Living
Confessions of a Pretty Lady
Sandra Bernhard on her live show, her comedic successors and the Prince cover she simply had to do
Sandra Bernhard
Saturday
8 p.m. (doors at 6)
Howard Theatre
620 T Street, NW
Thehowardtheatre.com
$35 advance, $40 door
By BRIAN WALMER
Sandra Bernhard brings her live show, an evening of stories and songs, to the Howard on Saturday night. (Photo courtesy of Roots Agency)
It’s a busy Monday afternoon for actress/comedian Sandra Bernhard when we talk.
“I’m dealing with lots of business stuff, tons and tons of stuff,” she says, her voice instantly recognizable.
Controversial, sexy, outspoken Bernhard has been a staple in the entertainment world for three decades and shows no signs of slowing down. She continues to appear on various TV shows and tours with her stage show, which is in Washington this weekend. Look for her Saturday night at the newly refurbished Howard Theatre.
In a sense, Bernhard, who’s been out for years, is not a typical comedian. She doesn’t just stand there telling joke after joke, waiting for the audience’s reaction. Instead, she engages the crowd with her views and takes on everything from politics to pop culture and weaves in a selection of songs that drive her point home.
Her current show, “I Love Being Me, Don’t You?,” debuted in 2011 and has evolved dramatically since then, a trend she credits to her constant wave of new ideas and her own boredom.
“Events occur and my life changes, things happen and I fold it in because I’m excited about telling a new story.”
Bernhard was here in 2008 for a three-week engagement at The Jewish Community Center for the 20th anniversary of “Without You I’m Nothing,” a show that helped put her on the map in the late ‘80s.
“It’s always interesting to look back and have a different perspective on what was going on at the time. Bring it into modern day. You of course have to alter it for what’s going on. A lot of it still holds up so I think that’s a great thing.”
She says D.C. audiences are more open minded than other markets.
“Actually I think they’re more informed, that makes them more open minded,” she says. “The last time I played D.C. was that long run at The JCC, so I assume that was sort of the general audience. They were relatively informed and smart as one would expect in D.C. They seemed to be into it. At the same time longing for entertainment, because I’m sure it’s tedious being in that city with all the politics and stuff. I really enjoyed performing there.”
Of her trademark out-of-left-field covers, which previously have included acts as far ranging as Nina Simone to Bob Dylan, AC/DC to Prince, she says she starts with the lyrics.
“It’s always a song that has a great story, lyric that resonates even if it at first it seems kinda hokey or over the top,” she says. “Like a hair metal song. It’s just like a song that I can tap into the emotion and turn it into something sorta different and that’s kinda the criteria for what I do.”
And, as one might expect, with Bernhard, it’s about much more than simply singing a song. One thinks of her recent take on Lady Gaga’s “The Edge of Glory,” which elicits an “exactly” from the comedian.
“You gotta really give the audience what they came to see and what they pay for,” she says. “And never make fun of a song. I don’t like making fun of songs even if they’re sort of laced with irony and I’m bringing something very different to them.”
Later this month, Bernhard will be at Carnegie Hall for a Prince tribute.
“As you know, ‘Little Red Corvette’ is kinda my signature song and when I read about it I called my manager and said, ‘You gotta get me on this, I mean this is insane, this is like my signature song, nobody else can do this,’ so when it all came together I was very excited.”
The mix of comedy and music is more unusual in the performing world than you might initially think. Along the way, Bernhard has recorded four albums of music. She says she’d love to do another studio album and would “love to collaborate with a great producer. But you know you need money and need support and I don’t really have that right now, but I hope I do again. In the meantime at least when people come see me perform, they know I’m in the pocket.”
The day of our phone chat is the Monday after the Grammys, which Bernhard said she watched just enough of “to know it was really depressing.”
Why?
“The music business is so [pauses] it’ll never be what it was,” she says. “[The Grammys] tries to keep this illusion alive and it just doesn’t work anymore.”
But with the paradigm shift has come certain freedoms, Bernhard suggests. She maintains a level of control that would be harder to ensure at a major label. Despite the constantly evolving nature of her tour, she says her various live releases still manage to capture enough of each show she does to keep her happy. Look for a release culled from a five-night run she did at Joe’s Pub in New York last year “soon,” she says.
