Local
Someday we’ll be together?
Bi-national couple describes pain, anxiety of navigating U.S. immigration laws
You’re waiting on your partner and he’s late.
Most gays in that situation might be mildly irked, especially if a dinner reservation or theater tickets are at stake. Even if a few hours pass, you realize the likelihood that something serious has happened is small.
But when Kelly Cross, a local gay attorney, found himself waiting more than two hours at the Foggy Bottom Metro station last summer with no sign of his partner, who was scheduled to join him following a stint in Europe, it was a much more serious situation — it could have meant the end of their relationship.
Because the United States doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage at the federal level — where immigration is handled — bi-national same-sex couples have few options for staying together long-term in the U.S. or anywhere else. The 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) further complicates the matter.
Cross and his partner, who declined to be identified because it could increase his chances of being deported, had tried to make a go of it in Europe, spending more than a year together in Dusseldorf, Germany, but a bounty of practical considerations — most pressingly Cross’s cancer-stricken mother in West Virginia — made staying there untenable. Cross returned in June 2009. But on the July day when his partner was scheduled to arrive at Dulles Airport, Cross’s panic increased as time went by.
“I was going around calling all kinds of people,” Cross says. “I thought he’d gotten pulled over and sent to the detention center where they’re double- and triple-checking everything probably. They want to make sure these folks are not going to stay in the U.S. They have no idea of his life here, his friends and family. It’s terrifying to know that you could be traveling and get the wrong immigration officer and not be able to get back into the country and I would not be able to go back and say anything and have no right to appeal anything. We’re very much at their whim.”
It had already been a nerve-wracking month for Cross, 31. Since he’d returned to the United States, he’d spent a frantic month trying to find someone willing to give his partner a job. Without that, there was no hope for the partner to stay. Though the partner’s background is in public policy, he had some experience doing financial analysis in Europe and that led to a D.C. opportunity but one that they say is more of a temporary fix than a long-term career plan.
For the couple, who got serious quickly after meeting at Apex in 2007, it was just one more in a string of seemingly endless obstacles. The relationship is strong enough, they say, that it’s worth the constant anxiety and uncertainty.
Cross’s partner, also 31, came to the states from his native Poland in 2003 to study public policy at the University of Northern Iowa. Disenchanted with Iowa, he came to D.C. for an internship in 2006. Though he liked the U.S., he was planning to return to Poland or possibly somewhere else in Europe — wherever he might find a good job. His plans changed radically when he met Cross.
“This is an everyday concern, how are we going to survive,” the partner says. “In our situation, we’re lucky that we have sufficient funds to live in this not-very-pleasant situation, but I just cannot imagine if somebody is gay and working for McDonald’s and he has a boyfriend who is working for Burger King. I don’t think they are going to make it. They won’t make it for sure because they’re not able. But if there’s a couple who’s straight, they have all the rights and all possibilities to make it because it will be possible. A law that gives them the opportunity, one piece of paper, a marriage license, that gives all kinds of rights and we don’t have it.”
The couple did enter a New Jersey civil union last summer, but they say it was purely symbolic and has little practical benefit. The partner says although he understands the arguments of those who will settle only for marriage, he’d be happy with a federally recognized civil union.
“That would be fine, I don’t give a shit,” he says. “Just anything so I don’t have this headache every morning. I would be perfectly happy with a civil union.”
Cross and his partner are, of course, not alone. Immigration Equality, a gay rights advocacy group working to end discrimination in U.S. immigration law against LGBT people, points to Williams Institute figures based on the 2000 Census that indicate there are about 36,000 bi-national same-sex couples struggling to stay together in the U.S. They’re hoping the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA), versions of which date back to 2000, will solve the problem. Because its wording says “permanent partner,” activists say it wouldn’t conflict with DOMA, though they’re hopeful — as are virtually all gay activists — that DOMA will eventually be repealed.
But how are the odds looking for UAFA? Immigration Equality’s communications director Steve Ralls is optimistic.
