell, 32, garden center manager, queer/lesbian/she/her

What are you looking for in a mate? A kind, confident soul who thrives on both independence and deep emotional connection. They’re creative and a great communicator. Their love languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time.
Biggest turn off: Mean-spiritedness and arrogance.
Biggest turn on: Empathy, passion, and a great sense of humor
Hobbies: I play weekly in a pool league (go Troublemakers!). I also enjoy kayaking, paddleboarding, and cycling in the summer. Ice skating, reading, fiber arts, and crafting are a few of my other favorite pastimes.
What is your biggest goal for 2025? I’m starting the next chapter of my career and I’m determined to make it the best one yet! I also want to finish one of my many work in progress craft projects!
Pets, kids, or neither? I’m all about that cool gay aunt life, but prefer to live as a pet and plant mom! I have an adorable, orange cat named Willow. She’s a rambunctious, little rescue and I love her like a daughter.
Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? In DC?!? No! Free Palestine, Black Lives Matter, trans rights are human rights!
Celebrity crush? This is such a fun question and was somehow the hardest for me to answer. I’d have to go with Sandra Oh, Niecey Nash, and weirdly even Jeff Goldblum!
Name one obscure fact about yourself? At age 11, I won first place in the Greater Washington Soap Box Derby Race (like the large ones that you can actually sit in). We raced down Constitution Avenue and finished right next to the Capitol.
David Draper, 32, early talent acquisition recruiter, gay

What are you looking for in a mate? I’m looking for someone who knows what he wants and is looking for someone who also knows what he wants. I’d love to find a person who works on himself and is constantly striving to improve and be the best version of himself he can be (mentally, physically, emotionally). As someone who really enjoys “downtime” and alone time I’m looking for someone who I can be around and just “be” and enjoy each other’s company. I enjoy nights out, but I have no problem calling it early-ish (like 12:30AM) and wouldn’t mind a person who likes to go out, but is also fine with leaving the bar/party early to go home and enjoy some downtime and hangout in a more peaceful environment.
Biggest turn off: My biggest turn off is assuming someone is feeling another way when they told you they were feeling one way (i.e. “Are you upset?” “No I’m not upset.” “Well you see upset.”). Another big turn off is “one upping.” This applies to both positive things as well as negative things. And when people lack empathy.
Biggest turn on: My biggest non-physical turn on is emotional intelligence, a sense of humor/quick wit, and an appreciation of sarcasm.
Hobbies: I’m a certified Bravoholic and consider watching The Real Housewives a hobby. I also have a Peloton bike and enjoy running, so staying active is important to me. I also attend a lot of concerts and Broadway shows, so my Ticketmaster app always has at least 2-3 tickets for upcoming events at various concert venues in and around D.C.
What is your biggest goal for 2025? My biggest goal for 2025 is to continue prioritizing my physical, mental, and emotional health. Toward the end of 2024, I started a journey to develop better habits around working out, eating, drinking, and sleeping. This year, I’m looking forward to maintaining and building on these healthier habits. A big milestone for me will be running my first marathon at the 2025 Chicago Marathon this fall.
Pets, kids, or neither? I’m a proud Cat Dad to Linus and Louie.
Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? Typically no. By no means would I expect to agree with everything, but would we need to agree on the fundamentals especially on social issues.
Celebrity crush? Some combination of Chris Mazdzer, Jonathan Bailey, and/or Patrick (from Schitt’s Creek)
Name one obscure fact about yourself? When I was 5, I refused to re-wear pairs of socks and “demanded” to my mom that I have a new pair every day… that didn’t last. I guess you could say I was “particular.”
Finn Vigeland, 32, transportation planner, gay

