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A life well lived: Peter Rosenstein publishes new memoir

Longtime Blade contributor on activism, politics, travel, and more

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Peter Rosenstein, a longtime D.C. activist and Washington Blade columnist, has published his first book, “Born This Gay: My Life of Activism, Politics, Travel, and Coming Out,” reflecting on a lifetime of fighting for LGBTQ equality and other experiences. He recounts meeting presidents and even a life-changing encounter with Martin Luther King, Jr.

It’s a powerful read from the perspective of a gay elder who overcame persecution, survived the AIDS epidemic, and lived to see a remarkable transformation in how America treats its LGBTQ citizens.

The book is available at Barnes and Noble as well as on Amazon in various formats, including kindle, soft-cover, and hard-cover. 

Rosenstein will be interviewed about the book, and his life, by WTOP journalist Jimmy Alexander at Foundry United Methodist Church, 1500 16th St., N.W., on Thursday, June 6 between 6-8 p.m. It is an open event at an affirming church.

Rosenstein answered questions about the book for the Blade; his responses have been slightly edited for length.

WASHINGTON BLADE: Why did you write this book and why now?

PETER ROSENSTEIN: There are a few reasons. As many know, I enjoy writing, and do much with my regular Blade columns, travel blogs, and theater reviews. I had thought about writing a memoir for a number of years, and began to plan some chapters while I was still working full time. As I put down random thoughts, and experiences, it became clear to me if I wrote a memoir it would have to include my coming out story. That made sense as I was fighting for LGBTQ+ rights. I always knew I was fighting for those rights for future generations, and it made sense to me that my story could be something young people could maybe see something in, to help them live better and more honest lives. I grew up without much money, and in the closet, and still made a good life for myself. In recent years, as we faced Trump and his cult, I realized my talking about how much working for civil rights, women’s rights, the rights of the disability community, and finally my own, enhanced my life. Maybe I could inspire others to do the same.  As to timing, when I was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago, I realized life wasn’t endless. When with luck, and good healthcare at NIH, I survived, it was time to get serious about writing this book. 

BLADE: Who’s your audience for the book?

ROSENSTEIN: My audience is, I hope, a lot of people, but I guess any author would say that. First, it is for my friends, who will actually learn things about me they may not know. Then it is for other first-generation Americans, whose parents are also immigrants, who may see themselves in some of how I lived my life. Then it is for young people, who may find something in my life to help them, as they move forward living theirs. It is for the LGBTQ+ community, to remind them, and teach young people, it wasn’t always the way it is today. And for those young people, who may be trying to figure out who they are, and for their parents, hopefully supporting their children, as they become their true selves. 

BLADE: How long did it take to write and what was your process?

ROSENSTEIN: It took me years to do this book. I never kept a journal, so I began the process by setting up the chapters, and then trying to remember the things that happened in the different stages of my life. That wasn’t all that easy; trying to remember accurately what happened 60 years ago, when sometimes you can’t remember what you had for breakfast yesterday. There were times I thought I remembered something, and then looked up a date, or place, and realized I remembered it wrong. I apologize if there are things in the book others remember differently. This is my life, as I remember it. It is why I don’t use a lot of names in the book. Those who find stories about them in the book, will know who they are. 

The actual writing took about three years. I never set a time aside each day to write. I interspersed writing of the book with my other writing. I actually got a lot done on the cruises I love to take. There I wouldn’t be distracted. Actually, I would get up early each morning, open the balcony door, have coffee, juice, and a bagel, delivered to my cabin, and then write for a few hours. 

BLADE: Given all the change you’ve lived through on LGBTQ rights, what surprised you most? And what keeps you up at night?

