a&e features
Double delights
Lesbian moms celebrate motherhood together
Victoria Kidd and Christy Berghoff of Winchester, Va. (Photo courtesy of the ACLU)
Mother’s Day brings double blessings for lesbian parents. But in most of the country, there’s a downside — couples in many states are fighting for the legal protections only available to some same-sex U.S. couples. We asked several couples involved in marriage equality lawsuits — three in Virginia and one in Pennsylvania — what they’ll be doing on Sunday and why the day is special to them.
NAME: Victoria L. Kidd
PARTNER’S NAME: Christy J. Berghoff
OCCUPATION: Writer
KIDS’ NAME(S) AND AGES: Lydia Berghoff-Kidd, 1
CITY/STATE: Winchester, VA
CASE INVOLVED IN: Harris Et Al. V. Rainer et al. (Formerly Harris et al. V. McDonnell et al.)
As a lesbian mom, what does Mother’s Day mean to you? Does it have any special significance as an LGBT parent?
I suspect much of what I feel on Mother’s Day is similar to that felt by mothers in opposite-sex relationships or by single mothers. I feel the same humble gratitude for being fortunate enough to be a mother to my daughter. I feel the same sense of thankfulness that my little one is here to share my life with me and to give my life a purpose greater than any other.
The one uniqueness about being a mother involved in a same-sex relationship is that it is a life experience shared with someone you love completely, your wife. In that sense, Mother’s Day takes on a special significance, because the day marks that shared experience and allows you to demonstrate your love and commitment to another person who is equally mother to your child.
What is your Mother’s Day tradition? Do you and your partner celebrate it together?
Our family is still working to define our traditions, as our daughter is just a little over a year old. Certainly, we both endeavor to show our own mothers that we appreciate them, but as far as celebrating in our home, we more or less simply spend the day together. We share a special meal and have hours of “play time” as a family. For us, celebrating this particular day is not about what you do, it is about sharing time together. Christy and I do exchange cards filled with messages of support, because parenting is not easy. We both simply try to find the words and the ways available to say we love each other, support each other and would not want to share life or the responsibilities of motherhood with anyone else.
You’re a plaintiff in a state marriage case — in your own words, please tell us why you feel it’s important for gay families to have legal protections.
Our family is built upon love and commitment. Christy and I committed to being each other’s “forever” when we were married in 2011 in D.C., but life is delicate and uncertain. Should anything happen to either of us, we want to ensure the other is afforded the same protections and benefits granted to legally married opposite-sex couples. More importantly, we want our daughter to be fully protected. Protections extend beyond benefits allowed after death; they provide the foundation for greater everyday acceptance in our communities. When people are separated out as somehow different at an institutional level, it makes it easier for others to perceive them, and subsequently to treat them, differently. Gaining protections under law advances the idea that our families should be treated equally and without bias while going about our day-to-day lives.
Joanne Harris and Jessica Duff with Jabari. (Photo courtesy of the couple)
NAME: Joanne Harris
PARTNER’S NAME: Jessica Duff
OCCUPATION: Director of diversity and advocacy
KIDS’ NAME(S) AND AGES: Jabari, age 5
CITY/STATE: Staunton, VA
CASE INVOLVED IN: Harris et al vs. Janet Rainey
As a lesbian mom, what does Mother’s Day mean to you? Does it have any special significance as an LGBT parent?
Being a mother has been the most rewarding and important experience of our lives, and being Jabari’s mothers makes every day feel like Mother’s Day. Although we celebrate this day together with our own mothers, we also take this opportunity to remind our friends and family members being acknowledged as Jabari’s legal parent is one of many reasons why marriage equality is important in Virginia.
What is your Mother’s Day tradition? Do you and your partner celebrate it together?
We celebrate Mother’s Day with our extended family. It’s a special day for us to celebrate the most influential women in our family, not just our mothers, but all of those who have supported us.
Yes we celebrate every family tradition together.
You’re a plaintiff in a state marriage case — in your own words, please tell us why you feel it’s important for gay families to have legal protections.
