January 21, 2014 | by Michael K. Lavers
My partner is 34 years my senior — so what?
Michael K. Lavers, Andrés Dornberg, gay news, Washington Blade, senior

The writer (on left) and his partner, Andrés. (Photo by Damien Salas; courtesy Michael K. Lavers)

The way that some have reacted to British Olympic diver Tom Daley’s acknowledgement he is in a relationship with a man — rumored to be Oscar-winning screenwriter Dustin Lance Black who is two decades older — has certainly piqued this humble reporter’s interest.

“Creepy,” “strange” and “way too old” are some of the myriad adjectives and phrases used to describe Daley and Black’s rumored relationship that I have read in the media and online. I don’t find my beloved partner who is 34 years older than I “way too old.” And I most certainly do not find the life we share “creepy” or “strange.”

Sheer coincidence brought us together for the first time.

I met Andrés at a Northwest Washington gay bar on July 8, 2010. It was the last night of a three-day trip to the nation’s capital to visit a good friend and his partner. I was extremely happy because my father had just called me from New Hampshire to tell me that I was to become an uncle for the first time.

Andrés and I continued to chat as we left the bar and walked toward Logan Circle on that sultry July evening. I was momentarily surprised when he told me he was 62 – I was 28 at the time, but the age difference truly did not matter. I thought to myself as I returned home to Brooklyn, N.Y. – and my summer job as managing editor of the Fire Island News – the next morning that I had just met a genuinely nice man with whom I wanted to keep in touch.

Andrés and I reunited a few weeks later when he came to New York to visit his family and I quickly realized there was something more to our friendship than our daily phone calls and lengthy streams of text messages. We officially became a couple a few weeks later when he spent Labor Day weekend with me on Fire Island.

A handful of people noted our age difference when we began dating or when they saw us together. These include an airline ticket agent at BWI who asked me whether I was Andrés’ son when we were trying to get onto another flight to travel to a friend’s wedding in New Hampshire. A person who is thankfully no longer a part of my life rather foolishly concluded that I had a “sugar daddy.”

Andrés and I have done many of the same, mundane and dare I say boring things that I assume most couples do since I moved in with him here in D.C. in October 2011. These include kvetching over the day’s news while drinking our morning coffee; making weekly grocery lists and deciding who is going to pick up the dry cleaning or put gas in the car. He also takes a keen interest in my work as a reporter for the Washington Blade and the front-row seat to LGBT history that my colleagues and I continue to enjoy.

My nephew who turns three in March recently called Andrés to wish him happy birthday. And my parents routinely ask about him when we speak and send them their love.

There is certainly nothing “creepy” or “strange” about the life we share as an inter-generational couple. Our friends, family and other loved ones who knew us as single for way too long agree.

Andrés and I are comfortable enough with who we are as people and especially with our relationship not to worry about whether someone may have an issue with our age difference. The same argument should certainly apply to Tom Daley and his rumored boyfriend.

Those who concern themselves with the age difference of two adults who have made the decision to share their lives with each other almost certainly need to spend more time worrying about themselves and assessing their own issues, insecurities, fill in the blank. It is the very simple mantra of mind your own business as those of us from New Hampshire know all too well.

Michael K. Lavers is a news reporter for the Washington Blade. Reach him at mlavers@washblade.com.

Michael K. Lavers has been a staff writer for the Washington Blade since May 2012. The passage of Maryland's same-sex marriage law, the HIV/AIDS epidemic, the burgeoning LGBT rights movement in Latin America and the consecration of gay New Hampshire Bishop V. Gene Robinson are among the many stories he has covered since his career began in 2002. Follow Michael

87 Comments
  • "[M]ind your own business" — this. In the LGBT community, we love to talk about diversity, indivdual autonomy, and the freedom to love whom we love, but all too often, we treat one another in ways that are the opposite of what we claim to believe.

  • Older-Younger relationships in male-male culture are as ancient and revered as time itself. To disparage these is to demonstrate a complete ignorance of our history and heritage. Additionally, the disparaging of anyone's loving relationship is an intentionally bigoted act.

  • Yeah the only things they don't show are the lack of sex drive. Younger men appealing to the younger partner. The prospect of taking care of a guy with the onset of chronic health problems towards the end of life. I am so sick of the way people romanticize the age difference. Being with someone of an advanced age is problematic. Also I've been one of the younger men who appealed to someone with an older partner. Many are people with daddy complexes that they carried right into a relationship. There is a reason you see young twinks with men in their 30s to 40s. And many are due to having issues they never settled with their fathers. After they end up devoting years to their daddy issues to the point of finally being independent they are stuck with an aging old man and are unhappy!