ROSENSTEIN: There are so many things that have surprised me. I lived in the closet for nearly half my life. I never believed how open we in the LGBTQ+ community could be today. I hid behind a tree at my first gay Pride in 1981 so as not to have my picture taken. Then was honored as a Pride Hero in 2016, riding in a convertible toward the front of the parade. I lived through the AIDS crisis, and lost so many friends but saw our community come together in such wonderful ways. I love seeing so many young men and women coming out early and living their lives to the fullest. I joined the fight to allow gays in the military, and have many friends who benefitted. I remember working for Rep. Bella S. Abzug (D-N.Y.) when she introduced the first Equality Bill in 1974, while I was still deep in the closet, and know it still hasn’t passed today. That gives me pause. I was honored to help lead the fight for marriage equality in D.C., and excited when the Supreme Court made it the law of the land. But it gives me pause when I recognize in 37 states that we can be married on Sunday, and thrown out of our apartments, and fired from our jobs, on Monday. I am thrilled when I see young people being open and out, but then listen to Republican governors and Trump and his MAGA cult threaten our progress. We need only look to the reversal of Roe v. Wade, to know we have to be ever vigilant to protect the rights we have won for the LGBTQ+ community. 

BLADE: There are many queer memoirs out there. What’s unique about your story?

ROSENSTEIN: I am not claiming my story is totally unique, but I am proud my story involves not only working for LGBTQ+ rights, but working for civil rights, women’s rights, and the rights of the disability community. I have been given such great opportunities to do these things, living in exciting times. From meeting and talking to Martin Luther King Jr., as a 16-year-old high school senior, to teaching elementary school in Harlem, to working for the amazing Bella S. Abzug, and then in the Carter administration. 

I had the chance to volunteer for and meet the brilliant Hillary Rodham Clinton, and volunteer for and meet Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, among so many other amazing people. I had the chance to make a difference in D.C. by helping to write the platforms, and elect, a number of D.C. mayors. Then working for 35 years as CEO of healthcare, and education, non-profits. Add to this my travels beginning at age 13 to a Boy Scouts Jamboree in Colorado Springs, driving across country twice, getting body painted and wearing flowers in my hair to hear Janice Joplin and Big Brother and the Holding Company, traveling the world from China to the Galapagos, from Ibiza to Mykonos, to going through the Panama Canal. It has been an amazing life, and it is fun to now share it with others.

Excerpt from the introduction to “Born This Gay” by Peter Rosenstein:

This is my story, that of a first-generation American whose life has often been one surprise after another. I never had a structured life plan, but instead, I’ve lived my life to the fullest in many ways. I could never have imagined at sixteen that I would, in the course of my life, meet six presidents and have a conversation with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I consider myself fortunate to have had all the spectacular experiences I’ve had and been given so many opportunities to work to make a positive difference in people’s lives. My story may resonate with other first-generation Americans because we have a shared history in which our parents came to the United States in search of better lives, whether they’d fled turmoil at home or had simply heard the streets of America were paved in gold for all who were willing to work hard. My parents, Dorrit and Heinz, escaped from Hitler and the Holocaust… 

It’s my hope that others, especially young people, can find something in the story of my experiences that will help them create opportunities to build their own future. Maybe reading about my work and the challenges I’ve faced can help someone make the most of their own potential. And not only might my journey as a first-generation American help in enlightening the reader, it’s also possible that the story of my journey through life might provide some comfort and direction for those in the LGBTQ+ community in trying to determine whom they were born to be. If it does, then they may be able to come out and live their truth at a much younger age than I was when I did so, leading them to live fuller and happier lives. Since my youth, significant progress has been achieved in fostering acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community. I am proud to have helped drive some of the advancements that led to this progress. Hopefully, these advancements—as well as my journey, as I’ve detailed it in this book—will help questioning readers feel comfortable enough to become out and proud…

