Opinions
A son’s case for marriage equality
I’ve never felt prouder than when my moms were married
The first time anyone asked me if I was disadvantaged to be raised by lesbian moms was in the first grade. A friend from my class asked what my mom and dad did for a living, and when I told him I had two moms, he told me that I wasn’t normal, that we were different.
Growing up, friends would ask questions like, “who cooks?” or, “who works?” trying to fit our puzzle piece where we just couldn’t. To me, my family was different because I had three parents; a step mom and two other moms; a twin and two step brothers; the fact that my parents were gay never made me think of them as different, until those outside my family made a point of it.
It wasn’t until my freshman year in high school that I finally saw how my family was “different.”
Elliott and I woke up early on Jan. 11, 2010, and put on our only suits. We shuffled into the back of Kris and Sandy’s SUV and the four of us drove across the Bay Bridge to a Victorian home in San Francisco. There, we met with Chad Griffin, president of the American Foundation for Equal Rights, Paul Katami, and Jeff Zarrillo (who with my moms would be the plaintiffs in the Proposition 8 case). The five of them stepped outside to meet the press, and it was Jeff who said, “We’re all Americans who simply want to get married like everybody else.”
In minutes, Elliott and I were on our way to the Federal District Courthouse. We were led through the back while our moms and a battalion of lawyers weaved their way between picket lines. It seemed that in no time Judge Walker was banging his gavel and the trial began.
One of our lawyers, David Boies, called Jeff and then Paul. The opposing lawyer, Charles Cooper, cross-examined Paul, and then, Ted Olson, our other lawyer, asked Kris to take the stand.
After a few questions, Ted asked Kris what it felt like to be discriminated against. It was the first time I had ever heard any of my moms describe what it was like to face prejudice. She told Ted about growing up in the Central Valley of California and hiding who she was. She told him how she was teased and mocked as she grew up and how that blanket of constant hate had lowered the quality of her life. She also said she had never allowed herself to be truly happy and how she didn’t want any kid to know what that felt like.
Looking around as Kris joined us again on the bench, I could see my brother, Sandy, and our friends in tears.
I had finally found my answer: Families like mine are no different than anyone else’s. We share the same love. We’re only different in that we felt the brunt of living under discriminatory laws.
When a family like mine is denied equal protection under the law, when society tells us that because you are a minority, you don’t get the rights of the majority, it hurts. It validates hate against that minority. It teaches kids in states with same-sex marriage bans that your family isn’t worthy of protection.
Perry v. Hollingsworth was appealed again and again until it reached the Supreme Court. My first trip to D.C. was much like that drive to San Francisco three years earlier. Elliott and I woke up early to stand in line outside the courthouse. We walked behind our parents to sit behind Ted Olson and David Boies. In the midst of Charles Cooper’s oral argument, Justice Kennedy asked, “Forty thousand children in California … that live with same-sex parents, and they want their parents to have full recognition and full status. The voice of those children is important in this case, don’t you think?” Cooper responded saying there was no evidence that children, my brothers and I, would benefit from Kris and Sandy being married.
Today the same question is being asked in court cases across the country that challenge state bans on marriage equality and like Perry v. Hollingsworth have the potential to bring the battle of universal marriage equality to the Supreme Court.
Four months after the Supreme Court oral arguments, the court lifted the ban on same-sex marriages in California and I got to know exactly what that benefit is. Take it from a son –I’ve never felt prouder or more patriotic than when my moms were legally married one year ago on June 28. Every son and daughter in every state should have the right to feel that way.
Spencer M. Perry is the son of Kris Perry and Sandy Stier, plaintiffs in the Perry v. Hollingsworth case that overturned California’s ban on same-sex marriage. He studies economics and public policy at George Washington University.
Opinions
Unfair attacks on Springfield Haitians recall our disturbing past
Political rhetoric feeds a system of harm that destroys lives
By Dwayne Steward
I am equal parts amazed and baffled by how often history repeats itself in this country.
As I watched the viral popularity of the “eating cats and dogs” moment explode across the globe following the presidential debates on Sept. 10, I couldn’t help but be reminded that this isn’t the first time the American political system has unfairly and inaccurately sacrificed the Haitian community at the altar of political fodder.
In 1982, just a year after the first scientific article was published identifying the AIDS virus, the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention named the “4-H’s” as the leading at-risk communities for HIV transmission: “Haitians, Hemophiliacs, Homosexuals and Heroin addicts.” Today the CDC would consider most of these terms culturally inappropriate and would definitely defy anyone labeling an entire racial demographic as a danger to the community for infectious disease transmission.
