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Why do so many gay couples open up their relationships?
Many of us are on autopilot, but we can build more meaningful connections
As gay men, we’ve been through a lot.
For so many years we were deep in the closet, fearful of being arrested, and threatened with pseudo-medical cures.
Then came the Stonewall uprising, the declassification of homosexuality as a psychiatric disorder, and the defeat of sodomy laws. And finally, the legalization of gay marriage.
Now—at least in some parts of the world — we’re free to live our lives exactly like everyone else. No one gets to tell us how to live, whom to love, or what we can or can’t do in the bedroom. We alone call the shots.
Then again, maybe we’re not as free as we think. Ever wonder why so many of us open our relationships? Are we always really deciding for ourselves how we want to live?
Or are we sometimes on autopilot, blithely following expectations and norms of which we aren’t even aware, oblivious to the possible consequences?
Spring, 1987: Although I didn’t know it at the time, my own introduction to the world of gay relationships was following a script that countless gay men have lived.
Growing up in that era, there were no visible gay relationships, no role models. Astoundingly, a gay porn theater/bathhouse did advertise in the Washington Post, my hometown paper, when I was a kid. While this was titillating, I dreamed of something more traditional and soulful for my future than the anonymous encounters and orgies at which those ads hinted.
So when hunky, adorable Justin* asked me out after a meeting of the campus gay group and we started dating, I was over the moon. That is, until my friends Ben and Tom, an older gay couple, shot me right back down to earth when, one evening over dinner, they asked if Justin and I were “exclusive.”
Huh? What a question!
“Just wait,” Tom said knowingly, “Gay men never stay monogamous for long.”
More than 30 years have passed, and the world of gay male relationships remains pretty much the same. Working as a psychologist for the past 25 years, I’ve listened to hundreds of gay clients share their own versions of my long-ago dinner with Ben and Tom. “We just assumed we’d be monogamous, but then this older gay couple told us, ‘yeah, let’s see how long that lasts.’ So we decided to open up our relationship and start playing around.”
New generations have the possibility of proudly visible relationships and recently, marriage. And still, for many of us, open relationships are seen as the default choice in one form or another: “Monogamish.” Only when one partner is out-of-town. Never the same person twice. Only when both partners are present. No kissing. No intercourse. No falling in love. Never in the couple’s home. Never in the couple’s bed. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Disclose everything. Anything goes.
Examining our affinity for non-monogamy can be seen as judgmental or anti-gay, “sex-negative,” tantamount to suggesting that gay men should mimic a heterosexual model that is patriarchal, misogynist, oppressive — and maybe not even really workable for straight people. Questioning our penchant for casual sex while we are coupled is also seen as a challenge to the inspirational (to some) narrative that gay men, free of the constraints of history and tradition, are constructing a fresh, vibrant model of relationships that decouples the unnecessary, pesky, and troublesome bond between emotional fidelity and sexual exclusivity.
But we do not honor our diversity if we expect that any of us should choose (or not choose) any particular role or path. After all, gay men are just as multidimensional, complex, and unique as other men.
And while an open relationship may be the best relationship for some couples to have, successfully being in one requires capabilities that many of us do not possess. Simply being a gay man certainly does not automatically provide skills such as:
The solidity of self to be trusting and generous
The ability to sense how far boundaries can be pushed without doing too much damage
The capacity to transcend feelings of jealousy and pain
The strength of character not to objectify or idealize outside sex partners.
Yes, open relationships can be as close, loving, and committed as monogamous relationships, which of course have their own difficulties. But even when conducted with thought, caution, and care, they can easily result in hurt and feelings of betrayal.
Moreover, open relationships are often designed to keep important experiences secret or unspoken between partners. Clients will tell me they do not want to know exactly what their partner is doing with other men, preferring to maintain a fantasy (or delusion) that certain lines will not be crossed. As a result, the ways in which we structure our open relationships can easily interfere with intimacy—knowing, and being known by our partners.
Consequently, we gay men often struggle to form solid, mutually respectful attachments that include both emotional and physical connection. Might any of these scenarios be familiar to you?
Jim and Rob came in to see me after a disastrous cruise with eight of their friends. Although it had not been their plan, between them they had ended up separately having sex with all eight. This had broken several of their “rules,” although as Jim pointed out, the rules were unclear because they often made them up to suit whatever they wanted to do, or not allow each other to do. Each partner’s ongoing anger over how his partner was hurting him by ignoring admittedly ad-hoc sexual boundaries meant that Jim and Rob hadn’t had sex with each other in two years.
Another couple I work with, Frank and Scott, have had an open relationship from the start. When they met, Frank felt strongly that monogamy had no relevance to him as a gay man. Though Scott wanted a sexually exclusive relationship, he somewhat reluctantly went along with Frank’s wishes because he wanted to be with Frank. In recent years the two have become near-constant users of hookup apps, and recently Scott met a younger man on Scruff with whom he has “great chemistry.” Now, to Frank’s dismay, Scott is dating Todd.
Carlos and Greg came to see me after Carlos discovered that Greg was hooking up numerous times a month. Although they had a “don’t-ask-don’t-tell” agreement and both assumed the other was occasionally having sex with other men, Greg’s behavior was far more frequent than Carlos had imagined or wanted to accept in his marriage. Greg was steadfast in his conviction that because he was following their rules, his hookups could not be negatively impacting his relationship with Carlos.
Beyond the hurt, enmity, reduced commitment, lack of connection, and distance they experience, men in these situations often tell me that their relationships and their lives have become overwhelmed by their pursuit of sex.
Another potential drawback to an open relationship: Yes, multiple partners are an easy (and fun) fix for sexual boredom. But when hot times can be easily found with others, we may feel little incentive to put sustained energy into keeping sex with our partners interesting. My educated guess: This is why many gay couples in open relationships have little or no sex with each other, just as a twosome.
Finally, it is troubling how easily, in our open relationship/hookup culture, we objectify those we have sex with and see other men as disposable, replaceable bodies. Treating others and being treated in this manner does not advance our respectfully relating to each other, nor does it benefit our self-esteem as men and as gay men.
What is influencing these behaviors?
Gay men lean toward non-monogamy for many interconnected reasons.
Men (stereotype acknowledged) often enjoy pursuing and having no-strings sex, so gay men readily find willing partners. Open relationships, seemingly fun and unconstrained, offering a stream of new partners to reduce the monotony of an ongoing relationship, can be intrinsically alluring. Gay men’s sexual connections have historically not been governed by societal rules, so we’ve been able to do pretty much whatever we want, as long as we’ve flown way under the radar.
And, open relationships are what we predominantly see around us as the relationship model for gay men, for the reasons noted above and also in large part due to the influence of gay history and gay culture.
For a deeper understanding of this last point, let’s take a whirlwind tour though gay male history in the Western world (much of which overlaps with lesbian herstory). Ancient, recent, forgotten, familiar, all of it is impacting our lives today.
Since at least the fourth century C.E., as Christianity gained influence, homosexual behavior was illegal in Europe, often punishable by death, and European settlers brought these laws with them to what became the United States. Some periods were relatively more tolerant, others less so. France became the first Western nation to decriminalize homosexuality after the 1791 Revolution, but harsh laws remained and were enforced throughout the Western world well into the 20th century. (And at present, 78 countries still have laws prohibiting homosexual behavior; punishments in some include the death penalty.)
