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Straight players find love in LGBT sports community

A relationship blossoms during Gay Flag Football League play

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Gay Flag Football League, Washington Blade, gay news
Jorge Membreño and Amanda Livingstone met through the DCGFFL. (Photo courtesy the couple)

Inclusion is a longstanding tradition in the LGBT sports community. In a progressive city like Washington, D.C., one of the results of that tradition is that straight players are participating in LGBT sports teams and leagues.

The reason that the tradition works is because LGBT sports teams and leagues value each player for who they are and what they bring to the community.

Sharing sports experiences and being a part of the same community has led to multiple same-sex sports couples and multiple same-sex sports marriages across the LGBT sports teams and leagues in D.C. 

It was only a matter of time before the same thing happened to the straight players.

Amanda Livingstone grew up all over the United States and graduated high school in Texas. She refers to herself as a lanky kid who outgrew the sport of gymnastics. She loved the team dynamic of cheerleading and stuck with that through high school.

While attending Loyola University Chicago, she picked up intramural volleyball and soccer on her way to a bachelor’s in anthropology and another in international studies. She earned her master’s degree from the University of Denver in international human rights.

Livingstone moved to D.C. in 2013 for a summer fellowship with Save the Children. It didn’t turn into the full-time position she was hoping for and she ended up working at Primal Fitness.

“I was on my own in a new city, wiping down gym equipment with my shiny master’s degree,” says Livingstone. “Clients kept coming in and sharing their experiences about the DC Gay Flag Football League.”

With no football experience, she went to a team brunch and a new player workshop. She was drafted into the DC Gay Flag Football League (DCGFFL) in the fall of 2013 and has played every season since joining.

“I was nervous at first, but everyone seemed so comfortable with each other and they were so supportive of this straight woman that just wandered in,” Livingstone says. “I am my best self when I am running around outside and the ensemble personality that is the DCGFFL is a great fit for me. I was aware that I was a guest in someone else’s home.”

Livingstone would go on to become the first straight person and the first woman to serve on the DCGFFL board. She also received the Legends Award, which recognizes a player’s athletic skills and dedication to the league.

“I like to think that I have become quite a good rusher these days,” says Livingstone. “I value the DCGFFL because there are no gender rules. This league is about equality. There are no mandated playing times for either gender and that helps to showcase women’s talents in an equal way.”

She admits that flag football isn’t for everyone and points to her broken nose, stitches and broken fingers as reference points. Undeterred, she joined the DCGFFL’s women’s travel team, the DC Senators, in 2015. This October will be her fifth Gay Bowl appearance on the team.

In the summer of 2016, one of Livingstone’s fellow DCGFFL board members invited his friend who was visiting from Boston to a social at Nellie’s. His name was Jorge and he had a girlfriend. An introduction was made.

Jorge Membreño was born in D.C. and raised in Manassas. His family came to the United States from El Salvador when his mother was three months pregnant with him. Spanish was their first language at home.

Growing up he played soccer through high school and competed in soccer travel leagues. He continued with intramural soccer while attending Christopher Newport University.

While earning his undergraduate degree in psychology, he picked up music as a minor. He was singing in their chamber choir and auditioned for the select ensemble, which led to performances in Austria and Italy. He furthered his skills by becoming classically trained in opera and joining the opera chorus.

Membreño moved back to the area after college in 2008 and was working with a lobbying group in communications along with singing with the National Philharmonic.

He was feeling a pull toward working in direct services and left to pursue a master’s in clinical social work at Boston University. While there, he began teaching Spanish for clinicians.

“A lot of the work in Boston was pointing to LGBT kids who were having issues with depression, substance abuse and gender identity,” says Membreño. “Watching them thrive in a beautifully affirming space where they felt loved and embraced sparked something in me and would lead to my work in the LGBT community.”

Membreño moved back to D.C. in 2016 because his dad wasn’t doing well. His girlfriend came with him and he joined District Sports to play soccer. His best friend was playing in the DCGFFL and encouraged him to join. He was drafted in the fall of 2016 and played as a rusher.

“I loved it and some of my teammates became my best friends,” Membreño says. “You get what you bring into the sport – I loved the people, the spirit of it and becoming part of it.”

During that first season, Membreño’s relationship with his girlfriend had crumbled. He and Livingstone had gotten to know each other through the league’s social settings. The team announcement party for the spring 2017 season provided an unexpected surprise for both of them. They were selected for the same team and gave each other a high five.

“Uh-oh,” thought Livingstone.

“Oh shit,” thought Membreño.

