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New York rabbi celebrates 20 years at LGBT synagogue

Rabbi Sharon Kleinbaum worked at Religious Action Center in D.C. before arriving at Congregation Beit Simchat Torah in 1992

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Gay News, Washington Blade, Gay Judaism, Gay New York

Rabbi Sharon Kleinbaum and then-National Gay and Lesbian Task Force executive director Matt Foreman protest “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in Times Square in 2007 (Photo courtesy of Congregation Beit Simchat Torah)

NEW YORK – Rabbi Sharon Kleinbaum of New York City’s Congregation Beit Simchat Torah had been in rabbinical school for less than a year when she attended a secret conference of gay and lesbian rabbinical and cantorial students and rabbis in Los Angeles in 1986 where attendees had to call a phone number once they landed to find out where the gathering was taking place. The Reconstructionist Jewish movement adopted a non-discrimination policy two years earlier, but the Reform and Conservative traditions still prohibited gay rabbinical students.

They faced potential expulsion over their sexual orientation.

“I was in the first class that was admitted under that [1984] policy,” Kleinbaum told the Washington Blade in a recent interview, noting her own tradition remained hostile to openly LGBT rabbinical students and gay issues in general. “It was all pretty cutting edge. We were all testing the waters. It was a very different time, so we were all figuring out how to both transform the Jewish community internally and the liberal Jewish community was no different.”

Kleinbaum spoke to the Blade shortly after she celebrated her 20th anniversary at Congregation Beit Simchat Torah, the country’s largest LGBT synagogue with 1,100 members that first held services at the Church of the Holy Apostles in Manhattan’s Chelsea neighborhood in 1973. The congregation has since returned to the same Episcopal parish to conduct their Friday night services because it has outgrown its previous location in the West Village.

AIDS was ravaging Congregation Beit Simchat Torah when she became its first full-time senior rabbi in Aug. 1992.

“We just had funerals constantly,” said Kleinbaum, who was director of congregational relations at the Religious Action Center in D.C. from 1990 until she arrived at Congregation Beit Simchat Torah. “I came to CBST and it was in the midst of an epidemic that was being largely ignored by the religious community and certainly by the government. So we were really under siege in those days.”

Roughly one third of Congregation Beit Simchat Torah’s members lost their battle with AIDS, while Kleinbaum said up to 75 percent of her male congregants were living with HIV. She also buried the synagogue’s president who had supported the hiring of a full-time rabbi a month after she arrived at Congregation Beit Simchat Torah.

“The primary motivation for having a rabbi come into the congregation was to respond to this crisis of AIDS. And it was a spiritual crisis that the synagogue was really reeling from the death and the illness and there was no end in sight of course at that time,” said Kleinbaum, who further noted that anti-AIDS stigma at the time only exacerbated the plight of those in the congregation living with the virus. “Religion was used constantly as ammunition, as a weapon against us and against people who were HIV-positive or had AIDS. So my presence to try and project a different image of God and of religion was very important both pastorally and politically.”

Activism extends beyond HIV, LGBT rights

In addition to her HIV/AIDS advocacy, Kleinbaum has publicly backed marriage rights for same-sex couples and other LGBT-specific issues. New York police arrested her and then-National Gay and Lesbian Task Force executive director Matt Foreman during a 2007 protest against “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” when they obstructed traffic in Times Square.

Kleinbaum was among the New York Board of Rabbi members taken into custody for civil disobedience during a protest against the 1999 police shooting of unarmed West African immigrant Amadou Diallo in the Bronx. More recently, she has spoken out against the New York Police Department’s controversial stop and frisk policy that critics maintain unfairly targets black and Latinos and other underrepresented groups.

“If we want a country to change and a world to change we have to be deeply in partnership and see our fight and struggle for human rights — it’s not just about who I am as a person literally. This I take from my Jewish tradition,” said Kleinbaum. “We are told over and over and over and over again, remember that you were slaves once in Egypt, therefore make sure you do everything you can to prevent the oppression of anyone else. No one else should be a slave.”