Following World War II, America’s McCarthy “Red Scare” of the 1950s was accompanied by a campaign against the “Lavender Menace,” resulting in hundreds of homosexual government employees being fired. The anti-gay environment in the United States, similar to that in other Western countries, included FBI tracking of suspected homosexuals; the postal service monitoring mail for “obscene” materials including mailings from early gay rights organizations; prison terms for homosexual acts between consenting adults; and nightmarish “treatments” for homosexuality including chemical castration. Obviously, under conditions such as these, gay men had a difficult time congregating openly, meeting each other, or forming relationships. Many gay men lived fearful lives of isolation and furtive sexual encounters.
To get a chilling sense of what it was like to live as a gay man in this era, view William E. Jones’s “Tearoom” on the Internet. The film presents actual surveillance footage from a police sting operation of men meeting for sex in an Ohio restroom in 1962. The men’s fear is palpable, and the absence of affection or connection between them is heartbreaking.
While in 1967 parts of the United Kingdom decriminalized homosexuality, 1969 is known as the start of the modern gay rights movement because in June of that year, patrons of the Stonewall Bar in New York City fiercely fought back against a routine police raid. Following Stonewall, we began to congregate and organize openly, to throw off the cloak of shame, and to fight against third-class status. (In 29 of the United States it remained legal to fire someone simply for being gay until the June Supreme Court ruling in the Bostock case. The scope of that ruling is still being debated.)
During the 1970s, with sexual liberation coming on the heels of the civil rights era, the gay rights movement gained momentum. The American Psychiatric Association declassified homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973. We became more visible, and gay culture—bookstores, bars, political organizations, and sex clubs—flourished as gay men rejected living in fear and openly celebrated their sexuality.
But by the late 1970s, HIV was silently making its way into the gay community. As men began to fall sick and die in staggering numbers early in the 1980s, anti-gay sentiment again exploded, and we began to equate our own sexuality with death. Yet the AIDS epidemic ultimately led our community to coalesce and strengthen, organizing to care for our ill and to fight for effective treatment, leading to greater visibility and acceptance, and providing some of the organizational groundwork for the equal rights battles that continue today.
History influences culture, and both our history and culture influence who we become, and how we lead our erotic and intimate lives. Modern gay culture developed in an environment of justified fear.
Often, the only possibility for us to meet for any sort of intimate encounter was through hookups and anonymous encounters. When connecting, we had to keep one eye over our shoulders, scanning for danger (this can literally be seen in Tearoom). Can such connections really be termed intimate?
For most of us, the days of outright surveillance are over. But the patterns of interacting that developed over many years have been passed down through the generations and still influence us in the present, even those of us who don’t face losing our jobs, family support, freedom, or lives if our sexual orientation is discovered. The longstanding need to hide, scan, and be vigilant has helped shape a culture of gay male interaction that— even when we are partnered — often centers on brief encounters, putting greater emphasis on sexual connection than on knowing and being known as multidimensional physical and emotional beings.
At the opposite end of the spectrum: The era of exuberant sexual liberation that followed Stonewall. In part as a reaction to our identity having been badly stigmatized and gay sex having been literally forbidden, both pre-Stonewall and to some degree in the era of AIDS and safer-sex campaigns, gay male culture has leaned toward placing strong emphasis on sex and hooking up. As a result, we often get the message that to be a successful gay man, we should be sexually desirable, open to sex, and have frequent conquests.
Other related factors that can contribute to our so easily leaning away from monogamy and toward multiple partners include:
The stigma around being gay denies many of us opportunities to date and romance early in life. Instead, the experiences of growing up gay, having to hide, and having difficulty discerning who might be a willing partner often lead us to have our first experiences in anonymity and shame, learning how to be sexual apart from and before we learn how to be close. As a result, we’re likely to have a hard time connecting sex and emotional intimacy. Moreover, our early experiences can set our arousal templates to be most aroused by secrecy, risk, anonymity, and being a sexual outlaw.
Internalized homo-negativity from growing up in a culture that has stigmatized homosexuality and gay relationships may lead us to absorb the idea that our relationships, and gay men generally, are “less than.” Consequently, we may think that we, our significant others, our relationships, and our sex partners are unworthy of honor and respect; and we may easily behave in ways that reflect these beliefs, pursuing pleasure without considering the possible costs to what we say we hold dear. And we may not even realize we hold these beliefs.
As gay men, we are likely to have grown up feeling defective and hiding our true selves from our closest family and friends, fearing rejection. When children and young people don’t get a sense that they are loved for whom they really are, and instead grow up seeing themselves as damaged, it’s difficult to develop a positive sense of self-worth. Many of us are still seeking to heal this wound through our ongoing pursuit of sex and the companion feeling of being desired by another man, unaware of what is driving this pursuit.
Alcohol and other substance abuse are entrenched in gay culture, in great part as a means of soothing the isolation, distress, anxiety, and depression that many of us experience from living in an often-hostile world. Clients routinely tell me they are in a chemically altered state when they make decisions to engage in extracurricular sexual interactions that threaten or damage their primary relationships.
One more key factor, true for all relationships: While closeness can feel good, being close also means being vulnerable, which is scary. Open relationships can be a way for us to keep some distance from each other in an attempt to keep ourselves safer.
I became a psychologist at a time when gay relationships weren’t getting much societal support, with the goal of helping gay couples thrive despite a deck stacked heavily against us. Over the years, I’ve learned that some of the most important work I can do with gay male clients is to help them be more thoughtful about their choices, so that they can better develop stronger, more nurturing, more loving relationships.
We gay men often keep our eyes closed to the ways that we may be damaging our relationships through some of our most commonplace, accepted, and ingrained behaviors. Obviously, it can be painful to acknowledge that we may be harming ourselves through seemingly fun, innocuous choices, or to acknowledge the possible downsides of our ubiquitous open relationships.
Nevertheless, there is great value for each of us in figuring out, as individuals, what it means to live in a way that we respect; in holding our behavior up to our own standards, and only our own standards; and in clarifying how we want to live life even when there is pressure, from the outside world and from other gay men, to live differently.
Pressure from other gay men? That’s right.
On first thought one might think that we gay men would have no trouble standing up to others’ expectations. Certainly it’s true that openly acknowledging we are gay despite societal judgment and pressure to “be” heterosexual demonstrates a strong ability to be true to ourselves, and to manage our anxiety in the face of tough challenges.
But beyond the expectations of society-at-large are the expectations of gay culture about what it means to be a successful gay man. Here is where many of us can get wobbly.
Not finding complete acceptance in the larger world, we have the hope that by coming out, we will finally feel a sense of really belonging somewhere. If this means behaving in the ways that peers do, taking on what we perceive to be the values of our community in order to fit in, many of us are willing to ignore our own feelings, and possibly our souls, so as to not feel excluded yet again.
Jim and Rob, the couple who had sex with all their friends on their cruise, are sitting in my office, with my dog Aviv snoozing at their feet. After some consideration, they had decided to stop having sex with other men for a while, to see if this would help them to feel closer and re-start their sex life with each other. The rancor had decreased and they reported enjoying having sex together again.
