Living
Locals compete for $100,000 dream wedding
Couple’s moms join the campaign for votes in national contest
Darin Henderson and Carl Cox (Blade photo by Michael Key)
To celebrate the legalization of same-sex marriage in the District, Freedom2Wed is sponsoring a contest to give one lucky gay couple the wedding of a lifetime.
From hundreds of entries nationwide, six couples have been chosen to compete for the top prize. Among the finalists are Carl Cox, 43, and Darin Henderson, 46, a local pair who hope to represent their hometown as the winners. If they get the most online votes, they’ll receive a wedding package sponsored by area businesses that’s worth $100,000 and includes everything from rings to an all-inclusive ceremony and reception.
The event’s chief organizer, Michael Kress, photographer and owner of MBK & Associates, believes that the compelling stories of the diverse finalists “collectively emphasize why same-sex marriage is a historic marker for civil rights in this country.”
Together for four years, Cox and Henderson, who found each other on Match.com, have always valued open communication. When they initially started talking online, Cox was honest about not being ready for a long-term relationship — but Henderson was undeterred.
On their first date, Cox ventured from Baltimore to meet Henderson and the two enjoyed an unexpectedly intimate dinner at Blues Alley in Georgetown.
“Darin was persistent and extremely likeable,” Cox says.
After hitting it off that night, they started dating, and with time Cox became less guarded.
“[Darin] was gentle and took down my wall one brick at a time,” Cox says. “He was honest, made himself available, treated me with respect, and was completely invested in every moment we were spending together. It was something I wasn’t accustomed to.”
Henderson never doubted that Cox was worth the effort. A little over a year before they met, Henderson had a series of small heart attacks and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure.
He was out of work for six months and over that time, he reflected on what he wanted out of life. When he returned to work healthy, he was ready to embrace something entirely new.
“It was the right time for me to meet him,” Henderson says. “He offered a balance to me. I’m more serious and Carl is the funny one, always kidding around and cracking jokes.”
Henderson was especially attracted to Cox’s humble personality.
“He’s so warm and genuine, and he has such a big, kind heart,” Henderson says. “Carl would give the shirt off his back to anyone. He’s a passionate and loving person. Even when he was trying not to display that to me, it’s what I felt.”
After splitting their time between both cities for two years, Cox moved to D.C. The couple now lives in their Northeast Washington home near Union Station, along with their boxer, Cody, and cat, Buddy. They were engaged this January.
“We wanted to wait until [marriage] was legal in our hometown,” Henderson says.
While vacationing in Puerto Vallarta, Cox sealed the deal by getting down on one knee and proposing to Henderson. Although they were already domestic partners and had exchanged rings, they still wanted to celebrate with their loved ones.
“Getting married is so important to me because when I am 60 or 70, I want to have that memory of when I told him how much I loved him in front of our friends and family,” Henderson says.
Declaring their love with family in attendance is non-negotiable for these self-proclaimed “mommas’ boys.” Their mothers, who appeared in the video entry for the contest, were more than happy to vouch for how much the couple deserves to win.
Henderson’s mom, Cherrie Henderson, insists that Cox, who calls her “Momma Two,” has always been like a son to her.
“It was comfortable from the start. We have a lot of fun together and they include me in a lot,” she says. “They compromise, share everything, and look out for each other. If I could have a relationship like that, I would be so happy.”
To do her part, Cherrie Henderson has been tirelessly campaigning for the couple in her hometown of Richmond, Va. She’s been calling and sending letters to gay bars, posting fliers and handing out contest details. Unbeknownst to the couple, she also wrote “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” promising she’d dance for the TV host in exchange for getting the word out about the couple.
Cox’s mom, Nancy Cox, of Annapolis, Md., is pulling for them to win because “it would give them the opportunity to have something they can’t have on their own,” she says. She says she’s inspired largely by the couple’s honesty.
“They’re special because they are who they are. There’s nothing phony about them.”
Blessed with a supportive network of family and friends, Cox and Henderson have always been open about their sexual orientation.