    • You make a lot of assumptions in your comments. Do you actually have any expertise in the fields of psychology/psychiatry/psychoanalysis or are you just the armchair variety? If you do have some expertise, I think it is time for you to go back to school and get “updated”. Your “daddy issues” concept is childish (ironically) sophistry .

    • Man I guess you do not live in my world. I am 12 years younger than my husband. We have been together 20 years. I am 48 and he is 60. We have no issues with our sex life and do not suffer from “bed death”. Neither does his father and step mother. His father is 18 years older than his step mom. He is 89 and she is 70. They have been together 38 years. I KNOW that they still had an active sex life 5 years ago….something I really did not need to know. I am happy to say I know several other happy couples but I have made my point. I wanted to point out that it is not just a gay phenomenon.

  • Ugh if i read about Tom Daley ONE MORE TIME!? It's like the Gay Media is OBSESSED with him… and why? Because he's young and thin and cute. YAWN there are better more interesting things to talk about.
    And as far as this article, I think it would have been better if there was actual research involved instead of a just a personal story. I'm willing to bet that most May December relationships don't last. Of course there are exceptions to everything, but I wonder what the actual statistics are for things like this?

  • Yes, so what! I'm happily partnered to my best friend of 17 years and we have a 21 year difference. It is not for everyone and yes, if it is not your thing, please don't get involved in one. But, please do not judge others. Yes, there are health issues (with both of us), but the same will happen in any long term relationship regardless of age differences or not. If you love someone, you should always be very aware and accepting that you may have to care of them or their health will change or they may have to take care of you when your health is not its best. We will all get old, we will all get sick and GASP! we will all die. – this will not change no matter how much we go to the gym! The keys to any long lasting relationship is maturity (mental maturity), the ability to adapt to the changes in the relationship as time goes on, a willingness to work together as partners (notice I do not use spouses, BF's, etc.) and a solid friendship and companionship. This is what works for my partner and I and yes, we will marry this year since it is finally legal for us to do so in our state.

  • Right. Because it's much better to be forced to deal with your partner's "end of life" issues when you are simultaneously dealing with your own. The same principle dictates that having twins must be easier than having just one baby.

  • My husband and I celebrate 7 years next month. He's 13 years older than me. And after what the world has thrown at us in that time with us still together, hard to think of what could push us apart.

  • "Creepy?" "Strange?" Those who believe age differences matter are very limited on their thinking, and I guarantee you they're also missing out on a fabulous life. Boo hoo.

  • Corkryn Williams I am saying stop romanticizing age differences for more than what they are. 34 years is a great amount of time. Having had someone quite a bit older than me asking, "Could you handle being with someone as old as I am?" I said, "Yes at the time." Because I was naive to the idea of what that means. Ask any person quite a bit younger who has ever had to take care of someone older than them whether parents or grandparents. Think about your partner this great love of your life dropping dead years before you or being chronically needing care. You've wasted the gold of your youth on this older man. You are now an older man trying to break into dating in a culture centered on youth. It won't end well and your feelings will get hurt. Ask any closeted individual who comes out at middle age just how accepting LGBT culture tends to be of older men. So you can wax sentimental all you want about age differences yet the truth of the matter is that it is quite hard to deal with huge age gaps in relationships.

    • I’m sure there are plenty who do not feel “they have wasted the gold of their youth on this older man”. Maybe you feel that way but that doesn’t entitle you to generalize and say that such feelings are inevitable in all age different relationships. You presume too much. The word cynical comes to mind.

  • heres the difference not many people seem to be pointing out though. the author of this article is a grown man (28 years old). tom daily is still a freakin teenager. I'm not saying their love is genuine or not ( i don't know them personally and neither do any of you commenting) but if we are talking about generally, a teenager dating a 40 year old just doesn't sound cool to me. too much room for exploitation if you think about it…

    • Precisely! There’s a HUGE difference in the maturity of a 28 year old and a 19 year old…… HUGE. Even I used to think that I was “mature for my age” and while I was, I lacked a context about life and life experiences that you only get later on in life…….. for most, male and females, things start to really come together and make sense in your 30′s. Tom D. is just starting to live his life and learn who he is, sexuality included…. If it’s a sexual thing between he and Dustin, cool…. let him sow his wild oats and get some experiences under his belt, have fun! As a relationship or a partner of equals? Mostly MENTALLY, Tom just isn’t equipped or experienced enough yet to be able to offer that. While we can wax poetic about “you never know”, the reality is he’s not and this type of thing is only the beginning of problems that plague the relatioships of people with huge age differences.