What are you looking for in a mate? In no particular order: a guy who fits right in with my friends and family, whose intellect and hobbies charm me, who’s professionally motivated and loves what he does, who wants to travel with me, and who makes me laugh.
Biggest turn off: Laziness/unprofessionalism, being uninterested in new adventures, disrespect to waitstaff, over dependence on cars
Biggest turn on: Good dancer, takes the bus, is smart but loves a stupid joke, becomes friends with my friends in his own right
Hobbies: Biking, board games, dance parties with friends, hosting Survivor watch parties, kickball, nerding out about transit, constructing crossword puzzles for the New York Times
What is your biggest goal for 2025? tbh, find a boyfriend!
Pets, kids, or neither? Neither currently, open to both
Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? Political views are a reflection of our values. If we aren’t aligned on values, we’re not a match.
Celebrity crush? Jonathan Bailey but for at least the last 10 years! I’ve been on the bandwagon!
Name one obscure fact about yourself? In college I often gave celebrities and their kids campus tours. The coolest was Rob Lowe, the most random was a Korean R&B legend who brought a camera crew; I wound up on Korean TV in a reality series about her life.
SC Nealy, 35, mental health therapist, author, business owner, queer/gender fluid

What are you looking for in a mate? Emotional intelligence, strong communication, loyalty, honesty, and a whole lot of humor
Biggest turn off: Cannot stand the smell of weed or cigarettes. It’s just not for me to be around!
Biggest turn on: Gentleness, passion, thoughtfulness, and quiet strength
Hobbies: I crochet little toy animals for friends and children, and I love to write. I also love socializing with my friends and being in community.
What is your biggest goal for 2025? Continue to expand my business LGBT+ Counseling Collaborative and bring accessible, queer-celebratory mental health services to the DMV area.
Pets, kids, or neither? I have two young daughters, and a dog and a cat. I accept people’s lives as they are and whatever comes with them.
Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? No, I would not. My political views are based in human dignity and equality. If that’s not something you can agree with or if money comes before people, I have no interest in exposing myself to your viewpoints.
Celebrity crush? Ruby Rose
Name one obscure fact about yourself? I won the 2024 Humanitarian of the Year Award from the Virginia Counselors Association.
Logan Dulski, 25, graphic designer, non-binary pansexual

What are you looking for in a mate? I’m looking for someone who’s kind, funny, and more than a little nerdy — someone who can commit to the bit. Bonus points if they have a solid karaoke go-to and appreciate the magic of a well-organized notion board.
Biggest turn off: All the basic turn-offs like being rude to waitstaff or poor hygiene, but throw in being overly nonchalant.
Biggest turn on: Someone witty, considerate, and knows what they want
Hobbies: Playing Dungeons & Dragons (or any other ttrpgs), crochet, ballet, reading, playing video games, and tarot
What is your biggest goal for 2025? My biggest goal for 2025 is to get my tarot deck, the Community & Connection Pocket Tarot, fully funded and printed by the end of the year.
Pets, kids, or neither? Yes to pets. Hard no to kids.
Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? Absolutely not, especially if their views coincide with whether or not I should have basic human rights.
Celebrity crush? Rhea Ripley, Pedro Pascal, and all of the band Sleep Token
Name one obscure fact about yourself? I took over 9 years of Mandarin lessons as a kid and still don’t know a lick of Mandarin.
Tristan Gess, 26, consultant, gay

