a&e features
Why do so many gay couples open up their relationships?
Many of us are on autopilot, but we can build more meaningful connections
As gay men, we’ve been through a lot.
For so many years we were deep in the closet, fearful of being arrested, and threatened with pseudo-medical cures.
Then came the Stonewall uprising, the declassification of homosexuality as a psychiatric disorder, and the defeat of sodomy laws. And finally, the legalization of gay marriage.
Now—at least in some parts of the world — we’re free to live our lives exactly like everyone else. No one gets to tell us how to live, whom to love, or what we can or can’t do in the bedroom. We alone call the shots.
Then again, maybe we’re not as free as we think. Ever wonder why so many of us open our relationships? Are we always really deciding for ourselves how we want to live?
Or are we sometimes on autopilot, blithely following expectations and norms of which we aren’t even aware, oblivious to the possible consequences?
Spring, 1987: Although I didn’t know it at the time, my own introduction to the world of gay relationships was following a script that countless gay men have lived.
Growing up in that era, there were no visible gay relationships, no role models. Astoundingly, a gay porn theater/bathhouse did advertise in the Washington Post, my hometown paper, when I was a kid. While this was titillating, I dreamed of something more traditional and soulful for my future than the anonymous encounters and orgies at which those ads hinted.
So when hunky, adorable Justin* asked me out after a meeting of the campus gay group and we started dating, I was over the moon. That is, until my friends Ben and Tom, an older gay couple, shot me right back down to earth when, one evening over dinner, they asked if Justin and I were “exclusive.”
Huh? What a question!
“Just wait,” Tom said knowingly, “Gay men never stay monogamous for long.”
More than 30 years have passed, and the world of gay male relationships remains pretty much the same. Working as a psychologist for the past 25 years, I’ve listened to hundreds of gay clients share their own versions of my long-ago dinner with Ben and Tom. “We just assumed we’d be monogamous, but then this older gay couple told us, ‘yeah, let’s see how long that lasts.’ So we decided to open up our relationship and start playing around.”
New generations have the possibility of proudly visible relationships and recently, marriage. And still, for many of us, open relationships are seen as the default choice in one form or another: “Monogamish.” Only when one partner is out-of-town. Never the same person twice. Only when both partners are present. No kissing. No intercourse. No falling in love. Never in the couple’s home. Never in the couple’s bed. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Disclose everything. Anything goes.
Examining our affinity for non-monogamy can be seen as judgmental or anti-gay, “sex-negative,” tantamount to suggesting that gay men should mimic a heterosexual model that is patriarchal, misogynist, oppressive — and maybe not even really workable for straight people. Questioning our penchant for casual sex while we are coupled is also seen as a challenge to the inspirational (to some) narrative that gay men, free of the constraints of history and tradition, are constructing a fresh, vibrant model of relationships that decouples the unnecessary, pesky, and troublesome bond between emotional fidelity and sexual exclusivity.
But we do not honor our diversity if we expect that any of us should choose (or not choose) any particular role or path. After all, gay men are just as multidimensional, complex, and unique as other men.
And while an open relationship may be the best relationship for some couples to have, successfully being in one requires capabilities that many of us do not possess. Simply being a gay man certainly does not automatically provide skills such as:
The solidity of self to be trusting and generous
The ability to sense how far boundaries can be pushed without doing too much damage
The capacity to transcend feelings of jealousy and pain
The strength of character not to objectify or idealize outside sex partners.
Yes, open relationships can be as close, loving, and committed as monogamous relationships, which of course have their own difficulties. But even when conducted with thought, caution, and care, they can easily result in hurt and feelings of betrayal.
Moreover, open relationships are often designed to keep important experiences secret or unspoken between partners. Clients will tell me they do not want to know exactly what their partner is doing with other men, preferring to maintain a fantasy (or delusion) that certain lines will not be crossed. As a result, the ways in which we structure our open relationships can easily interfere with intimacy—knowing, and being known by our partners.
Consequently, we gay men often struggle to form solid, mutually respectful attachments that include both emotional and physical connection. Might any of these scenarios be familiar to you?
Jim and Rob came in to see me after a disastrous cruise with eight of their friends. Although it had not been their plan, between them they had ended up separately having sex with all eight. This had broken several of their “rules,” although as Jim pointed out, the rules were unclear because they often made them up to suit whatever they wanted to do, or not allow each other to do. Each partner’s ongoing anger over how his partner was hurting him by ignoring admittedly ad-hoc sexual boundaries meant that Jim and Rob hadn’t had sex with each other in two years.
Another couple I work with, Frank and Scott, have had an open relationship from the start. When they met, Frank felt strongly that monogamy had no relevance to him as a gay man. Though Scott wanted a sexually exclusive relationship, he somewhat reluctantly went along with Frank’s wishes because he wanted to be with Frank. In recent years the two have become near-constant users of hookup apps, and recently Scott met a younger man on Scruff with whom he has “great chemistry.” Now, to Frank’s dismay, Scott is dating Todd.
Carlos and Greg came to see me after Carlos discovered that Greg was hooking up numerous times a month. Although they had a “don’t-ask-don’t-tell” agreement and both assumed the other was occasionally having sex with other men, Greg’s behavior was far more frequent than Carlos had imagined or wanted to accept in his marriage. Greg was steadfast in his conviction that because he was following their rules, his hookups could not be negatively impacting his relationship with Carlos.
Beyond the hurt, enmity, reduced commitment, lack of connection, and distance they experience, men in these situations often tell me that their relationships and their lives have become overwhelmed by their pursuit of sex.
Another potential drawback to an open relationship: Yes, multiple partners are an easy (and fun) fix for sexual boredom. But when hot times can be easily found with others, we may feel little incentive to put sustained energy into keeping sex with our partners interesting. My educated guess: This is why many gay couples in open relationships have little or no sex with each other, just as a twosome.
Finally, it is troubling how easily, in our open relationship/hookup culture, we objectify those we have sex with and see other men as disposable, replaceable bodies. Treating others and being treated in this manner does not advance our respectfully relating to each other, nor does it benefit our self-esteem as men and as gay men.
What is influencing these behaviors?
Gay men lean toward non-monogamy for many interconnected reasons.
Men (stereotype acknowledged) often enjoy pursuing and having no-strings sex, so gay men readily find willing partners. Open relationships, seemingly fun and unconstrained, offering a stream of new partners to reduce the monotony of an ongoing relationship, can be intrinsically alluring. Gay men’s sexual connections have historically not been governed by societal rules, so we’ve been able to do pretty much whatever we want, as long as we’ve flown way under the radar.
And, open relationships are what we predominantly see around us as the relationship model for gay men, for the reasons noted above and also in large part due to the influence of gay history and gay culture.
For a deeper understanding of this last point, let’s take a whirlwind tour though gay male history in the Western world (much of which overlaps with lesbian herstory). Ancient, recent, forgotten, familiar, all of it is impacting our lives today.
Since at least the fourth century C.E., as Christianity gained influence, homosexual behavior was illegal in Europe, often punishable by death, and European settlers brought these laws with them to what became the United States. Some periods were relatively more tolerant, others less so. France became the first Western nation to decriminalize homosexuality after the 1791 Revolution, but harsh laws remained and were enforced throughout the Western world well into the 20th century. (And at present, 78 countries still have laws prohibiting homosexual behavior; punishments in some include the death penalty.)
Following World War II, America’s McCarthy “Red Scare” of the 1950s was accompanied by a campaign against the “Lavender Menace,” resulting in hundreds of homosexual government employees being fired. The anti-gay environment in the United States, similar to that in other Western countries, included FBI tracking of suspected homosexuals; the postal service monitoring mail for “obscene” materials including mailings from early gay rights organizations; prison terms for homosexual acts between consenting adults; and nightmarish “treatments” for homosexuality including chemical castration. Obviously, under conditions such as these, gay men had a difficult time congregating openly, meeting each other, or forming relationships. Many gay men lived fearful lives of isolation and furtive sexual encounters.
To get a chilling sense of what it was like to live as a gay man in this era, view William E. Jones’s “Tearoom” on the Internet. The film presents actual surveillance footage from a police sting operation of men meeting for sex in an Ohio restroom in 1962. The men’s fear is palpable, and the absence of affection or connection between them is heartbreaking.
While in 1967 parts of the United Kingdom decriminalized homosexuality, 1969 is known as the start of the modern gay rights movement because in June of that year, patrons of the Stonewall Bar in New York City fiercely fought back against a routine police raid. Following Stonewall, we began to congregate and organize openly, to throw off the cloak of shame, and to fight against third-class status. (In 29 of the United States it remained legal to fire someone simply for being gay until the June Supreme Court ruling in the Bostock case. The scope of that ruling is still being debated.)
During the 1970s, with sexual liberation coming on the heels of the civil rights era, the gay rights movement gained momentum. The American Psychiatric Association declassified homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973. We became more visible, and gay culture—bookstores, bars, political organizations, and sex clubs—flourished as gay men rejected living in fear and openly celebrated their sexuality.