  • My partner and I have a 26 year age difference and we have been together for 26 years. People who don't know us think he is my father until I tell them otherwise.

  • My partner and I have a 26 year age difference and we have been together for 26 years. People who don't know us think he is my father until I tell them otherwise.

  • Very well said!!!

  • Very well said!!!

  • That may have been your experience, it's not everyone's. Most of my relationships have been with men much older than me. But most of them ended for reason that a lot do. Different goals, too different in personalities. My current partner is 13 years older. Yes, there are health issues. We deal. And while he is quite a bit like my father, I'm a bit like his too. It works for us. He's the first person I want to see in the morning and last at night and I'll be with him as long as I can.

  • That may have been your experience, it's not everyone's. Most of my relationships have been with men much older than me. But most of them ended for reason that a lot do. Different goals, too different in personalities. My current partner is 13 years older. Yes, there are health issues. We deal. And while he is quite a bit like my father, I'm a bit like his too. It works for us. He's the first person I want to see in the morning and last at night and I'll be with him as long as I can.

  • There, s 25 years between my partner and me. We've together for 21 years.

  • There, s 25 years between my partner and me. We've together for 21 years.

  • Since we live jn Maine, we got married in August.

  • Since we live jn Maine, we got married in August.

  • Terrific article! Thank you, Michael! <3

  • Pointing out the obvious — that Lance is literally old enough to be Tom’s father — is not the same thing as condemnation or some sort of demand to nullify their relationship. It's an observation. Relationships like this (regardless of sexual orientation) are unusual; and the age difference does become an issue when the older spouse eventually needs elder care. There is nothing mean spirited in acknowledging reality. Most people don’t imagine having a relationship where, as a 40 year old, they’re already caring for their elderly partner in a nursing home. Most couples would like to grow old together, and spend as much time as possible with each other. That’s why most people find a mate that is close to their own age.

    Again, presenting an opinion is not the same thing as telling someone else that they can’t pursue that type of relationship if they want to. No one is stopping Lance and Tom, or Michael and Andrés from doing so. But expecting everyone to pretend that there aren’t any real world issues in inter-generational relationships is naive.

  • Daniel English I understand everything you have stated here and years ago I would have agreed with you except for the fact that I always dated older men than myself. I was not looking toward a long future with them though. Once I actually found love though, it made no difference what the age difference was and I would gladly deal with age-related issues to be with the man that I found a deep love with.
    Now that I have gotten a bit older I find myself in a relationship with a man more than 10 years younger than me. He and I have been together for nearly 7 years and been legally married for one.
    True love crosses all boundaries if one is more interested in loving the person instead of their concept.

  • As long as it's between consenting adults, whatever works for you works for you. The people who react negatively to things like need to get lives of their own.

  • hey man you two love each other and seem to care for each other it's a hell of a lot more than most marriages I see from any others. you have the right to be happy and married to who you see fit. screw them if they think otherwise. you're awesome!! if I were gay I'd be jealous. :)

  • everyone needs to give some thought to what kind of care they would need/want if disabled, and at the end of life. i am in my 40s, and have witnessed older people who have only partially done this planning. as a result, their loved ones had to do a lot of stressful scrambling at a time that was filled with stress and grief. i think that planning can help, no matter what the age difference in your relationship.

  • p.s. i.e., even in your late 40s, start thinking about these things for yourself. long-term care insurance, etc. (if you can afford it).

  • I had a relationship of sorts with a much much younger man. I wound up caring for him because of health issues. It was not ideal, but something we probably both needed, and we did care for each other very much.

  • @ Daniel English. Oh my you are one angry and pissed off boy. I say boy because no man would ever be as disrespectful as you are to all ages. Your lack of a love gene is your problem and for that my husband and I are very sorry for you. Your generalities and lack of social maturity is appalling. Get some education in all things. Especially respect to others and learn how to love who you are first. You obviously have so many self issues. Get some help .. you need kindness in your life.