We feel it’s important for all families to be treated equally. Every devoted partner and loving parent should have the opportunity to provide all the legal intricacies of functioning as a family. This sometimes may include authorizing medical treatment, academic guidance and full financial support. These things are only a few of the things not possible without full legal marriage rights. We want the same rights as other loving couples and parents in our beautiful extended family and network of friends.
The Whitewood family (Photo courtesy of the family)
NAME: Deb Whitewood
PARTNER’S NAME: Susan Whitewood
OCCUPATION: Full-time Mom
KIDS’ NAME(S) AND AGES: Abbey, 17; Katie, 15; Landon, 3.
CITY/STATE: Bridgeville, PA
CASE INVOLVED IN: Whitewood v. Wolfe
As a lesbian mom, what does Mother’s Day mean to you? Does it have any special significance as an LGBT parent?
To me, Mother’s Day means the same that I think it means to any mom, to have our children, families, friends and community members recognize the mothers, or mother figures, in our lives for the hardworking and loving presence that they faithfully provide to not only their own children, but often to other children in their communities. Being a mother was once described to me as akin to having your heart walk around outside of your body. That’s what I feel, I feel like I have at least three or four or more pieces of my heart walking around the world with me.
As a lesbian couple, becoming mothers wasn’t easy for Susan and me. We had to work very hard to create our family and we had to jump through a lot of hoops, legally, emotionally and physically. But the result is that we have three wonderful kids who call us Mummy and Momma, and they know, without a shadow of a doubt, just how much they were wanted and how precious each of them is to us.
What is your Mother’s Day tradition? Do you and your partner celebrate together?
I have to laugh, because until this Mother’s Day, Susan and I have always been together on Mother’s Day. The kids would make cards, often really, really large, creative cards, for us. We would go to church together and then head out to celebrate with our own mothers and my grandmas, often with a brunch together in downtown Pittsburgh. Things have changed though. Susan’s mom and both of my grandmas have passed away. And in true mother form, our kids’ activities take precedence over even our Mother’s Day celebration. Our daughter, Katie, has a volleyball tournament in Columbus, Ohio on Mother’s Day. (Whomever planned that should have their head examined!) So off to Columbus we will go. My mom will be joining us later in the afternoon. So we will make our own Mother’s Day celebration wherever we end up. That’s the thing about moms; we go with the flow and do whatever is necessary to make it work out best for all members of the family.
You’re a plaintiff in a state marriage case — in your own words, please tell us why you feel it’s important for gay families to have legal protections.
Gay and lesbian families are in communities all around us and many are raising children. We live and work alongside our straight married friends and do things almost exactly the same way. We change diapers, help with homework, clean the house, car pool, shop for prom dresses, cheer at volleyball games, visit the zoo, shop at the grocery, see the doctor and play at the park just like our straight counterparts do. In many of our communities we are viewed as equal to our straight counterparts and our families are valued and supported. But even when our families are valued and supported, there is disparity. Our families are treated like second-class families in so many ways. Children are denied health insurance because their parents are not allowed to be married and the employer won’t provide insurance for the same-sex spouse and her children. Gay and lesbian parents have to pay large legal fees to create a patchwork of legal protections to give their families some, but nowhere near all, the protections that come with marriage. We file for second-parent adoptions and hope they will be granted. We notarize wills, powers of attorney, guardianship papers and other paperwork and pray that we will never need them, but we carry them everywhere, just in case. No married, straight friend of mine has ever had to scramble to find her power of attorney paperwork when she heard her husband had been rushed to the hospital. I have. I made sure I had it when Susan went to the hospital last year because all I could think was, “What am I going to do if they won’t let me see her?”
Our families deserve the same recognition and protection that other families have because we ARE a family. A family that loves each other, supports each other, cares for each other and will always be there for each other.
From left, Mary Townley, Emily Townley-Schall and Carol Schall attended the 2014 Equality Virginia Commonwealth Dinner on April 5. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)
NAME: Carol Schall
PARTNER’S NAME: Mary Townley
OCCUPATION: Assistant professor and researcher, Virginia Commonwealth University
KIDS’ NAME(S) AND AGES: Emily, age 16
CITY/STATE: Richmond, VA
CASE INVOLVED IN: Bostic v Rainey
As a lesbian mom, what does Mother’s Day mean to you? Does it have any special significance as an LGBT parent?
