Connect with us

Living

Locals compete for $100,000 dream wedding

Couple’s moms join the campaign for votes in national contest

Published

on

Darin Henderson and Carl Cox (Blade photo by Michael Key)

To celebrate the legalization of same-sex marriage in the District, Freedom2Wed is sponsoring a contest to give one lucky gay couple the wedding of a lifetime.

From hundreds of entries nationwide, six couples have been chosen to compete for the top prize. Among the finalists are Carl Cox, 43, and Darin Henderson, 46, a local pair who hope to represent their hometown as the winners. If they get the most online votes, they’ll receive a wedding package sponsored by area businesses that’s worth $100,000 and includes everything from rings to an all-inclusive ceremony and reception.

The event’s chief organizer, Michael Kress, photographer and owner of MBK & Associates, believes that the compelling stories of the diverse finalists “collectively emphasize why same-sex marriage is a historic marker for civil rights in this country.”

Together for four years, Cox and Henderson, who found each other on Match.com, have always valued open communication. When they initially started talking online, Cox was honest about not being ready for a long-term relationship — but Henderson was undeterred.

On their first date, Cox ventured from Baltimore to meet Henderson and the two enjoyed an unexpectedly intimate dinner at Blues Alley in Georgetown.

“Darin was persistent and extremely likeable,” Cox says.

After hitting it off that night, they started dating, and with time Cox became less guarded.

“[Darin] was gentle and took down my wall one brick at a time,” Cox says. “He was honest, made himself available, treated me with respect, and was completely invested in every moment we were spending together. It was something I wasn’t accustomed to.”

Henderson never doubted that Cox was worth the effort. A little over a year before they met, Henderson had a series of small heart attacks and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure.

He was out of work for six months and over that time, he reflected on what he wanted out of life. When he returned to work healthy, he was ready to embrace something entirely new.

“It was the right time for me to meet him,” Henderson says. “He offered a balance to me. I’m more serious and Carl is the funny one, always kidding around and cracking jokes.”

Henderson was especially attracted to Cox’s humble personality.

“He’s so warm and genuine, and he has such a big, kind heart,” Henderson says. “Carl would give the shirt off his back to anyone. He’s a passionate and loving person. Even when he was trying not to display that to me, it’s what I felt.”

After splitting their time between both cities for two years, Cox moved to D.C. The couple now lives in their Northeast Washington home near Union Station, along with their boxer, Cody, and cat, Buddy. They were engaged this January.

“We wanted to wait until [marriage] was legal in our hometown,” Henderson says.

While vacationing in Puerto Vallarta, Cox sealed the deal by getting down on one knee and proposing to Henderson. Although they were already domestic partners and had exchanged rings, they still wanted to celebrate with their loved ones.

“Getting married is so important to me because when I am 60 or 70, I want to have that memory of when I told him how much I loved him in front of our friends and family,” Henderson says.

Declaring their love with family in attendance is non-negotiable for these self-proclaimed “mommas’ boys.” Their mothers, who appeared in the video entry for the contest, were more than happy to vouch for how much the couple deserves to win.

Henderson’s mom, Cherrie Henderson, insists that Cox, who calls her “Momma Two,” has always been like a son to her.

“It was comfortable from the start. We have a lot of fun together and they include me in a lot,” she says. “They compromise, share everything, and look out for each other. If I could have a relationship like that, I would be so happy.”

To do her part, Cherrie Henderson has been tirelessly campaigning for the couple in her hometown of Richmond, Va. She’s been calling and sending letters to gay bars, posting fliers and handing out contest details. Unbeknownst to the couple, she also wrote “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” promising she’d dance for the TV host in exchange for getting the word out about the couple.

Cox’s mom, Nancy Cox, of Annapolis, Md., is pulling for them to win because “it would give them the opportunity to have something they can’t have on their own,” she says. She says she’s inspired largely by the couple’s honesty.

“They’re special because they are who they are. There’s nothing phony about them.”

Blessed with a supportive network of family and friends, Cox and Henderson have always been open about their sexual orientation.

“I’ve never been ashamed of who I am, so I tote my flag, so to speak,” Henderson says.

Both men try to stay involved in LGBT causes. Cox, who owns Baltimore-based design firm Incite Creative, Inc., does pro bono work for organizations like Moveable Feast, a meal delivery service for homebound people living with AIDS. And Henderson, a director of operations for Xerox, is a member of the company’s LGBTA employee caucus. He also testified before D.C. City Council on behalf of same-sex marriage, earning him major points with Cox.

“I was proud of him then and am proud of him today,” Cox says. “As a result of his testimony and that of hundreds of others, marriage equality can now be enjoyed and protected here in D.C. … a place we call home.”

Counting the days until they walk down the aisle, Cox and Henderson are hoping that with the votes of the local community, they’ll have the wedding they always dreamed of.