But by the late 1970s, HIV was silently making its way into the gay community. As men began to fall sick and die in staggering numbers early in the 1980s, anti-gay sentiment again exploded, and we began to equate our own sexuality with death. Yet the AIDS epidemic ultimately led our community to coalesce and strengthen, organizing to care for our ill and to fight for effective treatment, leading to greater visibility and acceptance, and providing some of the organizational groundwork for the equal rights battles that continue today.
History influences culture, and both our history and culture influence who we become, and how we lead our erotic and intimate lives. Modern gay culture developed in an environment of justified fear.
Often, the only possibility for us to meet for any sort of intimate encounter was through hookups and anonymous encounters. When connecting, we had to keep one eye over our shoulders, scanning for danger (this can literally be seen in Tearoom). Can such connections really be termed intimate?
For most of us, the days of outright surveillance are over. But the patterns of interacting that developed over many years have been passed down through the generations and still influence us in the present, even those of us who don’t face losing our jobs, family support, freedom, or lives if our sexual orientation is discovered. The longstanding need to hide, scan, and be vigilant has helped shape a culture of gay male interaction that— even when we are partnered — often centers on brief encounters, putting greater emphasis on sexual connection than on knowing and being known as multidimensional physical and emotional beings.
At the opposite end of the spectrum: The era of exuberant sexual liberation that followed Stonewall. In part as a reaction to our identity having been badly stigmatized and gay sex having been literally forbidden, both pre-Stonewall and to some degree in the era of AIDS and safer-sex campaigns, gay male culture has leaned toward placing strong emphasis on sex and hooking up. As a result, we often get the message that to be a successful gay man, we should be sexually desirable, open to sex, and have frequent conquests.
Other related factors that can contribute to our so easily leaning away from monogamy and toward multiple partners include:
The stigma around being gay denies many of us opportunities to date and romance early in life. Instead, the experiences of growing up gay, having to hide, and having difficulty discerning who might be a willing partner often lead us to have our first experiences in anonymity and shame, learning how to be sexual apart from and before we learn how to be close. As a result, we’re likely to have a hard time connecting sex and emotional intimacy. Moreover, our early experiences can set our arousal templates to be most aroused by secrecy, risk, anonymity, and being a sexual outlaw.
Internalized homo-negativity from growing up in a culture that has stigmatized homosexuality and gay relationships may lead us to absorb the idea that our relationships, and gay men generally, are “less than.” Consequently, we may think that we, our significant others, our relationships, and our sex partners are unworthy of honor and respect; and we may easily behave in ways that reflect these beliefs, pursuing pleasure without considering the possible costs to what we say we hold dear. And we may not even realize we hold these beliefs.
As gay men, we are likely to have grown up feeling defective and hiding our true selves from our closest family and friends, fearing rejection. When children and young people don’t get a sense that they are loved for whom they really are, and instead grow up seeing themselves as damaged, it’s difficult to develop a positive sense of self-worth. Many of us are still seeking to heal this wound through our ongoing pursuit of sex and the companion feeling of being desired by another man, unaware of what is driving this pursuit.
Alcohol and other substance abuse are entrenched in gay culture, in great part as a means of soothing the isolation, distress, anxiety, and depression that many of us experience from living in an often-hostile world. Clients routinely tell me they are in a chemically altered state when they make decisions to engage in extracurricular sexual interactions that threaten or damage their primary relationships.
One more key factor, true for all relationships: While closeness can feel good, being close also means being vulnerable, which is scary. Open relationships can be a way for us to keep some distance from each other in an attempt to keep ourselves safer.
I became a psychologist at a time when gay relationships weren’t getting much societal support, with the goal of helping gay couples thrive despite a deck stacked heavily against us. Over the years, I’ve learned that some of the most important work I can do with gay male clients is to help them be more thoughtful about their choices, so that they can better develop stronger, more nurturing, more loving relationships.
We gay men often keep our eyes closed to the ways that we may be damaging our relationships through some of our most commonplace, accepted, and ingrained behaviors. Obviously, it can be painful to acknowledge that we may be harming ourselves through seemingly fun, innocuous choices, or to acknowledge the possible downsides of our ubiquitous open relationships.
Nevertheless, there is great value for each of us in figuring out, as individuals, what it means to live in a way that we respect; in holding our behavior up to our own standards, and only our own standards; and in clarifying how we want to live life even when there is pressure, from the outside world and from other gay men, to live differently.
Pressure from other gay men? That’s right.
On first thought one might think that we gay men would have no trouble standing up to others’ expectations. Certainly it’s true that openly acknowledging we are gay despite societal judgment and pressure to “be” heterosexual demonstrates a strong ability to be true to ourselves, and to manage our anxiety in the face of tough challenges.
But beyond the expectations of society-at-large are the expectations of gay culture about what it means to be a successful gay man. Here is where many of us can get wobbly.
Not finding complete acceptance in the larger world, we have the hope that by coming out, we will finally feel a sense of really belonging somewhere. If this means behaving in the ways that peers do, taking on what we perceive to be the values of our community in order to fit in, many of us are willing to ignore our own feelings, and possibly our souls, so as to not feel excluded yet again.
Jim and Rob, the couple who had sex with all their friends on their cruise, are sitting in my office, with my dog Aviv snoozing at their feet. After some consideration, they had decided to stop having sex with other men for a while, to see if this would help them to feel closer and re-start their sex life with each other. The rancor had decreased and they reported enjoying having sex together again.
Their news: Jim has decided to enroll in a graduate program on the other side of the country, and they are discussing how this will affect their sex life.
“Of course we’re going to have to make some allowances for this,” Jim says.
I look at him quizzically.
“I mean, we might not see each other for a month or two at a time. So we need to have an agreement that we’ll have sex with other guys.”
Rob nods in agreement.
I ask them how they each anticipate the impact of both again having sex with others. They respond with shrugs.
“You know, our friends Bill and Dave—Bill has been working in Argentina for the last two years and they only see each other every three or four months. They’re definitely hooking up with other guys,” Jim notes.
“I mean, what else would we do?” adds Rob. “Not have sex for eight weeks?”
If I didn’t regularly have similar conversations with other coupled gay clients, I would be stunned that neither man is stopping to consider his own feelings about what it would mean to resume an open relationship. Both are focusing solely on their perceived need to have sex regularly, and on the notion that this is simply how gay couples should operate.
So much of gay history, culture, and relational development are shaping this moment.
When working with a couple like Jim and Rob, I do my best not to accept much as “simply a given.” Here are the questions that I wonder about with them: What have your hopes been for couplehood, and how is reality lining up with those hopes? How have you made your choices? How is your relationship working for you? What is most important to you?
As with Jim and Rob, I often find that clients haven’t considered these questions much. “It’s what our friends do” is the most frequent answer for how they have made the choice to have an open relationship. Many times it seems to me as if there’s a fog around these men’s thinking about their relationships.
I don’t want to contribute to the fog by colluding with them to believe that the particular heartbreaks that can come with carelessly conducted open relationships are unavoidable; that our relationships are not in fact fragile; or that we gay men must establish our relationships along certain lines simply because that is how it is “usually done.”
And when I challenge these clients to go deeper than stating that they are just doing what everyone else does? “Yes, it’s a struggle” is the answer I usually get. “It is painful when my husband doesn’t come home till the next morning.” And then: “But isn’t this how gay men have relationships? It’s what everyone around me is doing.”
These are the poignant and troubling words I hear again and again, echoing what I was told by my friends back in 1987.
Given the numerous interrelated factors that shape our choices in the realm of sex, it is difficult to envision gay men making significant changes in how we operate, especially as committed relationships are—at present—becoming less popular among younger people of all sexual orientations.
But when we look at the arc of gay existence over the past 50 years, from the shadows to the margins of tolerance to marriage equality, it is clear that surprising and dramatic shifts are possible.
So I am hopeful that we gay men can get off autopilot and become more aware of the factors contributing to how we construct and manage our relationships. And I am hopeful that this awareness can go a long way toward our making ever more thoughtful choices, respectful of ourselves and our partners, that help us to build stronger, closer, and more rewarding relationships.
(All names and identifying information changed in this article.)
a&e features
Exhibit showcases trans, nonbinary joy in Maryland and Virginia
‘Becoming Ourselves’ proclaims that our lives are ‘expressions of divine creation’
Gwen Andersen was putting up posters for her photography exhibition “Becoming Ourselves” in and around Takoma Park shortly following the death of Nex Benedict. “Everybody’s heart was heavy,” the lesbian photographer said, “and I’m waltzing around town putting up these posters.” At a bookstore, she asked the person working at the front desk if she could put up one of the posters. They immediately looked at it more closely because of the trans flag, and said yes.
“When they read it and saw that it was something positive, beautiful, happy, they started to cry,” Andersen said, and she instinctively asked if she could give them a hug. With permission, she walked around the counter and embraced them — and in many ways, herself — in a world where negativity and violence takes aim at and harms the LGBTQ community. It was a powerful moment, she admitted, because “the first person didn’t even see the pictures.”