“I’ve never been ashamed of who I am, so I tote my flag, so to speak,” Henderson says.
Both men try to stay involved in LGBT causes. Cox, who owns Baltimore-based design firm Incite Creative, Inc., does pro bono work for organizations like Moveable Feast, a meal delivery service for homebound people living with AIDS. And Henderson, a director of operations for Xerox, is a member of the company’s LGBTA employee caucus. He also testified before D.C. City Council on behalf of same-sex marriage, earning him major points with Cox.
“I was proud of him then and am proud of him today,” Cox says. “As a result of his testimony and that of hundreds of others, marriage equality can now be enjoyed and protected here in D.C. … a place we call home.”
Counting the days until they walk down the aisle, Cox and Henderson are hoping that with the votes of the local community, they’ll have the wedding they always dreamed of.
Regardless of the outcome, they’re just happy that Freedom2Wed is celebrating the diversity of love on a national scale.
“The contest is putting the word out, telling the world that we have every right to express our love,” Cox says. “Marriage is about two individuals who want to share their lives with each other, and it doesn’t have to be between a man and a woman. Win or lose this competition, that’s the main message to get out there. Love is love.”
To vote for the couple, visit freedom2wed.com. Votes will be accepted through Sept. 30.
Real Estate
The rise of virtual home tours
Adapting to changing consumer preferences in spring real estate
In today’s dynamic real estate market, the spring season brings not only blooming flowers but also a surge of activity as buyers and sellers alike prepare to make their moves. However, in recent years, there’s been a notable shift in how consumers prefer to explore potential homes: the rise of virtual tours.
For the LGBTQ community, these virtual experiences offer more than just convenience; they provide accessibility, safety, and inclusivity in the home buying process.
Gone are the days of spending weekends driving from one open house to another – unless that’s your thing of course, only to find that the property doesn’t quite match expectations. With virtual tours, you can explore every corner of a home from the comfort of your own space – find something interesting? Schedule a showing with any LGBTQ Realtor at GayRealEstate.com.
This is particularly significant for LGBTQ individuals, who may face unique challenges or concerns when attending in-person showings. Whether it’s the ability to discreetly view properties without fear of discrimination or the convenience of touring homes located in LGBTQ-friendly neighborhoods across the country, virtual tours offer a sense of empowerment and control in the home buying process.
Moreover, virtual tours cater to the diverse needs of the LGBTQ community. For couples or families with busy schedules or those living in different cities or states, these digital walkthroughs provide a convenient way to view properties together without the need for extensive travel. Additionally, for individuals who may be exploring their gender identity or transitioning, virtual tours offer a low-pressure environment to explore potential living spaces without the added stress of in-person interactions.
At GayRealEstate.com, we understand the importance of adapting to changing consumer preferences and leveraging technology to better serve our community. That’s why our agents offer an extensive selection of virtual tours for LGBTQ individuals and allies alike – visit our website, choose an agent and within minutes you’ll have access to the Multiple Listing Service (MLS) via their website.
From cozy condominiums in bustling urban centers to sprawling estates in picturesque suburbs, virtual tours showcase a wide range of properties tailored to diverse tastes and lifestyles.
In addition to virtual tours, GayRealEstate.com provides comprehensive resources and support to guide LGBTQ buyers and sellers through every step of the real estate journey. Our network of LGBTQ-friendly agents is committed to providing personalized service, advocacy, and representation to ensure that all individuals feel respected, valued, and empowered throughout the process. Plus, we are happy to provide a free relocation kit to any city in the USA or Canada if you are a home buyer.
As we embrace the spring season and all the opportunities it brings in the real estate market, let’s also celebrate the power of virtual tours to revolutionize the way we find and experience our future homes. Whether you’re searching for your first apartment, forever home, or investment property, GayRealEstate.com is here to help you navigate the exciting world of real estate with confidence, pride, and inclusivity.
Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at [email protected].
Advice
Should I divorce my husband for the hot new guy in our building?