When I was a boy growing up in a lower-middle-class Jewish home in Washington Heights, a neighborhood in upper Manhattan, New York City, I understood how much my parents suffered just for being Jewish. That knowledge drew me to community activism and then politics. I saw these things as a way to make life better for others and help ensure that what my parents experienced in Europe wouldn’t occur here in the United States. I was convinced it couldn’t—until Donald Trump was elected president. Watching what he and his administration did during his presidency and what he and his cult continue to do today has been a wake-up call. Seeing him condone some of the worst of the far-right agenda makes me wonder if it could all happen here. Seeing eleven people slaughtered in a synagogue in Pittsburgh and a rabbi and his family attacked in their home in New York brought home to me the reality that it could. The rise in antisemitism is frightening. Those events, as well as the slaughter of nine Black people in a church in Charlotte and forty-nine people in a gay nightclub in Orlando, not to mention other atrocities, have only spurred me to work harder to ensure this is not what America will stand for. It’s not an America I want to leave to future generations…

Hopefully, those who read my story will take from it something to help them more readily accept who they are and understand that in each of us there is good. I also hope that readers will come away with the understanding that their wanting to live a great life should not interfere with their meeting the responsibility to better the lives of others; rather, it should compel one to work for the benefit of society in both large and small ways. We can only hope that what people remember about us is the good we did during our short time here on Earth. The brevity of that time allotted to each of us came home to me in the past few years as I faced cancer, which, luckily, I have survived. In this story, I will share some of my amazing experiences while traveling around the United States and the world. I’ll discuss my passion for activism, politics, policy, and people. This passion has allowed me to meet and work with so many who have influenced me and have played roles in how I live my life. You don’t need to be rich to live a rich and full life. Working to make life better for others will consequently make your own life better. So here begins the story of how so many people, along with small and large events, have helped to make me who I am and have allowed me to live a life full of fun, excitement, activism, politics, and policy. Here we go!

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What ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’ can still teach us

Producer David Collins on lasting impact of hit series

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David Collins (Photo courtesy of Collins)

It’s hard to imagine where LGBTQ+ television would be without “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,” the trailblazing reality series that premiered in 2003. 

Each episode of this Emmy-winning show saw a group of gays converge on a struggling man — the titular straight guy — and offer nonstop wit while organizing his endlessly messy life. This program about a group of homosexual helpers took the world by storm, furthering the love of gay television begun by shows like “Will and Grace” but bringing it into the growing medium of reality TV. Of course, it wasn’t perfect; “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” often cast its experts less as multi-faceted queer folks and more as sources of early 2000s gay jokes. But despite these pitfalls, it’s undeniable that the original program explored the realities of being gay in a way audiences had never seen before. It was a monumental piece of LGBTQ+ representation, and its success is largely owed to the man who fought to get this show made: producer David Collins. 

Collins spoke with the Blade from his Los Angeles home, where he’s spent the past few years living with his husband and his two daughters. David spoke fondly of his many years in the industry, detailing how it feels to be such a huge part of LGBTQ+ history. He explained, however, that he didn’t initially set out to alter how queer people were seen on television. “I never went out to make gay television,” said the producer. “I went out to tell great stories.”

“I’m a hillbilly from Ohio, and I thought I was going to be an editor,” David laughed, looking back on his career. “I interned at the Cincinnati Film Office, and I showed up to work my very first day, and the film commissioner was like, ‘Get to the airport right now and pick [someone] up. Don’t talk to them.’ Well, I ended up picking up Jodie Foster.” Collins raved about this car ride that changed his life, with the pair becoming friends and Foster pushing him to become a producer who puts their own media out into the world. Eventually, he did just that, and after learning about the wild new genre that was reality TV, he pitched a series to Bravo: “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” 

“I was obsessed with Esquire magazine, and they had five categories: fashion, grooming, interior design, culture, food, and wine. So I gave them each a gay, and the Fab Five were born!” Collins said, describing how viewers quickly fell in love with the concept and earned the program four seasons and an Emmy for Outstanding Reality Program. He spoke about how proud he felt creating a show that centered real gay people, not characters in a story, remembering, “To stand in the middle of Times Square and look up and see this massive billboard with the original Queer Eye guys…it wasn’t even a dream come true, because it wasn’t a dream I had even fathomed.”

