Arts & Entertainment
Strong’s concordance
Alabama football superfan and D.C. resident comfortable with new role as a trans-masculine role model
At 30, Eli Strong has become the local face of trans-masculine men for all who watched last week’s ‘American Transgender’ on the National Geographic channel. (Blade photo by Michael Key)
Eli Strong is a Washington-based trans-masculine University of Alabama fanatic and family man who became a television star and local hero last week thanks to a groundbreaking National Geographic documentary, “American Transgender.”
“I really appreciate all of the attention its been getting.” Strong told the Blade this week via phone when we called to chat about the reaction to the documentary, which took audiences into the lives of three transgender people living in different places around the country.
“It’s been a bit of a whirlwind for the last few days,” Strong says. “It’s been a snowball. I was already working with (National Center for Transgender Equality), but as soon as they posted about it, Huffington Post Tweeted about it, [the Washington Blade] Tweeted about it, GLAAD, and suddenly when you Googled it, it went from 10 hits, to just before the documentary aired it was pages and pages.”
Strong sounds both humbled and invigorated by the positive attention the documentary has received in the transgender community.
“I think the documentary can and did do good.”
Strong — now a database coordinator at Avalere, a health care advisory services company in Dupont Circle — came to Washington for an internship at Human Rights Campaign several years ago and followed that with a five-year stint at NARAL Pro-Choice America. However, Strong’s heart is in his home state of Alabama where his accepting family still lives.
We talked Strong’s obsession, football at his alma mater the University of Alabama.
“We lost a couple of good players,” he says, lighting up, recalling being at last season’s national championship game in New Orleans. “But I think It’ll be another good year.”
Strong studied social work at Alabama and received both his bachelor’s degree and masters degree from the University Alabama, as did both his parents. He says his wife — whom he’s celebrating his one-year anniversary with next week — knows that weekends in the fall belong to Alabama football in their house.
“Even in the darkest days of Alabama football, if you put us up against some of the best teams in the country, every year I look at that schedule and I go, ‘We can beat every team on the schedule’ and I feel the same this year.”
When it comes to his involvement in “American Transgender,” though, Strong says he and other trans leaders were “gun-shy” about the special before it aired based on prior television portrayals of the trans community that had been deemed “distasteful” or that “pushed someone to answer questions that they weren’t comfortable with.”
“I have every confidence that its going to turn out positive,” Strong says he told friends concerned about a sensationalized portrayal. “I had been very up front with National Geographic about what I didn’t want to discuss, and they very much respected those boundaries.”
“Those same people have said that it did turn out really well, and that they thought it was very well done and very respectful and very educational,” Strong says. “Some people have even said they’d hoped it be an ongoing series, rather than a one-off documentary show.”
WASHINGTON BLADE: What’s the reaction to “American Transgender” been like since the premier?
ELI STRONG: Everything that’s been said to me directly has been positive. I’ve seen one or two negative comments, but these weren’t people that have probably ever known a trans person. But for all the people that have contacted me directly, it’s been really positive for them.
I was up until about 12:30 that night talking to people all over the country on Facebook just saying, “Thank you for sharing your story and putting that out there.” They said it really meant a lot to them to see someone that had a similar path that they did. I heard from a lot of my family that thought it was really well done.
I feel like in general from the trans population and my family that everyone feels that not only was it a good presentation and that they enjoyed the stories, but that the way that National Geographic actually went about it was very tasteful and respectful of all those involved.
BLADE: You said some people were “gun-shy” that the depiction might be distasteful. What where they afraid of?
STRONG: A lot of people in the trans community had a very large problem when [Thomas Beattie] had gone on “Oprah,” where Oprah said, “Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty,” and asked about his genitalia. I was very upfront and said, “If you’re not married to me, its not really any of your business.” As a trans person, I’m a whole person, I’m not the sum of what surgery I have and haven’t had.