Debating whether to leave or stay after the sex goes cold
Dear Michael,
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and the sex is pretty much gone. It stopped being exciting a long time ago and pretty much the only time we ever do it is with the occasional third.
A really hot guy moved into our building about a year ago. We would see each other sometimes in the elevator or at our building’s gym and we started talking and really hit it off. Mark is 15 years younger than I but we seem to have a lot in common. We started hooking up and the sex is amazing.
I haven’t told my husband because it’s breaking our rule about no repeats. I have to say that the secrecy is hot. It’s kind of a thrill to take the elevator upstairs when I say I’m going on an errand. But it’s more than that. I have a connection with Mark that is far more amazing than what I have ever felt with my husband. Not just the sex. We just enjoy being together, talking about anything and everything.
My husband went to visit his family last weekend and I spent the whole time with Mark. Since then I can’t stop thinking that I want to leave my husband and be with Mark.
Part of me thinks this is a crazy mid-life crisis. I mean, this kid’s in a totally different place in life. But we have mind-blowing sex and a fantastic connection. I’d like your thoughts on how to proceed.
Michael replies:
You’ve got a lot to consider.
First: Sex with a long-term partner changes over time. It tends to be less about erotic heat and more about the connection with a person whom you love. In other words, it’s being with the person you’re with that makes the sex meaningful and even great. Having a good sexual relationship with a long-term partner comes far more from a heart connection than from a crotch attachment.
Second: You seem ready to throw your relationship under the bus pretty quickly, without addressing other problems in the relationship besides sex. When you are sneaking around, lying, and rule-breaking , I don’t see how you can look your husband in the eye; and if you can’t look him in the eye, you certainly can’t have even a half-way decent relationship.
Yet another point to consider: Affairs pretty much always seem more exciting than marriage. The partner is new, which almost automatically makes the sex hotter; the secrecy is a thrill; and you don’t have to deal with paying the rent, house chores, and all the petty annoyances of living up-close with someone day-in, day-out.
You are bringing lots of energy to your affair, and everything about it is exciting. You are bringing no energy — at least no positive energy — to your marriage. You get what you put into a relationship.
Divorce is not something that should be entered into lightly. Be aware that if you leave your husband for Mark, you will no doubt find over time that the sex becomes less exciting and that the connection is not always fantastic. No surprise, 75 percent of marriages that begin with affair partners end in divorce. While I don’t think statistics predict what will happen to any particular couple, believing that you will have a significantly better relationship with your affair partner than you did with your husband sets you up for likely disappointment.
Many gay men focus on “hot sex” as the big draw, pursuing a lot of sex with a lot of men, and/or pursuing an ongoing series of relationships that last until the sex cools. If that’s what you want, that’s fine. But it’s a different path from pursuing a close and loving long-term relationship, which involves knowing someone well and having him know you well; collaborating on getting through the hard stuff life throws at us; finding ways to make peace with disappointment; and consistently striving to be someone worth being married to.
How to proceed? While you are the only person who should make that decision, I would suggest that whatever your choice, keep in mind that marriage can be more than what you’ve made of it, so far.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
Autos
Sport haulers: Jeep Grand Cherokee, Mercedes GLE-Class
Updated cabins, adept handling, and more
Now that March Madness and the Masters are over, it’s time for, well, everything else. For my husband and me, this means water sports, as in kayaks and rowing sculls, which is why we trekked to the Potomac for the George Washington Invitational regatta last weekend.
Alas, high winds splashed cold water on the event, canceling much of it. But there was still plenty of spirited camaraderie to rival “The Boys in the Boat.”
And I was reminded of my time years ago as a rower with D.C. Strokes, ferrying teammates to races up and down the East Coast. Back then my ride was a dated, rather cramped four-door sedan.
If only we could have paddled around in a sporty SUV like the two reviewed here. Now that would have been some smooth sailing (wink-wink).
JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE
$40,000
MPG: 19 city/26 highway
0 to 60 mph: 7.5 seconds
Maximum cargo room: 37.7 cu. ft.