Their news: Jim has decided to enroll in a graduate program on the other side of the country, and they are discussing how this will affect their sex life.
“Of course we’re going to have to make some allowances for this,” Jim says.
I look at him quizzically.
“I mean, we might not see each other for a month or two at a time. So we need to have an agreement that we’ll have sex with other guys.”
Rob nods in agreement.
I ask them how they each anticipate the impact of both again having sex with others. They respond with shrugs.
“You know, our friends Bill and Dave—Bill has been working in Argentina for the last two years and they only see each other every three or four months. They’re definitely hooking up with other guys,” Jim notes.
“I mean, what else would we do?” adds Rob. “Not have sex for eight weeks?”
If I didn’t regularly have similar conversations with other coupled gay clients, I would be stunned that neither man is stopping to consider his own feelings about what it would mean to resume an open relationship. Both are focusing solely on their perceived need to have sex regularly, and on the notion that this is simply how gay couples should operate.
So much of gay history, culture, and relational development are shaping this moment.
When working with a couple like Jim and Rob, I do my best not to accept much as “simply a given.” Here are the questions that I wonder about with them: What have your hopes been for couplehood, and how is reality lining up with those hopes? How have you made your choices? How is your relationship working for you? What is most important to you?
As with Jim and Rob, I often find that clients haven’t considered these questions much. “It’s what our friends do” is the most frequent answer for how they have made the choice to have an open relationship. Many times it seems to me as if there’s a fog around these men’s thinking about their relationships.
I don’t want to contribute to the fog by colluding with them to believe that the particular heartbreaks that can come with carelessly conducted open relationships are unavoidable; that our relationships are not in fact fragile; or that we gay men must establish our relationships along certain lines simply because that is how it is “usually done.”
And when I challenge these clients to go deeper than stating that they are just doing what everyone else does? “Yes, it’s a struggle” is the answer I usually get. “It is painful when my husband doesn’t come home till the next morning.” And then: “But isn’t this how gay men have relationships? It’s what everyone around me is doing.”
These are the poignant and troubling words I hear again and again, echoing what I was told by my friends back in 1987.
Given the numerous interrelated factors that shape our choices in the realm of sex, it is difficult to envision gay men making significant changes in how we operate, especially as committed relationships are—at present—becoming less popular among younger people of all sexual orientations.
But when we look at the arc of gay existence over the past 50 years, from the shadows to the margins of tolerance to marriage equality, it is clear that surprising and dramatic shifts are possible.
So I am hopeful that we gay men can get off autopilot and become more aware of the factors contributing to how we construct and manage our relationships. And I am hopeful that this awareness can go a long way toward our making ever more thoughtful choices, respectful of ourselves and our partners, that help us to build stronger, closer, and more rewarding relationships.
(All names and identifying information changed in this article.)
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In stressful times, escape to Rehoboth Beach
Here’s what’s new in D.C.’s favorite beach town for 2025
At last, after an uncharacteristically cold and snowy winter, another Rehoboth Beach season is upon us. I have been going to Rehoboth Beach since 1984, and it was the first place I went where people only knew me as a gay man. It was the year I came out. It was a summer community back then. Today it really is an exciting year-round community. But it’s still the summer season when Rehoboth shines, and when the businesses make most of their money.
The summer brings out tens of thousands of tourists, from day-trippers, to those with second homes at the beach. Everyone comes to the beach for the sun and sand, food, and drink. Some like to relax, others to party, and you can do both in Rehoboth Beach, Del.
Stop by CAMP Rehoboth, the LGBTQ community center on Baltimore Avenue, to get the latest updates on what is happening. CAMP sponsors Sunfestival each Labor Day weekend, and a huge block party on Baltimore Avenue in October. They train the Rehoboth Beach police on how to work with the LGBTQ community, and have all kinds of special and regularly scheduled events. Pick up a copy of their publication, Letters, which is distributed around town.
I asked Kim Leisey, CAMP’s executive director, for her thoughts, and she said, “CAMP Rehoboth looks forward to welcoming our friends and visitors to Rehoboth Beach. We are a safe space for our community and will be sponsoring social opportunities, art receptions, concerts, and art exhibits, throughout the summer. If you are planning a wedding, shower, reception, or business meeting, our beautiful atrium is available for rental. We look forward to a summer of solidarity and fun.” While at CAMP stop in the courtyard at a favorite place of mine, Lori’s Oy Vey! Café, and tryher famous chicken salad.
There’s something for everyone at the beach, from walking the boardwalk and eating Thrasher’s fries, to visiting Funland, or playing a game of miniature golf. Or head to some of the world-class restaurants like Drift, Eden, Blue Moon, or Back Porch.
Some random bits on the summer 2025 season. Prices are going up like everywhere else. Your parking meter will cost you $4 an hour. Meters are in effect May 15-Sept. 15. Parking permits for all the non-metered spaces in town are also expensive. Transferable permits are $365,non-transferable $295, or after Aug. 1 if you only come for the end of summer, it’s $165. Detailed information is available on the town’s website.
Rehoboth lost one of its best restaurant this off-season, JAM, but Freddie’s Beach Bar and Restaurant is open for its fourth season. Owner Freddie Lutz told the Blade, “We are looking forward to a fabulous season. Freddie’s has a dance floor and is the only music video bar in town.” There is also live entertainment, karaoke, and Freddie’s Follies drag show Friday nights.
My favorite happy hour bar is Aqua Grill, which has reopened for the season. I recommend taking advantage of their great Tuesday Taco night, and Thursday burger night. Then there is The Pines and Top of the Pines. Bob Suppies of Second Block Hospitality told me, “Come, relax, and play. We are ready! I have been spending summers here since the mid-90’s, and Rehoboth Beach seems to age like a fine wine. Between the new, and favorite restaurants opening back up, the shops bursting with incredible finds, and all the great LGBTQ+ bars to entertain everyone, nowhere beats the Delaware beaches this summer.”
Head down the block on Baltimore Avenue and you get to La Fable restaurant. Go all the way to the beach and you will see the new lifeguard station, which is slated to open later this month. Also, demolition of the old hotel and north boardwalk Grotto Pizza has happened. The site will become a new four-story, 60-room hotel, with ground level retail space.
Then join me at my favorite morning place at the beach, The Coffee Mill, in the mews between Rehoboth and Baltimore Avenues, open every morning at 7 a.m. Owners Mel and Bob also have the Mill Creamery, the ice cream parlor in the mews, and Brashhh! on 1st street, where Mel sells his own clothing line, called FEARLESS! Then there is the ever-popular Purple Parrot, celebrating its 26th year, now with new owners Tyler Townsend and Drew Mitchell, who welcome you to their iconic place. It has only gotten better. If you head farther down Rehoboth Avenue you will find the Summer House with its upscale Libation Room, and a nice garden looking out on Rehoboth Avenue. Also on Rehoboth Avenue is Gidget’s Gadgets owned by the fabulous Steve Fallon. With the renewed interest in vinyl records you may want to stop in at Extended Play.
Then there is the always busy and fun, Diego’s Bar and Nightclub. Joe Zuber of Diego’s told the Blade, “Get ready for a great gay ole time in Rehoboth Beach. Plenty of entertainment, dancing and fun as we seem to be the next Stonewall generation with this newest administration. Each election brings its concerns about how our gay community will be affected. Come to Rehoboth Beach to escape this summer season!”