“I can roll into most situations without being nervous and I felt nervous because I had to compete to a level to match her,” says Membreño. “She is a fierce athlete and I felt like I shouldn’t be rushing next to her.”

Membreño is now the Director of Youth Housing and Clinical Services at SMYAL. He was recently sworn in as the commissioner of the Mayor’s Interagency Council on Homelessness.

Livingstone is an advocacy officer at The White Ribbon Alliance where she leads a five-country team that advocates for women’s sexual health and rights in Africa.

Love blossomed during that DCGFFL season and the pair are now living together. 

“I have a preference for strong brilliant women,” Membreño says. “She is strong, independent and amazing. I was completely enamored.”

“I thought he was smoking hot,” says Livingstone laughing.

Membreño and Livingstone haven’t been on the same team since that first season together. They point to their 200 brothers and sisters in the DCGFFL as being protective of both of them.

“Other people probably thought about us together before we did. We’ll kiss on the sidelines and hear a chorus of ‘awwws’,” Livingstone says. “We also hear ‘don’t you break his heart’ or ‘don’t you break her heart.’ It’s been wonderful to see everyone’s reaction to this.”

“I came into this environment where she was already established and I would go to her tournaments to watch her play as the trophy husband,” says Membreño. “This dynamic is the unity of the two of us. We show up to events separately or together.”

Membreño has also joined one of the DCGFFL’s travel teams and plays mostly defense with Delta Force competing in LGBT tournaments. It has added to the dynamic that already existed between them through the league.

“It is such a fun thing that we get to do this together and it is great to be able to support each other,” says Livingstone. “We have our own goals and separate experiences, but we still get to be with our friends and travel together. Let’s call it the love trajectory.”

Having a straight ally like Membreño is something that the LGBT sports community has embraced, and he sums up what it is like to be a straight man in an LGBT-based setting.

“Being comfortable in any setting is being comfortable with yourself. I have abandoned binary and gender rules and have no qualms at all about meshing with the LGBT community – it is part of my culture and my work at SMYAL,” Membreño says. “Amanda and I have joked that I have kissed more men on the mouth than she has. It is easy to feel comfortable in a place that is warm and loving.”

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JK Rowling condemns history-making transgender Paralympian

Valentina Petrillo will race again Friday after failing to qualify in 400m final

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Valentina Petrillo (Photo courtesy of Valentina Petrillo's Instagram page)

Valentina Petrillo ran her personal best Monday at the Paralympics in Paris, but it was not enough to qualify for Tuesday’s finals in the 400m T12 competition. Losing to two cisgender women was also not enough to quell a social media firestorm of transphobia and hate directed at the first out trans Paralympian runner.

Hajar Safarzadeh Ghahderijani of Iran was first across the finish line, followed by Venezuela’s Alejandra Perez. Petrillo, the Italian sprinter, finished third with 57.58.

“I tried until the end, I couldn’t do it,” Petrillo, 51, told reporters after the race. “I missed that last straight. I pushed harder than this morning and I tried. They are stronger than me. There is nothing I can do. I had to do 56 to get into the final. It’s impossible, 57.58. I have to be happy even though I’m a little upset.” 

Petrillo also spoke indirectly about haters, but what concerned her most, she said, was the perspective of her son, 9-year-old Lorenzo, who calls her “Dad.” 

“I hope my son is proud of me,” Petrillo, said, amid tears. “That’s important to me because I’m a trans dad, it’s not everyone’s dream dad. But I hope he will be proud of me. I hope he will always stand by me, I hope that he loves me even if I am like this. I can’t help it if I’m like this, I’m sorry. Don’t treat trans people badly. We suffer. It’s not fair. We don’t hurt anybody.” 

JK Rowling disagrees. 

In a social media post on what was Twitter, the outspoken opponent of trans rights and inclusion denounced Petrillo as an “out and proud cheat.” 

Others condemned Petrillo as a “pervert,” a “disgrace” and of course, a man, and a “biological male” who “robbed a young disabled woman” of her chance to compete. 

Petrillo has one more chance to compete for a medal this Friday in the 200m T12 visual impairment competition. She’ll compete against Katrin Mueller-Rottgardt of Germany.

“Basically, everyone should live how they like in everyday life,” Mueller-Rottgardt told the German tabloid Bild. “But I find it difficult in professional sports. She lived and trained for a long time as a man, so there’s a possibility that physical conditions are different than for someone who comes into the world as a woman. So, she could have advantages from it.” 

For her part, Petrillo is not letting detractors stop her from running as the woman she is and living as the woman she is. 