One of the things that I really enjoyed about this project was when I first discussed my participation in the documentary with [the producers] one of the things that made me feel more comfortable was that other than that opening segment on the show, there was no narration. Everything that was narrated was taken directly from mine and Jim and Clare’s direct interviews, and I thought that was a great way to do it, because there would never be a question of, “Is that how they really felt or is NatGeo putting words in their mouth.”
BLADE: What’s it like to go through that process in the D.C. area?
STRONG: I think it makes it both easier and harder. The easier part is something that I find that most people understand immediately. It’s a more liberal place to be. You have more access to groups and to people who are like you and like minds so you can discuss these issues or find people who have gone through the process and things like that. So in that way it’s a little easier. There’s a larger queer community, there are surgeons that are in the area, there are doctors at Whitman Walker that have experience so you don’t have to worry about — like say — had I gone through this in Alabama, with a doctor that may have never treated a trans person, and having a very hard time finding those that do.
But its also harder because living in a much more liberal area, and a much more politically correct area, people in D.C. are much more accustomed to gender variance. That being the case, when I lived in Alabama, even before I identified as male, I was “sirred” constantly. “Yes sir,” or “Can I help you sir.”
I was seen as much more male in Alabama, because the way I presented my gender, was not the way that they saw, it’s how they normally saw male, so to them it’s like, “You fit into this box.”
While in D.C., it’s both positive and negative that they are used to gender variance, but it becomes very frustrating for trans men that when I used to walk into a place and be completely presenting as male, someone would still “ma’am” me, because they would think, “This is a masculine lesbian and I don’t want to offend this person by saying ‘he.’”
It took at least three-and-a-half years of being on testosterone before people completely stopped saying “ma’am” to me.
I will tell you this though, I will take the negatives of D.C. over anywhere else any day when it comes to transition.
BLADE: What kind of legal hurdles does the trans community still face in D.C.?
STRONG: I don’t know so much if it’s the laws as it is the adherence to those laws. In D.C., I am protected from discrimination when it comes to employment, I am protected as far as the fact I can relatively easily get my drivers license changed, get my name changed.
And with outlets like the Washington Blade who have always made it much easier to post your name change documentation at a much lower rate than, say, a regular paper would, that does make it easier, and those laws are all there.
The problem comes in adherence to those laws and training employees on those laws.
There’s a law in D.C. that says you use the restroom as the gender you present as. There’s also a law that says if you have a single-use restroom, they have to be gender neutral. But just because that law exists, doesn’t mean that every business in D.C. follows that law or is even aware of that law. So do you want to bring it up and fight the good fight, or do you want to not make yourself the center of attention, and point this out? Now you’ve just outed yourself. The main factor in making that decision for me is safety. If I feel unsafe in that moment, I’m not going to say anything. I’m not going to do anything. I’m going to find a way out of that situation. While bathrooms should never be the central issue, its still a big issue, because, in my view, it’s the one place in public where you’re at your most vulnerable. There are a lot of restaurants that I will frequent because they will adhere to that law, without question.
BLADE: How did your involvement with “American Transgender” come about?
STRONG: I am on the coordinating committee for a D.C.-area trans-masculine social and support group. They found us and they simply sent the webmaster and myself an email and said, “Here is our project, can we email your group and ask people to participate?” and we said absolutely.
I think the reason they told me that they really like my story is because it was kind of ironic that I’m from the state of Alabama, and my entire family is about as Republican and very conservative and Catholic — not just Catholic as in I go to church every week, but as in my stepdad is in the Knights of Columbus and my mother is a Eucharistic Minister, and she does announcements every week and they are very involved in the church — and to have as much support as I have had coming from that environment, I think that they really found it very engaging and very hopeful and interesting to show.
BLADE: How did you feel after you watched the full documentary?
STRONG: Proud. I was very proud of not only how it was done, but how it came through once it was all finished. I was proud of my family for stepping up and putting themselves out there. I was very proud of all of the people that had spoken out. I looked around the room and had a lot of friends at the viewing party and I was very proud of them for being there the whole time.
BLADE: Are you a role model?