  • Daniel English oh. I forgot how selfish you are. .It is all about the "you" ,.. which we all know is yourself.. so full of I . .you can't see the others in front of you.

  • Would this "elder care" be pretty much like your parents are going to be? How your Grandparents are .. or were? Is it the same thing that all couples that are committed to one another go through at some time in their lives.. IF they are committed and have a lifetime of love for one another. You know. .the kind that doesn't care ,, at all ,, about what others think about their relationship..? no matter if they are the same age or 20 or 50 years apart? Aren't these the SAME kind of relationships? I am assuming that some, or all , of these commenter are gay?.. If you are not gay then you have no business commenting I might say.. If you are. .you are shameful. Nothing more. .. bitchy, unkind and shameful.

  • UH. he is a celebrity? and yes. .. he is a world class athlete .. equals celebrity.. and here is a May / December .. 18+ year . .lasting!

  • What’s “creepy” about the Tom Daley/DLB coupling IS NOT their age difference. It’s simply that Tom Daley is a teenager, whose brain is not yet fully formed.

  • I married the love of my life on November 16th, 2013. We've been lovers and best friends since 2005. I'm 73 and he's 28. The statement that love is blind certainly is can be true when it comes to age difference.
    We live in Montana, so we had to drive to San Diego, Calif. to get hitched. It was well worth the trip.

  • As long as there's relative parity and it's not some Older-Guy Mind-Controlling + Narcissistically Sculpting The Twink to Gratify His Ego and Love His Disowned Inner-Child or Adolescent Retroactively (I'm Looking At YOU Christopher Isherwood!) I have no objection to Age-Spread Relationships in principle. I DO mind it when some Well-Heeled Pederast Glows and Declares He's Found True Love with some Brain-Dead Twink whom can't speak, can't think, and where they clearly have nothing in common except for Bill-Of-Sale "Adoption" Molestationship Paperwork From Some Third-World Brothel. That said, on a case by case basis, I allow each relationship to show it's partners, me, and everyone else what it's made-of. Still, it's very sad when people choose partners with whom there's No Life-Bridging or Understanding or Shared Generational Experience. That said, To Each Their Own, Live and Let Live, and if it works based on Healthy Parameters whom are we to judge? <3 @ :-D

  • When I was 19 years old I dated a man who was 36 years my senior. We figured out fairly quickly that we were much better off as friends and stuck that way. This man is still an integral source of friendship to this day. Being 22 years now I have found that most of my friends that were in my age bracket were way more accepting of both our relationship and our past then those that were closer to his age regardless of sexual orientation. Just a little food for thought.

  • Why is is okay for a straight couple to have huge age differences (especially if the gal is way younger than the guy) but as soon as it is an LGBT couple, it is creepy? It is not creepy, and I am glad for all of you who are in such great loving relationships! I know my partner and I have been together for 13 wonderful years, and I can't imagine my life without her!

  • It is not about age, color, race, creed, gender it is LOVE <3

  • hummmm There is hope for me after all……

  • hummmm There is hope for me after all……

  • My ex was 19 years older than me. It didn't work out but it wasn't the age thing. We WERE together for 14 years. Sometimes we grow apart, sometimes we grow together. That's all.

  • My ex was 19 years older than me. It didn't work out but it wasn't the age thing. We WERE together for 14 years. Sometimes we grow apart, sometimes we grow together. That's all.

  • i myself always feel more comfortable with older men.

  • Daniel English, by the looks and sound of it after seeing your pics and reading what you have to say, the only beings you'll be able to romanticize with for the rest of your life is your cats (hope there's not a big age gap between y'all)

  • Daniel English, by the looks and sound of it after seeing your pics and reading what you have to say, the only beings you'll be able to romanticize with for the rest of your life is your cats (hope there's not a big age gap between y'all)

  • AWWWW how sad, Daniel English needs his diaper changed, he got so mad at what I posted about him romanticizing with his cats if he keeps judging other' sage gap that he messaged me in private "F*ck you and your mother" naughty angry bird, I don't even think his cats will want him now

  • Who are we to judge? This after 14 lines of nothing but judging? //eyeroll//

  • Um… as much as I want to disagree with you, I think I must actually agree. Teens simply aren't (generally speaking) developmentally matured enough to make serious life commitments. On the other hand, very often a lad will date a man, only to break up after not too long a time. And if they don't break up relatively soon, the longer they stay together, the more time the youth has to mature and, implicitly, make a matured decision to remain in the relationship. But again, on the face of it I think I have to reluctantly agree with you (the "too much room for exploitation" part).