“That’s when I realized.” she said, “just how the idea of this is making an impact.”
“Becoming Ourselves” is an exhibition of 26 photos featuring happy and joyful trans and nonbinary adults and children that has been displayed at six different spaces of worship and one gallery in Maryland and Virginia. From the United Universalist Congregation of Rockville (UCCR) to its eighth spot that opened at the Sandy Springs Meeting House on Oct. 1, the exhibition originally started after Andersen’s friend Marian Bowden connected her with Sandra Davis, then president-elect for the Women’s Caucus of Art. Davis, seeing that Andersen had something critical to say during a time of intense anti-trans violence, became her mentor.
Andersen decided to host the exhibition at the UCCR based on the suggestions of her friend Rev. Jill McCrory, an affirming pastor and justice advocate, who along with Stevie Neal had previously invited Andersen to help found Montgomery County (MoCo) Pride. McCrory recommended UCCR and Davis shared that the church had their own hanging system, but for Andersen, their eager acceptance of the show sealed the deal.
“They were so happy to have been asked,” Andersen said. “They weren’t just consenting. They were wildly enthusiastic about it. I could not have had a better first place to host this.”
Rev. Dr. Rebekah Savage echoed this affirmation. Andersen approached her in October 2023 and from the very beginning, Savage acknowledged, we knew it would be a vital gift to congregants. Showcasing queer and trans people in spaces of worship, as the portraits hung in the Sanctuary during Sunday morning worship for Transgender Day of Visibility is critical, Savage explained, and it “does more than challenge exclusion,” Savage said. “It proclaims to the world that LGBTQ+ lives are sacred, beautiful, and an essential expression of the divine creation.”
“This visibility is both healing and life-saving, especially right now: for trans youth and families who need to know that there are faith communities ready to celebrate with them fully,” Savage continued. “Becoming Ourselves,” she said, visualized the leadership of our trans loved ones and held space for joy and celebration during times of intense violence. It has, Savage said, “become a beacon of hope, within our congregation and beyond, witnessing to the power of love, equality, and justice as sacred commitments.”
But there was a time crunch — the exhibition would open in March 2024, so all photos had to be taken by December 2023 and to her surprise, there was great interest in being part of the project. She had taken some photos already, but when a friend’s child asked if their friends could be part of it, they realized they would need extra enforcements to get the photos taken and processed in time for printing, so she connected with Salgu Wissmath, a nonbinary photography who recently opened their own exhibition “Divine Identity,” and other photographers from Los Angeles, London, and Baltimore.
She also reached out to Natasha Nazareth from Gaithersburg and Elias Nikitchyuk who worked locally and contributed photos to the exhibition.
She also brought a child — Emery — on as the Formal Youth Adviser, recognizing that the show’s most important audience would be trans and nonbinary children. The resulting 26 photos of joyful trans and nonbinary adults and children were chosen by LGBTQ young people from across the United States who shared their selections through a virtual survey, and the group just made the tight deadline. Sadly, Stevie (a nickname for the beloved Petra Stephanie) Neal passed before the project was put on display, but their estate covered photography printing costs.
Soon, the UCCR was filled to the brim with photos of happy and joyful trans people. While UCCR has designated a room for its display, there were too many so the photos spilled out into the hallway, entryway, and anywhere else they would fit. It was only the first of many surprises.
She anticipated just displaying the show at the church in Rockville, but at the opening, McCrory shared that she would love for the show to be on display at Bethesda United Church of Christ (UCC) where she was then and is now working as an interim pastor, so it went to Bethesda UCC next, but that wasn’t its final stop as church members attended other parishes, they shared that they wanted the photos displayed in their own spaces of worship, and soon the photos had travelled to Christ the Servant Lutheran Church in Gaithersburg, Pilgrim Church in Wheaton, Hope United Church of Christ in Alexandria, PhotoWorks at Glen Echo, and finally, Third Space in Baltimore — its most recent stop at the recommendation of one of the photographers. A friend of Octavia Bloom, a Baltimore photographer, wanted the show to come to their hometown.
The exhibition at Third Space came to an end on Aug. 8, but as before, another church —this one Sandy Springs Meeting House — stepped up to host the show. The brick Sandy Springs Meeting House was originally constructed in 1817 and has stood ever since, making the Sandy Spring Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends one of the oldest Quaker Meetings in Maryland. Sandy Spring just put up their hanging system, on loan from a local artist, this month and aims to have the show on display to the public soon.
For some, the choice to display the exhibition in churches may seem like a strange or at least surprising one, but for Andersen, it was a meaningful choice. For Andersen, it helps counter the narrative of churches being places of hostility and part of campaigns against us. While recognizing the history of harm that churches and other religious institutions have caused through conversion therapy, exclusion, hate speech, and more, Andersen’s exhibition showcases how spaces of faith can also be key centers of LGBTQ advocacy and organizing. In fact, D.C. has a rich history of LGBTQ activism based out of and supported by faith communities.
“The fact that it was held in a church made so many people so happy. It also made many people cry because the church has been a place of hostility because the resistance, the hatred, of lesbians, gays, bis and transgender people has been biblical, both in terms of its size and in terms of its purported origin, and so having churches hold this exhibit was dearly important symbolically,” Andersen said.
Andersen shared that so many friends of hers who came to the show had not visited churches in decades because they (justifiably in some cases) viewed them as completely hostile locations. When they went to the exhibitions in the churches and were treated well, she said, she believes it was a healing experience, as it was for many trans and nonbinary children and adults and their parents who are facing a world of negative representation — either hostile from conservative, Christian nationalist groups or media portraying trans and nonbinary people as victims.
Andersen wanted to create a show that offered hope to trans and nonbinary kids, as It Gets Better did many years before. sharing videos and photos of happy and joyful LGBTQ adults as a way to share positivity and hopefully prevent suicide among LGBTQ children. It was more than timely than ever following Benedict’s death in February 2024. The previous day, Benedict was assaulted by other high school students in a girls’ restroom and later died by suicide.
“The purpose of the show was to counter all of the negativity because with Republicans running and now Trump in office there was so much animosity and hostility and people trying to pass these hateful laws that I knew this had to be having a negative impact on the mental health of trans kids.”
Andersen hopes that this exhibition enriches this rich tradition and sparks new conversations — and maybe even more happy tears — at Sandy Springs Meeting House this fall.
The show will be open most days between about 10 and 4 except for Mondays and Saturdays. Viewers are advised to call Sandy Springs Meeting House at 301-774-9792 first on weekdays. The show will continue until the end of December.
In a challenging year for D.C. and the local LGBTQ community, it’s important to remember that there are people, places, and organizations that work hard each day to support us. From activists to bartenders, politicians to drag queens, the Blade’s annual review of D.C.’s best is a welcome break from the news.
We need to support our queer-owned businesses now so please review the list and then patronize as many of them as you can. Our community has a long history of pulling together and dancing our way to better days, so you know what to do.
This was a big year for our annual friendly competition with more than 5,000 nominations in 75 categories and nearly 20,000 votes. The Blade’s Stephen Rutgers coordinated the voting, while Michael Key shot most of the photos. This year’s contributing writers are: Lou Chibbaro Jr., Michael K. Lavers, Joe Reberkenny, Kevin Naff, Tinashe Chingarande, Shreya Jyotishi, Evan Caplan, and Patrick Folliard.
This year’s Local Hero Award goes to Stonewall Sports, which is celebrating its 15th anniversary this month, in recognition of all its leaders do to promote unity in our community and to give back. Congratulations to all the winners and nominees.
Local Hero: Stonewall Sports
Sports, for a lot of LGBTQ people, stir up complicated feelings — for some, they bring back memories of uncomfortable gym classes or the sense of not quite fitting in with other teammates. Stonewall Sports, a community-based nonprofit for LGBTQ people and their allies, was created to push back against the idea that sports aren’t a welcoming space for queer people — and to build a place where the community can grow, thrive, and support one another.
Founded in D.C. in 2010 by Martin Espinoza, Mark Gustafson, Melvin Thomas, Scott Moorehead, and Scott Filter, Stonewall Sports began as a small kickball team. Fifteen years later, it has exploded into a national network with 27 chapters across the U.S., offering a wide range of sports in the DMV — including billiards, bocce, climbing, dodgeball, and kickball.
“We seek to be the premier social sports organization for LGBTQIA+ individuals in the DMV and nationwide, really focusing on building community that lasts,” Stonewall President Stu Wales told the Blade. “This is an opportunity for people to feel comfortable in their own identity in organized sports… to participate fully without having to worry about who they are.”
Stonewall Sports’s mission is clear: sports for all. At a time when trans athletes are being singled out and excluded from participation, the organization continues to provide inclusive, affirming spaces for every member of the LGBTQ community. “We make sure everyone feels welcome — from how we recruit to how we build teams — so no one ever has to question if they belong here,” Wales said.