STRONG: If it’s a positive role model, then sure. I would like to think that I’m a role model, without that sounding really self-centered, only in so much as if something that I say or do can shed a positive light on the community or help somebody out … then sure. As long as it’s a positive one.
BLADE: What advice would you give to young people realizing that they are transgender?
STRONG: Be patient. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with those around you — particularly your family. I feel like a lot of people in the queer community, not just trans folks, but even when I came out as a lesbian at 16, one of the things that I lacked was patience. Even though I’d only kind of admitted it to myself three days before my mom found out, it was me, so I was OK with it so much faster than anybody else was. I didn’t understand, and said, “Well, I’m fine with this, why can’t you be OK with it?”
Just giving those around you the time to sort through it and just talk to them as much as you are able and they are willing.
And having patience with yourself and having patience with the fact that while you feel you weren’t born in the body you should have been, you can’t change that overnight and it can get very frustrating, because it’s expensive to transition and it’s not easy to transition. Just be patient and enjoy the process and try to learn from it as much as you can.
I found that having that patience with a lot of folks has brought us closer together and has made me a lot more sure in knowing who I am and being comfortable with who I am.
I really tried to figure out in that process of, “OK, there is a certain amount of time that I’m going to have to wait to save money and really figure out who I am.” I took advantage of that time to really explore who I was and what kind of person am I going to be. Because this isn’t just the end, just because you go through surgeries and hormones, that’s the beginning of your life, so what kind of life do you want it to be?
BLADE: What’s been the most fulfilling part of transitioning?
STRONG: Two things. One is feeling much more whole and who I am. For a long time, when I realized I was attracted to women, I thought, “Well I must be a lesbian,” and that was it, but I think I wasn’t happy with me. I constantly was battling this screaming voice. Now I feel so much more whole and much more calm.
The other part is not just feeling it myself, but having other people see it. A great secondary plus is that’s how other people see me now, especially my family. It’s great not to be “ma’amed” by a stranger, but to have my mother love me not as her oldest daughter, but as her oldest son.
Theater
D.C.’s fall theater season is already well underway
‘Ma Rainey,’ ‘Mama Mia,’ ‘Rocky Horror,’ and much more on tap
Leaves have scarcely turned, but throughout the DMV, the fall theater season is well underway.
In Arlington, Signature Theatre got a jump on the season with Stephen Sondheim’s musical “Merrily We Roll Along” (through Nov. 1). Told entirely in reverse chronological order, this story of three longtime friends spans the years 1957 to 1976 moving from the trio’s cynical middle-aged present back to their happy and hopeful salad days.
Filled with great promise when it opened in 1981, the original production closed after just 16 official performances despite a terrific score glutted with great tunes like “Our Time,” “Good Thing Going,” and “Not a Day Goes By.” Over the years, the show was tweaked and reimagined, ultimately redeeming itself as a massive Broadway hit revival in 2023.
Signature’s production, directed and choreographed by Matthew Gardiner, features out actors Jason Gotay (Rafa from the “Gossip Girl” reboot) and Signature vet Jake Loewenthal playing, respectively, sellout composer Franklin Shepard and loyal lyricist Charley Kringas. Melanie Field plays witty and increasingly alcoholic Mary Flynn, the third prong of the complex little friend group. Sigtheatre.org
Woolly Mammoth Company has opened with playwright Steve Yockey’s “Venus” (through Oct. 4), a tragicomedy about two women whose first date goes terribly wrong. The lesbian daters are played by Kimberly Gilbert and queer-identified actor Regina Aquino. Woolly’s new artistic director Reggie D. White directs. Woollymammoth.net
At Round House Theatre in Bethesda, August Wilson’s “Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom” continues its compelling exploration of racism, exploitation, and artistic integrity. Helmed by director Lili-Anne Brown, the production runs through Oct. 11. The 10-actor cast includes Yao Dogbe as Levee, a young firebrand trumpeter, and out actor Nicole Michelle Haskins as the queer titular blues legend. Roundhousetheatre.org
Broadway at the National (National Theatre) is ushering in a spate of hit Broadway shows this fall. The musicals include “Dirty Dancing” (Sept. 29–Oct. 4), “Maybe Happy Ending” (Oct. 6–11), and ABBA’s “Mama Mia!” (Oct. 27–Nov. 15) featuring charming out actor Victor Wallace as successful architect and divorced father of two Sam Carmichael. Broadwayatthenational.com
First introduced to theatergoers by MetroStage at the Kennedy Center’s Page to Stage Festival in 2019, Sherman Yellen’s “Cousin Bella–The Whore of Minsk” is the riveting story of Bella, who as a young Jewish woman living in Czarist Russia was sold into prostitution by her stepmother. Later rescued, she immigrated to America, where she lived out the rest of her life in New York.
