Local
Someday we’ll be together?
Bi-national couple describes pain, anxiety of navigating U.S. immigration laws
You’re waiting on your partner and he’s late.
Most gays in that situation might be mildly irked, especially if a dinner reservation or theater tickets are at stake. Even if a few hours pass, you realize the likelihood that something serious has happened is small.
But when Kelly Cross, a local gay attorney, found himself waiting more than two hours at the Foggy Bottom Metro station last summer with no sign of his partner, who was scheduled to join him following a stint in Europe, it was a much more serious situation — it could have meant the end of their relationship.
Because the United States doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage at the federal level — where immigration is handled — bi-national same-sex couples have few options for staying together long-term in the U.S. or anywhere else. The 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) further complicates the matter.
Cross and his partner, who declined to be identified because it could increase his chances of being deported, had tried to make a go of it in Europe, spending more than a year together in Dusseldorf, Germany, but a bounty of practical considerations — most pressingly Cross’s cancer-stricken mother in West Virginia — made staying there untenable. Cross returned in June 2009. But on the July day when his partner was scheduled to arrive at Dulles Airport, Cross’s panic increased as time went by.
“I was going around calling all kinds of people,” Cross says. “I thought he’d gotten pulled over and sent to the detention center where they’re double- and triple-checking everything probably. They want to make sure these folks are not going to stay in the U.S. They have no idea of his life here, his friends and family. It’s terrifying to know that you could be traveling and get the wrong immigration officer and not be able to get back into the country and I would not be able to go back and say anything and have no right to appeal anything. We’re very much at their whim.”
It had already been a nerve-wracking month for Cross, 31. Since he’d returned to the United States, he’d spent a frantic month trying to find someone willing to give his partner a job. Without that, there was no hope for the partner to stay. Though the partner’s background is in public policy, he had some experience doing financial analysis in Europe and that led to a D.C. opportunity but one that they say is more of a temporary fix than a long-term career plan.
For the couple, who got serious quickly after meeting at Apex in 2007, it was just one more in a string of seemingly endless obstacles. The relationship is strong enough, they say, that it’s worth the constant anxiety and uncertainty.
Cross’s partner, also 31, came to the states from his native Poland in 2003 to study public policy at the University of Northern Iowa. Disenchanted with Iowa, he came to D.C. for an internship in 2006. Though he liked the U.S., he was planning to return to Poland or possibly somewhere else in Europe — wherever he might find a good job. His plans changed radically when he met Cross.
“This is an everyday concern, how are we going to survive,” the partner says. “In our situation, we’re lucky that we have sufficient funds to live in this not-very-pleasant situation, but I just cannot imagine if somebody is gay and working for McDonald’s and he has a boyfriend who is working for Burger King. I don’t think they are going to make it. They won’t make it for sure because they’re not able. But if there’s a couple who’s straight, they have all the rights and all possibilities to make it because it will be possible. A law that gives them the opportunity, one piece of paper, a marriage license, that gives all kinds of rights and we don’t have it.”
The couple did enter a New Jersey civil union last summer, but they say it was purely symbolic and has little practical benefit. The partner says although he understands the arguments of those who will settle only for marriage, he’d be happy with a federally recognized civil union.
“That would be fine, I don’t give a shit,” he says. “Just anything so I don’t have this headache every morning. I would be perfectly happy with a civil union.”
Cross and his partner are, of course, not alone. Immigration Equality, a gay rights advocacy group working to end discrimination in U.S. immigration law against LGBT people, points to Williams Institute figures based on the 2000 Census that indicate there are about 36,000 bi-national same-sex couples struggling to stay together in the U.S. They’re hoping the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA), versions of which date back to 2000, will solve the problem. Because its wording says “permanent partner,” activists say it wouldn’t conflict with DOMA, though they’re hopeful — as are virtually all gay activists — that DOMA will eventually be repealed.
But how are the odds looking for UAFA? Immigration Equality’s communications director Steve Ralls is optimistic.
“Now that health care is officially behind us, there are indications that Congress and the White House are turning to immigration reform in the coming weeks and months,” Ralls says. “The White House has called key lawmakers to plot a way forward for comprehensive immigration reform and as part of that process, we’re working very hard to ensure that the Uniting American Families Act is part of that comprehensive bill.”
If it fails there — and many are opposed to its inclusion — it could pass on its own but Ralls says Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and U.S. Sen. Charles Schumer, supporters of the legislation, have told him they want to tackle a comprehensive bill before individual ones. U.S. Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vermont), who introduced UAFA in the Senate last year, is a key ally, Ralls says.