Kleinbaum remained humble when the Blade asked her about those who have identified her as among New York’s most influential Jewish leaders and one of the country’s most important rabbis.

“It’s wonderful to be recognized in that way if it helps also continuing our effort to transform the world,” she said. “I have one agenda; and that’s to transform the world. And I feel that only happens when people are really working hard together.”

Over the last two decades, the congregation’s High Holiday services at the Jacob K. Javits Convention Center have grown to include more than 4,000 people each year.  Congregation Beit Simchat Torah also hopes to move into a new building on West 30th Street in Manhattan in 2014.

Judaism itself has changed since Kleinbaum attended rabbinical school in the mid-1980s.

The Reform, Conservative and Reconstructionist movements all admit openly gay rabbinical students and place them in synagogues and other congregational positions. These traditions also recognize same-sex weddings.

“These years since I started rabbinical school have been totally transformative and so it’s been very moving to be part of that,” said Kleinbaum.

As for Congregation Beit Simchat Torah, Kleinbaum said she hopes to further develop its social justice work over the next decade. She would also like to create what she described as an institute that examines the intersection of sexuality and religion.

“The intersection of sexuality and religion is a source of tremendous oppression in the world,” said Kleinbaum. “I’d like to create an institute which focuses on ways that religion can be a voice of liberation in areas of sexuality and religion.”

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Real Estate

The rise of virtual home tours

Adapting to changing consumer preferences in spring real estate

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Looking for a home? Virtual tours hold special benefits for queer buyers.

In today’s dynamic real estate market, the spring season brings not only blooming flowers but also a surge of activity as buyers and sellers alike prepare to make their moves. However, in recent years, there’s been a notable shift in how consumers prefer to explore potential homes: the rise of virtual tours. 

For the LGBTQ community, these virtual experiences offer more than just convenience; they provide accessibility, safety, and inclusivity in the home buying process. 

Gone are the days of spending weekends driving from one open house to another – unless that’s your thing of course, only to find that the property doesn’t quite match expectations. With virtual tours, you can explore every corner of a home from the comfort of your own space – find something interesting? Schedule a showing with any LGBTQ Realtor at GayRealEstate.com.

This is particularly significant for LGBTQ individuals, who may face unique challenges or concerns when attending in-person showings. Whether it’s the ability to discreetly view properties without fear of discrimination or the convenience of touring homes located in LGBTQ-friendly neighborhoods across the country, virtual tours offer a sense of empowerment and control in the home buying process.

Moreover, virtual tours cater to the diverse needs of the LGBTQ community. For couples or families with busy schedules or those living in different cities or states, these digital walkthroughs provide a convenient way to view properties together without the need for extensive travel. Additionally, for individuals who may be exploring their gender identity or transitioning, virtual tours offer a low-pressure environment to explore potential living spaces without the added stress of in-person interactions.

At GayRealEstate.com, we understand the importance of adapting to changing consumer preferences and leveraging technology to better serve our community. That’s why our agents offer an extensive selection of virtual tours for LGBTQ individuals and allies alike – visit our website, choose an agent and within minutes you’ll have access to the Multiple Listing Service (MLS) via their website.

From cozy condominiums in bustling urban centers to sprawling estates in picturesque suburbs, virtual tours showcase a wide range of properties tailored to diverse tastes and lifestyles.

In addition to virtual tours, GayRealEstate.com provides comprehensive resources and support to guide LGBTQ buyers and sellers through every step of the real estate journey. Our network of LGBTQ-friendly agents is committed to providing personalized service, advocacy, and representation to ensure that all individuals feel respected, valued, and empowered throughout the process. Plus, we are happy to provide a free relocation kit to any city in the USA or Canada if you are a home buyer.

As we embrace the spring season and all the opportunities it brings in the real estate market, let’s also celebrate the power of virtual tours to revolutionize the way we find and experience our future homes. Whether you’re searching for your first apartment, forever home, or investment property, GayRealEstate.com is here to help you navigate the exciting world of real estate with confidence, pride, and inclusivity.

Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at [email protected].

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Advice

Should I divorce my husband for the hot new guy in our building?

Debating whether to leave or stay after the sex goes cold

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Dear Michael,

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and the sex is pretty much gone. It stopped being exciting a long time ago and pretty much the only time we ever do it is with the occasional third.

A really hot guy moved into our building about a year ago. We would see each other sometimes in the elevator or at our building’s gym and we started talking and really hit it off. Mark is 15 years younger than I but we seem to have a lot in common. We started hooking up and the sex is amazing.

I haven’t told my husband because it’s breaking our rule about no repeats. I have to say that the secrecy is hot. It’s kind of a thrill to take the elevator upstairs when I say I’m going on an errand. But it’s more than that. I have a connection with Mark that is far more amazing than what I have ever felt with my husband. Not just the sex. We just enjoy being together, talking about anything and everything.

My husband went to visit his family last weekend and I spent the whole time with Mark. Since then I can’t stop thinking that I want to leave my husband and be with Mark.

Part of me thinks this is a crazy mid-life crisis. I mean, this kid’s in a totally different place in life. But we have mind-blowing sex and a fantastic connection. I’d like your thoughts on how to proceed.

Michael replies: 

You’ve got a lot to consider.

First: Sex with a long-term partner changes over time. It tends to be less about erotic heat and more about the connection with a person whom you love. In other words, it’s being with the person you’re with that makes the sex meaningful and even great. Having a good sexual relationship with a long-term partner comes far more from a heart connection than from a crotch attachment.  

Second: You seem ready to throw your relationship under the bus pretty quickly, without addressing other problems in the relationship besides sex. When you are sneaking around, lying, and rule-breaking , I don’t see how you can look your husband in the eye; and if you can’t look him in the eye, you certainly can’t have even a half-way decent relationship.

Yet another point to consider: Affairs pretty much always seem more exciting than marriage. The partner is new, which almost automatically makes the sex hotter; the secrecy is a thrill; and you don’t have to deal with paying the rent, house chores, and all the petty annoyances of living up-close with someone day-in, day-out.  

You are bringing lots of energy to your affair, and everything about it is exciting. You are bringing no energy — at least no positive energy — to your marriage. You get what you put into a relationship.

Divorce is not something that should be entered into lightly. Be aware that if you leave your husband for Mark, you will no doubt find over time that the sex becomes less exciting and that the connection is not always fantastic. No surprise, 75 percent of marriages that begin with affair partners end in divorce. While I don’t think statistics predict what will happen to any particular couple, believing that you will have a significantly better relationship with your affair partner than you did with your husband sets you up for likely disappointment.

Many gay men focus on “hot sex” as the big draw, pursuing a lot of sex with a lot of men, and/or pursuing an ongoing series of relationships that last until the sex cools. If that’s what you want, that’s fine. But it’s a different path from pursuing a close and loving long-term relationship, which involves knowing someone well and having him know you well; collaborating on getting through the hard stuff life throws at us; finding ways to make peace with disappointment; and consistently striving to be someone worth being married to. 

How to proceed? While you are the only person who should make that decision, I would suggest that whatever your choice, keep in mind that marriage can be more than what you’ve made of it, so far.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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Autos

Sport haulers: Jeep Grand Cherokee, Mercedes GLE-Class

Updated cabins, adept handling, and more

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Jeep Grand Cherokee

Now that March Madness and the Masters are over, it’s time for, well, everything else. For my husband and me, this means water sports, as in kayaks and rowing sculls, which is why we trekked to the Potomac for the George Washington Invitational regatta last weekend. 

Alas, high winds splashed cold water on the event, canceling much of it. But there was still plenty of spirited camaraderie to rival “The Boys in the Boat.” 