“Now that health care is officially behind us, there are indications that Congress and the White House are turning to immigration reform in the coming weeks and months,” Ralls says. “The White House has called key lawmakers to plot a way forward for comprehensive immigration reform and as part of that process, we’re working very hard to ensure that the Uniting American Families Act is part of that comprehensive bill.”
If it fails there — and many are opposed to its inclusion — it could pass on its own but Ralls says Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and U.S. Sen. Charles Schumer, supporters of the legislation, have told him they want to tackle a comprehensive bill before individual ones. U.S. Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vermont), who introduced UAFA in the Senate last year, is a key ally, Ralls says.
“He’s chair of the Judiciary Committee, which has enormous influence on what immigration bills move through Congress when,” Ralls said. “He remains willing and determined to pass UAFA as a standalone bill if necessary. That gives us a legislative leg up right out of the starting gate.”
But if it fails, what are the options for couples like Cross and his partner? They’re few, they say. Moving to Canada is not practical because the antitrust law Cross specializes in is not viable to practice there. Cross says he was lucky he spoke German and that his England-based international law firm was able to transfer him there, but he took a large pay cut to do it.
His partner becomes indignant at the mere suggestion of moving to Canada.
“This question is not really appropriate,” he says. “Who the heck is going to tell me where I should live? … I am entitled to decide where I should like to live because I’m your partner. We want to live here. Nobody’s going to tell me what I’m supposed to do with my life. I’m not a random person who’s just coming and pushing to want to settle in the D.C. area. We have our life here.”
And though the immigration problem is by far the couple’s biggest challenge, Cross says it’s compounded by other factors that flair up occasionally. They have cultural, interracial and homophobic issues that pop up, mostly externally. Cross encountered it often when he was trying to arrange a job for his partner.
“There’s a different sort of worth people ascribe to a heterosexual relationship that they don’t ascribe to homosexual ones,” Cross says. “There’s a presumption that if you’ve found a woman and are in love with a woman, then that must be love and there must be something there and you know, that’s your family. People attribute that and assume it’s real. But I think with gay couples there’s a mentality that yeah, you could find someone else or why go to the effort for this, there’s plenty of other people you could find. But it’s not true. When you love somebody, you love somebody.”
Cross says the challenges sometimes overwhelm his friends and colleagues.
“I think it’s just a combination of the whole thing,” he says. “Black, interracial, bi-national, gay — sometimes it’s just too much and people don’t know how to deal with it.”
District of Columbia
HIV Vaccine Awareness Day set for May 18
Whitman-Walker joins nationwide recognition of efforts to develop vaccine
Whitman-Walker Health, the D.C.-based community healthcare center that specializes in HIV/AIDS and LGBTQ-related health services, will join health care advocates from across the country to support efforts to develop an HIV vaccine on HIV Vaccine Awareness Day on May 18.
“HIV Awareness Day, observed annually on May 18, was established to recognize and thank the volunteers, scientists, health professionals, and community members working toward a safe and effective prevention HIV vaccine,” Whitman-Walker said in a statement.
“Led by the National Institutes of Health’s National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), the day is also an opportunity to educate communities about the critical importance of preventive HIV vaccine research,” the statement says.
It adds, “The reality is that any new vaccine discovery must be built community by community, institution by institution, and then it must reach everyone – especially the communities who have carried the heaviest burden of this epidemic.”
On its own website, the National Institutes of Health says HIV Vaccine Awareness Day also highlights its longstanding efforts, coordinated by its Office of AIDS Research, to support researchers’ efforts to develop an HIV vaccine.
“Researchers are making promising headway in efforts to develop a safe, effective HIV vaccine,” it says in a statement on its website.
A Whitman-Walker spokesperson said Whitman-Walker was not holding a specific event to observe HIV Vaccine Awareness Day, but it will recognize the day as a way of encouragement for its ongoing work to address the AIDS epidemic and support for vaccine research.