Now with a shortened title, “Cousin Bella” is going to MetroStage at The Lyceum (Alexandria’s History Museum) as a staged reading for one night only on Sept. 22. Again, Adrienne Nelson plays Bella, but this time, she’s joined by out DMV favorite Michael Russotto as Sherman. MetroStage.org
Hard to believe, but this year marks four decades since the film release of “Little Shop of Horrors.”
To celebrate the anniversary, Ellen Greene (the actor who created Audrey, the show’s sweet and sexy florist, both on stage and screen) is doing a nationwide tour that includes a night at D.C.’s historic Lincoln Theatre (Friday, Sept. 25).
Greene’s appearance offers fans the opportunity to experience the 1986 cult horror/comedy/musical classic alongside its iconic star. Before the screening, Greene will take part in a live Q&A and perform Audrey’s signature song – what else — “Somewhere That’s Green.” Thelincolndc.com
At Olney Theatre Center, the season opens with the regional premiere staging of “Some Like It Hot” (Sept. 18–Nov. 8) directed by Jason Loewith with choreography by Karla Puno Garcia.
Adapted from the classic 1959 Billy Wilder film starring Marilyn Monroe, Tony Curtis, and Jack Lemmon, the Tony Award-winning musical by Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman (the guys who gave us “Hairspray”) brings the jokes, music, more dance and adds gender identity, self-discovery, and racial representation.
Like the film, the action kicks off in Prohibition-era Chicago when Joe (Jacob Tischler) and Jerry (Tavis Corderll), two straight musicians, witness a mob hit. Averse to being bumped off, they leave town as the newly hired members of an “all-girl band” fronted by the irresistible Sugar Kane (Mot Walker). Laughs and drag ensue. Olneytheatre.org
Spooky Action Theater in association Solas Nua present “Hakawatis: Women of the Arabian Nights” (Sept. 24 – Oct. 18). In this re-imagining, Irish Palestinian playwright Hannah Khalil reclaims the classic “Arabian Nights” through a new feminist lens replete with compelling storytelling by its all women cast of five. Spookyaction.org
The Shakespeare Theatre Company presents “Frida…A Self Portrait” (Oct. 8 – Nov. 8), a stage portrait of Mexican painter and queer icon Frida Kahlo. Written and performed by Brazilian actor Vanessa Severo, the play is set on the eve of Kahlo’s death, exploring her pain, passion, and extraordinary life through a powerful, intimate lens. Shakespearetheatre.org
At 1st Stage in Tysons, the season opens with British playwright Harold Pinter’s “Betrayal” (Oct. 8-25), a play sophisticated in subject and structure. Pinter uses a non-linear timeline spanning the years 1968 to 1977, moving mostly backward from the end of a seven-year affair to its beginning. The adulterous love triangle involves Emma (Katrina Clark), Robert (Shawn Sebastian Naar), and Jerry (played by excellent out actor Jaysen Wright). Alex Levy directs. 1ststage.org
In time for Halloween, Creative Caudron Stage in Falls Church presents “Monsters of the Villa Diodati” (Oct. 8 – Nov. 1), a Gothic-style musical created by local married collaborators Matt Conner (composer) and Stephen Gregory Smith (playwright/lyricist).