What are you looking for in a mate? I’m looking for someone who’s ambitious and passionate about what they do—someone who’s always chasing their goals and excited about what’s next. I love going to workout classes, trying new coffee spots, and traveling, so it’d be great to have someone who’s up for all of that too. And most importantly, I need someone who can handle a little friendly teasing but isn’t afraid to give it back.
Biggest turn off: A big turn-off for me is when someone doesn’t take care of themselves or prioritize good hygiene. It’s not about being perfect, but I’m really drawn to people who put effort into their well-being and take pride in feeling their best.
Biggest turn on: My biggest turn-on is someone who’s confident but also charismatic. There’s something really attractive about a person who knows their worth, carries themselves well, and can effortlessly connect with people. Confidence without arrogance and a natural charm go a long way.
Hobbies: My hobbies include going to Barry’s and Solidcore, spending time with my family at the lake, and staying up to date with energy and sustainability initiatives around the world. I love a good workout, quality time with the people who matter most, and keeping up with ways to make a positive impact on the planet.
What is your biggest goal for 2025? My goal for 2025 is to be more mindful and present in every moment. I want to trust the process, knowing that just because one door closes doesn’t mean another isn’t opening. It’s about staying grounded, making bold choices with confidence, and being open to whatever opportunities come my way.
Pets, kids, or neither? Neither
Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? I feel pretty grounded and educated in my own political views, and while I’m always open to hearing new perspectives and having thoughtful discussions, I do think there’s a fine line when it comes to politics. Healthy conversations are great, but at a certain point, fundamental differences can become a deal breaker.
Celebrity crush? Jonathan Bailey
Name one obscure fact about yourself? I fell off the lower deck of a cruise ship in Turkey once!
Sisi Reid, 32, actor/dancer/theater artist/educator, Black Queer Sensual Femme, Pansexual

What are you looking for in a mate? Compassionate and thoughtful, playful, affectionate, practices wellness (physical, spiritual, emotional, mental), loves travel, values growth and self accountability, loves traveling together, open to navigating travel and distance in our relationship (I travel for work and solo travel), a willingness to co-design a committed relationship that is non escalator/unique to us, and values peace of mind and peace in home.
Biggest turn off: Mean/unkind, unwillingness to listen/learn something new/be curious, lack of follow up with actions, and arrogance
Biggest turn on: Joy/your own sense of what nourishes your joy and practices you enjoy in your alone time, whole body listening, remembering and reflecting back to me (in your own way) things I do/say, someone who has dreams and goals for themselves
Hobbies: Dancing, being in nature, traveling locally and internationally, watching tv/movies, coloring/sketching, and exploring local arts events, festivals, museums.
What is your biggest goal for 2025? To center my physical wellness, so my mind has more peace and to make and perform my solo dance performances on international stages.
Pets, kids, or neither? Neither
Would you date someone whose political views differ from yours? Yes, but if the views aren’t rooted in Black liberation, in justice, and a radical reimagining of these current systems, nah I don’t want that.
Celebrity crush? Rutina Wesley
Name one obscure fact about yourself? My spirituality is nature, magical, kinky, and fueled by my imagination.
a&e features
Valentine’s gifts for the queers you love
Fragrances, X-rated sweet treats, candles, and more

Put a little love in your heart. That’s what Jackie DeShannon encouraged with her 1969 hit song of the same name, and it’s never been more appropriate than in the context of our current state of affairs. Mute the vitriol this Valentine’s Day and concentrate on what really matters – those you love and who love you back.
Gucci Guilty Love Edition

Sniffies? You’ll put the site on hold after a whiff of Gucci Guilty Love Edition on the nape of his neck – featuring captivating notes of juniper oil, orange flower absolute and aphrodisiatic Ambrofix – which one review claims to “make your brain sparkle like a fine Champagne.” Cheers to that. $25-$133, FragranceNet.com
Hunky Burning Love Pillow

Sweet dreams are on the docket when you rest your head on the Hunky Burning Love faux-suede square pillow printed with illustrations of shirtless himbos pining for your affection. An exercise in fantasy more than reality, but it beats sitting alone at a bar getting no attention at all. $30, ThePillowTopShop.com
Love Deck
What’s in the cards for your love life in 2025? Fuck around and find out with astrologist Lisa Stardust’s 70-card Love Deck, a tarot set of short spells, meditations and rituals designed to conjure enough love, passion, clarity and confidence to make Potion No. 9 jealous. $13, Amazon.com
‘Making the Case for Equality’
We’ll continue to fight the good fight over the next four years and beyond – perhaps harder than ever – and Lambda Legal’s “Making the Case for Equality,” a detailed half-century history of our hard-won judicial victories, is a solid reminder of how far we’ve come in the war for LGBTQ+ rights. $45, Amazon.com
Lola Blankets