But building community isn’t the only thing Stonewall Sports has achieved. Over the past 15 years, the organization has raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for local charities.
“We’re as much a philanthropic organization as we are a social sports organization,” Wales said. “There was one year where we raised over $100,000 just in a single year, and that really demonstrated our commitment to one of our key pillars — that was part of what we were founded on and what sets us apart from other local social sports organizations in the DMV.”
From donating money to Whitman-Walker Health, DC Black Pride, The Boys and Girls Club of Greater Washington, and House with a Heart senior pet sanctuary — just to name a few — the organization continues to reinvest in the community in a wide array of ways.
Whether it’s on the National Mall on Sundays for kickball or in Logan Circle on Wednesdays for bocce, Stonewall Sports continues to bring people together — on and off the field — proving that in D.C., sports can be competitive, impactful, and community-driven.
NIGHTLIFE
Best Drag Queen: Cake Pop!
From her larger-than-life costumes to her beat-thumping DJ sets and growing “Pop” drag family, Cake Pop has quickly become a fixture in D.C.’s drag scene. The Chicago-born, D.C.-based queen is constantly on the move — whether she’s hosting a show, spinning a set, or running her “Pop-Up” bar that took over the top floor of Pitchers earlier this year. After first winning Best Drag Queen in 2022, Cake Pop is once again taking the crown — proving she’s a true D.C. favorite.
Editor’s Choice: Sasha Adams Sanchez
Best Drag King: King Molasses
For the fourth year in a row, the freshly crowned “King of Drag” has taken home another honor. King Molasses knows how to command a stage — delivering performances that get the crowd cheering for the sticky-sweet king. With more than 37,000 Instagram followers, Molasses showcases a bold mix of color, confidence, and masculine flair. Fresh off winning the first-ever drag king reality TV competition in July, this is one king D.C. is more than happy to bow down to.
Editor’s Choice: Dylan Dickherson
Best Transgender Performer: Gigi Paris Couture
Hailing from Arlington across the Potomac, Gigi Paris Couture is a celebrated name in DMV drag and beyond. With a career spanning decades, Miss Couture has dazzled audiences nationwide with her stunning performances and sexy, show-stopping costumes. Her trophy case is as impressive as her talent: most recently winning Miss Perry’s in 2023, along with Miss Freddie’s 2015, Miss Diamond International 2007, Miss Tennessee Continental 2003, Miss New York, New York Continental 2002, and Miss Luchos Continental 2001. With so many crowns, it’s a wonder she has room for them all.
Editor’s Choice: Brooke N Hymen
Best Drag Show: Daddy Issues at Kiki
915 U St., N.W.
Who says drag is only for the weekends? Not Daddy Issues! Each Wednesday at 10 p.m., some of the DMV’s best drag performers take over the second-floor stage at Kiki with incredible performances, games, and a vibe that “might help you catch a daddy!” Hosted by Evry Pleasure and featuring a rotating cast including Cake Pop, Druex Sidora, Indiana Bones, and Crimsyn, this midweek extravaganza proves that drag in D.C. never takes a day off.
Editor’s Choice: Freddie’s Follies
Best LGBTQ Party: Flower Factory
1223 Connecticut Ave., N.W.
Since its debut in 2021, this queer DJ collective dance party has become a staple of D.C.’s LGBTQ nightlife. Held once a month at Zebbie’s Garden in Dupont Circle, Flower Factory turns the neighborhood into a cross between a daytime rave, Studio 54, and your favorite gay bar. If it’s the second Sunday of the month and you spot fabulously dressed revelers radiating color, florals, and queer joy, odds are they’re heading to Flower. The collective has grown immensely over the past few years, spinning sets at Somos in Mexico City, venues across Provincetown and New York City, and even hosting a special WorldPride party in 2025 — and it shows no signs of slowing down.
Editor’s Choice: Grizzly Bear Happy Hour
Best Bartender: Stephen Sides, Little Gay Pub
1100 P St., N.W.
With his warm smile and handsome facial hair, Stephen Sides is one face you definitely want to see on the other side of the bar. Sides has an extensive history in the food service industry, and an even longer list of friends who request LGP’s signature espresso martini poured by him. Whether it’s a busy Friday night or a quiet weekday, Stephen makes every guest feel like part of the little gay family.
Editor’s Choice: Ben Oursler, Annie’s
Best DJ: DJ Honey
Honey Johnson, better known as DJ Honey, continues to break barriers as a Black lesbian DJ, spinning at venues across the country. From BET events to World AIDS Day celebrations and even the Library of Congress, her resume proves that success comes from hard work. Her unique style gives a platform to underrepresented musical talent in Thurst Lounge and beyond, making every set unforgettable.
Editor’s Choice: DJ Matt Bailer
Best Neighborhood Bar: As You Are Bar
500 8th St., S.E.
As You Are doesn’t just see itself as a café turned nightclub — it proudly brands itself as home. Owners Jo McDaniel and Rach “Coach” Pike are no strangers to LGBTQ nightlife, both having worked at A League of Her Own in Adams Morgan. This dynamic duo built their own “haven for queer expression and connection,” with a special spotlight on Sapphic events and DJs, a scene that can be hard to find elsewhere. Whether you’re coming for coffee, cocktails, or a night of dancing, As You Are makes everyone feel welcome.
Editor’s Choice: Number Nine
Best Outdoor Drinking: Trade
1410 14th St., N.W.
Edging out LGP, which won last year, Trade snagged the top spot this year likely due to its sizeable patio, newly expanded during Pride season. With echoes of erstwhile Town patio, Trade’s outdoor space brings the gay community together to enjoy its XL happy hour around the brightly lit tree that stands at attention in the center of the space.
Editor’s Choice: Little Gay Pub
Best Happy Hour Presented by ABSOLUT: Annie’s Paramount Steakhouse
1607 17th St., N.W.
Annie’s Paramount Steakhouse has been a Dupont Circle fixture for more than 75 years. George Katinas opened the restaurant in 1948 on the corner of 17th and Church streets, N.W., where JR.’s is now located. He later renamed it in honor of his sister Annie. Annie’s Paramount Steakhouse, which is now located on 17th Street between Corcoran and R streets, continues to welcome locals and visitors alike with its signature cocktails, food, and camaraderie.
Editor’s Choice: Crush
Best LGBTQ Bar: Crush
2007 14th St., N.W.
Crush Dance Bar, which opened in the busy U Street corridor in 2023, is one of the city’s most popular LGBTQ establishments.
Its walls — adorned with posters of Lady Gaga, Kylie Mingoue, Janet Jackson, and myriad other pop divas — provide the perfect backdrop for revelers who are looking to let loose. Owners Stephen Rutgers and Mark Rutstein have succeeded in making Crush the city’s “all-inclusive nightlife destination on 14th Street.”
Editor’s Choice: Trade
Best LGBTQ-Friendly Bar: Dacha Beer Garden
Multiple locations
Dacha, a longstanding popular outdoor watering hole, is not officially a gay bar. Yet, you will consistently see groups of D.C.’s LGBTQ community hanging out at Dacha Beer Garden drinking boots of beer and enjoying a selection off the German-style beer garden’s extensive menu. With its giant murals of gay icons Elizabeth Taylor at the Shaw location and Jackie Onassis in the Navy Yard spot, it’s easy to see why gay, straight, and truly everyone can find something to enjoy.
Editor’s Choice: Jane Jane
Best LGBTQ Bar Outside the District: Freddie’s Beach Bar
555 23rd St. S
Arlington, Va.
The DMV LGBTQ bar scene discussion must mention longstanding Freddie’s Beach Bar in National Landing, Arlington. Freddie’s has been a staple in the area since it opened more than 20 years ago. Serving classic cocktails and a full menu, the bar is also known for its infamous Sunday Buffet Brunch, and daily events including drag shows, bingo, and karaoke, it makes sense that Washington Blade readers have voted Freddie’s the best “LGBTQ+ but straight friendly restaurant and bar” outside of the District for several years.
Editor’s Choice: Baltimore Eagle
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
Best Theater Presented by Wild Side Media: Arena Stage
1101 6th St., S.W.
Famous for its in-the-round productions, the Tony Award-winning Arena Stage located just steps from the Wharf, is the country’s largest theater committed to presenting American plays and playwrights.
Arena is currently presenting the Broadway bound revival of “Damn Yankees” (through Nov. 9) directed by Sergio Trujillo and starring Rob McClure as Applegate, Ana Villafañe as Lola, and Jordan Donica as Joe. It’s a fresh take on a beloved classic.
Editor’s Choice: Studio Theatre
Best Theater Production: “Kiss of the Spider Woman,” Gala Hispanic Theatre
3333 14th St., N.W.