Since Bernhard gets asked constantly about Madonna — everyone remembers her famous cameo in “Truth or Dare” — we took a different route. Of Cyndi Lauper, whom Bernhard joined for a few dates on the singer’s 2006 “Body Acoustic Tour,” she waxes nostalgic with no apparent subtext.
“She’s a great talent and it was fun and interesting,” Bernhard says. “I didn’t do that many shows; it was just the right amount. We knew each other and she needed some support out on the road and they asked if I wanted to do some of the dates and I said ‘Yeah, you know, sure.’”
Bernhard has seen a few episodes of Lauper’s new reality show.
“I think it’s sort of entertaining in a way you know? It’s yeah [pause], I don’t know if she’s happy with it. I’m sure it was sort of a real compromise on her part.”
Is there nobility in the willingness of Lauper — or any star — to put him- or herself out there to that degree?
“I don’t think that’s necessarily enchanting for people,” she says.
And yes, Bernhard considered the idea herself, perhaps to a further degree than many fans may realize. She says her idea for “A Day in the Life of Sandra Bernhard,” she calls a “lightly scripted version of my life” she pitched 18 years ago to HBO, failed to secure a green light.
“They didn’t understand what I was talking about. It was kind of the first and the last of it all.”
A more recent delve into similar terrain — her web show “Comedians Walking and Getting Mani-Pedis,” intended as an answer of sorts, to Jerry Seinfeld’s “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,” ended up being “kind of an experiment” that “I wasn’t really happy with.”
Despite guests like Lizz Winstead, Rosie Perez and Wendy Williams, Bernhard says it “didn’t go where I wanted it to go.”
“I came up with the idea of doing a show from the manicuring station but the people who produce it came up with that stupid title and I was totally not into it,” she says.”
It’s on indefinite hiatus.
We dart around to all kinds of topics in our remaining moments and Bernhard, whom, as you might imagine, can be intimidating, is game for it all.
She does confess to a little self-censorship when it comes to whether her soon-to-be-15-year-old daughter, Cicely, is in the audience or not. She knows she’s sometimes mentioned in the act.
“I think sometimes now more than before it’s starting to irritate her,” Bernhard says. “When she’s at the shows, I try not to do certain pieces that I would do when she’s not there. She doesn’t follow me that closely either. Like if I came home with a CD, she’d never sit down and listen to it so I’m not too worried about her staring into the material per se.”
Because so much of her material is autobiographical, she has no plans to write a memoir. She says she’s been frank enough, though she confesses to “semi truthful, semi made up” story telling in her act, to keep her name largely out of tabloids.
Other celebs, she surmises, want it.
“You look at Rihanna and Chris Brown. Obviously they want the publicity. They’re willing to sacrifice their personal happiness, especially her. They got that whole thing going and I think it’s depressing, especially for a woman. I don’t think it’s necessary to put myself out there in that way.”
Her trademark openness, she says, made her own coming out nearly moot.
“My work always spoke for itself which was all about personal expression, independence and freedom, no matter who or what you are,” Bernhard says. “That’s really where I stand on all of that. What do I need to do that for? I’ve always been comfortable in my own skin.”
Celebs who make their coming out a proclamation or acceptance speech event — Jodie Foster at the Golden Globes is fresh on everyone’s mind — strike Bernhard as excessive.
“I don’t need approval of my peers or my supposed group. You know, I’m not a group kind of person. I find that very self-serving. Who fucking cares anyway?”
Pressed for her comedic successors, she cites the cast of “Bridesmaids” and name checks Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig and Amy Poehler.
“All that kind of grouping of girls who kinda came from the imrpov world are just really smart and funny and talented.”
She calls the late Phyllis Diller, whom she appeared with on Roseanne Barr’s “Roseanne’s Nuts,” “amazing and incredible — I just love her for who she was and all the years she kept at it and was so brilliant. She’s a fabulous person. I’m so glad I got to know her. She was really a cool lady.”
A new book — it would be her fourth — is “on the back burner.” Bernhard says she would need a “bigger platform” than she currently has to make it worth the effort.
There’s only one topic that comes up for which Bernhard is tight lipped.
Though vague, she does admit to a writer friend who “just came up with an idea for me and another actress that’s under development right now,” she says.
Could it be? Brash, outspoken Bernhard declining to elaborate?
For once, mystery prevails and she sounds almost coy.