“He’s chair of the Judiciary Committee, which has enormous influence on what immigration bills move through Congress when,” Ralls said. “He remains willing and determined to pass UAFA as a standalone bill if necessary. That gives us a legislative leg up right out of the starting gate.”
But if it fails, what are the options for couples like Cross and his partner? They’re few, they say. Moving to Canada is not practical because the antitrust law Cross specializes in is not viable to practice there. Cross says he was lucky he spoke German and that his England-based international law firm was able to transfer him there, but he took a large pay cut to do it.
His partner becomes indignant at the mere suggestion of moving to Canada.
“This question is not really appropriate,” he says. “Who the heck is going to tell me where I should live? … I am entitled to decide where I should like to live because I’m your partner. We want to live here. Nobody’s going to tell me what I’m supposed to do with my life. I’m not a random person who’s just coming and pushing to want to settle in the D.C. area. We have our life here.”
And though the immigration problem is by far the couple’s biggest challenge, Cross says it’s compounded by other factors that flair up occasionally. They have cultural, interracial and homophobic issues that pop up, mostly externally. Cross encountered it often when he was trying to arrange a job for his partner.
“There’s a different sort of worth people ascribe to a heterosexual relationship that they don’t ascribe to homosexual ones,” Cross says. “There’s a presumption that if you’ve found a woman and are in love with a woman, then that must be love and there must be something there and you know, that’s your family. People attribute that and assume it’s real. But I think with gay couples there’s a mentality that yeah, you could find someone else or why go to the effort for this, there’s plenty of other people you could find. But it’s not true. When you love somebody, you love somebody.”
Cross says the challenges sometimes overwhelm his friends and colleagues.
“I think it’s just a combination of the whole thing,” he says. “Black, interracial, bi-national, gay — sometimes it’s just too much and people don’t know how to deal with it.”
Delaware
Democrat Maureen ‘Mo’ Madden takes on longtime GOP stronghold in Delaware’s 38th
Out lesbian candidate for state House focused on infrastructure needs, voting rights
Democrat Maureen “Mo” Madden is running for the Delaware House of Representatives in the 38th District, seeking to win a seat that has been held by Republicans for more than two decades.
The race opened up after Republican state Rep. Ron Gray announced in April that he would not seek reelection after seven terms in the General Assembly.
Gray was first elected in 2012 and represents communities including Bethany Beach, Fenwick Island, Selbyville and Ocean View. Madden, a Dagsboro resident, filed to run for the seat in 2025.
Madden is a retired federal civil servant who spent nearly 23 years at NASA and more than seven years at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. She holds a master’s degree in physics and previously worked in leadership at NOAA.
She said her professional experience taught her the importance of working collaboratively, something she believes would translate to the legislature.
“Advocating, negotiating, and collaborating are all skills that a legislator needs,” she said. “You learn to collaborate. You learn to negotiate. You learn to advocate for your budget, for your team, and for your projects.”
Madden said her decision to run began after she and her wife moved to the area and she noticed the lack of Democratic candidates on the ballot in her district.
“Somebody’s got to do it, and I’ve got time. I’m retired,” said Madden.
She acknowledged the difficulty of running as a Democrat in the district, which has been represented by Republicans since 2002.
Madden said one of the biggest concerns she hears from residents is the rapid growth of Sussex County.
“We have a massive amount of growth and a massive amount of development,” said Madden.
Madden said the growth has placed additional pressure on roads, schools, emergency services, as well as water and sewer infrastructure.
“We need to find a way to bring more money down here for the school system and for the infrastructure that we need,” she said.
She also raised concerns about the impact of new developments on existing neighborhoods, particularly in regard to flooding and drainage.
“Something needs to be done,” said Madden.
Madden also pointed to climate change as a factor affecting the region.She said the state will need to work on both addressing development and preparing communities for increasingly severe weather.
“We have to work both sides of it,” Madden said.
Madden said improving infrastructure would be a priority if she is elected, particularly roads and other infrastructure that affect residents’ daily lives.
“I want to increase the safety of my neighbors,” she said.
Madden also said she wants to address infrastructure needs related to water and sewer service, as well as the availability of health care in the rapidly growing coastal region.
Madden said protecting voting rights would be another priority in the legislature.
“The right to vote is one of the biggest things that we have here in a democracy,” she said.
She said that she supports early voting, mail-in voting, and same-day registration, as well as restoring voting rights to people who have completed felony sentences.
“You should not lose a constitutional right because you’ve been in jail,” said Madden.