In September, GALA Hispanic Theatre in Columbia Heights kicked off its 50th anniversary season with an exciting revival production of out playwright Manuel Puig’s “Kiss of the Spider Woman”
First a novel published in 1976 (the same year GALA was founded), then a play, followed by a Broadway musical and films, “Kiss of the Spider Woman” is a stunningly enduring work. GALA’s production was brought to life by a triad of queer talent including director José Luis Arellano, and appealing actors Martín Ruiz and Rodrigo Pedreira
Editor’s Choice: “Summer, 1976,” Studio Theatre
Best Live Music in D.C. Presented by Wild Side Media: 9:30 Club
815 V St., N.W.
No stranger to the Blade’s “Best of,” the 9:30 club has been a favorite of DMV audiences in search of live entertainment since 1980. Over the years, the key destination venue has hosted a wide range of artists ranging from the Red Hot Chili Peppers to Alison Moyet to Tony Bennett, making it one of the most respected live music spots in America.
Editor’s Choice: The Anthem
Best Live Music Outside of D.C.: Wolf Trap
1551 Trap Rd.
Vienna, Va.
In nearby Northern Virginia, Wolf Trap National Park for the Performing Arts boasts a sprawling green campus with a major theater as well as smaller other venues all with pitch perfect acoustics.
Arvind Manocha, the out president and CEO of Northern Virginia’s Wolf Trap Foundation for the Performing Arts for more than a decade, loves his job. And for him, part of that means promoting diversity and queer inclusion.
As part of its impactful lineup, Wolf Trap presents “Out & About,” an annual two-day outdoor music festival spotlighting LGBTQ artists and vocal allies. With the new musical event, Manocha and his programming team bring together entertainment and visibility by featuring big queer names like headliner Brandi Carlisle.
Editor’s Choice: Merriweather Post Pavilion
Best Local Artist Presented by Wild Side Media: Miss Grace David
Miss Grace David is a Black, queer, and non-binary femme performance and textile artist based in the D.C. area. By using character performance, textile production, world-making, and storytelling, their work connects human emotion and personal experience with visual abstraction.
Editor’s Choice: Diane D’Costa
Best Museum: National Museum of African American History & Culture
1400 Constitution Ave., N.W.
Since opening its doors in 2016, the museum has engaged millions of people worldwide, sharing the unvarnished truth about African-American experiences, advances, and contributions. The anti-DEI crusade of the Trump administration serves as a reminder of the important role museums play in telling the full American story. The museum remains closed due to the federal government shutdown.
Editor’s Choice: National Gallery of Art
Best Professional Sports Team: Washington Spirit
For the second year in a row, Blade readers voted the Washington Spirit, D.C.’s premier professional women’s soccer team, as the best local professional sports team. The highly regarded team last year was ranked second in the National Women’s Sports League.
It has consistently supported local LGBTQ groups like SMYAL, and its many LGBTQ fans believe Washington Spirit understands the importance of playing hard and supporting LGBTQ representation in sports.
Editor’s Choice: Washington Commanders
COMMUNITY & BUSINESS
Most Committed Activist: Preston Mitchum
An acclaimed D.C. attorney and digital creator, Preston Mitchum is described online by people who know him as a Black, queer advocate and activist, with a focus on the power of Black people, young people, and queer, trans, and non-binary people
With more than a decade of legal and policy experience, he has worked for and or provided support for more organizations and causes you can shake a stick at in the areas of racial and gender justice, LGBTQ liberation, and reproductive health, rights, and justice policies.
As a respected public speaker, he has appeared on TV news programs and was quoted in news publications, including the Washington Post, on the wide range of issues on which he has worked. “A force to be reckoned with, Preston Mitchum isn’t just a name, it’s a symbol of commitment, passion, and the embodiment of change,” one of his admirers states in an online posting.
Editor’s Choice: Jordyn White
Best LGBTQ Public Official: George Garcia
D.C. Mayor’s Office on Volunteerism and Partnership
George Garcia served as Director of Operations for the Mayor’s Office of LGBTQ Affairs since September 2024, and prior to that he served as the LGBTQ Affairs office’s Grants and Partnerships Specialist since February 2023. In early October of this year, he began a new job as Deputy Director of Operations and Finance for the Mayor’s Office of Volunteerism and Partnerships, which is also known as Serve DC.
He is described in an LGBTQ Affairs Office statement as a dedicated community leader with more than 14 years of experience advocating for underserved populations, especially within the LGBTQ community. He holds a master’s degree in public administration from D.C.’s American University, where he honed his expertise in public policy, strategic planning, and leadership. While working in the LGBTQ Affairs Office, he played a lead role in the city’s support for WorldPride events this year, “coordinating 10 community coalitions and managing a $5 million budget.”
Editor’s Choice: Council member Zachary Parker
Best Community Ally: Robert White
An At-Large member of the D.C. City Council since 2016, Robert White has emerged as one of the Council’s strongest supporters and allies of the LGBTQ community. He currently chairs the Council’s Committee on Housing. And in September he announced he is a candidate for the D.C. congressional delegate seat for which he is running in the city’s June 2026 Democratic primary.
A self-described proud fifth generation Washingtonian and an attorney, he has served prior to being elected to the Council as the city’s first Director of Community Outreach for the D.C. Office of the Attorney General. He currently also serves as an adjunct professor at the Georgetown University Law Center.
Editor’s Choice: Erin Palmer
Best Medical Provider: Whitman-Walker Health
1201 Sycamore St., S.E.
Whitman-Walker Health was founded in 1973 as the Gay Men’s VD Clinic as a volunteer operation in a church basement before incorporating as the Whitman-Walker Clinic in 1978. It was named after poet Walt Whitman and Dr. Mary Edwards Walker, a physician who worked in D.C. during the Civil War before becoming a women’s rights activist.
It became a leading first responder to the HIV/AIDS epidemic in the 1980s, providing medical care and support for gay men and others impacted by the epidemic. It has since expanded into a comprehensive community health center with services that include primary care, dental, mental health, and legal aid, with a continued focus on serving the LGBTQ community in the D.C. metro area.
Editor’s Choice: AIDS Healthcare Foundation
Best Non-Profit: SMYAL
410 7th St., S.E.
Celebrating its 41st anniversary this year, SMYAL continues its role as an acclaimed service provider for LGBTQ youth in the D.C. area. Through its after-school programs, counseling services, and LGBTQ youth drop-in center, SMYAL provides LGBTQ youth with safe spaces to express themselves, find support, and build community.
Among other things, it awards $35,000 in scholarships to students each year and provides education and training for adults working with LGBTQ youth in schools, housing programs, local government agencies, and hospitals. SMYAL’s Youth Housing Program provides transitional housing for at least 55 LGBTQ youth experiencing homelessness.
Editor’s Choice: The D.C. Center
Best LGBTQ Center Outside of D.C.: Pride Center of Maryland
2418 St. Paul St.
Baltimore, Md.
The Pride Center of Maryland, which serves as an LGBTQ community center, provides a wide range of services for youth, adults, seniors, and families. It states on its website that its programs “are designed to meet the diverse needs of our community and provide a safe and welcoming space for all.”
Its programs include mental health counseling, HIV health services, support groups, education and training, a computer lab, and a game room along with space for community events and meetings. While its headquarters is based in Baltimore, its website points out it has “a presence throughout the state, including Prince George’s County, Montgomery County, Frederick, and Charles counties, and conducts outreach and education activities within those counties.”
Editor’s Choice: CAMP Rehoboth
Best Day Trip: Annapolis
downtownannapolispartnership.org
Less than an hour from D.C., Annapolis makes the perfect day trip. With its charming streets, historic waterfront, and the Naval Academy’s good-looking midshipmen, Maryland’s state capital is filled with visual pleasures. What’s more, Annapolis offers a range of attractions, including parks, galleries, and museums that cater to the LGBTQ community. For more information go to annapolispride.org.
Editor’s Choice: Baltimore
Best Adult Store: Bite the Fruit
1723 Connecticut Ave., N.W. (second floor)
Go ahead, succumb to the temptation found at Bite the Fruit. The busy queer-owned Dupont Circle retailer of adult novelties and provocative apparel specializes in promoting “healthy sexual and sensual exploration.”
Editor’s Choice: What’s Your Pleasure DC
Best Local Content Creator: Bri Battle, @queertalkdc
Bri Battle’s @queertalkdc promises to inform readers about “everything queer in the DMV and beyond.” Some of the events and organizations Battle has promoted include DMV Dyke Camp 2025, All Things Go, and the Columbia Mental Health clinics. Battle has also championed taking oneself out as a form of self-care.
Editor’s Choice: AJ Dronkers, @aj_dc
Best Local Website: Washingtonian Problems
instagram.com/washingtonianprobs
Washingtonian Problems is a website that revels in “celebrating the quirks and spirit of the District.” Some of its recent posts highlight the impact of the federal government shutdown in D.C., such as asking readers about local businesses that are “doing government shutdown specials.” Others note U.S. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) and other Capitol Hill personalities who try to make their mark in the nation’s capital.
Editor’s Choice: Popville
Best Local TV/Radio Personality: Tommy McFly, NBC4
Tommy McFly has been a fixture on local airwaves for more than a decade. Washingtonians can currently watch him doing “The Scene” on NBC4.