And I was reminded of my time years ago as a rower with D.C. Strokes, ferrying teammates to races up and down the East Coast. Back then my ride was a dated, rather cramped four-door sedan. 

If only we could have paddled around in a sporty SUV like the two reviewed here. Now that would have been some smooth sailing (wink-wink). 

JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE 

$40,000

MPG: 19 city/26 highway

0 to 60 mph: 7.5 seconds

Maximum cargo room: 37.7 cu. ft. 

PROS: Updated cabin, adept handling, strong towing 

CONS: So-so gas mileage, no third row, pricey trim levels

IN A NUTSHELL: Rough, tough and buff. It’s doesn’t get much more butch than a Jeep. This year’s Grand Cherokee is no exception, with rugged looks, expert off-road capability and better-than-average towing capacity of 6,200 pounds. 

There are a dizzying number of trim levels—more than a dozen—starting with the barebones base-model Laredo at an affordable $40,000. The lineup tops out with the Summit Reserve 4xe PHEV, which is almost twice the price at $76,000 and one of various plug-in hybrid versions available. Those plug-in hybrids can drive up to 25 miles on all-electric power before the four-cylinder gas engine kicks in. Otherwise, you can choose from a standard V6 or V8. Gas mileage on all trim levels is basically the same as the competition. 

Where the Grand Cherokee really shines is in the handling. More refined than a Wrangler but less lavish than a Land Rover, this Jeep maneuvers just as well on city streets and highways as it does on bumpier terrain.    

I tested the mid-range and mid-priced Overland, which comes standard with four-wheel drive and large 20-inch wheels. It also boasts a slew of niceties, such as quilted upholstery, panoramic sunroof and high-tech digital displays. These include a 10.25-inch infotainment touchscreen and rear-seat entertainment system. 

The nine-speaker Alpine stereo, designed specifically for the Grand Cherokee, is pleasing. But I really wanted to hear the boffo 19-speaker McIntosh surround-sound system that Jeep also offers. Sigh, it’s only available on the premium Summit trim level. 

MERCEDES GLE-CLASS

$64,000 

MPG: 20 city/25 highway

0 to 60 mph: 6.6 seconds

Maximum cargo room: 33.3 cu. ft. 

PROS: Lush interior, silky-smooth suspension, speedy 

CONS: Some confusing electronics, tight third row, many competitors

IN A NUTSHELL: For a more high-class hauler, there’s the Mercedes GLE-Class. This midsize SUV is similar in size to the Jeep Grand Cherokee. But instead of seating five passengers, the GLE can carry up to seven. Sure, legroom in the optional third row may be tight for taller travelers, but it’s perfect for a cocky cockswain or two. 

Six trim levels, ranging from the base-model GLE 350 to two high-performance AMG models. For eco-conscious buyers, the GLE 450e plug-in hybrid arrived earlier this year and can run on battery power alone for almost 60 miles. 

My test car was the top-of-the-line AMG 63 S 4Matic, a head-turner in every way. Priced at a whopping $127,000, this GLE looks best in glossy black with the Night Package, which includes tasteful jet-black exterior accents and matte-black wheels. To complete the Darth Vader effect, there’s a deep, menacing exhaust rumble that’s downright threatening.

You expect such a ride to be wicked fast, and it is: 0 to 60 mph in a blistering 3.7 seconds. Yet the carbon ceramic brakes with their devil-red calipers are equally impressive in slowing things down quickly. 

Inside, each GLE comes with two large digital displays on the elegantly sculpted dashboard. My favorite feature is the “Hey Mercedes” digital assistant, which responds to voice commands such as opening or closing the sunroof, operating the infotainment system or activating the climate controls. 

It’s hard to find sport seats that are more comfortable, especially with the heavenly massage function (though those massage controls could be a bit more user-friendly.) For AMG models, the seats come with red-contrasting stitching and red seatbelts—a nod to the devilish demeanor under the hood.

Considering all the SUVs available in showrooms, few make quite the splash of a GLE.

Mercedes GLE-Class
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