“There are lots of people dying only for being trans, people are killed because they are trans, people commit suicide because they are trans and lose their jobs, or are not included in sport,” she said. “But I made it. If I can make it, everyone can make it.” 

As for so-called “advantages,” Petrillo cites a study funded by the IOC — and published in April in the British Journal of Sports Medicine — showing that trans women are actually at a physical disadvantage compared to cis women across several areas, including lung function and lower body strength.

“This means rather that I have a disadvantage, because apart from anything else, going through hormonal treatment means I am going against my body so against the biology of my body and that’s certainly something that’s not good for it,” Petrillo told the Associated Press in an interview in a suburb of Bologna, where she lives and works in the IT sector. 

She was diagnosed with Stargardt disease, a degenerative eye condition, at the age of 14, and can only see 1/50th of what most people can. Petrillo cannot drive and uses public transportation to get around, and told me in a 2020 podcast interview that the trauma of her disability has haunted her all her years.

“I tried to lead a normal life as much as possible,” she said through a translator.  

Although her condition forced her to give up running as a teen, she picked it up again in her 40s, telling me it felt empowering, “Knowing I have two good legs,” she said. “Running is life.”

But it was not enough. Petrillo, who was raised as a boy, had been keeping a secret since she was a child, saying that even at age seven, she knew who she was. “I didn’t feel like myself.”

“I decided to transition after years of fighting myself and not understanding what was the problem,” Petrillo said. “It was a very difficult decision.” 

Petrillo came out to her wife, Elena, in 2017, just one year after they wed. With Elena’s support, she transitioned in 2018 and started her medical transition the following January. They remained married, for a time, and have another child in addition to Lorenzo. “My wife is very supportive,” Petrillo told me in 2020. “99 percent of the stories end up in divorce, but my wife is the most important love of my life.” 

Elena and Valentina have since divorced but remain friends. She and Lorenzo and Petrillo’s brother, Francesco, were in Paris to cheer her on.

“Family is everything,” she said this week. 

Petrillo won 11 national competitions in the male T12 category between 2015 and 2018, then won gold in her first official race as the woman she is, in the 100m, 200m and 400m T12 events at the 2020 Italian Paralympics Championship. Last year, she won two bronzes at the World Para Athletics Championships. 

In that competition, she narrowly beat Melani Berges of Spain, who placed fourth in the semifinal. That meant Berges didn’t qualify for the final and missed her chance to make it to the Paralympics.

Calling it an “injustice,” Berges told Spanish sports site Relevo that she “accepts and respects” trans people, but “we are no longer talking about daily life, we are talking about sport, which requires strength, a physique.”

The International Paralympic Committee says it “welcomes” Petrillo, who is not the first out trans Paralympian. That honor belongs to Dutch discus thrower Ingrid van Kranen, who finished ninth in the 2016 Rio Games. The rules of the World Para Athletics organization state a person who is legally recognized as a woman is eligible to compete in female categories. She legally changed her name and gender in 2023. 

Back in 2020, Petrillo told me the 200m race she will compete in this Friday is her favorite, because of the performance of her personal hero, 1980 Olympic champion Pietro Mennea, who holds Italy’s world record in the event. 

“I’m dreaming about this,” she said, recalling the memory of seeing him compete when she was seven years old. “The determination that Mennea showed was something he taught all of us. That is how I feel when I am running. That same determination and that same drive.” And she said again, “Running is life.”  

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United Night Out at Audi Field on Aug. 24

Enjoy world-class soccer with the community

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United Night Out (Washington Blade file photo by Kevin Majoros)

Enjoy world-class soccer at Audi Field and celebrate United Night Out on Aug. 24. Bring your friends and family for an evening full of fun and inclusivity. Experience the thrill of the crowd at Audi Field, have some delicious food at the concessions, and cheer on DC United as they take on Dallas FC. Visit D.C. United’s website for tickets.

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DC United’s Pride Night is back

Tailgate at Heineken Hall to provide exclusive giveaways

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DC United hosts Pride Night Out. (Washington Blade photo by Kevin Majoros)

DC United will host the 13th annual “Pride Night Out” on Saturday, Aug. 24 at 7:30 p.m.

There will be a special tailgate in Heineken Hall at 6 p.m., providing exclusive giveaways and swag. When purchasing tickets, please use the same email used for your Ticketmaster account, and your tickets will be transferred. Proceeds from the ticket sales will go to Federal Triangles Soccer Club and Team DC.

Tickets start at $41 and can be purchased on DC United’s website.

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