Schedule an at-home streaming marathon of this year’s Best Picture noms before the big night – there’s a lot to love in 2024’s Oscar picks – and the coziest way to settle in is all snuggled up in the squishiest Lola blankets, reminiscent of the adorable ripples of the cutest Shar Pei. Pick up a couple for the cuddle puddle. $109-$299, LolaBlankets.com
Asa Akira x Cake Life Cookies

Cue the collaboration you didn’t see coming: Adult film star Asa Akira teams up with award-winning trans-owned bakery Cake Life Bake Shop for its sweet-and-spicy Conversation Heart Sugar Cookies, featuring Akira’s XXX-tra special curated box decorated with NFSW phrases like “Cowgirl,” “Cream Pie,” and the ever-subtle “Anal” – that are sure to leave mouths agog at your Gaylentine’s get-together. $19-$21, CakeLifeBakeShop.square.site
Mind Games Candles

Since the late 1990s, the Backstreet Boys have implored us to quit playin’ games with our lovers’ hearts, which is probably why we play mind games instead – and now they come in luxury scents like Jasmine Milk, Tobacco Tonka Bean and Cherry Sandalwood, so you can enjoy mood lighting with your gaslighting. $135, MindGamesFragrance.com
Delysia Chocolates

Inspired by Greek Goddess-of-Love Aphrodite, Delysia Chocolatier’s 16-piece, limited-edition truffle collection includes four each of symbolic Passion (almond-honey-fig), Adoration (raspberry-rose petal-hibiscus), Unity (pomegranate-strawberry), and Love (spiced wine-berry) bite-size chocolates rich enough for savoring and abundant enough for sharing. $60, Delysia.com
DIY Whiskey Hot Sauce

Variety is the spice of life in Thoughtfully Gourmet’s Whiskey-Infused DIY Hot Sauce Kit that combines your favorite cereal spirit with high-quality global ingredients, like Mexican hot peppers, to create sophisticated flavor experiences of varying Scoville heat levels, handsomely housed in fancy decanters. Recipe book, spices and seasonings included; alcohol and antacids are not. $20, Amazon.com
Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBTQ lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets around the world. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyroxtravels.
a&e features
Boomer Banks brings beats to MAL Weekend
From porn to the DJ booth, ’I’m the happiest I’ve ever been’