“Today, no one has to die from HIV,” said Whitman-Walker’s Health System division’s CEO, Dr. Heather Aaron in the Whitman-Walker statement. “We have the treatments, the technology, and the research to change outcomes, and yet people in our community are still dying from HIV//AIDS,” she said in the statement.
“That is unacceptable, and it is exactly why our work continues,” she added. “Here in D.C. with more focus on Southeast D.C., the Whitman-Walker Health System remains committed to making a difference through cutting-edge research, policy advocacy, and philanthropy, because fair access to life-saving treatment is not a privilege. It is a right.”
District of Columbia
Capital Stonewall Democrats endorses Janeese Lewis George for D.C. mayor
Group also backed D.C. Council, Congressional delegate, AG candidates
The Capital Stonewall Democrats, D.C.’s largest local LGBTQ political organization, announced on May 14 that it has endorsed D.C. Councilmember Janeese Lewis George (D-Ward 4) for mayor in the city’s June 16 Democratic primary.
Lewis George along with former D.C. Councilmember Kenyan McDuffie (D-At-Large) are considered by political observers to be the two leading candidates among the seven candidates competing in the Democratic primary election for mayor.
Both have strong, long-standing records of support on LGBTQ issues, indicating Capital Stonewall Democrats members, like LGBTQ voters across the city, are likely choosing a candidate based on non-LGBTQ related issues.
In a May 14 statement, the group announced its endorsements in seven other Democratic primary races, including D.C. Council Chair Phil Mendelson, who is running unopposed in the primary. Also endorsed is D.C. Councilmember Robert White (D-At-Large), who is one of five Democratic candidates competing for the position of D.C. delegate to the U.S. House of Representatives.
D.C. Councilmember Brooke Pinto (D-Ward 2) is among the four candidates competing with White for that post, and who like White has a strong record of support on LGBTQ issues.
In the At-Large D.C. Council race for which incumbent Anita Bonds is not running for re-election, Capital Stonewall Democrats has endorsed community activist and LGBTQ ally Oye Owolewa in a nine candidate race.
For the Ward 1 D.C. Council election, in which five LGBTQ supportive candidates are competing, the group did not make an endorsement because none of the candidate received a required 60 percent of the endorsement vote cast by Capital Stonewall Democrats members, according to the group’s former president, Howard Garrett.
The statement announcing its endorsements shows that it decided to list its “Preferred Ranking” of each of the Ward 1 Democratic candidates as part of the city’s newly implemented ranked choice voting system. It lists gay candidate Miguel Trindade Deramo as first, bisexual candidate Aparna Raj second, Jackie Reyes Yanes third, Rashida Brown fourth, and Terry Lynch fifth.
In the remaining ward Council races, Capital Stonewall Democrats endorsed Councilmember Matt Fruman (D-Ward 3), who is running unopposed for re-election; Councilmember Zachary Parker (D-Ward 5), the Council’s only gay member who is being challenged by two opponents; and Councilmember Charles Allen (D-Ward 6), who is running unopposed for re-election.
The group also chose not to make an endorsement in the special election for another At-Large D.C. Council seat that became vacant when then-Independent Councilmember McDuffie resigned to enable him to run for mayor as a Democrat. Under the city’s Home Rule Charter adopted by Congress, that at large sweat is restricted to a “non-majority party” candidate, meaning a non-Democrat.
The three candidates running for the seat, all Independents, include incumbent Doni Crawford, who was appointed to the seat earlier this year; former D.C. Councilmember Elissa Silverman; and Jacque Patterson. All three have expressed support on LGBTQ related issues.
“The organization’s endorsement process included candidate questionnaires, public forums, and direct voting by active CSD members,” the statement announcing its endorsements says. “Each endorsement reflects the collective voice of 173 LGBTQ+ Democrats who voted in the process and are committed to building lasting political power in the District,” according to the statement. “Candidates that reached 60 percent support received the endorsement.”
Garrett, the group’s former president, acknowledged that with nearly all candidates running in D.C. elections expressing strong support for the LGBTQ community, many if not most of the group’s members most likely chose a candidate based on issues other than LGBTQ related issues.