“I’m proud to be surrounded by so many incredibly talented queer media professionals in D.C.,” McFly told the Washington Blade. “Just like on the airwaves, our vibrant community is made better because so many people feel they can live their lives authentically here — at work, in public, and at home. I know that isn’t the case everywhere. It’s something we need to cherish. And we have a responsibility to keep bringing everyone along.”
McFly was in the closet when he moved to D.C. in 2006. He said the city since then “has embraced me and my husband, Chrys, in countless ways.”
“But the opportunity to be your neighbor — a friendly face on TV, at live events, in your feed and on the street — is the most incredible gift, and one I’ll never take for granted,” said McFly.
Editor’s Choice: Lorenzo Hall, WUSA 9
Best Fitness or Workout Spot: VIDA Fitness
Multiple locations
For the second year in a row, VIDA Fitness is the most popular gym among LGBTQ Washingtonians.
Vida has locations in Logan Circle, the Navy Yard, City Center, U Street, Ballston, and Reston. The exclusive Penthouse Pool at the U Street location remains the go-to summer destination for locals who don’t want to schlep to the beach.
Editor’s Choice: Barry’s Bootcamp
Best Lawyer: Erin Palmer
Erin Palmer has been the associate director of the Pro Bono Institute’s Corporate Pro Bono project since 2024. The organization’s website notes she “brings extensive experience in legal ethics, litigation, and public interest advocacy.”
She is an alum of the American University Washington College of Law and of the University of Pennsylvania. Palmer is also a former member of the D.C. Advisory Neighborhood Commission.
Runner-up: Chase Strangio
Best Dentist: Dr. Robert McKernan, Big Gay Smiles
Dr. Robert McKernan of Big Gay Smiles continues to make Washingtonians “smile with Pride.”
“Big Gay Smiles Dental is an LGBTQ2IA+ owned practice that prioritizes comfort, quality, and community,” says Big Gay Smiles on its website. “We understand the stressors related to going to the dentist and actively work to redefine what it means to provide queer- (and ally-) focused dental care.”
Big Gay Smiles also donates 10 percent of its annual revenue to HIV/AIDS service organizations.
Editor’s Choice: Dr. Gregory Martin, DDS
Best Amateur Sports League: Rogue Cornhole
Rogue Cornhole describes itself as a “fun, socially minded, LGBTQ+ non-profit that strives to better our communities through volunteer efforts and raising funds for local non-profit organizations. The group, while championing cornhole, pledges to “have fun, cherish friendships, meet new people, and to be engaged with and committed to bettering our community through educational efforts.”
Editor’s Choice: DC Front Runners
Best LGBTQ Social Group: Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington
The Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington, DC, has inspired gay men and many others since its founding more than 40 years ago. The chorus, which has performed at the White House, the Kennedy Center, and many other famed institutions, currently includes more than 250 members. It remains “the LGBTQ+ voice of equality in the nation’s capital.”
Editor’s Choice: Capital Sapphics
Best Local Businessperson: Russwin Francisco, Bite the Fruit
1723 Connecticut Ave., N.W. (second floor)
Established in 2012 in D.C., Bite the Fruit is gay-owned, straight-friendly and kink forward. It is a peerless retailer of adult novelties and provocative apparel that promotes healthy sexual and sensual exploration.
Editor’s Choice: Gregory Jones, Capital Center for Psychotherapy & Wellness
Best Clergy: Bishop Thomas Wieczorek
Thomas Wieczorek is a priest with the D.C.-based affiliate parish of St. Mary’s National Catholic Church of North America; he was elected auxiliary bishop in 2022.
Wieczroek has held many titles during his lifetime: award-winning newspaper reporter, baker, police officer, fire chief, deputy and director of public safety, city manager, and consultant. He is active in D.C. and other communities, having been the vice chairperson of Capital Pride, chairperson of Ionia-Montcalm County Domestic Violence Program, and other groups.
Editor’s Choice: Rev. Dr. Adalphie Johnson
Best Real Estate Agent: Michael Moore, Compass
1313 14th St., N.W.
Michael Moore cares about doing good work for people through each step of the buying and selling process. For him, the client experience is the heart of the business, and his commitment to investing in the longevity of those relationships defines his career. He’s also been a longtime advocate for AIDS LifeCycle bike rides, Caron Treatment Centers, and Food and Friends.
Editor’s Choice: Lamar Brathwaite, Coldwell Banker
Best Real Estate Group: Bediz Group, RLAH
Multiple locations
202-642-1616
The Bediz Group is a real estate team of seven agents and this is its fifth win in this category. In addition to real estate services, Bediz Group also offers an in-house creative team that provides high-caliber marketing collateral that ensures your property stands out. The group’s weekly emails reach more than 3,600 readers and it promotes its listings on its social media platforms.
Editor’s Choice: The Tom Buerger Team, Compass
Best LGBTQ-Owned Business: LGBT+ Counseling Collaborative
This collaborative is a dedicated team of queer and trans-identifying psychotherapists serving LGBTQ+ clients, their families, and allies. The group’s mission is to provide culturally competent, social justice oriented, queer affirming, neurodiverse-informed, and trauma informed therapeutic services to clients who want to actively engage in healing and processing around personal history, generational cycles, and systemic issues with clinicians who have similar lived experiences and values.
Editor’s Choice: Urban Adventures
Most LGBTQ-Friendly Workplace: Stratus Firm
Stratus specializes in events that are dynamic, large-scale, and production-heavy and produces high-impact experiences for a wide range of corporations, associations, and nonprofits.
Editor’s Choice: Whitman-Walker Health
Best Home Furnishings: Miss Pixie’s
1830 Columbia Rd., N.W.
Established in 1997, Miss Pixie’s opened at 1810 Adams Mill Rd. NW in Adams Morgan in a tiny 550-square-foot space with 18-foot ceilings. Miss Pixie quickly learned to “stack it deep and sell it cheap,” and most of the weekly inventory was gone by the end of each week.
Sadly, Miss Pixie’s announced the store is closing on Oct. 31 so stop by soon for 20 percent off many items.
Editor’s Choice: West Elm
Best Pet Business or Vet: City Paws Animal Hospital
1823 14th St., N.W.
City Paws has assembled a team of caring, compassionate, and highly skilled veterinary professionals who share the same dedication to delivering the highest quality veterinary care while building solid and lasting client relationships.
Editor’s Choice: Canino Dog Boutique
Best Salon/Spa: Logan 14
1314 14th St., N.W.
Logan 14 Aveda Lifestyle Salon & Spa is the winner for the ninth consecutive year. The salon places an environmentally conscious, queer-affirming focus on hair, skin and makeup services. The LGBTQ-owned salon strives to create a nurturing environment and uses entirely naturally derived Aveda products. Guests can opt for medspa treatments in addition to traditional salon services, all of which promote rejuvenation. The 14th Street salon opened in 2010 and features a 75% LGBTQ clientele.
Editor’s Choice: Bang Salon
Best Med Spa: ProMD Health
1003 K St., N.W. #835
Editor’s Choice: Javan Wellness
Best Hotel: Eaton DC
1201 K St., N.W.
Eaton DC was the 2024 Editor’s Choice in this category. A member of World Rainbow Hotels, Eaton DC is focused on diverse cultural programming, equitable community-building, and environmental sustainability. This flagship location is LGBTQ-friendly and offers an inclusive safe space for guests. The boutique hotel is also home to a Pride-themed hotel suite, featuring Marsha P. Johnson’s quotes on the wall, rainbow decor and decorations based on feedback from LGBTQ hotel staff. The hotel is nestled downtown, walking distance from the National Mall. Eaton Workshop’s original location is in Hong Kong.
Editor’s Choice: Dupont Circle Hotel
Best House of Worship: Sixth & I
600 I St., N.W.
Sixth & I is the winner for the second year in a row. The multi-denominational and non-membership institution is housed in a historic 1908 synagogue. The synagogue offers cultural and spiritual programming ranging from comedy, concerts, and live podcasts. Past live entertainment included talks from Janelle Monáe, Jonathan Van Ness and Ocean Vuong. Sixth & I also offers a range of LGBTQ-inclusive services and events, including Pride Shabbat services, gay weddings and other community events.
Editor’s Choice: Metropolitan Community Church of DC
Best Tattoo Parlor: Second Son Tattoo
1712 14th St., N.W. (third floor)
This tattoo and piercing shop located just north of Logan Circle prioritizes safe and enjoyable experiences for its clients. While the shop isn’t LGBTQ owned, Second Son Tattoo strives to create custom tattoos best fit to customers’ wishes. The shop’s eight artists specialize in a variety of artistic specialties, including black and grey realism, florals, anime, and line work.