With his series, people were watching actual gay men and learning the realities of a queer culture that had always been portrayed as a danger to society. Collins tearfully recounted hearing about queer people using the show as a way to connect with their family, saying, “What I’m most proud of that’s come out of Queer Eye [are] the conversations that that series has allowed to have people around their kitchen tables with little boys in Ohio like me who were scared to death that they were going to burn in hell because their pastor was telling them that they were a sinner.”

Now, for all of its trailblazing, the program wasn’t wholly positive; the show’s focus on the central ‘straight guy’ meant it rarely delved into the lives of its Fab Five. Collins regretted that lack of depth but understood that earlier audiences weren’t accustomed to such a nuanced look into queerness — that would have to wait for the reboot. 

When “Queer Eye” came out in 2018, audiences were introduced to not only a new Fab Five, but a whole new format (that didn’t rely on a straight person). Now, the series would assist queer folks and allies alike, spotlighting these individuals as well as the queer experts helping them improve their lives. The show has been applauded for its amazing makeovers, but where it truly stands out is its representation, offering a look into individuals across the country and the struggles — along with the immense joys — of being queer in America today.

Fans were disappointed to hear that “Queer Eye” would be ending after its 10th season, but David stressed that they wouldn’t have to be sad for long. “What I will say to you is this: hang tight,” he teased. “There’s yet another version of ‘Queer Eye’ to come, and we’re working on that now.” In the meantime, Collins is continuing his work with new shows like the “House of Stassi,” a series centered on “Vanderpump Rules’”prolific waitress. He’s excited about these new projects, but emphasized that his heart will always belong to “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” and all that it continues to do for viewers 19 years after its finale. 

“It’s not about your new outfit or your new couch or your new whatever. It’s about your humanity,” said Collins, speaking about the core lesson he hopes people take away from the Queer Eye franchise. “It’s about seeing yourself. It’s about dignity. It’s about how confidence breeds success.”

A valuable message that queer folks can benefit from even more now than they did in 2003. And, while it’s unclear just what lies ahead for this franchise, one thing is for sure: “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” helped people everywhere understand the power that exists within our queerness. It’s a truth that has impacted countless pieces of LGBTQ+ television today, and it’s one that Collins promises to keep alive through whatever hit show he creates next. 

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Jason DePuy on coping with homophobia in ‘Big Brother’ house

First drag queen contestant on CBS show fought to stay positive

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Jason DePuy on Big Brother (Photo courtesy of CBS Broadcasting,Inc.)

One week after Jason DePuy (known as Salina EsTitties on “RuPaul’s Drag Race”) was bullied and eventually evicted from CBS’s “Big Brother” house, the queer drag performer is still emotionally processing his feelings.

During his 24 days in the reality TV competition, DePuy often had a rough time, with fellow cast member Kamuela “Kamu” Kirk making homophobic comments and feeling isolated.

In a conversation with Head of Household Rick Devens, Kirk left viewers upset when he said, “Bro, miss me with the drag stuff. Miss me. I’m still an MMA guy, and I have an image to uphold.”

Former “Big Brother” contestant Frankie Grande called his words  ‘homophobic’ and ‘gross.’ Another comment, where Kirk said he wanted to end DePuy’s career, also received strong backlash online.

Now that he is out of the house, DePuy has been shocked and deeply touched by the love from “Big Brother” fans and former contestants. We chatted with DePuy for this Blade exclusive.

“To know that my community was rallying for me outside the house was the most wonderful thing. Seeing how much people were just wanting to shower me with love was incredible. Even my friends, I went to say hi and give them a hug, and they’re like, ‘Uh, uh, come here.’ They had to hold me and let me know America was feeling for me in a way that I had no idea.”

He added: “To see that reality was just overwhelming, and I couldn’t ask for more.”

Known as a messy player in the house, DePuy often had to fight to stay positive and stand up for himself. 