Regardless of the outcome, they’re just happy that Freedom2Wed is celebrating the diversity of love on a national scale.

“The contest is putting the word out, telling the world that we have every right to express our love,” Cox says. “Marriage is about two individuals who want to share their lives with each other, and it doesn’t have to be between a man and a woman. Win or lose this competition, that’s the main message to get out there. Love is love.”

To vote for the couple, visit freedom2wed.com. Votes will be accepted through Sept. 30.

Advertisement
FUND LGBTQ JOURNALISM
SIGN UP FOR E-BLAST

Technology

E-INFOSOL leaders encourage youth to pursue tech careers

Service-disabled, veteran-owned business based in Rockville

Published

on

From left: Fredy Pesante and Charles Barnett (Photos courtesy of E-INFOSOL)

The technology field can be a gateway to economic mobility.

At E-INFOSOL, a service-disabled, veteran-owned business based in Rockville, Md., CEO and co-founder Fredy Pesante and Vice President of Service Delivery Charles Barnett say internships, mentorship and free online resources can help young people break into IT. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics projects an average of 317,000 job openings per year in the field until 2034.

Led by Iraq War Army veteran Pesante, E-INFOSOL stands out for its efforts to increase opportunities for veterans, people of color and others in under-resourced communities to find careers in tech and its mental health support for employees.

Pesante and Barnett spoke with Youthcast Media Group about technology careers. The executives also talked about the value of government security clearances, stressing that the choices youth make today — including their digital footprints and personal conduct — can shape tech workforce opportunities. 

The interview has been edited for clarity and length.

Can you describe what E-INFOSOL does and what your role is there? 

BARNETT: We focus mainly [on] providing IT services to the federal government. And those IT services consist of cloud engineering, cloud development, cloud security, app development and cybersecurity, and a lot of infrastructure virtualization-type work. My role is [vice president] of service delivery, responsible for ensuring that we are providing great customer service to our customers [and] that we are meeting our deliverables and our requirements to our customers. But also, one of the key focuses is ensuring that our employees have the tools [and] resources to be successful, and that includes coaching, training and developing our employees, and obviously treating them like they want to be treated.

Is IT a career that can help reverse the cycle of poverty in low-income parts of the D.C. area? What more would need to be done to potentially get more youth access to the right technology and training?

BARNETT: One thing we’ve got to ensure is that we, as professionals that have been through it, that have had a lot of experience in the IT space, provide that mechanism to bring folks along with us. That is, exposing our youth to information technology at a young age. If we can show that it’s very interesting, and it’s beneficial, and if they are committed to it and they show a sense of pride and commitment, I think it works out for a lot of people that are coming up from disadvantaged communities that don’t have technology within the house and who don’t have mentors that come from the technology field.

PESANTE: I still think internships work well for high school, even college. IT certifications are still something in demand in specific areas … Charles and myself, we’re part of the Technology Advisory Board at [Montgomery College] and they offer free resources as well to give an advantage to students that don’t have a career path. So find a way to leverage those local resources that are available and try to capitalize on those. IT is such a great field because even though it’s great to have an undergraduate (degree), that is not always a full basis into having an IT career. So you could start in high school … There’s a lot of free stuff online. There’s a lot of YouTube videos. There’s so many resources. To be honest, there’s even now AI that can really teach you [and] it’s free to a certain level that you could use. 

As a veteran-led company with a significant veteran workforce, how does E-INFOSOL support employee well-being and mental-health awareness?

PESANTE: Approximately 35 percent to 40 percent of our employees are veterans. Veterans often gravitate toward working with one another because we share a mission-focused mentality and a commitment to getting the job done.

Mental health has always mattered to us, but it became even more personal after we lost one of our respected leaders, a fellow veteran who had battled mental illness. I worked closely with his family to help honor his story and legacy.

That experience reinforced the importance of supporting mental health across our entire workforce. We encourage managers to maintain meaningful contact with employees, provide appropriate training, and connect people with available resources. We want our actions to match what we say about being a people-first company. Our employee retention has remained strong, and I believe the way we care for our people has contributed to that.

How does getting or having a U.S. government security clearance help? How would a young person pursue getting a security clearance, and what should they keep in mind if they plan to do so?

PESANTE: We live in a world of social media. Make sure you’re … not going to be concerned with somebody finding you on the Internet behaving a certain way. Even though, in some locations, drugs like medical marijuana and what not are considered legal, [that is] not [the case] in the federal government. The use of any substances that could be mind-altering, that’s not a thing [that’s allowed] in the federal government. Also, from a legal perspective, from a criminal background perspective, that’s something that any checkup is going to come up [with], so [make] sure that you’re behaving in a manner exemplifying honesty, reliability, sound judgment, responsible conduct, and trustworthiness. The best thing for getting clearances at that early jump is internships. We’ve been able to get people clearances through the internship process. After a person fits a specific requirement, you train them and they get a government clearance, and that helps them have a head start. When I moved out here after living in Puerto Rico and I was in the Army, I had a clearance. I was able to find a job quickly. 