It is a celebration of our job as moms. It is a day to recognize the wonder and joy of being a mom. It is also a recognition that being a mom is not intuitive, easy or second nature. It requires mindfulness and awareness of your role to raise the next generation and even the generations to come. According to experts, we parent as our parents do. Emily will probably parent her children as we have parented her. So, Mother’s Day is a day for me to reflect on the generations past and the generations yet to come that will carry our light forward into the ages. Beyond all other endeavors, being a mom is the most important and lasting. Being a mom has been a dream of mine from the time I could first think. For Mary and I, we didn’t think this could be a reality until we set a vision to become moms. I love being Emily’s mom more than any other job I have ever had. It is my greatest joy and my greatest worry all at the same time!
What is your Mother’s Day tradition? Do you and your partner celebrate it together?
Emily usually shops for gifts for us with a good friend of ours the week before Mother’s Day. Our morning is usually pretty easy. As a teen, she likes to sleep late, that means her moms get to sleep late too! Once we are up and moving, we usually go out to Sunday brunch. We also try to have all chores done to make it a really relaxed family day. When Emily was a baby, we would shop for each other. Now that she is older, she shops for us. I love to recognize the amazing mom that Mary is. She is warm and kind and tenderhearted when it comes to Emily. Mother’s Day is my opportunity to recognize all that she is and means to Emily.
You’re a plaintiff in a state marriage case — in your own words, please tell us why you feel it’s important for gay families to have legal protections.
Mary gave birth to Emily, but I am the main “bread winner” in our family. Without marriage, the state of Virginia will never recognize me as Emily’s parent. Marriage matters for Emily and all of our children. Without the protections of marriage, Virginia would not recognize my estate as Emily’s should anything ever happen to me. They would not automatically notify me if anything ever happened to her. Finally, they could even prohibit me from seeing her or coming to her aid if anything were to happen to Mary. Without marriage, I am a legal stranger to my own daughter. I am in this fight for Emily. I want her to have a family that is recognized. I want to be able to legally and finally be her mom. We celebrate Mother’s Day as a family. I long for the day when we can legally celebrate Mother’s Day as a nation.
a&e features
Tickets on sale for chef Patrick O’Connell’s book launch event
Sept. 18 kickoff to feature José Andrés, Tom Sietsema
Acclaimed chef Patrick O’Connell is preparing to publish his new memoir, “Main, Middle & Gay” in September and he’s launching the book with an event on Sept. 18 at 6 p.m. at Lisner Auditorium featuring Chef José Andrés and former Washington Post food critic Tom Sietsema.
Tickets for the event go on sale Tuesday, July 21 at Ticketmaster; prices start at $55.
O’Connell, who’s gay, is the pioneering Michelin-starred chef and longtime proprietor of the Inn at Little Washington. He spoke with the Blade about the September event and the launch of his first memoir.
“I’ve known [Andrés and Sietsema] for more than 25 years and I have great respect for them,” O’Connell said. “I felt that it would allow us to add a different dimension rather than just have an interviewer. The chemistry will be fun and lively and unpredictable and exciting. I think we’re all different personalities and we’ll compliment each other.”
O’Connell has published cookbooks but this is his first memoir. The event will feature a short film that will highlight his work and the Inn.
“What I hope to do with the event is bring the book to life visually,” he said. “So we’re producing a short film that will be part of it. Most of the audience will not have read the book so it’ll give them a visual flavor of the book. It parallels the evolution of American cuisine over 50 years. It’s a rare perspective to be in the trenches for that long.”
The book’s title refers to the location of the garage on the corner of Main, Middle, and Gay streets in Washington, Va., where he launched his restaurant that became an international culinary destination.
The Blade will publish the rest of its wide-ranging interview with O’Connell in September in conjunction with the book’s release.
a&e features
The queer Asian comics building collective joy in D.C.
Spotlighting chaotic ways family, romance, identity take shape in their lives
Kevin Chen’s family tombstone has room for four: him, his parents and his boyfriend. The arrangement might prove to be a little awkward.
“My boyfriend is 100% white, and my parents are 100% disappointed,” Chen confessed.