“No one was coming to my rescue. In real life, it’s easy to block people, but in the house, I didn’t have that luxury, so I had to find it within myself to learn how to speak up for myself in a way that wasn’t nasty or biting. I didn’t attack anyone personally, which is what I was the most proud of.”

DePuy acknowledged he has had a history of putting his foot in his mouth when it came to certain “Drag Race”moments, being in the public eye, and making a fool of himself. “I’ve learned my lessons; to see how I handled myself in the ‘Big Brother’ house was amazing.” 

While DePuy has been sober for 14 and a half years and has a strong spiritual foundation, in the Big Brother house, he often felt like he couldn’t communicate what he was feeling. 

“As a queer person, a person of color, a drag queen, I have to be very careful about how I move. I don’t have the luxury or privilege to just act a certain way or say a certain thing. I have to be very careful; I’m representing me. But who I am is a Latino, a person of recovery, a drag queen, a queer person in the community. I know that there’s a lot of pressure that comes with that. I felt it was safer for me to sit there and just breathe than try to do anything crazy.”

He continued: “I couldn’t speak to the personal attack that was happening in the house, because in my mind I was like, ‘no, this is a game, and I have to play it, put that aside.’”

Not only can viewers watch the episodes, but they can also watch the live feeds of what’s happening. Seeing the fans’ social media posts from people who had watched the episodes and the live feeds also contributed to DePuy realizing that his feelings of discomfort were valid.

“To know that I wasn’t delusional in those moments, that others could see what was happening, has been a lot to take in. Fans and friends let me know the comments made went beyond the game…I’m like, ‘Oh, so my instincts were correct.”

One of the most poignant moments on the live feeds occurred when DePuy was crying, alone in his room, and said how he missed his gay community.

“I really missed my friends. I missed my queer community. We’re so colorful. We’re so loud. We’re so vibrant. We speak off the cuff, and we’re very truthful and honest with how we speak, and it’s fun. We have fun lingo.”

DePuy had to censor his expressions in the house. “Because I can say one thing, but it can mean something different to straight people than it does with my queer brothers and sisters. So, there was a sense of code-switching that I had to do. I had to even put aside some of my queerness in a way sometimes to fit in.”

DePuy was thrilled to be the very first drag queen to ever be cast on the show. 

“I’m honored to have been chosen. There’s a million drag queens out there, and to know that I was a contender to come in the house and not even be in drag was like a wow for me. I’m over here in Hollywood, running around these streets with a wig and heels just to make a dollar to survive, and I have to rely on drag to do that. And then to be offered this opportunity and be given the privilege to say, ‘hey, you don’t have to put on the wig for you to be valuable here,’ is just insane to me.”

Prior to his shows, DePuy has been hustling for 15 years, flipping burgers and doing drag at night.

“That has been my life these past since I was 17. So it’s been a long journey; the opportunity to do this out of drag is a very big blessing. I’m honored and grateful to be the representation of my community.”

If you missed Jason on “Big Brother: Unlocked,” the episode can be seen on CBS.com. He will be back on the show for the finale.

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Rainbows in Revolt on a mission to make LGBTQ artists’ voices heard

Rainbows in Revolt on a mission to make LGBTQ artists’ voices heard

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Lily Erin, one of Rainbows in Revolt’s signature artists, performed at Capital Pride in June. (Photo courtesy of Rainbows in Revolt)

Last month’s Pride celebration in D.C. was so fun. Walking around my first Capital Pride with a $15 lemonade I was loving the madness and the color. Artists and small businesses battling banks you’ve never heard of collecting your personal information so you can spin a wheel to snag free merch. Great music blaring, people actually smiling and enjoying themselves, the “Great” American State Fair could never!

The Monument Stage was on Pennsylvania Avenue, directly in front of the National Gallery of Art and I can’t think of a better venue to see live music. How does someone get on the lineup for Pride? How do we accelerate the visibility of the most talented voices in our community to perform in places like this?