The applauded work dramatizes the stormy Geneva summer of 1816 when poet Lord Byron challenged his guests to come up with their best scary tales. Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein” and John Polidori’s “The Vampyre” were among the better results. Creativecauldron.org
In Rehoboth Beach, Del., Clear Space Theatre Company’s anticipated annual production of “The Rocky Horror Show” (directed by Wes Drummond and choreographed by Shondelle Graulich) is returning to the stage for the Halloween season. (Oct. 9–31). Clear Space invites theatergoers to “revel in a deliciously decadent rock ‘n’ roll party where nothing is sacred, everything is extra, and liberation is the main event.” (Late night audience participation performances every Saturday night.) Clearspacetheatre.org
The first of Arena Stage’s autumn offerings is the Step Afrika! premiere of “The Fruits of Our Labor” (though Nov. 1), a powerful, celebratory production focused on resilience and the unfinished American experience expertly performed by the company’s tremendous step dancers.
Later at Arena, it’s playwright Eric Bentley’s extremely time “Are You Now or Have You Ever Been” (Oct. 17– Dec. 6), directed by Tony Award-winner Anna D. Shapiro. “This docudrama drops you into the tense world of the 1940s House Committee on Un-American Activities hearings, where fame offered no protection and political pressure could end a career.” Arenastage.org
For a bit of Strathmore family fun, AMP presents Disney Pixar’s “Coco Live-to-Film Concert” (matinees on Oct. 31, Nov. 1), a special event for Día de los Muertos where the full animated film Coco is screened on the big screen while its culturally rich score by Michael Giacchino is performed live by the 20-member Orquesta Folclórica Nacional de México. Strathmore.org
In an amusing essay about microaggressions, David Sedaris shares that whenever he and his partner Hugh browse antique stores in England, the shop owners invariably look them over and ask, “Are you dealers?” His usual retort: “No, just homosexuals.”
Playwright JB Miller treads similar terrain with “The Last Victorian,” his new play that kicks off the fall season at Washington Stage Guild with a world premiere production (Nov. 19- Dec. 13) directed by Laura Giannarelli.
In this dark comedy, two failed British antique dealers, same-sex partners in both business and in life, unbelievably inherit the world’s oldest person. When issues of price and provenance come to the fore, the pair turn on each other, and soon it seems the old lady might take charge. Stageguild.org
And to help make the much of the above markedly more affordable, there’s Theater Week. Organized by Theatre Washington, the more than seven days of deals and entertainment is a multi-week regional celebration launching the local fall theater season that runs from Sept. 24 to Oct. 11, featuring discounted tickets priced at $25, $45, and $65 for more than 25 productions alongside a lineup of free community events. For details and participating companies go to Theatrewashington.org.
Arts & Entertainment
78th annual Emmy Awards recapped
What the show lacked in queer representation, it made up for in queer coding
Entertainment has been bittersweet for queer people. We’ve lost Dolly Parton, Bob Mackie, and Tim Curry. We’ve seen a 41 percent drop in queer characters on television due to TV cancellations. So you likely weren’t expecting the Emmys to be a particularly queer affair. And yet, there were some delicious moments that were queer-coded, and many of our favorites were honored.
Mariska Hargitay, who has played our favorite quasi-butch “SVU” detective for 27 years, hosted the festivities. She took home two Creative Arts Emmys for directing the documentary “My Mom Jayne: A Film by Mariska Hargitay,” which also took home an award. She started the ceremony with a parody of “I Love Rock-n-Roll” which featured appearances by Jean Smart, Jennifer Coolidge, and gay Emmy winner Jeff Hiller. There were also weird product placement ads for Marriott and United. #recessionindicators
As for LGBTQ representation, Rhea Seehorn won for playing lesbian character Carol Sturka in “Pluribus.” Alan Cumming took home another Emmy as well for “The Traitors,” beating out RuPaul and “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” “Drag Race” did take home an Emmy for Outstanding Hairstyling For A Variety, Nonfiction, or Reality Program.