If you are in town for Sunday happy hour, make sure to stop there to hear the talented Pamala Stanley who is celebrating her 20th season entertaining in Rehoboth.And on Mondays, Stanley plays Broadway and other classics on the piano at Diego’s.
If you are looking for culture Rehoboth has some of that as well. There is the Clear Space Theatre on Baltimore Avenue. Rumors abound that Clear Space will move out of town. But I can’t believe the commissioners and mayor would be dumb enough to let that happen. This year’s shows include “Spring Awakening,” “Buyer + Cellar,” “Hairspray,” “Beautiful: The Carole King Musical,” and “RENT.”Tickets sell fast so I suggest you book early and they are available online. Then mark your calendars for Saturday, July 19 for Rehoboth Beach Pride 2025 at the Rehoboth Beach Convention Center.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention some of the other fine restaurants and clubs in town. Just a reminder, during season you often need dinner reservations. Come to the beach often enough, and you can try them all: Café Azafran, Dos Locos, Goolee’s Grille, Rigby’s, Frank and Louie’s, Above the Dunes, Mariachi, and Henlopen City Oyster House, and Red, White & Basil. And take a short drive to Dewey for breakfast or lunch at the Starboard; popular bartender Doug Moore (winner of the Blade’s Best Rehoboth-Area Bartender 2024 award) holds court at one of the inside bars, which has become a de facto gay bar on Saturdays.
One major development in the local dining scene last summer was the purchase of the Big Fish Restaurant Group by Baltimore-based Atlas Restaurant Group. Nearly a year later, not much has changed at the many Big Fish restaurants, although many locals are hoping for a renovation of Obie’s along with a gay night at the ocean-front bar/restaurant.
These are only a few of the fantastic places to eat and drink at the beach. Remember, book your reservations for hotels and restaurants, early. Rehoboth is a happening place and gets very busy.
We are living in stressful times. A visit to Rehoboth is a nice way to escape them for a while. Take the time to destress, enjoy the sun and sand. Take a stroll on the boardwalk and listen to the sound of the ocean, and people having fun. Enjoy good times, good food, good friends, and remember that life can still be good. Recharge your batteries for the rest of the year, by enjoying some summer fun in Rehoboth Beach.
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Down to shuck!
Oyster farmers Jordan Nally and fiancé Jimmy Kane on caring for Delaware’s waters — and sharing something special with customers
Although I didn’t come out to my family until my 20s, they should have seen the signs. During one of our annual trips to Indian Shores Beach in Florida, my parents splurged on a Polynesian dining adventure at the only tourist spot in town – Tiki Gardens. While waiting for our table, my sisters found a saltwater tank lined with oysters. For what felt like a fortune to an eight-year-old, a fisherman would shuck a pair and sift through the contents. Dressed in my floral Hawaiian shirt, my excitement turned to desperation when both of my sisters’ oysters revealed pearls. After much begging, my father reluctantly paid to have the small, oddly shaped gems mounted in rings. Watching my sisters flaunt their new jewelry, I seethed with envy and secretly vowed to return one day to claim my own treasure from the sea.
Nearly 50 years later, I’m a full-time resident of Rehoboth Beach, Del. It’s the Atlantic Ocean, not the Gulf of Mexico, but it’s close enough to Florida for me. As a local in a small coastal town, I’m keenly interested in how entrepreneurs are capitalizing on the growing tourism industry with innovative business ideas, so when I stumble across an Instagram page featuring two gay oyster farmers, Jordan Nally and his fiancé Jimmy Kane operating just a few miles away on Rehoboth Bay, my curiosity is piqued. After liking all the posts on the page, I slip into their DMs and ask whether we can meet for an interview. I’m delighted and a little nervous when they agree and invite me out on the boat to tour the farm and talk shellfish. Since everything I know about oysters came from a restaurant menu, I did some research.
Less than a week later, I arrive at the marina on Collins Avenue in Dewey on a picture-perfect morning in early May. Nally is waiting by his pickup truck, casually chatting up a couple of tourists. He’s a Delaware native and looks every bit like an oyster farmer in a long-sleeve, sweat-wicking shirt, PVC-coated shorts, and a branded baseball cap for sun protection. That’s all the more surprising given that Nally spent more than a decade working for JPMorgan Chase and had run for election to the Delaware House of Representatives in 2020.
As a good reporter, I’ve done my research: I know that the Inland Bays (made up of Rehoboth, Indian River, and Little Assawoman Bays) were once prolific oyster producers, with peak annual harvests reaching up to two million bushels. However, by the mid-20th century, overharvesting and a parasitic fungus drastically reduced the oyster populations. By 1960, the annual harvest had plummeted to just 49,000 bushels, marking a low point for the industry. In 2013, former Gov. Jack Markell signed legislation, and the commercial shellfish industry was reborn.
As we unload the flatbed of his EV pickup truck and transport the contents to the waiting boat, a retrofitted pontoon, “The Mullet,” Nally fills me in on his origin story. He came up with the idea to dive into aquaculture while he was quarantined in a hotel in Vermont with nothing but a TV and a local magazine with a cover story on oyster farming. He pitched the idea to his partner Jimmy Kane over the phone, and together they started planning how to make it happen. Nally jokes that what began as a fun “COVID project” quickly bloomed into a thriving business: “Some people did sourdough starter, but we decided to start an oyster farm.”
Although Kane is always there to lend a helping hand, Nally is the one who’s usually out tending the farm. Still, Nally stresses that Kane plays a critical support role: “He’s in charge of merchandising, running sales at the market, and grounding me when I have too many wild ideas.”
In April 2023, the couple planted their first batch of “oyster babies,” provided by the hatchery at the University of Delaware. At the time, they were still living full time in Wilmington, so the first year on the farm meant long drives, managing their day jobs from the car, launching the boat, and working for hours out on the bay before heading back home. Eventually, the capital investment and 14-hour days paid off; now, just two years later, they have 50 floating bags, each holding about 2,000 oysters.
Out on the open water, we see a half-dozen other oyster farms off in the distance. Despite the great weather, we’re the only boat on the bay. Standing confidently at the helm with his eyes fixed on the horizon, Nally gives me a quick biology tutorial on how oysters make it from the bay to the bar. Growers trigger spawning by adjusting water conditions to mimic spring, then feed the larvae specialized algae. After two to three weeks, the larvae develop an “eyespot” and are transferred to grow-out areas on the seabed or suspended bags. Oysters generally reach market size in 18 to 36 months, but the ideal conditions in Rehoboth Bay cut that time down to less than six months.
Nally opens the throttle and, in less time than I expected, we reach the place where the magic happens – the acre of water designated for Nancy James Oysters. Unconventional and bordering on camp, the couple came up with the moniker to honor their late parents. When I ask Nally to explain why they’ve stuck with the venture, his answer, like the name of their business, is personal: “Every single day, we learn something new. And every single oyster reminds us why we started: to grow sustainably, care deeply for our waters, and share something truly special with our customers.”