Any other advice for young people considering this path?

PESANTE: I would say go for it. As minorities, there are a lot of external factors we can’t control, but nobody can ever stop you if you’re great at what you do, if you have a strong work ethic and if you put a lot of effort into making the best out of yourself. It’s never too early to work on yourself and look for ways to work on your professional career, work on your soft skills… Make sure you are working with peers and surrounding yourself with the right people throughout your whole life. I had a mentor myself when I started in the business — Carlos Rivera. He’s from Puerto Rico. He was a veteran. And that always helped me out, having somebody that you want to aspire to [be]. 

BARNETT: Do not be afraid to fail. You know you’re going to make mistakes. People around you are going to make mistakes. Learn from it, and learn from that, and don’t allow people to impact your goals and objectives. You set your path and if you set your path, you’re going to go a very long way, and if you’re really committed and continue to establish relationships along your entire path, you’re going to reap the benefits of ensuring that you are in a position to take advantage of opportunities that are in front of you. 

Joseph Jackson is in the class of 2027 at Bard High School Early College DC, one of Youthcast Media Group’s partner schools. Shreya Jyotishi, YMG Assistant Manager of Content and Programs, also worked on this story.

Continue Reading

Autos

Two awesome, affordable rides

Kia K4 and Nissan Kicks are more than budget friendly

Published

on

Kia K4 hatchback

Remember when buying a new car didn’t require the financial stamina of a “Succession” character? This summer, the average new-vehicle price hit $49,758—basically $50,000 with a little lipstick on it. That makes the Kia K4 hatchback and Nissan Kicks especially refreshing. Neither requires a second mortgage, a trust fund or a makeover to look good. And both prove you can still buy a new vehicle without selling your soul — or your vacation plans.

KIA K4 HATCHBACK

$25,000

Mpg: 28 city/34 highway

0 to 60 mph: 9.1 seconds

Cargo space: 22.2 cu. ft. 

PROS: Edgy exterior. Roomy interior. User-friendly controls.

CONS: So-so base engine. Pricy turbo. No all-wheel drive.

WHAT’S NEW: Basically everything. The K4 hatchback debuted earlier this year, joining the K4 sedan. 

Kia’s stylish five-door K4 boasts three trim levels. The first two use a capable four-cylinder engine, while the top-of-the-line model comes with a turbo.

That turbo provides some genuine zip, though it won’t blow your socks off. Think Janelle Monáe in a tailored suit, not Brad Pitt arriving at the F1 racetrack in a fireproof jumpsuit.

The real star, though, is the design. Sleek. Upscale. A tad mysterious. 

Inside, another surprise: vast legroom and storage. Fold the backseats and you can toss in the usual road-trip clutter, plus that regrettable piece of furniture you bought after watching one too many HGTV shows.

Technology is also a bonus, including a digital key that lets you use a smartphone or smartwatch as a direct key fob. You can even share this digital key with friends or family. Just don’t share it with anyone who often loses their actual keys.

Despite some SUV vibes, the K4 remains unapologetically car-like. It sits lower. Feels more conventional. And offers hatchback practicality without itching to conquer the Rockies.

The biggest downside? No all-wheel drive.

Still, for shoppers who crave style, space and gadgetry, the K4 won’t break the bank. To me, it’s like finding a designer jacket at a thrift shop.

NISSAN KICKS 

Nissan Kicks

$23,000

Mpg: 28 city/35 highway

0 to 60 mph: 8.9 seconds

Cargo space: 23.9 cubic feet

PROS: Dashing design. Safety gear galore. All-wheel drive.

CONS: Bit pokey. Noisy engine. Limited rear visibility.

WHAT’S NEW: Redesigned last year with a bit more power, bigger cabin and bold looks, Nissan leaves the winning formula alone.

Like the Kia K4, the Nissan Kicks comes in three trims levels. But it also includes all-wheel drive — a nice plus when navigating snow, sleet or cratered alleys. 

There’s an extensive suite of active and passive safety features. And the high ground clearance improves driver visibility, which is somewhat hindered in the back by thick roof pillars. 

Styling is tastefully flamboyant. Dramatic lighting. Two-tone finishes. Cheerful, without being cartoonish. Miranda Priestly would approve. 

Power, though, is more akin to Miranda’s art director Nigel Kipling. Dependable. Functional. Just not enthusiastic.

Inside, the mod cabin has large 12.3-inch displays, wireless smartphone connectivity and charging, and “zero gravity seats” designed to reduce driver fatigue and stiffness. Add in the stunning Bose Personal Plus audio system, with 10 speakers—including those integrated into the headrests—for an immersive 360-degree sound experience.