“DTF: St Louis” which followed an infidelity that ended in a muder subplot and featured a unique polyamorous threesome was an Emmy darling and earned Emmys for Linda Cardellini and David Harbour.
There were some historical moments: Matthew Rhys took home two Emmys for Best Lead Actor in an Anthology and Best Lead Actor in a Comedy, making him the first actor to win for two of the main categories in one night. Rob Reiner, who received a posthumous Emmy for his role in “The Bear,” beat out 2025 darling Connor Storrie. This broke the record for the longest span between acting Emmy wins at 48 years, which was previously set by his father, comedian Carl Reiner.
To honor Parton, Sally Field (who took home an Emmy) gave a stirring introduction, with Reba McEntire singing a tribute. Macaulay Culkin, Annie Murphy, and Dan Levy paid tribute to Catherine O’Hara, with Culkin pulling heartstrings calling her “mama.”
There was a 50th reunion for “Charlie’s Angels” with Jaclyn Smith, Kate Jackson, and Cheryl Ladd presenting Outstanding Drama Series. They took a moment to shout out and honor Farrah Fawcett. Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Borenaz had their own reunion, giving out the award for Outstanding Lead Actor and alluded to the sad loss of Nicholas Brendan, Anthony Stewart Head, and Michelle Trachtenberg, who all passed within the last two years. Gellar was also able to make a quick crack about her now-cancelled “Buffy” reboot.
The ceremony was also very on it and was quick to add Mackie, who passed earlier this week, to their In Memoriam segment.
Here’s the full list of winners as well as notable Creative Arts Emmy recipients.
Lead Actress in a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie: Sally Field, “Remarkably Bright Creatures“
Lead Actor in a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie: Matthew Rhys, “The Beast in Me“
Supporting Actress in a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie: Linda Cardellini, “DTF St. Louis“
Supporting Actor in a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie: David Harbour, “DTF St. Louis“
Directing for a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie: Steven Conrad, “DTF St. Louis“
Limited or Anthology Series: ‘DTF St. Louis’
Lead Actor in a Comedy Series: Matthew Rhys, “Widow’s Bay“
Lead Actress in a Comedy Series: Jean Smart, “Hacks“
Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series: Stephen Root, “Widow’s Bay”
Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series: Kate O’Flynn, “Widow’s Bay“
Guest Actor in a Comedy Series: Rob Reiner, “The Bear“
Guest Actress in a Comedy Series: Betty Gilpin, “Widow’s Bay“
Directing for a Comedy Series: Hiro Murai, “Widow’s Bay“
Writing for a Comedy Series: Katie Dippold, “Widow’s Bay“
Comedy Series: “Widow’s Bay“
Lead Actress in a Drama Series: Rhea Seehorn, “Pluribus“
Lead Actor in a Drama Series: Noah Wyle, “The Pitt“
Supporting Actress in a Drama Series: Allison Janney, “The Diplomat“
Supporting Actor in a Drama Series: Tom Pelphrey, “Task“
Guest Actor in a Drama Series: Ernest Harden Jr., “The Pitt“
Guest Actress in a Drama Series: Shailene Woodley, “Paradise“
Writing for a Drama Series” Vince Gilligan, “Pluribus“
Directing for a Drama Series” Saul Metzstein, “Slow Horses“
Drama Series: “The Pitt”
Structured Reality Program: “Antiques Roadshow”
Unstructured Reality Program: “Love on the Spectrum“
Host for a Reality or Reality Competition Program: Alan Cumming, “The Traitors“
Directing for a Reality Program: Ben Archard, “The Traitors“
Reality Competition Program: “The Traitors“
Writing for a Variety Series: “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert“
Directing for a Variety Series: Yvonne De Mare, “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert“
Variety Series: “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert“
Variety Special (Live): “The Apple Music Super Bowl LX Halftime Show Starring Bad Bunny“
Variety Special (Prerecorded): “The Muppet Show“
Directing for a Variety Special: Hamish Hamilton, “The Apple Music Super Bowl LX Halftime Show Starring Bad Bunny“
Short Form Comedy, Drama or Variety Series: “Colbert Before Air“
Short Form Nonfiction or Reality Series: “Inside The Pitt“
Performer in a Short Form Comedy or Drama Series: Desi Lydic, “The Daily Show: Desi Lydic Foxsplains“
Directing for a Documentary/Nonfiction Program: Mariska Hargitay, “My Mom Jayne: A Film By Mariska Hargitay“
Documentary or Nonfiction Special: “My Mom Jayne: A Film by Mariska Hargitay“
a&e features
Acclaimed Chef Patrick O’Connell’s memoir reveals the arc of a life well lived
Overcoming obstacles to serve everyone from Jerry Falwell to Queen Elizabeth
Renowned three-Michelin-star Chef Patrick O’Connell says food and wine hold a unique ability to bring people together. Indeed, he has served everyone from right-wing zealot Jerry Falwell to Britain’s Queen Elizabeth during his decades at the beloved Inn at Little Washington in rural Virginia.