As we arrive at the oyster farm, Nally cuts the engines and explains the innovative farming technique Nancy James uses to grow its oysters; picture a series of mesh bags, buoyed by floats, and attached to a main line stretching across a tract of water and anchored at both ends. Growing oysters at the water’s surface allows Nally and Kane to capitalize on natural currents and food availability, resulting in faster growth rates and enhanced flavor profiles. The only downside to this growing technique is that the guys never find pearls because the insides of their oysters are cleaner than those of the bottom dwellers.
The farm is directly across from Bird Island, and the cacophony of 10,000 birds is even louder than the whirring sound from the propellers. After anchoring the boat, Nally casually strips down to his bathing suit and surf shoes and jumps into the 60-degree water without a second thought. It’s the ultimate cold plunge, but if he feels the cold, he doesn’t show it; there’s too much work to do.
“You ready to get dirty?”
The waters of Rehoboth Bay may be pristine, but Nally’s question and smirking grin reinforce the message that oyster farming is a messy business. The first order of the day is to change out the older bags to address biofouling — the attachment of seaweed and algae that can affect the health and inhibit growth of new oysters. Nally selects three gnarly bags and hauls them over to the boat. I pull one onto the deck. Once he’s back on board, we empty the first bag onto the cleaning table, and I feel my stomach lurch. Mixed in with small crabs and tiny shrimp, the oysters are covered in muck. Suddenly, I’m glad to be wearing a pair of rubber gloves.
Following instructions, I start sorting; chefs prefer smaller oysters with well-shaped shells. Trying not to get distracted by Nally’s stories and the ravenous flock of waiting sea birds floating above me, I count out four batches of 100 oysters for same-day delivery. Nally and Kane care about how their oysters taste and look. The boat has a portable generator, sump pump, and pressure washer to clean the shells thoroughly. Always ready to quote DNREC requirements scripture and verse, Nally explains that he has to use approved water, and the easiest way is to clean them with water from where they’re growing.
When I ask if it’s hard to comply with the federal and state requirements, like logging the exact time oysters go in and come out of the water, Nally shrugs and offers a surprisingly pragmatic answer: “Everyone on the bay is aware of safety and works together to comply. If anyone gets sick from shellfish, they don’t care where it came from; it will affect all of us. When you are eating oysters in Delaware that came from Delaware, I feel really confident about safety.”
After harvesting and storing the oysters on ice, Nally checks the currents and wind direction before jumping back into the water; he regularly inspects the bags, floats, securing lines, and clips to ensure everything is in working order. As the oysters grow, Nally and Kane move them into bags with progressively larger mesh sizes and mark each with color-coded zip ties to indicate their growth stage. As they mature, the oysters are thinned out and spread across more bags to prevent overcrowding. It’s hard work, but at the end of the day, the two men are proud of what they’ve built together.
Nally explains that the warm temperatures, sandy bottoms, and high salinity of Rehoboth Bay are ideal. Still, not all farm sites are created equal: “The water here tastes different than the water on that side of the bay. It’s the fetch you’re getting from waves, all the swell, and the current. We have a really strong current on this side, and that side doesn’t, so they’re not as salty.”
Although Rehoboth Bay is known for its shallow depths and typically calm waters, aquafarming is still risky. Nally recalled a harrowing incident last winter when his lines got tangled in the boat’s propeller. Rough weather and a hefty chop made it hard to keep the boat steady. Determined to free the line, he put on his wetsuit and plunged into the frigid water. As a safety measure, he shared his location via iPhone with Kane and told him that if the location stopped moving, Nally was in the water and Kane should call the Coast Guard.
On another occasion, Nally slipped on a wet deck and hit his head — an accident reminiscent of what happened to poor Jennifer Coolidge in “White Lotus.” Fortunately, he fell into the boat rather than overboard. He takes no chances now, wearing a special life vest that automatically inflates if he falls into the bay.
Nally and Kane are the only local farmers offering premium catering services, bringing the freshest oysters and top-notch shuckers to events such as weddings and birthday parties. Nancy James Oysters can also be enjoyed at local restaurants, including Drift Seafood & Raw Bar and Lewes Oyster House. You can find them in person at the Bethany Farmers Market and the Historic Lewes Farmers Market. This summer, the couple will be shucking oysters live every Sunday afternoon at Aqua Bar & Grill. Oysters are always available for purchase online at nancyjamesoysters.com.
It’s another beautiful day when I make the short trip to town and park just outside Drift on Baltimore Avenue. Grabbing an empty seat at the outside bar window, I order without looking at the menu (at Drift, ask for the “Rehoboth Rose” oyster). In less time than it takes to check my phone, there are a dozen premium oysters in front of me — bedded in a tray of crushed ice, just waiting to be devoured.
Savoring the poetry of the presentation, I lift a shell to my mouth and slurp down the meat in one swallow. The taste is pure Delaware. Tom Wiswell, the former executive chef at Drift, describes it best: “It reminds me of being a kid at Rehoboth Beach and like a wave splashing you in the face. It’s fresh, briny, and salty.”
As I enjoy a swallow of a good glass of Cava and reach for another oyster, I realize why these exotic delicacies were dubbed “white gold.” Nearly a half-century older and wiser than that kid in the Hawaiian shirt at Tiki Gardens, I’ve finally realized that the hidden treasure inside the oyster was never the pearl.
a&e features
Your guide to the many Pride celebrations in D.C. region
Scores of events scheduled across DMV amid WorldPride excitement
June is just around the corner, but Pride events have already begun in the region. There are many events scheduled in D.C. for WorldPride 2025, as well as for D.C. Black Pride, Trans Pride, Silver Pride, Latinx Pride, API Pride and Youth Pride. Cities and towns in the region also offer their own LGBTQ Pride festivals and parades.
D.C. API Pride has events scheduled from May 17-June 8 with meetings, shows, concerts, workshops and socials. Highlights include the API Pride Welcome Reception on Wednesday, June 4 at the National Union Building (918 F Street, N.W.); a screening of Saving Face with Director Alice Wu on Sunday June 1 from 2-4 p.m. at the Smithsonian Asian Art Museum (1050 Independence Avenue, S.W.); the Desi & South Asian Drag Show on Thursday, June 5 from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. at Sinners & Saints (639 Florida Avenue, N.W.); and the QTAPI Nightlife Extravaganza on Friday, June 6 from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m. at Koi Lounge (1413 K Street, N.W.) Visit qtapidc.org/apipride for more information and to register for events.
D.C. Silver Pride is scheduled for Wednesday, May 21 from 4-7 p.m. at the Eaton Hotel (1201 K Street, N.W.). The resource fair and tea dance is hosted by Rayceen Pendarvis.
D.C. Latinx Pride has events scheduled from May 16-June 19. Highlights include a kickoff reception on Thursday, May 22 from 8-10 p.m. at Shakers DC (2014 9th Street, N.W.); La Fe, a celebration of faith and resilience, at the Metropolitan Community Church of Washington (474 Ridge Street, N.W.) on Sunday, May 25 from 10:30 a.m. until 1:30 p.m.; La Fiesta: the Official Latinx Pride Party at Bunker (2001 14th Street, N.W.) on Thursday, May 29 at from 9 p.m. until 3 a.m.; as well as parties, a history walking tour, a film festival, panel discussions and more. Tickets are available for the Official Latinx Pride Party at latinxhistoryproject.org and run from $15 to $76.