There is certainly not a talent gap, but there is a visibility gap. Chappell Roan went from playing for two people in a parking lot to owning the main stage at Coachella in one year. Whether it is shadowbanning or bias in AI, algorithms have been shown to suppress queer artists. In a digital age, how can queer people break through and show the world how talented they are?

Allison and Matt of Rainbows in Revolt are on a mission to make openly LGBTQ+ artists’ voices heard. Their goal is to find “musicians whose queerness is central to their identity as an artist,” and accelerate them to a place where they can actually reach fans.

The only time queer events seem to be in the spotlight is June, but this should be year round, according to Allison and Matt. Rainbows in Revolt wants to act as a “nucleus” for different sub-communities, finding common ground in the universal language of music.

Matt and Allison founded Rainbows as a way to make cheaper, higher quality merchandise for queer artists. While Rainbows has already pledged 20% of their profits to the LGBTQ+ community, with 10% to Whitman-Walker Health and 10% to LGBTQ+ organizations in need, this is just the beginning of the work that they do.

Rainbows “does the dirty work” that artists normally struggle to do on their own with limited resources. Interviews, artist profiles, social promotion, playlist discovery, radio outreach, and merch-funded support. This work is normally expensive, time consuming, and requires lots of different skills. Musicians don’t want to be editing clips to post online. Standup comedians don’t want to make graphics for their tour dates. They want to write more. They want to focus on their craft.

In addition to helping artists find their audience, Rainbows has built other digital tools to help queer people connect, including an interactive Safe Space Map for most major cities. It is hard to know which places are truly safe and supportive just from a simple Google search. Attitudes and actions change, and there should be a simple way for queer people to find other places that align with them. The Safe Spaces Maps are all up to date, and are tagged and filterable. Instead of relying on forums and word of mouth, Rainbows has created a centralized way to find authentic community quickly.

I had a chance to talk with Allison and Matt at Pride where Lily Erin, one of their signature artists, was performing on the Monument stage. Lily Erin is a folk singer who is familiar and forging her own path. Her bittersweet sound echoes through Acadia, and her garb mirrors the New England athletes I grew up with. Gorp Core meets streetwear. A graphic tee, hiking shorts, and creamsicle Jordans.

Her debut single, “Bus Stop,” tells a sad story about unconditional love, and the conditions that still seem to come with it. Graduating into lockdown, Erin needed a new way to connect with herself and others. Lily made “Bus Stop” without an intention to share it, but doing so was a liberation. People have been responding to her honesty around queer-ness, family, and the “ghosts which haunt us” even in the daytime.

Rainbows in Revolt has helped Lily Erin go from bars and backyards to The Monument Stage at Pride. This is a meteoric rise, and a testament to both Erin’s talent and the work of Rainbows to promote her. “A little encouragement goes a long way with early artists,” and by “planting a seed” Rainbows is already seeing their artist garden grow. Community is power, and Erin is a perfect example of how effective simple modern techniques of promotion can be.

A next step for Rainbows is putting on shows themselves. On Oct. 3, Rainbows in Revolt will host an Evening with Ray Boltz at the National City Christian Church. Boltz grew up in the Catholic Church and for many years was the soundtrack to many services, youth camps, and church groups. He was celebrated by millions until he came out in 2008. Allison remembers her community “never playing his music again.” 

Rainbows in Revolt is helping him to return to the church, and proving that identity does not need to be exclusive. We live in a complicated world with complicated lines being drawn. Boltz proves that these lines don’t exist, and will be breaking down barriers to bring together communities. To Allison, “a trans woman standing next to a straight white man in church is a powerful teacher.”

The Safe Space maps bridge all types of spaces, and one of the unlikely ones is, perhaps, churches. Matt said that “BYU has only nine safe spaces around their campus and seven of them are churches.” Not all churches are anti-gay, and many times they are the only place for people to find community.

Rainbows in Revolt is just getting started bridging gaps and building community.

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