  • Tom Daley will be 20 in May. He is old enough to vote, old enough to serve in the military, and above the age of consent. He is capable of making his own decisions. I cannot imagine why anyone else feels entitled to judge his private affairs. People are entitled to find their happiness.

  • Tell them to mind there own business

  • I can see both sides of it. From the younger guy's perspective (and I'm going to use dangerous generalizations and plausible theories like everyone else), he has the benefit of learning from someone with more life experience, and won't have to deal with the "flavor of the week" mentality the fledglings often have; "Oooh! HE'S cute! I need to tap some of THAT!" Younger dating older have the advantage of being with someone who knows the value of love-real, mature, unconditional love- and loyalty. They have the kind of respect for another individual that others their own age can only read about and later deny it even exists.
    From an older guy's view, being with someone younger is a reminder that Age really IS just a number. Younger guys help older ones keep in touch with contemporary things like music, art, entertainment, and the financial and economic bullshit of today that effects THEM as opposed to US.
    From a purely superficial point of view (Daniel should appreciate this part), younger guys tend to be in better shape than older ones; few are the guys in their 50's who aren't overweight, balding, have bad teeth, and are gonna die soon anyway. RIGHT?
    And Daniel, I have a news flash for you- if you're in a LTR for a lifetime, then taking care of an ill or dying partner is part of that, and is age-gap-independent. If you're whining about taking care of someone you profess to love, you're exactly the kind of twink I just referred to. "Waste the gold of your youth"? Superficial much?

  • My partner and I are 36 years difference in age. We have been together for almost 18 years and married 2 months ago in NY. Marriage has brought us closer together. We couldn´t be happier. Love has no age barrier, only people have made-up barriers to love.

  • Bitter much?

  • And who cares if your judgemental bitter self has objections or not. Perhaps a little bit of self awareness is in order. To end your posting by saying "Whom are we to judge?" after all you did throughout your posting was to judge……

  • I'm in a straight relationship with a man 24 years my senior. I'm 45, he's 69. Gay or straight, when you meet someone with whom you have a deep connection and so much in common (in our case, reading, religion, political views… Heck, even careers: He's a retired English teacher and i'm a proofreader, and, no, we've only met in the past two years–he was never my teacher), as well as true respect for one another, the age difference is meaningless. I am happier in this relationship than I have ever been in my life!

  • What a fantastic article, such a beautiful couple with a touching story. My partner and I are actually thirty-four years apart as well! I never could understand how people can criticize something that hurts absolutely no one, I mean it seems to be done purely out of their own feelings of awkwardness within themselves. Everybody knows that is unfair to the people in question; let’s say someone was personally had some problems with an interracial couple getting married, and from that they feel the need to create various reasons why that couple shouldn’t be together. Of course you can find reasons why that couple shouldn’t be together if you already have decided that it makes you very uncomfortable in the first place! Two adults should be allowed to be together; this strange land we are all apart of is complex, and love sometimes comes in unique forms. Why not open your mind to the uniqueness that appears time to time, instead of trying to shut it down because of your narrow perception of reality? Wake up.

  • What a fantastic article, such a beautiful couple with a touching story. My partner and I are actually thirty-four years apart as well! I never could understand how people can criticize something that hurts absolutely no one, I mean it seems to be done purely out of their own feelings of awkwardness within themselves. Everybody knows that is unfair to the people in question; let’s say someone was personally had some problems with an interracial couple getting married, and from that they feel the need to create various reasons why that couple shouldn’t be together. Of course you can find reasons why that couple shouldn’t be together if you already have decided that it makes you very uncomfortable in the first place! Two adults should be allowed to be together; this strange land we are all apart of is complex, and love sometimes comes in unique forms. Why not open your mind to the uniqueness that appears time to time, instead of trying to shut it down because of your narrow perception of reality? Wake up.