Trans Pride Washington, D.C. is scheduled for May 17 beginning with registration at 9:30 a.m., a resource fair from 10 a.m.-4 p.m., panel discussions and workshops throughout the day, the Engendered Spirit Awards at 4 and a keynote speech by Schuyler Bailar with an afterparty scheduled for 6-9:30 p.m. RSVP at transpridewashingtondc.org. Location is shared after RSVP.
D.C. Youth Pride has events scheduled from May 30-June 7 in various locations throughout the city. Registration is free but required. Youth Pride Day is scheduled for May 31 from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. at Woolly Mammoth Theater Company (641 D Street, N.W.). The event is for LGBTQ+ youth ages 6-18 years old and their parents/caregivers/family (those over 18 must be accompanying an attendee 18 years of age or younger). Register on Eventbrite. Other events include the “Pride Rising” event on Friday, May 30 for LGBTQ+ young adults, a Teen Pride Night, a book launch and a “Proud to Teach” mixer for LGBTQ+ educations at Crush Dance Bar (2007 14th Street, N.W.) on Thursday, June 5 from 6-8:30 p.m.
D.C. Black Pride
The 34th annual D.C. Black Pride has events scheduled from Wednesday, May 21 through Monday, May 26 at the Capital Hilton (1101 16th Street, N.W.) and other venues throughout the city.
Thurst Lounge (2204 14th Street, N.W.) is holding a Thurstnik Reloaded extended hours nightlife event from May 21-26. The event is free; no tickets or wristbands are required.
Xavier Entertainment presents 5 days with 8 events for Black Pride with Supreme Fantasy 2025 from May 22-26. Passes are available at xavierpartydc.com. Events include the DC Black World Pride Kickoff party at Nellie’s Sports Bar (900 U Street, N.W.) on Thursday, May 22; the 3000 Men Block party at Karma (2221 Adams Place, N.E.) on Friday, May 23; Official DC Black Pride After Hours parties at Power Nightclub (2335 Bladensburg Road, N.E.) are scheduled for Saturday, May 24, Sunday, May 25 and Monday, May 26 from 4-8 a.m.; the Cook Out Party is scheduled for Saturday, May 24 from 5-9 p.m. at Aqua Nightclub (1818 New York Avenue, N.E.); the 5000 Men Meatloaf Saturday Rooftop Party featuring headliner Yung Miami at Public Nightclub (1214 18th Street, N.W.) on Saturday, May 24 from 10 p.m. to 4 a.m.; the DC Black World Pride Main Event at Nellie’s Sports Bar (900 U Street, N.W.) is scheduled for Sunday, May 25 starting at 4 p.m.; the Meatloaf After Dark party at Power Nightclub (2335 Bladensburg Road, N.E.) is scheduled for Monday, May 26 from 10 p.m. until 2 a.m.
The Welcome to D.C. Happy Hour is scheduled for Thursday, May 22 from 5-10 p.m. at Metrobar (640 Rhode Island Avenue, N.E.).
The Welcome to D.C. Happy Hour is scheduled for Thursday, May 22 from 5-10 p.m. at Decades Rooftop (1219 Connecticut Avenue, N.W.). Purchase tickets at blisspride.com.
The 9th annual D.C. Black Pride Unity Free Ball is scheduled for Thursday, May 22 from 9 p.m. until 1 a.m. at the Capital Hilton Hotel (1001 16th Street, N.W.). RSVP at Eventbrite for the free event.
Daryl Wilson Promotions presents The Pregame Act 1 party scheduled for Thursday, May 22 from 10 p.m. until 2 a.m. at The Ugly Mug (723 8th Street, S.E.).
The Welcome Reception is scheduled for Friday, May 23 at 3 p.m. until 9 a.m. on Saturday at the Capital Hilton Hotel (1001 16th Street, N.W.).
The 34th annual D.C. Black Pride Opening Reception is scheduled for Friday, May 23 from 5-10 p.m. at the Capital Hilton Hotel (1001 16th Street, N.W.). Special guests include Kerri Colby, TS Madison and Monroe Alise.
The Bliss Pastel Party, a women’s event, is scheduled for Friday, May 23 from 10 p.m. until 3 a.m. at Strand (1400 Eye Street, N.W.). $20 advance tickets are available at Blisspride.com.
The Capital House Music Festival salutes Sam the Man Burns at a free music festival featuring artists and DJs on May 24 from 10 a.m. until 9:30 p.m. at Alethia Tanner Park (227 Harry Thomas Way, N.E.).
The “For the Culture” Brunch Cruise is scheduled for Saturday, May 24 aboard The Spirit of Washington. Boarding time is 11:15 a.m. at the dock at 580 Water Street, S.W. The boat returns to the dock at 3 p.m.
The Writers Forum, a panel of Black, LGBTQ+ writers, is scheduled for Saturday, May 24 from 1-3 p.m. at the Capital Hilton Hotel (1001 16th Street, N.W.).
Daryl Wilson Promotions presents the “Infamous” Saturday Day Party on May 24 from 5-11 p.m. at The Park (1201 Half Street, S.E.).
The Mary Bowman Poetry Slam Open Mic is scheduled for Saturday, May 24 from 6-8 p.m. at the Capital Hilton Hotel (1001 16th Street, N.W.). Twelve of performance poets from around the country compete for over $1,500 in prizes in a night of poetry hosted by Kenneth Something.
The Pure Bliss Party, a women’s event, is scheduled for Saturday, May 24 from 10 p.m. until 3 a.m. at Strand (1400 Eye Street, N.W.). Tickets are $25 in advance and available at Blisspride.com.
The Capitol Ballroom Council presents Brunch & Babes: DC Black Pride WorldPride Edition at Hook Hall (3400 Georgia Avenue, N.W.) on Sunday, May 25 from noon until 4 p.m. The drag event, hosted by Sophia McIntosh, features a brunch buffet and giveaways. Tickets are $20-$80.
The Clubhouse 50th anniversary “Children’s Hour Party” with special guest Rochelle Fleming is scheduled for Sunday, May 25 from 3-9 p.m. at Bravo Bravo (1001 Connecticut Ave., N.W.).
Daryl Wilson Promotions presents The Wet Dreams Mega Day Party scheduled for Sunday, May 25 from 5-11 p.m. at The Bullpen (1201 Half Street, N.E.).
D.C. Black Pride 2025 Closeout – The Finale is scheduled for Sunday, May 25 from 6-10 p.m. at Twelve After Twelve (1212 18h Street, N.W.). $15 advance tickets are available at Blisspride.com.
Daryl Wilson Events is hosting the Sunday Night Super Party on Sunday, May 25 from 10 p.m. until 4 a.m. on Monday at The Park (920 14th Street, N.W.).
Pride in the Park is scheduled for Monday, May 26 from 12-7 p.m. at Fort Dupont Park (Minnesota Avenue, S.E.).
The World Pride Black Queer Film Festival is scheduled for May 27-29 from 6-9 p.m. at Howard University’s Blackburn Digital Auditorium (2397 6th Street, N.W.). The event is free, but RSVP and see descriptions of films and showtimes on Eventbrite.