However, the damage was done. Many politicians, including President Ronald Reagan, were quoted using the “4-H’s” as a tool to perpetuate the misconception that HIV was only affecting a flawed minority. These four profiles for HIV transmission seeped deep into the American consciousness. Rampant discrimination and stigma continues to haunt immigrants of the Black Diaspora, LGBTQ communities and people who use drugs, to this day.
J.D. Vance has mentioned several times to the press that the immigrants “flooding into Springfield” are increasing HIV cases in the area, despite there being no epidemiological data from local or state public health entities to back his claims.
Now, reports of bomb threats and ongoing safety concerns for Haitian people continue to dominate headlines. This rhetoric not only creates dangerous environments for the affected communities, but it also continues to support the codifying of laws that criminalize marginalized communities.
Earlier this year, Equality Ohio released a groundbreaking report in partnership with the Ohio Modernization Movement that showed more than 200 Ohioans between 2014 and 2020 were charged under laws aimed at criminalizing people who are living with HIV or AIDS. A startling 35% of these cases were filed against people who identified as Black, and nearly 1 in 3 were Black men.
Currently there are six laws in Ohio that criminalize HIV using outdated and disproven information that hasn’t been used by the medical field since the early 1990s. Yet, these laws are still being used to over-police and incarcerate marginalized communities.
Political rhetoric doesn’t just feed viral internet entertainment, it also feeds a system of harm that destroys lives and separates families. We should expect more from our public officials. Haitians, and all immigrants, should not have to live in fear because of the old, hateful propaganda spread by the people who should be representing us. Unless or until that changes, we can fight for change in ways large and small – even by thinking twice about the next meme we share.
Dwayne Steward is executive director of Equality Ohio. He previously served as the director of Inclusive Excellence, Belonging & Accessibility at OSU Wexner Medical Center, and has been published in various publications on the topics of racial justice, sexual health, gender identity, and sexual orientation.
Commentary
To West Africa with love
Thoughts on Ghanaian tradition, queerness, and Western imperialism
You may know by now that Ghana’s parliament has just passed one of the harshest laws against its LGBTQ citizens in West Africa. Many advocates, activists, LGBTQ people, and allies are still trying to process why and how this happened.
During this announcement a person I’m closely tied to was in Juaben, Ghana.
They were celebrating the life and passing of their grandmother, who happens to be a Queen Mother (Juabenhemaa) of the Asante Kingdom in Ghana. It was an elaborate two week traditional ceremony with both private and public events and was attended by thousands as well as the who’s who in Ghana including President Nana Akufo Addo himself.
As a history major, a cultural enthusiast and Afro-futurist, I was excited to have first hand accounts with photos and videos of all the ceremonies and to see beautiful Ghanaian royalty and people in their decorated clothes, dress, dance, and tradition. While at the same time supporting my loved one virtually.
About four days into the two week ceremony, my person in Ghana texted me about a male dancer wearing traditional women’s clothes, wearing makeup with a stuffed buttocks. They found it intriguing and was eager to share with me. In this traditional space, it was normalized and the cultural dancer continued to even dance with other men at the ceremony.
They reported to me that some of the young anti-LGBTQ Ghanian Americans at the ceremony were disgusted and confused. One remarked ‘What? Is this ‘Drag Race now?’ as the colorfully dressed person continued to skillfully dance their traditional dance in honor of the Asante Queen Mother.
Four days later the anti-LGBTQ law passed through the parliament of Ghana, devastating LGBTQ Ghanians, advocates, allies, and diaspora.
The bill now awaits the president’s signature to be enacted.
As I read through the 36-page long document called Promotion of Proper Human Sexual Rights and Ghanaian Family Values Bill of 2021, the basis document for this legislation, it includes repetitive emphasis of resistance to foreign imposition and the maintenance of Ghanaian values, culture, sovereignty, and independence and rejection of homosexuality. The document is a combination of the efforts of various groups including Christian organizations, Muslim organizations, family rights organizations, and the traditional chiefs of Ghana.
I found it interesting that there was but one paragraph that mentioned the importance of protecting the lives of LGBTQ people. Can you guess which one group (Christian organizations, Muslim organizations, Family rights organizations and the traditional chiefs of Ghana) was solely appealing to protect the lives of LGBTQ people in the bill?
The National House of Chiefs, the group most steeped in Ghanaian historical and cultural tradition, made some attempt within the document to shield the lives of LGBTQ people from harm.