Editor’s Choice: Tattoo Paradise
Best LGBTQ Event: Capital Pride
Capital Pride, an annual LGBTQ parade and festival held in June, is Washington’s premier Pride celebration. A parade featuring community organizations, corporate sponsors and local businesses, a street festival, a gala and a block party are just some of Capital Pride’s many featured events, all organized by the Capital Pride Alliance. The event originated as Gay Pride Day, a one-day block party, in 1975; the event is now a multi-day celebration that lights up a variety of neighborhoods. Capital Pride is set to be held from June 8-14 in 2026.
Editor’s Choice: Miss Adams Morgan Pageant
Best WorldPride Event: WorldPride Music Festival
worldpridedc.org/events/music-festival-global-dance-party/
The WorldPride Music Festival served as the District’s dance party on June 6 and 7 for the 50th year of Capital Pride. The two-day music festival was held on RFK Festival Grounds on the banks of the Anacostia River. Featured artists included Jennifer Lopez, Troye Sivan and Reneé Rapp. The WorldPride Music Festival is set to be held in Amsterdam in 2026.
Editor’s Choice: MIXTAPE Pride Party
Best Diversity of Pride: DC Black Pride
1001 16th St., N.W.
DC Black Pride, held on Memorial Day weekend, raises awareness and funding for HIV/AIDS while celebrating Black Pride and community. The event began with a Black Gay and Lesbian Pride event in 1991 and has since blossomed into an event of 500,000 Black LGBTQ attendees and allies. As the catalyst for Black Pride events, more than 50 cities globally center their celebrations around Washington’s model. The Center for Black Equity produces DC Black Pride annually.
Editor’s Choice: Trans Pride
Best Pride Outside of DC: Baltimore Pride
Baltimore Pride is the best non-D.C. winner for the second consecutive year. The Pride Center of Maryland hosts Baltimore Pride annually in celebration of LGBTQ contributions and diversity. The event began in 1975 with a peaceful activist demonstration and has since evolved into a range of events spread throughout the downtown area. The celebration takes place in and near Mount Vernon, Baltimore’s “gayborhood.” Typical events include the Pride Parade and Block Party, the Twilight on the Terrace Gala, Youth Pride and Pride in the Park.
Editor’s Choice: Virginia Pride, Richmond
Best Car Dealership: BMW of Fairfax
8427 Lee Hwy
Fairfax, Va.
Editor’s Choice: DARCARS
Best Private School: Edmund Burke
4101 Connecticut Ave., N.W.
Editor’s Choice: Maret School
FOOD & DRINK
Best Coffee Shop: Spark Social House
2009 14th St., N.W.
Spark Social House, which opened in March 2025, is Washington’s first LGBTQ alcohol-free bar, but is also so much more than that. A community gathering place in the heart of D.C.’s LGTBQ nightlife center at 14th and U Streets, N.W., the two-story space serves coffee and tea during the day, bringing in friends, colleagues, and dates in an inclusive, welcoming space. And in the evening, it becomes a sober party, with DJs, performances, and events.
Editor’s Choice: Three Fifty Bakery & Coffee Bar
Best Outdoor Dining: Hank’s Oyster Bar
Multiple locations
With locations in Dupont, the Wharf, and Alexandria, this 20-year-old institution has collected numerous Blade awards, like Best Chef (owner Jamie Leeds) and Best Craft Cocktails. In Dupont, the outdoor patio is a classic scene, located right off 17th Street, for everything from first dates to catch-ups to events. As a community-oriented space, Hank’s has placed a sincere focus on being inclusive for its two decades, meaning that everyone is welcome on its breezy patio with both great food and great people watching. On the Wharf, The sweeping vistas pair especially well with oysters and lobster rolls.
Editor’s Choice: Barcelona
Best Restaurant: Tabard Inn
1739 N St., N.W.
One of the oldest hotels in Washington, D.C., the Tabard Inn opened in 1922 in the style of an English manor and has been oozing charm ever since. While not gay-owned, it’s become a welcoming gathering space for LGBTQ locals and visitors, owing to its geography in Dupont Circle, eccentric nature, somewhat hidden locale, and diverse staff and clientele. The restaurant, started as a tea room, is full of art and warmth, and places a focus on mid-Atlantic cuisine.
Editor’s Choice: Red Hen
Best Brunch: Shaw’s Tavern
520 Florida Ave., N.W.
Shaw’s Tavern has been a mainstay of the LGBTQ community for many years, with LGBTQ management and a prime location by nightlife and culture. Boasting a large outdoor patio, this New American restaurant is primed for big brunch business (running an impressive seven hours, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m.), especially wrapped around its bottomless mimosas and brunch cocktails and shots. Brunch brings sandwiches, flatbreads, waffles, lots of eggs, and a healthy dose of socializing.
Editor’s Choice: HER Diner
Best Brewery: Red Bear Brewing Company
209 M St., N.E.
Having taken home Best Brunch, Best Neighborhood Bar, and Best Local Brewery awards in the past, this year, it’s back to win the Best Brewery award yet again. This gay-owned venue in the District hosts drag shows (including brunch), trivia, and stand-up performances, among other events, along with a big space for board games and casual conversation. It has poured brews with suggestive titles like “Hefe Don’t Preach,” “OktoBEARfest,” and “Tall, Dark and Nutty,” to name a few.
Editor’s Choice: DC Brau
Best Distillery: Republic Restoratives Distillery
1369 New York Ave., N.E.
Winning this honor multiple times, Republic Restoratives is women-owned, community-led, made in the District, and as activist-oriented as they come. Republic’s vodka, Civic Pride, was created out of frustration with popular brands co-opting the rainbow flag while also supporting organizations or efforts that directly harm LGBTQ people. It created and then quickly sold out bottles of “Madam” a bourbon-rye whiskey on whose label Kamala Harris’s smiling visage is featured.
Editor’s Choice: Cotton & Reed
Best Burger: Duke’s Grocery
Multiple locations
The 2021, 2023, and 2024 winner, Duke’s Grocery serves burgers with a British accent. With locations in Dupont Circle (recently refreshed), Woodley Park, Navy Yard, and Foggy Bottom, this restaurant serves guests hearty portions of bar food. The burger has landed it on a whole bunch of lists, from Zagat to the Washington Post. Besides its famed Proper Burger, it also has salmon, Impossible, and Wagyu burgers. The Dupont location was closed for a year, undergoing a renovation, and recently reopened to royal fanfare.
Editor’s Choice: Lucky Buns
Best Pizza: Andy’s Pizza
Multiple locations
Andy’s Pizza serves up pizza straight from the long and storied New York tradition. Featuring stone deck ovens, long-fermented dough, Wisconsin mozzarella, California tomatoes, and a skilled pizzaiolo named Andy, this neighborhood pizzeria brings New York to D.C. while serving classic combinations. Andy’s has seven spots across the area, including one spot in Shaw across from 9:30 club and near popular gay bars. Options include flavors like pepperoni and white sauce, but the whole pies come in a range of options, including a Buffalo crispy chicken and a vegan pie with plant-based cheese.
Editor’s Choice: We the Pizza
Best Ice Cream/Gelato: Yala Greek Ice Cream
3143 N St., N.W.
The newest scoop on the block, Yala Greek Ice Cream, started by Chrys Kefalas and Salah Czapary, blends flavors from their heritage with sugar and cream to create D.C.’s latest frozen treat obsession. From classics like chocolate and vanilla to adventurous flavors like “Mornings with Thea,” a Greek yogurt ice cream with orange preserves, Yala uses mix-ins like pistachios sourced from the EU and milk from Maryland “A2” cows, known for being easier to digest. With lines often stretching around the block, it’s easy to see why Yala has quickly become a favorite for locals craving something sweet and unique.
Editor’s Choice: Jeni’s Splendid Ice Cream
Best Winery: Chester Gap Cellars
4615 Remount Rd.
Front Royal, Va.
chestergapcellers.com
Located in Front Royal, Virginia, just a little over an hour from Washington, gay-owned and gay-friendly Chester Gap Cellars offers the best in valley vistas and delightful vintages. The small estate winery’s owners also have an Airbnb where guests can eat, sleep, enjoy the outdoor fire pit, and indulge in more vino.
Editor’s Choice: District Winery
REHOBOTH BEACH
Best Rehoboth Drag Queen: Magnolia Applebottom
She’s done it again. Magnolia Applebottom (aka Jeremy Bernstein) is your pick for Best Rehoboth Drag Queen for the fourth consecutive year. At a time of anti-DEI crackdowns and legislative attacks on everything from drag to trans healthcare, the queens will show us the way as they have bravely done for decades. Magnolia remains a constant fierce and fearless presence not just in Rehoboth but throughout the Eastern Shore, from Salisbury to Milton, Del. Catch her at Diego’s in Rehoboth and during the month of October at the Milton Theater where Bernstein stars as Frank N Furter in “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.”
Editor’s Choice: Regina Cox
Best Rehoboth Drag Show: Splash Party with Magnolia at Diego’s
37298 Rehoboth Ave.
Rehoboth Beach, Del.