D.C. WorldPride 2025
The international event WorldPride 2025 is to be held in Washington, D.C. from May 18-June 8. Events include a Choral Festival from May 23-June 8; a WorldPride Film Festival from May 27-29; the Capital Cup Sports Festival from May 30-June 4; a Human Rights Conference on June 4-6, as well as marches, concerts, parties, a street festival and more. Visit worldpridedc.org for more information on affiliated events.
The Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington is presenting the International Choral Festival for WorldPride 2025 with daily hour-long pop-up performances from singers from around the world on Friday, May 23 through Sunday, June 8 in venues throughout the city. The festival is free and open to the public, however, premium passes with reserved seating is available at GMCW.org.
The WorldPride Film Festival is scheduled for Tuesday, May 27 through Thursday, May 29 and includes LGBTQ-themed films from across the globe. Screenings are to be held at Alamo Drafthouse Cinema – Cojeaux Cinemas (630 Rhode Island Avenue, N.W. and 1660 Crystal Drive, Arlington, Va.) and Atlas Performing Arts Center – Sprenger Theater (1333 H Street, N.E.). Movie descriptions and showtimes are listed at worldpridedc.org.
Team D.C. is hosting the Capital Cup Sports Festival on Friday, May 30 through Wednesday, June 4 in multiple venues. Athletes from around the world compete in basketball, bocce, cornhole, climbing, swimming, darts, dodgeball, flag football, kickball, golf, pickleball, regatta, roller derby, rugby, soccer, tennis, volleyball and wrestling. The D.C. Front Runners annual Pride Run 5K at Congressional Cemetery on June 1 is included. Find a tentative schedule and registration information at worldpridedc.org.
The Welcome Ceremony + Concert is scheduled for Saturday, May 31 at National’s Park (1500 South Capitol Street, S.E.). Shakira is performing in her Las Mujeres Ya No Lloran World Tour. Tickets run from $108 to $730 and can be purchased through Ticketmaster.
The WorldPride Human Rights Conference is scheduled for Wednesday, June 4 through Friday June 6 at the JW Marriott (1331 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W.). Featured speakers include the Right Reverend Mariann Edgar Budde, Dr. Lady Phyll and Paula Gerber. Early bird registration is available through capitalpride.org for $350, with virtual registration available for $200.
The National Trans Visibility March is holding a Policy and Safety Summit at the Hyatt Regency Crystal City at Reagan National Airport (2799 Richmond Highway, Arlington, Va.) on Thursday, June 5 through Friday, June 6. Find more information on panels and topics at ntvmarch.org.
The Capital Pride Honors are scheduled for Thursday, June 5 from 7-11 p.m. at the National Building Museum (401 F Street, N.W.). The red carpet gala includes live music, food and a formal awards ceremony for trailblazers in the LGBTQ+ community. Tickets are $105.25 and are available through capitalpride.org.
The Pride Celebration Concert with the International Pride Orchestra is scheduled for Thursday, June 5 at 7:30 at Strathmore Music Center (5301 Tuckerman Lane, North Bethesda, Md.). The International Pride Orchestra joins the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington for an evening of music. Tickets run from $35-$100 and can be purchased through strathmore.org.
The World Pride Music Festival: Global Dance Party is scheduled for Friday, June 6 through Saturday, June 7 at RFK Festival Grounds (2500 Independence Avenue, S.E.). The two day festival spans three stages. Attendees must be 18 years of age or older to participate. Performers on Friday include Jennifer Lopez, Gallants, Marina, Paris Hilton, Rita Ora, Tinashe, Betty Who, LP Giobbi, Patrick Mason and Trisha Paytas among others, with a closing set by Zedd. Saturday performers include Troye Sivan, Grimes, Kim Petras, Purple Disco Machine, Ray, Sofi Tukker, Anabel Englund, Coco & Breezy, Crush Club, Aluna, Sasha Colby and a DJ set by RuPaul.
The WorldPride 17th Street Block Party is scheduled for Friday, June 6 from 5-10 p.m. and Saturday, June 7 from noon until 10 p.m. along 17th Street, N.W. in the Dupont Circle neighborhood. There will be a beverage garden and LGBTQ+ entertainment.
The Washington Blade is hosting the sixth annual Pride on the Pier Boat Parade & Fireworks Show at The Wharf (101 District Square, S.W.) on Friday, June 6 from 3-10 p.m. and Saturday, June 7 from noon until 10 p.m. The event is free, though VIP tickets are available for purchase on Eventbrite for $30. The boat parade is schedule for 7 p.m. on June 6, and the fireworks show is scheduled for 9 p.m. on June 7. More information is available at prideonthepierdc.com.
The Full Bloom: Friday Main Event is scheduled for Friday, June 6 at 9 p.m. at 1235 W Street, N.E. Tickets are $100 and available at capitalpride.org.
LUSH: The DC Lesbian Nightclub Experience is scheduled for June 6 at 10 p.m. at 618 DC (618 H Street, N.W.). Advance tickets are $15 at ra.co. The event is 21+ and features an “all-dyke DJ lineup” with Lady Lavender, Flotussin and Jacq Jill.
The WorldPride Parade is scheduled for Saturday, June 7 with the step off at 2 p.m. at 14th Street and T Street, N.W. The parade is slated to move down 14th street to Freedom Plaza and then Pennsylvania Avenue.
The WorldPride Street Festival is scheduled for Saturday, June 7 and Sunday June 8 for noon until 10 p.m. along Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W. between 9th and 3rd Streets. There will be food courts, beverage gardens, a Camp Pride Family Area / kids’ zone, community vendors, activities, entertainment and more.
The Post-Parade + Closing Concerts is scheduled for Saturday, June 7 through Sunday, June 8 at the Street Festival and Concert Grounds at 3rd Street and Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W. The event is free to the public, though Tier 2 VIP tickets are available (and quickly selling out) at capitalpride.org for $335.01 for the Saturday concert or $575.20 for Saturday and Sunday. Cynthia Erivo, David Archuleta, CeCe Peniston and Kristine W take the stage on Saturday for the post-parade. Doechii, Khalid, Brooke Eden, 2AM Ricky, Parker Matthews and MkX are scheduled to perform in the Sunday Closing Concert.
The Fabric of Freedom Main Saturday Event is scheduled for June 7 at 10 p.m. at 1235 W Street, N.E. KINETIC Presents and the Capital Pride Alliance host the party featuring three stages, over 100,000 square feet of dance floor, and a performance by Pabllo Vittar. Tickets are available for purchase at capitalpride.org and run from $120.92 to $188.80.
Unwraveled: The Official Women’s Party for WorldPride 2025 is scheduled for Saturday, June 7 from 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. at The Park at 14th (920 14th Street, N.W.). Tickets run from $63.48 to $105.25 and are available for purchase at capitalpride.org.
The International Rally + March on Washington for Freedom is scheduled for Sunday, June 8 with the rally beginning at 9:30 a.m. and the march kicking off from the Lincoln Memorial (2 Lincoln Memorial Circle, N.W.) at noon. The march will end near the U.S. Capitol Building for the WorldPride DC Street Festival and Closing Concert.
Visit worldpridedc.org/events to see a full list of partner and affiliate events for WorldPride 2025 in Washington, D.C.