“Protecting the right to vote is how I will defend democracy when I get to the state House,” she said.
Madden said she would also support efforts to enshrine certain rights in the Delaware Constitution, including reproductive rights, voting rights, and the right to marriage.
“Those three protections of our freedoms that are right now under attack need to be more secure in the Delaware State Constitution,” she said.
As an openly lesbian candidate, Madden said LGBTQ+ rights are important to her, particularly the treatment of young transgender people.
She said she is concerned about efforts to restrict transgender students’ participation in sports and other policies affecting transgender people.
“They are picking on the most vulnerable of the most vulnerable,” said Madden.
She said she hopes voters will view LGBTQ+ people as part of their communities rather than as fundamentally different from their neighbors.
“We’re your neighbors. We’re your friends. We’re your family,” she said.
Madden will face Republican Carlie Carey in the general election on Nov. 3.
The Comings & Goings column is about sharing the professional successes of our community. We want to recognize those landing new jobs, new clients for their business, joining boards of organizations and other achievements. Please share your successes with us at [email protected].
It is exciting to write about Nick Tsusaki, the founder and owner of Spark Social, 2009 14th St., N.W. Tsusaki just announced the official opening, on Sunday, Aug. 23, of a new daytime event, called Spark Coffee Club, a great opportunity to meet up with friends, or meet new ones. It is in partnership with Go Gay DC and runs 12-1 p.m., every Sunday. If you are new to D.C., you can browse more than 180 local LGBTQ+ community groups Tsusaki has listed on the community tab of his website: spark-dc.com/community.
“I’ve been out for most of my life, but it wasn’t until I started working in queer spaces, surrounded by queer people, that I really felt proud, even lucky, to be gay,” he said. “I hope Spark is a place where more people come to that same realization.”
Tsusaki went to Georgetown for his undergraduate studies, and spent four years doing Navy ROTC, then went into the Navy. He told me, “Town was the first gay bar I ever went to. It was always such a liberating and euphoric experience, I knew I wanted to come back to D.C. permanently, after the Navy.”
During his eight years in the Navy, Tsusaki spent time in among other places, Bahrain, and Korea. He was D.C. operations manager, where he managed large, diverse teams, across multiple countries, supervising logistics, scheduling, safety protocols, and daily operational readiness. He also directed emergency response and crisis management operations, including White House support, COVID-19 response planning, and major safety and security protocols protecting tens of thousands of personnel.
Tsusaki recounted, “When I left the Navy in 2023, I applied to every gay bar in the city. Fortunately, Shakers, was just opening at that time, and I started as a barback on the opening team. My appreciation for the D.C. LGBTQ+ community, and LGBTQ+ spaces only grew as I worked with and met some of the most hilarious, talented, proud, diverse, and supportive people in my life. After just a year in the industry, my passion had grown so strong I decided I wanted to open my own venue.”
Tsusaki then built Spark Social, and now supervises a 20-person team across café, bar, retail, and nightlife operations, ensuring strong safety standards, clear procedures, and consistent guest experience. He has developed a deeply trusted neighborhood presence through strong community partnerships, resulting in a 4.9 Google rating with 120+ reviews. He created an innovative 1-for-1 cocktail menu offering alcoholic and non-alcoholic options, with equal quality and presentation, and promotes an inclusive nightlife for non-drinkers. He has established Spark as a unique market leader in LGBTQ+ hospitality, combining daytime café culture, with late-night programming, and community-centered events. So, whether you go for the new community coffee hour on Sundays, or any other time, Spark Social is a place where you will feel comfortable.
Tsusaki earned his bachelor’s of science degree in foreign service, Georgetown University; and master’s in business analytics from the University of Virginia, Darden School of Business.
Maryland
Anne Arundel schools updates gender identity regulation following Trump administration threats
District facing federal lawsuit, White House threats over guidelines
By JESSICA CALEFATI | Under pressure from the Trump-Vance administration, Anne Arundel County Public Schools Supt. Mark Bedell announced Wednesday the district had updated a regulation intended to protect transgender students’ right to be called by their chosen name.
The revised language makes clear that district rules on gender identity do not block parents’ rights under the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act as the federal government alleged last month, and that a student’s gender identity will not be treated as confidential medical information.
“No policy, guideline, or practice may limit or otherwise interfere with parental rights under FERPA,” Bedell wrote in a Wednesday letter to the community. “This includes any information maintained in education records that relates to gender identity, transgender status, sexual orientation, preferred name, or preferred pronouns.”
The rest of this article can be read on the Baltimore Banner’s website.
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