Jokes about family traditions and the untraditional ways they’re practiced earned a burst of laughs at the bar where Chen was opening for the Pride Comedy Special. The D.C. stand-up event, produced by Comedy Bonfyre last month, spotlighted queer Asian comics who shared the chaotic ways family, romance and identity take shape in their lives.
From candid oral sex takes to top surgery hypotheticals like “Where do the boobs go?”, the night highlighted the loud camaraderie of the queer Asian experience — one that sounds like a cacophony of snorts, cackles and belly laughs. While the comics say they are not quite a community, there’s more than enough shared material to bring them together.
“It was such a magical experience. I loved performing in a queer API lineup. It feels so validating,” Chen said after the show. “I’m wondering, ‘Is this how white men feel all the time?’”
Each performance evoked queer Asian joy through a medium that could use more of its presence.
According to Chen, who is based in D.C., it’s hard to say whether there is a true queer Asian comedy presence in his city. There are only a scattered “handful” of Asian comics, and people of color are underrepresented in queer comic circles, he said.
When Tarunika Anand, a nonbinary lesbian comic, first entered the mainstream D.C. comedy scene, they mostly encountered straight white men, describing the experience as “a culture shock.”
“I feel like sometimes a lot of queer spaces are really white, and then a lot of Asian spaces are really straight,” Anand said. “I don’t feel like I fit into either.”
But feeling marginalized didn’t stop these comics from honing their craft and creating spaces for others like them. Alex Kim, who headlined the special and is based in Brooklyn, runs the queer Asian comedy group Boba Gays, which began on WhatsApp and has since made its way to Lincoln Center.
Every Wednesday, Anand co-produces a free comedy show called Funny Side Up. The queer-led group focuses on inclusivity and showcasing new talent.
“It’s really beautiful to speak about your experience and your existence in a way that’s uplifting,” Anand said.
Family is a major throughline of their comedic repertoires.
Chen, for instance, shared that he identifies with jokes about having Asian immigrant parents and the expectations they pass down.
“You see me, you know this part about me, you know this experience intimately, and I can see the truth that you’re trying to wrap a joke around,” he said. “That hits even harder because that’s my truth too. I think that’s what makes good comedy.”
Anand had the audience at the special howling when they explained that their parents’ be-more-like-them comparisons didn’t end when they came out. Instead, the expectations took on a new form.
“Now, my parents want me to be the best gay,” Anand said. “They’re like, ‘Do you know Ellen DeGeneres?’”
Kim said he’s been trying to unlearn things from his Christian Korean mom. Yet he described a moment when he was getting ready for the club and realized he looked just like his mother getting ready for church.
“I’ve been finding it hard to escape her,” Kim said.
Mutual recognition also radiates through the different ways queer love can take shape. From singlehood to death-do-us-part commitments, the comics cover just about every corner.
Anand is holding out hope for settling down with “a nice, pretty, Indian girl.” They recently went through a breakup and said they felt they dodged a bullet.
“As a person of color, I just don’t think I should be with a Swiftie,” they said.
Chen, touching on what it’s like to be in a queer interracial relationship, said that meeting his white boyfriend’s baby nephew for the first time felt like he was forced to participate in a diversity, equity and inclusion training.
“The dad was like, ‘Please welcome Kevin. Be curious about his culture, his history, his foods,’” Chen joked.
Laughter is not the only reward for the comics.
To Anand, comedy is a space where they can say whatever they want. “It gives me a voice,” they said.
Nik Narain, a North Carolina-based trans and nonbinary South Asian comic who performed at the special, said meeting older trans comedians and taking the stage helped him feel reassured in his identity during his transition.
“Stand-up was a really cool way to process that onstage,” he said. “[It] became a way for me to repackage my thoughts.”
Queer Asians are still figuring out their place in the greater D.C. comedy scene. The group is small in numbers and many are still working toward a full-time comedy career. But Narain feels he’s already made it.
Narain is reluctant to pin it all on one moment. He feels that success is already peeking through in milestones — opening for celebrities, traveling to performances and self-producing shows.
“As long as I can keep doing this, I’m super happy,” he said.