A second win for Magnolia this year and a repeat winner in this category from last year. The Splash Party at Diego’s remains one of the hottest events in town, Saturdays at 5 p.m. on the outdoor patio.
Editor’s Choice: Follies at the Beach, Freddie’s
Best Rehoboth-Area Live Show: Pamala Stanley at Diego’s
37298 Rehoboth Ave.
Rehoboth Beach, Del.
diegosbarnightclub.com
The beloved Pamala Stanley celebrated her 20th year of performing in Rehoboth Beach this summer with her Sunday night dance party and Monday night piano show. The Monday event is on pause now that the summer season is over, but you can still catch Pamala on Sundays starting at 5 p.m. through New Year’s. After 20 years, Pamala’s show remains the place to be seen on Sundays as locals and tourists alike come together to party. It’s two hours of upbeat, infectiously joyful pop and disco peppered with Pamala’s inimitable humor and wit.
Editor’s Choice: Naughty Bingo with Magnolia Applebottom at Diego’s
Best Rehoboth Outdoor Dining: The Back Porch Café
59 Rehoboth Ave.
Rehoboth Beach, Del.
Many locals know about the important role that the Back Porch Café played in elevating Rehoboth’s culinary scene but not many realize how pivotal the 51-year-old restaurant was in bringing together the quiet town’s gay, straight, and trans communities. The Back Porch was an important gathering place for the town’s creative residents and a place not just for excellent food but for art exhibitions. Today, the Back Porch continues to serve up top-notch French fare in an unpretentious, welcoming setting. The outdoor patio is one of the few places in Rehoboth where you can dine al fresco in a private, convivial courtyard. After dinner, take time to stroll the restaurant and take in the art that adorns the walls. There’s a lot of fascinating history to be found in this irreplaceable icon of Rehoboth Beach.
Editor’s Choice: The Purple Parrot
Best Rehoboth Coffee Shop: Rise Up
502 Rehoboth Ave.
Rehoboth Beach, Del.
Rehoboth’s coffee scene is in flux after the recent closure of the town’s Starbucks. Rise Up is part of a small regional chain of coffeehouses that offers a small menu and a cocktail bar. But most visitors grab a coffee or latté and relax in the spacious lounge or outdoor patio complete with complimentary Wifi enabling you to work or just quietly doom scroll.
Editor’s Choice: The Coffee Mill
Best Rehoboth Restaurant: Blue Moon
35 Baltimore Ave.
Rehoboth Beach, Del.
Perennial favorite Blue Moon remains on top after winning this category last year. With so much competition from regional and out-of-town chains like Atlas Restaurant Group, it’s nice to see a local, gay-owned restaurant continue to serve up the best food in town. Go early for the Moon’s excellent happy hour specials or to hear John Flynn on the piano then indulge in the luxurious lobster risotto or perhaps a comforting bowl of short rib stroganoff.
Editor’s Choice: Henlopen City Oyster House
Best Rehoboth Real Estate Agent: Andy Staton
18949 Coastal Highway, Suite 304
Rehoboth Beach, Del.
After seven consecutive wins in this category by local legend Lee Ann Wilkinson, there’s a new agent atop the list. Longtime local Realtor Andy Staton is your pick for Best Rehoboth Realtor. The Andy Staton Group at Monument Sotheby’s “combines concierge style attention to customer detail to meet seller and buyer needs in a modern service-oriented approach,” according to its website. You may have seen Andy in his role as a TV host for the American Dream Network or in one of his videos promoting his love of pickleball.
Editor’s Choice: Chris Beagle
Best Rehoboth Business: Diego’s
37298 Rehoboth Ave.
Rehoboth Beach, Del.
Diego’s dominated this year’s awards with multiple wins, showcasing the hard work of owners Darryl and Joe Ciarlante-Zuber to create an unabashedly queer space with year-round entertainment, friendly bartenders, and multiple indoor/outdoor spaces to gather with friends. Whether you come for an intimate happy hour with friends, a Sunday T-dance with Pamala Stanley, or late-night dancing with internationally renowned DJs, Diego’s never disappoints.
Editor’s Choice: Freddie’s Beach Bar
Best Rehoboth Bartender: Katie Lyell, Aqua Bar& Grill
57 Baltimore Ave.
Rehoboth Beach, Del.
Katie Lyell is a first-time winner in this competitive category but she’s no stranger to the regulars at Aqua. Fighting the crowds to the bar in summer, you will be greeted by Katie’s always-smiling face.
Lyell, 39, is straight and has been married for two years. She grew up in Newark, Del., and attended Frostburg State University.
She’s in her eighth year bartending at Aqua and says the bar has become much more of a year-round destination since she started.
“We’ve been able to extend our season because of it,” she said, noting Aqua will hold its annual closing party on Jan. 1 and likely reopen for St. Patrick’s Day in March.
She plans to “hibernate” during the break and travel with her husband.
The best part of working at Aqua? “Getting to meet so many different people, even if it’s just for a 60-second interaction. I enjoy chatting with everyone. I really love my community.”
What’s her most dreaded drink order? “Three martinis at one time because I can only make two in a shaker.”
Lyell says the highlight of her summer was Memorial Day Weekend because customers count down to the unofficial summer kickoff weekend.
“I also really love Bear Weekend, it’s always a great time.”
Editor’s Choice: Eddie Adam, Diego’s
a&e features
Jennifer Lopez talks ‘Kiss of the Spider Woman,’ queer representation
Latest version of iconic story ‘a love letter to humanity’
With its riveting storyline and gorgeous dance scenes, it’s no wonder that one of the standout films this awards season is “Kiss of the Spider Woman.” Originally a bold novel published by Argentine writer Manuel Puig in 1976, it was adapted into a play and then a screenplay. In 1985, the film earned four Academy Award nominations, with William Hurt winning Best Actor — the first ever awarded for a portrayal of an openly queer character.
Ten years later, in 1993, the story was turned into a Broadway musical starring the iconic Chita Rivera, and won several Tony Awards. Fast forward to 2025: for this new version, Jennifer Lopez and Diego Luna both play dual roles in the film, which also stars newcomer, Tonatiuh.
The film takes place in 1983, during Argentina’s troubled times; two prisoners are forced to share a confined cell in Buenos Aires. Valentín (Luna), a Marxist revolutionary, is committed to his political idealology, despite being tortured and deprived by the guards. Molina (Tonatiuh), a gay window dresser who is in jail because of his sexual orientation, survives the insanity by fantasizing about his favorite movie, telling Valentin all the details. While their connection begins as a way for them to emotionally escape, it grows deeper, in the most profound way.
Through stories, confessions, and sacrifice, the duo discover unexpected tenderness and the possibility of love in a place designed to annihilate the human spirit.
“These two men who could not be different in every single way, everything is stripped away from them in their lives, the politics, class, education, all this stuff goes away, and they start to see themselves as individuals,” said Bill Condon, the Academy Award-winning writer-director known for such films as “Gods and Monsters,” “Chicago,” “Dreamgirls” and “Beauty and the Beast,” who was deeply moved as he wrote the script.
Producing the updated version of the film was vital to Lopez, who is also an executive producer. “I think it’s more relevant than ever,” she said at a recent Golden Globes press event.
“The idea of a trans or gay character in this movie…the kind of divisiveness that we’ve experienced in the world in the past few years. A story about two people who are thrown together, who are so opposite, who are so different from each other. And find the humanity and fall in love with each other. Who would never probably even find themselves in the same circles. That’s really important to have queer representation in movies. In my own family, I know how important that is for people to see that.”
Tonatiuh, who steals every scene he is in, lost 45 pounds for the role.
“I think there’s a certain moment that’s happening right now that we need to remind ourselves that dignity and humanity and love transcend gender,” he said. “They transcend sexual orientation. They transcend all of those things. And so, yes, we deal with queer themes in our film, but I do think that it is a love letter to diversity. It is a love letter to humanity as a whole.”
Condon loved every version of “Kiss of the Spider Woman,” each of them was “revolutionary” for its time.
“But when you read that novel, it’s taken us this long to really catch up to what it was saying. And specifically, this was well before the election season and well before we knew what was going to happen. But it was clear that trans people were going to be demonized, that they were going to be a part of the conversation…it did feel that this was something that was bubbling up and happening. So that’s what made it feel very urgent.”
Lopez added: “The revolution that you’re saying that we need right now is exactly the reason why I think the movie is so important right now for people to see. Because it reminds you that it’s really, at the end of the day, about two people getting along and falling in love, when you really forget about all of the other things, that we’re all just human. And it is about humanity.”
Tonatiuh hopes that the film inspires people to step up.
“We constantly see the news, we see everything that’s going around and we wonder, ‘What is it that I can do? I’m just one person.’ But this isolationist mentality is the thing that gets us here. Every one of us has little actions to take and little moments to do. And especially in a moment where Latinos in general in this country are experiencing massive negative public relations, just attack after attack after attack, it’s really wonderful to showcase what Latino dignity is and reminding people of, like the talent, the joy that our culture adds to the United States and the world.”
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