Time and time again, advocates have purported that it is indeed the hatred of queer people that is an imposition. Yet they are Christian and family value organizations funded by the right wing organizations that claim to protect local culture and values but instead create divisions that threaten the livelihoods of their Ghanaian queer families.
It begs the question, What is so western about LGBTQ people?
If we are being completely honest, the language, culture and framework is certainly western.
The expression of self was never demonized in many now erased cultures across the world but the idea and framework of queerness today is.
The LGBTQ movement is largely a western movement and culture. From the rainbow flag to its terminology. Today LGBTQ/queer is the language we use universally to describe people whose self and sexual expression is not mainstream.
During colonization, many cultural indigenous traditions were lost including the language we used to identify our family and communities. It was then replaced with Christianity used as a tool to control and restrict — as it continues to do so today.
Indigenous Native Americans are fortunate to have retained their language and some of their culture. Their language of two-spirit makes room culturally for those Indigenous people we would call queer today.
There are countless examples of cultures within West African traditions and culture that have celebrated and have space and language for their “two-spirit” people as described by the Native Americans or their “Dagara” people as described by people from the Ghanaian neighboring country Burkina Faso.
That said, as a result of our erased cultures today, LGBTQ/queer is the language and culture we have globally adopted – obviously to the ire of those who don’t quite understand their own culture.
Regardless of language, culture or foreign imposition, there is no excuse for the hatred, exclusion, and persecution of any group of people — period.
From Uganda in East Africa, Ghana, West Africa to St. Vincent in the Eastern Caribbean the sentiment remains the same where there seems to be a confusion around cultural identity and the clutching onto an idea of sovereignty in efforts to continue to resist years of colonial oppression, imposition, and trauma.
We haven’t even begun to discuss how Christianity, another colonial tool, has culturally divided us and has our societal progress in a chokehold.
However, as a futurist, it is not helpful to remain in a place of blame, anger and self pity — it gets us nowhere. This is the hand that we have been dealt and we must work in various ways to build up our businesses and to nurture and grow families, communities, and our people.
And so I offer this piece to the brave advocates across various post colonial landscapes — draw close to the cultures and identities from whence you came. Activists like Lady Phyll and Alex Kofi Donor have remained entrenched within their cultural tradition signifying that being queer identifying people and being African in identity and culture aren’t mutually exclusive.
We ought to be bold in addressing and working with external groups — the extremely tough and dangerous part of advocacy — entering churches, parliaments, universities, and being visible and contributing citizens not only within local queer communities but outside of the silos and enclaves of our safe spaces. That visibility puts a human face and personality to our cause. We must be our own politicians. Building real relationships with folks who we may not always agree with but who we may see eye to eye with on other issues. Start showing up for other marginalized groups besides our own.
And perhaps I’m blinded by the context of the advocacy done in little Barbados, perhaps it’s a safer place these days, an easier place to exercise this level of visibility … maybe.
What I do know is that we need to employ thoughtful strategy to our advocacy efforts because it was the strategy of the colonial powers that got us in this situation in the first place.
And it will be our understanding of our own people and the application of strategic thinking that will get us out.
Opinions
10 reminders of why we must vote for Harris
A strong LGBTQ turnout could swing election in key states
There are a million reasons to vote for Kamala Harris over Donald Trump but here are 10 of the best. If you’re not feeling the burn about casting your ballot, please remember just how close our last two elections were and how dire the 2016 consequences for the country. Indeed, a strong turnout by LGBTQ and allied voters could prove decisive in some key states.
So let’s review 10 reasons why it’s not only important — but essential — that all LGBTQ and allied voters show up to vote for Kamala Harris.
#10 The opportunity to make history. For the second time in 16 years, America has the exciting chance to make a historic choice for the White House. Kamala Harris would be the first woman and first woman of color to serve as president if elected. It’s not the #1 reason to vote for her but it’s a pretty damn good ancillary benefit.
#9 The chance to send Trump into oblivion. After eight long years of commanding endless mainstream media attention for his ever-expanding list of racist, sexist, xenophobic, and transphobic attacks, we have the chance to finally dispatch ourselves of the toxic Trump. He’s insulted everyone from Gold Star families and the disabled to Meryl Streep and Rosie O’Donnell. That there’s anyone left willing to vote for him is mindboggling. (I’m talking to you Lindsey Graham and Ted Cruz.) Imagine how much our collective blood pressure will ease without having to endure wall-to-wall coverage of his every social media post. “Morning Joe” will be hard pressed to continue without Trump to mock but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
#8 To preserve trans military service. In his first term, Trump tweeted that trans people were barred from serving their country “in any capacity.” It was a cruel stunt that damaged careers and led to a direct uptick in hate crimes targeting the trans community. There’s no doubt he would reinstate that ban on day one. It’s ironic that Trump goes after brave members of the military given his own “bone spur” excuse to avoid Vietnam. None of his kids has served either, of course. Trump has referred to dead service members as “losers” and “suckers.” That comment alone — corroborated by his chief of staff John Kelly — should be disqualifying.