This story was produced as part of the AAJA VOICES fellowship program, a student journalism project of the Asian American Journalists Association (AAJA).
a&e features
Mr. Henry’s celebrates 60 years of proud inclusivity
Capitol Hill staple remains ‘a caring community’
America’s 250th isn’t the only milestone birthday D.C. is celebrating this year.
Beloved D.C. restaurant Mr. Henry’s, that Capitol Hill staple, celebrates its Diamond Jubilee all year long. Named for its original owner Henry Yaffe, the restaurant opened on a warm day 60 years ago in the summer of 1966 and has never looked back.
Yaffe took over what was then a country western restaurant, renovated the interior to his liking, and created an institution. Yet Yaffe had another goal. As a gay man, “he created Mr. Henry’s to be a place where everyone felt welcome — not easy in 1966 — and he succeeded,” says current owner Mary Quillian.
“Mr. Henry’s has long been a place the LGBTQ community has supported because they felt and still feel welcomed,” says Quillian. Even in the current administration, “the gay community and the diversity-minded community continue to come.”
Since then, Mr. Henry’s has changed hands, opened and closed its second floor, welcomed famed musical acts, and played host to politicians, date nights, breakups, and birthdays. But it still feels like home (and has a note in the National Trust for Historic Preservation) at 601 Pennsylvania Ave., S.E.
Its wood-paneled, Victorian-inspired art-filled décor in the downstairs dining room and bar serves American pub fare for lunch and dinner daily, with brunch on weekends (and a dog-friendly patio). Upstairs, Mr. Henry’s hosts live jazz performances and special events most nights, continuing a musical tradition that has defined the venue for decades. That upstairs bar has played host to names like Roberta Flack and Woody Allen.
Musician Kevin Cordt said that, “Mr. Henry’s has been a part of my life for more than 30 years. I started as a customer, then became a bartender and server, and now I have the good fortune to play trumpet at one of the best live music venues in Washington, D.C.”
Aaron Myers, executive director of the D.C. Commission on the Arts and Humanities, is also a supporter. “Not many cities can sport venues that have consistently served the community in the space of culture for more than 50 years, let alone can brag as the birthplace of culture defining talent.”
From the start, Yaffe promoted a rare yet celebrated combination of locals’ bar and soulful nightlife venue. Mr. Henry’s has attracted a diverse crowd at a time when such spaces were – and perhaps still are – uncommon, a diversity that is credited with helping protect the pub during the 1968 D.C. riots.
Longtime customer Evelyn Branic said, “Mr. Henry’s has been my ‘Cheers’ hangout since my wife and I moved to the Hill in 1987. I’ve experienced many iconic moments meeting politicians, reporters, civic activists, and neighbors engaging in spirited conversations. Whether political, LGBTQ, historians, neighbors, or out-of-towners, everyone could find a special place to be greeted as a friend.”
Its welcoming tables come dabbed with a bit of tea: In 1971, in a moment that has since become part of Capitol Hill lore, Yaffe lost the pub in a poker game to Larry Quillian. The Quillian family, recognizing the special role Mr. Henry’s played in the neighborhood, took over ownership, and committed to preserving its spirit. Today, Larry’s daughter Mary owns the bar, having given it a bit of a facelift for the bar’s 50th birthday, bringing in new tables and some fresh menu items.
For example, the menu has some of those dishes that regulars would riot if they disappeared. The Reuben and the hamburgers, the chili and in-house roasted turkey have never departed the menu. Dishes do evolve, says Quillen: they added wings about two decades ago.
In 2026, the restaurant is hosting monthly ticketed “decades” parties, celebrating each of the 10-year periods the restaurant’s been open, plus there were specials in June for Pride. The official 60th anniversary gala takes place Aug. 29, featuring performers, beverages, timeless favorite foods, swag – and the unveiling of a new cocktail.
Inclusive, eccentric, eclectic, Mr. Henry’s is looking forward to maintaining its centrality to diverse crowds in Capitol Hill. Battling inflation, rising menu prices, changing tastes, and thin margins, Quillian says that Mr. Henry’s has — and will always be — “a caring community for so many different folks. And THAT is why I am committed to keeping us going. Society needs places like Mr. Henry’s, now more than ever.”
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