O’Connell’s compelling new memoir, “Main, Middle & Gay” is out Sept. 15 from Celadon Books and offers a deeply personal account of how he transformed his love of food and affinity for the finer things into an iconic inn and restaurant that draws diners from around the world nearly 50 years after it opened in 1978.
O’Connell is launching the book with an event on Sept. 18 at Lisner Auditorium featuring Chef José Andrés and former Washington Post food critic Tom Sietsema. He met Andrés just after Andrés began to work in D.C. and was “on fire with ideas.”
“We sat next to each other at Charlie Trotter’s restaurant and the meal went on for hours and we had a natural rapport,” O’Connell told the Blade in a recent interview. “The chemistry will be fun and lively and unpredictable and exciting. I think we’re all different personalities and we’ll compliment each other.”
O’Connell said he’s excited to hold the event at Lisner.
“I studied theater at Catholic University and transferred to GWU so it’s a coming home party and Lisner has been there since I was a kid and it was always like D.C.’s Carnegie Hall. It feels like going home to my old stomping grounds.”
O’Connell hopes to bring the book to life visually at the event and he has produced a short film that will be screened.
The book traces the self-taught O’Connell’s remarkable journey from rural paperboy and short-order cook to proprietor of one of the world’s most celebrated restaurants and Relais & Châteaux hotels. Along the way we learn about the many challenges he faced — from distrustful and homophobic local residents in Washington, Va., to an expensive, public “divorce” from his longtime romantic and business partner, Reinhardt Lynch.
“It parallels the evolution of American cuisine over 50 years,” he said. “It’s a rare perspective to be in the trenches for that long.”
O’Connell writes candidly about his relationship with Lynch. The two opened the restaurant together — O’Connell running the kitchen and Lynch handling the business. But O’Connell’s accolades and growing notoriety led to jealousy that triggered a protracted falling out and dissolution of both their personal relationship and business partnership. Lynch, as recalled by O’Connell, attempted to secretly sell his 50 percent of the business but ultimately agreed to sell his stake back to O’Connell for a reported $17.5 million. “The Washington Post ran with it as a salacious celebrity divorce story and included all the financial details,” he writes.
After taking full control of the Inn just as the recession of 2008 hit, O’Connell writes of the scrutiny of guests who assumed Lynch’s absence would lead to a slip in quality. “The place couldn’t be just as good as ever. It would have to be better.”
What happened next proved a royal opportunity as Queen Elizabeth visited Virginia to commemorate the 400th anniversary of the founding of the state and O’Connell was asked to cater a reception. This chapter is filled with juicy details and behind-the-scenes anecdotes about the pressures of cooking for the Queen. The subsequent media attention proved lucrative for the Inn and photos of the Queen’s visit still hang in the Inn.
There are references to O’Connell’s sexual orientation throughout the book and he doesn’t shy from addressing his long relationship with Lynch or the resistance the couple encountered when they settled in sleepy Washington, Va.