He said he believes Lewis George, who he is supporting and is viewed as a progressive candidate who self-identifies as a Democratic Socialist, compared to McDuffie, who is viewed as a moderate Democrat, captured the group’s endorsement based on the view that she is the best person to lead the city going forward.
“I believe that Capital Stonewall members voted for Janeese Lewis George because we’re tired of the status quo and we need a new, bold leader to not only move our city forward but also to stand up to Donald Trump and his administration,” Garrett told the Washington Blade.
McDuffie’s LGBTQ supporters, including former Capital Stonewall Democrats presidents David Meadows and Kurt Vorndran, have argued that McDuffie’s positions on a wide range of issues, including LGBTQ issues, show him to be the best candidates to lead the city at this time and In future years.
The group’s endorsement of Lewis George comes one week after GLAA DC, a nonpartisan LGBTQ advocacy group, awarded her its highest candidate rating of +10.
Rehoboth Beach
What’s new in Rehoboth Beach for summer 2026
Moon changes ownership, Market 59 debuts, and much more
Another year and Rehoboth Beach, Del., is ready for the new summer season. The crowds will come for sun, sand, surf, and the boardwalk. It will cost a little more to get to the beach this year, as gas prices are way up. But once you are in Rehoboth, you know it’s worth it.
One aesthetic change you’ll notice at the boardwalk is the installation of a security gate and bollards near the bandstand, intended to enhance security during large events. The town plans an expanded fireworks show for July 4 to honor the nation’s 250th birthday.
Most of the commercial establishments in Rehoboth are along and between three blocks: Baltimore Avenue, Rehoboth Avenue, and Wilmington Avenue. This column will seem like I am walking back and forth because I am, and you will too. One thing to remember: Parking in Rehoboth is difficult and expensive and free parking is over as of May 15. There are parking permits available for either a day or longer at the non-metered spots.
During more than 40 years that I have been going to Rehoboth, including more than 30 owning a place in Sussex County, I have witnessed the town transform from a summer vacation spot to a vibrant, year-round community. This was hastened by the COVID pandemic, when lots of people moved to the beach when they could work virtually. Others, reaching retirement age, decided the beach was the place to be. This influx of residents has given many businesses a reason to stay open year round.
Over the years, Rehoboth has become a real foodie town, with many more restaurants, many of them high-end, opening. There are local gay-led restaurant groups like the award-winning Second Block Hospitality Group, which operates The Pines, Bodhi Kitchen, and Drift. Another group, JAM Holdings, owns Eden, which relocated to Route 1 in January after 20 years on Baltimore Avenue; and Jam, which is expected to reopen on Rehoboth Avenue later this year after leaving its Wilmington Avenue location that was demolished over the winter. That building was home to several beloved restaurants over the decades, including Chez la Mer and Azzurro.
Among the new businesses this year, be sure to stop at the gay-owned Bay Laurel Home and Garden, located at the old Farmer Girl site on Route 1 for your gardening needs. The Waypoint Hotel opened in December on Rehoboth Avenue, site of the former gay-owned Shore Inn.
Another of the newbies is the upscale Market 59 on Baltimore Avenue. The owners plan to add a restaurant and bar before July 4 called Fifty-Nine. The market offers grab-and-go options for the beach plus homemade breads and pastries, produce, and seafood. Then there is the renamed Frankie and Louie’s across the street, now called Pazzo Italiano. Still the same great takeout and now hooked up with The Pines leading to some new menu items. Then I hear there will also be a new Champagne Bar opening soon on Baltimore Avenue.
Then there are the established and stellar standbys, including the Back Porch, on Rehoboth Avenue; Megan Kee’s restaurants La Fable, Houston White, and Dalmata; and the restaurants on Wilmington Avenue, including Mariachi, Salt Air, and Henlopen Oyster House, where you can sample the Rehoboth Rose oysters from the gay-owned Nancy James Oysters. Then on 1st Street there is Goolee’s Grill for a comforting breakfast and Bloody. Walk up the second block of Rehoboth Avenue and you reach the Purple Parrot and its ever-popular Biergarten.