Regional Prides
The fourth annual Equality Prince William Pride is to be held on Saturday, May 17 at the Harris Pavilion (9201 Center Street, Manassas, Va.) from noon until 4 p.m. The family-friendly event is held in the historic center of Old Town Manassas.
The second annual Herndon Pride is being held at Arts Herndon (750 Center Street, Herndon, Va.) on Saturday, May 24 from noon until 5 p.m.
Annapolis Pride, one of the larger Pride celebrations in the region, includes both a parade and festival on Saturday, May 31. The parade is scheduled to begin at 11 a.m. at the intersection of Calvert and Bladen Streets and end at Amos Garrett Boulevard off of West Street. The festival is to be held at Maryland Hall (801 Chase Street, Annapolis, Md.) from noon until 5 p.m.
The 2025 Arlington Pride Festival is scheduled for Saturday, May 31 from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. at the Hyatt Regency Crystal City (2799 Richmond Highway, Arlington, Va.). The indoor event is free. A number of other ticketed events ($30-$250) are scheduled for Arlington Pride as well, including a pageant hosted by Shi-Queeta Lee, a drag brunch, speed dating and an afterparty.
The fourth annual Loudoun Pride Festival is scheduled for Saturday, May 31 from noon until 6 p.m. at Ida Lee Park (60 Ida Lee Drive N.W., Leesburg, Va.). The ticketed event ($5) includes musical performances, a magic show, face painting, bounce houses, food vendors, an alcohol pavilion and the return of “Dragstravaganza.”
Page County / Luray Pride is set for Saturday, May 31 from noon until 5 p.m. at River’s Bend Ranch (397 Riverbend Rd., Stanley, Va.). The family-friendly event is free, but horseback riding is available for those who sign up in advance for $60 + tip to trail guide.
The Charles County Department of Health is holding the third annual PrEP for Pride at 4545 Crain Highway in White Plains, Md. from noon until 5 p.m. on Saturday, May 31. The free festival includes a spirited Pride Walk, entertainment and vendors.
Reston Pride is scheduled for Saturday, May 31 from 6-9 p.m. and Sunday, June 1 from 11 a.m.-6 p.m. at Lake Anne Plaza (1609 Washington Plaza N., Reston, Va.). The free events planned for the weekend include the Rising Voices! Community Concert on Saturday and the Pride Festival on Sunday.
The third annual Culpeper Pride Festival is scheduled for Sunday, June 1 from noon until 5 p.m. at the Mountain Run Winery (10753 Mountain Run Lake Road, Culpeper, Va.). The free event includes music, vendors, a 2 p.m. runway contest. An after hours drag show is scheduled for 6-8 p.m., with tickets available for $10.
The City of Rockville Human Rights Commission is hosting the ninth annual Rockville Pride Festival on Sunday, June 1 from 2-5 p.m. at Rockville Town Square (131 Gibbs Street, Rockville, Md.).
The fourth annual Portsmouth Pride Fest is scheduled for Sunday, June 1 from 11 a.m. until 5 p.m. at Portsmouth Festival Park (16 Crawford Circle, Portsmouth, Va.). The family-friendly free event includes entertainment, vendors, community information and a dog park.
Fairfax Pride is scheduled for Saturday, June 7 from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the Stacy C. Sherwood Center (3740 Blenheim Boulevard, Fairfax, Va.). The Fairfax Pride Launch Event hosted by Fairfax City and George Mason University is set to include children’s activities, crafts, and more.
The 4th annual Mosaic Pride is coming to the Mosaic District (District Avenue, Fairfax, Va.) with drag shows, live music and more on Saturday, June 14 from 3-9 p.m. The day’s events include a 3 p.m. parade, drag story time with Tara Hoot and an aerialist performance.
The 50th annual Baltimore Pride is to be held June 8-15. The full list of scheduled events has not yet been released, but generally includes the Baltimore Pride Parade and the Baltimore Pride Festival. Check back with the Washington Blade for more specific event times as they become available.
The fourth annual Delmarva Pride Festival is scheduled for Saturday, June 14 from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. at S. Harrison and E. Dover Streets in Easton, Md. The free event includes vendors and entertainment. Other Delmarva Pride events scheduled over the weekend include “A Night in New Orleans” concert and dance on Thursday, June 12 at 7 p.m. at the Garfield Center for the Arts (210 High Street, Chestertown, Md.), as well as a drag show and art event on Friday, a dance (18+) on Saturday and a Pride Brunch on Sunday.
Hampton Roads Pride Weekend is scheduled for June 20-22. Weekend events include a unique boat parade, a Pridefest, a block party and more.
The fifth annual Catonsville Pride is scheduled for Saturday, June 21 from 2-5 p.m. at Catonsville Presbyterian Church (1400 Frederick Road, Catonsville, Md.). The ticketed event ($4-$5) is a charity fundraiser with all net proceeds slated to go to the Journeys Cottage at The Children’s Home (a safe space for trans youth).
The 13th annual Hagerstown Pride is scheduled for Saturday, June 21 from noon until 6 p.m. at Doubs Woods Park (1307 Maryland Avenue, Hagerstown, Md.).
The 12th annual Frederick Pride Festival is scheduled for Saturday, June 28 from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. at Carroll Creek Linear Park (50 Carroll Creek Way, Frederick, Md.). The free event includes a full food truck court, a beverage garden, hundreds of vendors, a car show, musical guests, drag performances, a children’s area and more.
The eighth annual Alexandria Pride Fair is scheduled for Saturday, June 28 from 3-6 p.m. at Alexandria City Hall and Market Square (301 King Street, Alexandria, Va.). The free event includes exhibitors and vendors, a drag story hour, food trucks, live music, health services a mobile art lab, dancing are more.
FXBG PRIDE (Fredericksburg, Va.) is scheduled for Saturday, June 28 with a march set to begin with speeches at 10 a.m. at Riverfront Park (701 Sophia Street, Fredericksburg, Va.) and move through downtown Fredericksburg. Following the march, the FXBG Pride Festival is scheduled from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. at Riverfront Park. An afterparty at Market Square (214 William Street, Fredericksburg, Va.) is scheduled for 6-11 p.m., with 18+ after 9 p.m. All events are free.
The 2025 Salisbury Pride Parade and Festival is scheduled for Saturday, June 28. The parade is planned to begin at 3 p.m. and move along Main Street in downtown Salisbury, Md. The festival is to run from 2-6:30 p.m.
The Montgomery County Pride in the Plaza is scheduled for Sunday, June 29 from noon until 8 p.m. at Veterans Plaza (1 Veterans Place, Silver Spring, Md.).
Cumberland Pride is scheduled for Sunday, June 29 from noon until 4 p.m. at Canal Place (13 Canal Street, Cumberland, Md.). The free event includes entertainment, vendors and more.
Some cities have opted for Pride celebrations later in the year. Pride festivals in Front Royal, Va. and Westminster, Md. are slated for July 26. C’ville Pride Festival (Charlottesville, Va.), Shenandoah Valley Pride (Harrisonburg, Va.) and Virginia Pridefest (Richmond, Va.) are scheduled for September. Staunton Pride (Staunton, Va.), Southwest Virginia Pride (Salem, Va.), Winchester Pride (Winchester, Va.) and HoCo Pride (Columbia, Md.) are scheduled for October.
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