  • I posted directly to a comment above which discussed sex drive. Many on this thread have talked about the younger person in the relationship having to take care of the older partner. This is not always the case. I will share my relationship and my in laws as examples of the opposite. I am 12 years younger than my husband. He has had no health problems in our 20 year relationship. I have not been as lucky. He has had to take care of me on several occasions. On 2 occasions I was seriously ill for extended periods of time. His Dad is also in amazing health. He is going to be 89 in July. His step Mom is having her 70th on Feb 2nd. She has been a long term survivor of active stage 4 ovarian cancer. She was diagnosed at 52. She has had good periods and bad. She has been on chemo so many times I cannot count. She goes on chemo like most people go on vacation. She is an amazing lady. His father has had to take care of her off and on for years. They are going old together. My husband has been blessed with familial long longevity. So it is a crap shoot how will be taking care of who….even with the age difference.

  • Kristin Westersund

    This has nothing to do with sexual orientation. My fiance (dude) is quite a bit older than me (not a dude) and we get all the same comments regarding age.

  • Some people have very good relationships with someone significantly older or younger than themselves, other people do not. The only time for anyone to complain is if the relationship, regardless of the age difference or lack thereof, is abusive.

    Congratulations on finding and recognizing a happy and healthy relationship, Michael.

  • I made Legitimate Points of concern that have been Legitimate Points of concern over the Power-Inequalities and Developmental Issues inherent to these types of relationships since the beginning. BTW, you're all Complete Cunts and either are/were likely precisely type The Older Narcissistic Parasite Type or Younger Brain-Dead Twink Seeking A Sculptor in Your Current and/or Past Relationships of The Very Type I was describing when May-December goes wrong. And, to be fair, I made it clear that said types of relationships could go right too, but that there were risks inherent to them.

  • I'm going to copy and paste the comment I left on Karen Ocamb's blog. I first want to say, you were 28 and your partner was 62 when you met. That's different than 18yrs old and 38yrs old. So here is my copy and paste job,

    Again, for myself I will say, It's not the age difference, it's not that Dustin Lance Black is to old. It's more like Tom is to young. The idea that Dustin Lance Black makes a habit of dating young men doesn't help either. We are not talking about liking blue eyes or tall men. We are talking about sleeping with young men and teenagers. That is what I have a problem with. People keep lingering on the age difference thing! If Tom were say 21 and Dustin 41 I would think great for them. Now with Tom having been 18 and still in High School and Dustin 38 when they started dating. Yes!! That's wrong in my eyes and it seems a little ephebophile to me. A man of 38 should not take a teenager as a sexual partner. Any adult person with the sense God gave them would stop and look at the situation and say no. I think there is a difference in looking at an 18 year old and saying "I'm old enough to be your father" and looking at a 21 year old and saying I'm old enough to be your father!!" At least at 21 your wearing your first pair of big boy pants.

    Also, please don't just put out there how wonderful it is to have a lover twice as old as you are without considering the risk you put teens in. Teenagers will look at this and say hey maybe that 40 something guy that buys me drinks in the club isn't that bad? Like they say he's older and knows more about life than I do. That's a good thing right? Or, maybe it's just a setup for tragedy. Maybe it's an older person with a problem, who can take advantage of the naivete of youth! Or do we not care about our young people anymore to warn them? I wouldn't put Dustin Lance Black in that category if he didn't have a history of dating guys much younger than him. He can always stay one step ahead, or in this case 20 steps ahead of a younger mind.

  • There are so many holes in your comment. First off it's not the age difference that would be "revered" it would be the people. Second Slavery is a part of our history and heritage. Dating back to Biblical times. Should we welcome that into our modern daily lives also? Nambla would agree with your last line.

  • There are so many holes in your comment. First off it's not the age difference that would be "revered" it would be the people. Second Slavery is a part of our history and heritage. Dating back to Biblical times. Should we welcome that into our modern daily lives also? Nambla would agree with your last line.

  • Christopher Strobel

    Beautifully put, and I'm so glad you're happy. I hope Andres appreciates how much of a love letter what you wrote constitutes. The two significant long-term relationships I've had in my life have been with one guy two years younger than me and another one year older than me. But age is irrelevant. May and December are the most gorgeous months of the year, don't you think?

  • I am sooooo glad you said that! My thoughts too.

  • Christopher Strobel

    You want to know what I think? You're getting married.

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

    The only advice I can offer you is to say that, as impossible as you thought getting married to a man you love would be, since the love of your life is older than you, be prepared for his mind to be totally blown by how lucky he is. He might cry. For all the right reasons.

    But from this part of the Internet, I wish you every happiness.