“I didn’t realize that I was walking into a prejudiced hornet’s nest that I wasn’t fully prepared for and there was a great deal of hostility in part because they didn’t understand anything about what we were attempting to do here so everything about us and our desire to run a fine restaurant was foreign to them,” O’Connell told the Blade. “The irony of a place opening in the center of town of 150 people and at that time the word ‘gay’ wasn’t used here. It was as if they didn’t have space in their consciousness for such a thing. We were regarded as counter culture people.
“The restaurant became a success almost overnight and the locals couldn’t understand what the buzz was about,” O’Connell continued. “They thought food is food and why would anyone drive 60 miles out here for food. They became resentful of the ‘outsiders’ who came. Two outsiders were opening a restaurant and drawing other outsiders out here to a place where there weren’t many jobs. There was resentment on many levels by some — not all. They thought it would go away.”
But O’Connell said he never made his sexuality the focus of his work. Rather, he wanted to use food to bring people of all backgrounds together.
“I never made a point or attempted to make that a central focus on my work,” he said. “I felt that I had found my spot in the universe where I belonged, I loved living here, it was a sanctuary.”
O’Connell’s insistence that everyone is welcome has sometimes created tension and negative press, as when President Trump presented him with a National Humanities Medal that brought criticism from some progressives.
“We see a fascinating clientele here; we don’t judge and we’re not political,” he said. “When people come they are entitled to our hospitality.”
One of those people was televangelist and notorious homophobe Jerry Falwell, who made a reservation at the Inn years ago. O’Connell’s instruction to the staff was to treat Falwell like any other guest.
“We have an image of someone who maybe we would think would be hostile or judgmental and they often surprise us,” O’Connell said. “We held our breath and here’s Falwell working the tables and saying this is the best meal I’ve ever had, aren’t these two guys great and we thought he’s doing PR for us and he’s supposed to be the devil.”
O’Connell said he sees that dynamic play out night after night at the Inn. One of the most conservative national Republican figures, he said, is a regular and Vice President JD Vance dined at the Inn recently. Focusing on the food and hospitality for all constitutes O’Connell’s brand of activism.
“Food does bring people together,” he said. “And you’re doing your part in erasing preconceived judgements.”
He said he and his team did more to advance understanding and acceptance by focusing on hospitality than if “we were out marching.”
As evidence, he said, there are more and more gay couples moving to the area and the town’s mayor, Joe Whited, is gay.
“We’re the biggest employer in the county and largest taxpayer,” he added. “The Inn pays the town almost $1 million per year and property values are getting to be like Palm Beach. And that wasn’t a goal it was a byproduct of doing something as well as it could be done.”
But the book isn’t hagiography. O’Connell revisits traumatic events, like childhood bullies who attacked him for wearing a Little Red Riding Hood costume for Halloween and a sexual assault he endured as a young teenager aboard a bus.
“I don’t know why I couldn’t call out for help or try to make the man stop,” O’Connell writes of the incident. “I didn’t want to call attention to the situation and felt completely implicated. Once it began there was no stopping it.”
Interestingly, O’Connell told the Blade that one of the things he learned in writing the book is how little he’s changed since childhood.
“People tend to lock away a lot of childhood memories for good reason and in a book you’re reliving them and bringing them to life,” he said. “And my revelation is that I don’t think I’ve changed much since I was six and I think most people’s identity is pretty developed in their very early years and their personality is clear. What amused me most is I’m doing the same things now that I did in miniature as a five and six year old.”
As for popular TV shows about the restaurant business, O’Connell says he doesn’t watch them.
“It’s fake,” he said. “There are much more colorful characters and it’s much more exciting in real life. Nobody seems capable of capturing that. So maybe this [book] will have the effect of doing that and showing what it takes.”
O’Connell said the books and stories he most enjoys reading are those that start in childhood and carry through until late in life. He has certainly delivered that in “Main, Middle & Gay,” a moving, fearless memoir filled with the unexpected and natural drama that revisits a uniquely American life.
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