The Kicks doesn’t try to be rugged or luxurious. It simply offers a lot of everyday usefulness in a small package. 

There is a trade-off. The engine gets noisy when pushed, and there are sportier (often pricier) competitors. But that’s hardly a crime. Not every vehicle needs to perform catwalk struts down the street. 

Continue Reading

Advice

Should I divorce my catty gay friend group?

They’re mean but I’m afraid to be alone

Published

on

(Image by Andrew Rybalko/Bigstock)

Hi Michael,

When is it worth stopping being friends with someone, or more than one person?

Lately I feel like my friends aren’t being very nice to me. In fact it reminds me of high school, and junior high school, when I was being bullied.

I’m not the most attractive in the group, I know that. They are always ribbing me about not working out enough or that I should get a hair transplant (I am balding) or making fun of the way I dress. I am not that stylish, I just don’t have a good sense for clothes. I thought about asking for some advice but I worry that would just lead to more mocking.

That I am not having as much sex as they are—it’s actually my preference, but of course I get comments about not being able to get someone to hook up with because of my appearance, clothes, low-key personality etc.

As I’m writing this I could go on and on. I think I’ve just tried laughing with them or ignoring it, but it does really get to me. 

There’s a standard in this town that I know I don’t fit. Great body, handsome face, overall hot, witty and sarcastic sense of humor, make a lot of money in some impressive job. I am sure you know the type I am describing. 

Some of the things I can’t help (appearance), some I don’t really want to fix (hooking up a lot). My brother died of an overdose so I don’t use drugs or alcohol, which, no surprise, evokes more judgment. 

My job is my job, I like it a lot and it is meaningful to me but I’m never going to be rich.  

The problem with that is, all my friends like to take a lot of expensive vacations. I can go on some but not on all. When we go I am watching my expenses, which provokes more judgment and jokes, always delivered as if they are “kidding” but it hurts.

I started off by saying I feel like I’m back to being a bullied kid. You know, laugh it off so that they don’t see you crying. But it doesn’t feel like I am respecting myself when I do that.

If I speak up and ask them to stop, I just get more jokes. I am NOT taken seriously.

The idea of walking away is scary, though. Who else would I have to spend my weekends with? I am afraid of being lonely. 

I could write more but I think I’m conveying why I am feeling pretty hopeless about these friendships.

Michael replies:

I think it’s a bad idea to spend time with people who are mean or abusive toward you.

But before you walk away from your friend group, do you think it’s worth talking to them, individually, or as a group? In a serious way, without joking, laughing, or minimizing your pain so as not to make them uncomfortable. 

Their behavior sounds very junior high school, but they are adults. Telling them how their behavior affects you might lead them to confront themselves, but it might not.

You didn’t write anything about what you actually like about these friends. Is it just that they allow you to spend time with them? Or do they have some good qualities? Getting clear about this would help you figure out if you want to push for change here.

I know what you mean about “the standard” in D.C. (and very likely in other locations).  I hear from clients over and over about the hierarchy of attractiveness and success. When people don’t feel they measure up, it is easy to feel less-than, and invisible. 

There are lots of reasons why gay men can be mean to other gay men. (Of course, everyone can be mean, and for all sorts of reasons). One biggie: it’s nice to feel like part of the in-crowd, after growing up feeling like an outcast. But this means establishing a pecking order so that there are others to look down on and exclude. It’s understandable, all too common, and unkind.

It’s also true that the heterosexual world tends to value beauty in women and financial success in men. Gay men hit themselves with a double whammy, glorifying both.

Still, you’re not going to single-handedly change the problematic aspects of gay culture.  You may be able to influence some of your friends, however. That remains to be seen, and would take some courage on your part if you want to tackle that.

It does sound like it’s time for you to make some new friends. This may seem even more scary than speaking up to the friends you have, but it also might give you a sense that you are taking control of your life.   

True, in D.C. (and elsewhere), there are a lot of gay men focused on the attributes you say you lack. But “the scene” is not the only game in town. There also have to be a good number of guys out there who are looking for other qualities that you may possess, and that you may also admire in others. These are the people for you to find and befriend.

I can’t tell you exactly how to go about that. You’re going to have to be creative and try some new things. Activity groups, hobbies that involve other people, sports. You never know whom you might meet, where. Don’t forget that you might enjoy meeting and hanging out with people who aren’t gay, as well.

You didn’t mention anything about looking for love in your life. Maybe that’s not your interest; maybe you don’t feel like adequate partner material (if so, I hope you will work to challenge that belief); or maybe you’re doing just fine in that area. I don’t know.  But if you would like to find a good guy, I hope that widening your field will help.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

Continue Reading

Popular