  • Like you said you used "generalizations" and "plausible theories". You actually make me want to run out and find a much older man. You make them all sound so wonderful and forthright. Those terrible teenagers and their "flavor of the week" who would want them? OH, Dustin Lance Black and all the other wonderful older men who date teenagers, that's who.

  • Christopher Strobel

    My very first relationship was with a guy who is 32 years older than me. (I was 20.) We both knew that was going to be temporary, but I came out of that relationship confident and proud, and 30 years later we're still friends. I know I don't need to tell you this, but don't let people harsh on the beauty that has (obviously) shown up in your life. Go give him a hug. :-)

  • Christopher Strobel

    You're pointing out a potential risk. Legitimately. All I can tell you is that when I was younger, my relationships with older men (20/53 in one case, 22/32 in another) turned out well. We're still friends. This was in the early 1980's, and I was kind of ahead of most people my age in being comfortable with who I am. The only other people who were comfortable with who they are tended to be older.

    But I don't want to run down the concern you raise. It's legit. It's all completely none of my business, but when I saw that Tom Daley was inviting Dustin Lance Black to spend the holidays with his family? That's when I thought, "Ok." Which he did. Exploitive people generally try to isolate their targets from friends and family. There's a pretty clear signal that that's not happening here. And, again, it's none of my business, but I don't see any red flags in this one.

    But you're right to worry about them. Even though, as I said, it's really none of your or my business.

  • Christopher Strobel

    You're pointing out a potential risk. Legitimately. All I can tell you is that when I was younger, my relationships with older men (20/53 in one case, 22/32 in another) turned out well. We're still friends. This was in the early 1980's, and I was kind of ahead of most people my age in being comfortable with who I am. The only other people who were comfortable with who they are tended to be older.

    But I don't want to run down the concern you raise. It's legit. It's all completely none of my business, but when I saw that Tom Daley was inviting Dustin Lance Black to spend the holidays with his family? That's when I thought, "Ok." Which he did. Exploitive people generally try to isolate their targets from friends and family. There's a pretty clear signal that that's not happening here. And, again, it's none of my business, but I don't see any red flags in this one.

    But you're right to worry about them. Even though, as I said, it's really none of your or my business.

  • you weren't an 18 year old teenager still in high school when you met/began seeing your partner. 30 to 50, not such a big deal…18 to 38- I'll agree with the posters who said 'crrepy'

  • I wish I could find a guy who feels the same way about me. I'm really a nice guy.

  • I am happily partnered with a younger man who is 30 years my junior, and from another country. We are awaiting a final approval of our fiance visa so that he can travel here to live with me. We met in 2011 and we have been trying to stay together ever since. I have spent months with him and his family. His father ,despite being a Pentecostal minister loves me, and I love his family. My friends love him and we plan to marry in my home state of Massachusetts. We want to spend the rest of my life together. The constant uphill battles we have endured to be together only makes our comittment stronger.

  • The age difference between my husband and I is 14 years (I’m the younger). We love each other and would be lost without each other. We’ve been together over ten years (I stopped counting at ten). We get on extremely well and do everything together and are hardly ever apart. If there is an issue, it is that I still find him incredibly attractive and sexy so much so that all I want is to be in bed with him ALL the time.

  • My boyfriend is 59 and I'm 21… So what??
    Love u, Jim !!

  • It's fun seeing all the age difference couples crawl out of the wood work in response to this story. All the claims of ageism aren't true…yes- 20, 30 year differences have worked- but all relationships are different. There are many red flags regarding the Daley/Black coupling. Less than 3 years ago, Daly lost his father to cancer. Black is nearly is father's age. Also, Black has a long history dating and dumping teenagers, as well as porn stars- allegedly. The two were rumored to meet at a Kid's Choice Awards after party. Reports say Black wants children almost immediately. There's a huge difference between 18 and 28- almost 2 different people. I was certainly a different person at 25 from the one I was at 18 and again different at 30. We are basically the person we are/will be by 28/29- Tom isn't getting the chance to develop into that person.

  • My partner was in the Marine Corps during Viet Nam while I was in Kindergarten (1970) Yes, there may be a 15 year age difference, but none of that matters (especially since we've been together for 25 years)

  • David Sandall-Hill

    Ted, Congratulations to you and your partner for your upcoming wedding and for your commitment to each other for 21 years. Your story inspires me!!! Thank you!!!

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