If you enjoy gay adult films, there is a high likelihood you have seen or at least heard of Boomer Banks. His tattoos, muscles, masculine presence, and thick mustache have made him one of the most recognizable — and awarded — Latinx gay adult performers in the industry. This weekend, Banks heads to the nation’s capital to partake in Mid-Atlantic Leather weekend.
As D.C. polishes its leather gay apparel for the annual MAL weekend, Banks, alongside a slew of other gay adult performers and leather lovers, is getting ready to make adult content, meet fans, buy some new leather goods, and perform in the name of sexual expression.
This year will be different for Banks compared to his past MAL weekends, though. He will still be go-go dancing as he has in years past, but this year he has a new hat on — headlining DJ. The Blade sat down with the 44-year-old performer to discuss his sex work career, the changing industry, and his passion for DJing.
On Friday night, Banks is one of three headlining DJs for the main dance event of the night, UNCUT XL. He explained that his love for music has always been there, but since the death of his best friend, with whom he connected on a shared love of music, his sets mean more than ever to him now.
“I loved music for my whole life,” Banks told the Blade when asked about how he got started in music. “My proximity to legendary New York DJs has always been there. I lost my best friend and brother over two years ago, and it just caused a lot of changes [for me]. We both loved music so much … I was talking to one of my DJ friends [about this connection to music], and they were talking to me, and all of a sudden I’m at their studio, playing around with the controller and all that, and it just happened. Here we are, two years later, and now I’m headlining at MAL with some legendary DJs that I have been a fan of since I was young.”
Banks went on to explain that this connection and newfound passion for DJing is what has made his career shift from studio porn to a solo career easier. He also said the continued support from his house music fans has made him want to work even harder on creating memorable sets.
And create memorable sets he has. Banks has headlined events all across the country over the past two years — from Provincetown to Rehoboth Beach and even headlining Folsom, which is the biggest leather event of the year. He explained that he has one overwhelming emotion —gratitude.
“I’m really grateful that Zach [Renovatés] and everybody at Kinetic and Bunker have really taken a liking to my storytelling through music, because that’s what it is for me,” Banks said. “I like taking people on a journey. It’s usually my journey. But I read the crowd, I read energy, and I’m always smiling, and that’s the only place that I do smile. I feel like people often categorize me as intimidating, and a lot of times that’s what I got in the porn industry. But with DJing, the people are always like, ‘You’re so happy up there. You’re smiling all the time.’ And, yeah, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and it’s exciting. I love doing it, and I’m grateful and very humbled that people are seeing that this isn’t just a gimmick.”
He went on to explain that this happiness wasn’t always at the base of his work —especially when he was involved with the studio porn system with CockyBoys and Raging Stallion. Various factors, including race, he shared with the Blade, were why it was less than enjoyable at times. But it provided a platform in which he was able to grow and gave him an opportunity to help newcomers in the industry.
“When I got into porn, other brown men were not nice to me; other people of color [were not nice to me]. I thought that it would have been different. So when I was established, I made sure not to do that. I have a few little Banks boys that I nurtured into the industry, and, not to claim them, but it’s just so that they had someone to talk to because I didn’t have that.”
Despite some structural problems within the industry, Banks felt he was able to get what he needed from the career, including a paycheck and a platform.
“Porn did work out for me,” he said. “I was very fucking successful, and I was not white. I did the work, but I just couldn’t keep doing it any more. It wasn’t good for my mental health, and so I knew how to bow out. Who knows? It [studio porn days] might happen again. I don’t know, but I know for today, I love music. It’s my heart. I’m grateful for the platform that sex work gave me because it’s given me a heads up with the music.”
That music has kept him going. More specifically, New York house-style music has kept him going. Banks’s ability to take in the music he loves has made him a stronger DJ, he said.
“’I’m a New York house DJ,” he said. “That’s the style that I bring. The craziest it gets is like tech house and maybe some early 2000s mid-2000s circuit music. It’s what I grew up with and what I love and what I like to put out there. I’m really grateful that I was not only showing up to these gigs, but I was absorbing the art that is music in a way that it seeped into my pores and my soul, that now I can share how I feel about music, and that’s exciting.”
He touched on how although many people can be fans of DJ music, it takes more to become a successful DJ.
“The thing about music is you can’t fake music tastes. You can learn all the knobs and the technical parts of DJing, but if you’re not playing good music, and if the room isn’t vibing, it doesn’t matter.”
When asked about the current political climate—seeing as the host hotel for MAL weekend is a mere half mile from the Capitol building—Banks reflected on the importance of weekends like this for the LGBTQ community, which is increasingly facing the backlash of conservative politicians.
“We are in uncertain times,” he said. “These are the weekends where we’re able to be who we are. And it’s unfortunate that we have to still have these events to express ourselves. Because a lot of these guys, they wait their whole year for this weekend to be able to express themselves. With what’s going on with the world, they’re basically being told that these are the only places they can. I know that in New York we live in a bubble. I know in D.C., we live in a bubble. But I want to show people that are coming from the middle of nowhere that they can have a good time, and even if it is for this weekend, they can rely on us. I want our community to know that I am here for them.”
You can find Boomer Banks headlining Friday’s main dance event UNCUT XL from 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. at REPUBLIQ Hall (2122 24th Pl NE) and go-go dancing during Saturday’s PERVERT XXL party at A.I. Warehouse (530 Penn St., N.E.) from 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. as well as on X @Boomer_Banks and on Instagram @baconlvr.
For more information about MAL events visit leatherweekend.com or kineticpresents.com.

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