The iconic Blue Moon restaurant and bar was recently sold to new owners who have pledged to keep it an LGBTQ-affirming space, according to longtime owner Tim Ragan. Ragan and his partner Randy Haney sold the Blue Moon to Dale Lomas and Mike Subrick, owners of Atlantic Liquors on Route 1. “They don’t want to change a thing,” Ragan told the Blade. Happy hour continues all summer long from 4-6 p.m.
For morning coffee nothing beats The Coffee Mill, in the mews between Rehoboth and Baltimore Avenue, where I can be found every morning I am at the beach. The owners, Mel and Bob, also own the Mill Creamery ice cream shop, and another Coffee Mill in Dewey Beach. Mel is proud of his clothing store BRASHhh on 1st Street. On the Rehoboth Avenue side of the mews is the beloved Browseabout Books where you can find a beach read, grab a coffee, and shop for everything from toys to home decor. A few doors away on Rehoboth Avenue is the fun Gidget’s Gadgets.
My favorite place for happy hour is Aqua Bar & Grill for good drinks, food, and service. Say hi to Katie Lyell behind the bar at Aqua, winner of the Blade’s Best Of Award for Best Rehoboth Bartender. Aqua, which is celebrating its 20th anniversary this year, hosts Taco Tuesdays and half-price burgers on Thursdays, all on the spacious outdoor deck. While you are on Baltimore Avenue make sure to stop by CAMP Rehoboth, the LGBTQ community center. Pick up your copy of Letters and take a peek at the art exhibit in their offices. Maybe even say hello to the new executive director, Robin Brennan, Ph.D. I had the chance to stop in and meet her and my congratulations to the board. I think they made a great choice for executive director and the organization is clearly in good hands. Then stop in the CAMP Courtyard, and get something to eat at Lori’s Oy Vey café, celebrating her 30th season, and still the best chicken salad at the beach. Visit the newly relocated Gallery 50 on Baltimore Avenue, which moved from Wilmington Avenue. Then stop in at Elegant Slumming, also on Baltimore Avenue, say hi to Philip, and shop his exquisite jewelry, and some great artwork. If you have a pet and want to treat them to something nice, stop by Critter Beach on Rehoboth Avenue.
After a day in the sand, and a good dinner, there is the nightlife. Diego’s on Rehoboth Avenue Extended hosts regular entertainment, including drag shows and internationally renowned DJs. A new partially enclosed patio offers an expanded space to hang out. Don’t miss their Sundays with local icon Pamala Stanley, now in her 21st season at the beach; in addition to her Sunday dance party, she performs her “Piano Pam” show on Monday evenings. Then there is always fun at Freddie’s Beach Bar, on 1st Street with its video bar and regular entertainment. Clear Space Theatre on the first block of Baltimore Avenue has a busy summer of shows including “The Cher Show”(June 23-Aug. 27), “Mean Girls” (June 26-Aug. 29), and “Pretty Woman” (July 1-Aug. 25). Clear Space always hosts talented casts including many college students who are getting their first chance to shine. Some come back when they are a little more established. This year that includes Caetano de Sá who first performed at the beach in “Jersey Boys” when he was a student at the Boston Conservatory at Berklee, where he earned his BFA in musical theater. He will be back as of May 25 for the summer rep to play Sonny in the production of “The Cher Show,” Martin/Coach Carr in “Mean Girls,” and Mr. Hollister in “Pretty Woman,” along with some cabarets. The incredibly talented Ashley Williams is also back in town and will host a cabaret show on Aug. 2. Tickets for all the shows are available online and they sell out fast.
So, make your plans now to head to the beach. Stay a day, or a week, or more, in a hotel, or a rental house. But make those plans quickly, as things sell out fast in Rehoboth. Look forward to seeing you at the beach!
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