PROS: Updated cabin, adept handling, strong towing
CONS: So-so gas mileage, no third row, pricey trim levels
IN A NUTSHELL: Rough, tough and buff. It’s doesn’t get much more butch than a Jeep. This year’s Grand Cherokee is no exception, with rugged looks, expert off-road capability and better-than-average towing capacity of 6,200 pounds.
There are a dizzying number of trim levels—more than a dozen—starting with the barebones base-model Laredo at an affordable $40,000. The lineup tops out with the Summit Reserve 4xe PHEV, which is almost twice the price at $76,000 and one of various plug-in hybrid versions available. Those plug-in hybrids can drive up to 25 miles on all-electric power before the four-cylinder gas engine kicks in. Otherwise, you can choose from a standard V6 or V8. Gas mileage on all trim levels is basically the same as the competition.
Where the Grand Cherokee really shines is in the handling. More refined than a Wrangler but less lavish than a Land Rover, this Jeep maneuvers just as well on city streets and highways as it does on bumpier terrain.
I tested the mid-range and mid-priced Overland, which comes standard with four-wheel drive and large 20-inch wheels. It also boasts a slew of niceties, such as quilted upholstery, panoramic sunroof and high-tech digital displays. These include a 10.25-inch infotainment touchscreen and rear-seat entertainment system.
The nine-speaker Alpine stereo, designed specifically for the Grand Cherokee, is pleasing. But I really wanted to hear the boffo 19-speaker McIntosh surround-sound system that Jeep also offers. Sigh, it’s only available on the premium Summit trim level.
MERCEDES GLE-CLASS
$64,000
MPG: 20 city/25 highway
0 to 60 mph: 6.6 seconds
Maximum cargo room: 33.3 cu. ft.
PROS: Lush interior, silky-smooth suspension, speedy
CONS: Some confusing electronics, tight third row, many competitors
IN A NUTSHELL: For a more high-class hauler, there’s the Mercedes GLE-Class. This midsize SUV is similar in size to the Jeep Grand Cherokee. But instead of seating five passengers, the GLE can carry up to seven. Sure, legroom in the optional third row may be tight for taller travelers, but it’s perfect for a cocky cockswain or two.
Six trim levels, ranging from the base-model GLE 350 to two high-performance AMG models. For eco-conscious buyers, the GLE 450e plug-in hybrid arrived earlier this year and can run on battery power alone for almost 60 miles.
My test car was the top-of-the-line AMG 63 S 4Matic, a head-turner in every way. Priced at a whopping $127,000, this GLE looks best in glossy black with the Night Package, which includes tasteful jet-black exterior accents and matte-black wheels. To complete the Darth Vader effect, there’s a deep, menacing exhaust rumble that’s downright threatening.
You expect such a ride to be wicked fast, and it is: 0 to 60 mph in a blistering 3.7 seconds. Yet the carbon ceramic brakes with their devil-red calipers are equally impressive in slowing things down quickly.
Inside, each GLE comes with two large digital displays on the elegantly sculpted dashboard. My favorite feature is the “Hey Mercedes” digital assistant, which responds to voice commands such as opening or closing the sunroof, operating the infotainment system or activating the climate controls.
It’s hard to find sport seats that are more comfortable, especially with the heavenly massage function (though those massage controls could be a bit more user-friendly.) For AMG models, the seats come with red-contrasting stitching and red seatbelts—a nod to the devilish demeanor under the hood.
Considering all the SUVs available in showrooms, few make quite the splash of a GLE.
D.C. Council member proposes change for Mayor’s Office of LGBTQ Affairs
United Methodist Church removes 40-year ban on gay clergy
Republican state AGs challenge Biden administration’s revised Title IX policies
University students have a right to protest
Former CAMP Rehoboth official sentenced to nine months in prison
Md. governor signs Freedom to Read Act
HHS reverses Trump-era anti-LGBTQ rule
4th Circuit rules gender identity is a protected characteristic
PHOTOS: Capital Pride Pageant