#7 To continue growing the economy. I’ve never understood all the naysayers who complain about the U.S. economy, which is envied the world over. No other country emerged from COVID as strong as we did, defying all expert predictions of recession — record stock market numbers, record employment, rapidly declining inflation and interest rates. The Democrats have never been good at messaging and it’s frustrating that they allow Trump to talk down our economy at every rally without a coherent response. The truth is our economy is strong and Harris’s plans to tax the wealthiest and invest in small businesses has been endorsed by leading economists over Trump’s ridiculous and doomed idea of starting a trade war with China over tariffs. The LGBTQ community is disproportionally entrepreneurial, so Harris’s tax benefits for small business owners will boost us tremendously.
#6 To aid Ukraine. The Blade has traveled to Poland and other Eastern European countries to cover the plight of LGBTQ migrants fleeing Ukraine after Russia’s invasion. Their stories are heartbreaking. We have an obligation to stand by Ukraine along with Western Europe to stop the murderous Putin and preserve democracy. Trump will cave to Putin’s demands that he be allowed to annex large swaths of Ukrainian territory, emboldening the Russian dictator and encouraging further incursions into other neighboring countries.
#5 To stop Project 2025 in its tracks. We have documented the anti-LGBTQ horrors that await us if Project 2025 becomes the governing blueprint for a second Trump administration. The assaults are too many to recap here so just remember these lines from the document: “The next conservative President must make the institutions of American civil society hard targets for woke culture warriors. This starts with deleting the terms sexual orientation and gender identity, diversity, equity and inclusion, gender, gender equality, gender awareness, gender-sensitive….out of every federal rule, agency regulation, contracts, grant regulation and piece of legislation that exists.”
#4 To protect a woman’s right to control her body. Predictably, women are now dying as a result of Trump’s abortion bans, as reported by ProPublica. And it will only get worse if Trump is re-elected and his congressional allies push through a national abortion ban as they’ve promised to do. If you think this isn’t about you, consider that Roe v. Wade provided the foundation for the Obergefell marriage ruling, which Justices Alito and Thomas have already said should be revisited.
#3 Supreme Court. Speaking of the high court, there is credible speculation that if Trump wins, Alito and Thomas will be pressured to retire, giving Trump an unprecedented five picks and a MAGA majority. That’s game over for a generation and the end of Obergefell marriage equality, Lawrence privacy rights, and more.
#2 To preserve and advance LGBTQ equality. The last 20 years have brought unimaginable progress for LGBTQ rights, from marriage equality to the end of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” to Bostock’s conferring employment protections to most of us, and so much more. There’s more to do, especially given the anti-LGBTQ state laws passed around the country giving rise to book bans, bathroom bans, and dangerous anti-trans healthcare restrictions. A Trump presidency jeopardizes all of our recent gains and puts us back on defense. A Harris presidency ensures we continue to move ahead and gives us a chance to undo some of the recent setbacks.
#1 To defend democracy. Trump and J.D. Vance whine a lot about criticism that they are undermining democracy, claiming these accusations are to blame for two recent assassination attempts. For someone who trafficks in violent rhetoric all the time, it’s a brazen and hypocritical claim. There’s an old saying about living by the sword that Trump should Google. But it’s not hyperbole to suggest that a Trump presidency would represent the end of democracy. He’s already incited an insurrection after badly losing the 2020 election. Trump and Project 2025 promise to gut the federal government, lock up critics and journalists, allow Putin to do “whatever the hell he wants,” privatize critical government functions, ban books and DEI, and even to ban pornography. The list goes on. Yes, it’s the end of American democracy if he wins.
But this election isn’t just about rejecting Trump. It’s also about embracing the promise of a Harris administration, which would bolster the economy, respect human rights, fight for equality, combat climate change, fix the border, advance gun reform, and promote many other common sense, centrist policies supported by a majority of Americans.
There you have it, a succinct reminder of what’s at stake on Nov. 5. So vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz and send a message that character still matters, that America remains a trusted defender of human rights, and that we won’t let a dangerous convicted felon anywhere near the Oval Office again.
Kevin Naff is editor of the Washington Blade. Reach him at [email protected].
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