“I’m really excited about it but I’m not gonna talk about it until it’s really happening.”
Real Estate
Introducing Next-Generation Assisted Living & Memory Support.
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We have good news for those seeking assisted living or memory support for a loved one: a fresh, hospitality-driven approach to care is now available in the heart of Tysons, Virginia. Kokua at The Mather opened in fall 2025 and provides residents with collaborative care as well as everyday possibilities for creativity, purpose, and connection.
For a limited time, Kokua is welcoming new residents with exclusive move-in incentives.
“Kokua is a Hawaiian word meaning ‘To extend help to others without expecting anything in return,’” explains Brandon Davidson, Administrator. “If you’re seeking support for a loved one, Kokua is worth a closer look. We take an individualized approach to care, with evidence-based practices provided by a dedicated, interdisciplinary team.”
LIMITED-TIME OPPORTUNITY
“At Kokua, we focus on the individual. We blend care with our research-driven approach to deliver personalized wellness tailored to residents’ needs and preferences,” says Davidson.
Residents enjoy the freedom to choose from enriching programs, meaningful social opportunities with experiences such as sensory walks, meditation, acupuncture, Reiki, songwriting workshops, poetry readings, Sensory Symphony Swim, and more.
Assisted Living in Ādar
Ādar means “respect”, and Kokua delivers. Comfortable residential living is combined with caring assisted living services, enabling residents to remain as independent as possible. Each one-bedroom apartment home (ranging in size up to nearly 900 square feet) offers generous space and thoughtful design, complemented by assistance with daily living tasks and emergency response systems for peace of mind.
Memory Support in Miran
Miran means “peaceful”—another pillar in the Kokua way of life. Private suites are designed for those with mild to moderate Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, or similar cognitive conditions. “Our person-centered approach embraces individual strengths and needs, with an interdisciplinary team that includes a staff member in attendance 24 hours a day to assist with event reminders and activities of daily living,” says Davidson. “Residents have access to a variety of opportunities to connect, express, and explore their potential through social events, wellness programs, creative arts, and more.”
Kokua offers the next generation of care in these areas, with a commitment to highly personalized service.
INSPIRED AMENITIES & BOUTIQUE SERVICE
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“Here at Kokua, we’re offering the next generation of care in Ādar and Miran, and it’s available to the public for a limited time,” says Davidson. Now is an ideal time to explore the personalized care and quiet luxury that Kokua at The Mather has to offer.
For more information, download a brochure at www.themathertysons.com/kokua. To schedule a visit or for additional details, contact Kokua at [email protected] or (571) 282.3650.
At my stage of life — “somewhere between 40 and death,” as the iconic line goes in the musical “Mame” — I want some pampering. A lot of pampering.
Luckily, for anyone who constantly craves a soothing spa, steam room or sauna, there’s the completely updated Mercedes S-Class. This flagship sedan is now so full of glitz, glamour, and gee-whiz gadgetry, it gives new meaning to the term “auto erotica.”
Does this make the S-Class a “gay” ride? For me, any vehicle that pushes my buttons like this one is a Kinsey 6.
MERCEDES S-CLASS
$122,000 (est.)
MPG: 21 city/31 highway
0 to 60 mph: 4.3 seconds
Trunk space: 19 cu. ft.
PROS: Exceptional comfort. Ultra-quiet cabin. Cutting-edge safety.
CONS: Price climbs fast. Tech learning curve. Sportier competitors.
The S-Class continues to define what luxury really means, with a bolder silhouette, larger grille, and striking, next-gen LED headlights. There’s also an optional illuminated Mercedes star on the hood. Overall, nearly 2,700 parts are new or improved, so more than 50 percent of this vehicle has been updated. An extreme makeover, to be sure.
At the same time, this latest S-Class leans harder into intelligence and electrification than ever before. Under the hood, a range of turbocharged inline-six and V8 engines — paired with mild-hybrid systems — deliver power in a way that seems almost edited for smoothness. Braking is solid and strong, too, but never abrupt. All the engineering is fine-tuned and intentional.
Yes, the top-of-the line S580 version is more expensive, almost $140,000. But it’s also blisteringly fast, zipping from 0 to 60 mph in just 3.9 seconds. That’s as lickety-split swift as a Lamborghini Revuelto supercar, which has a starting MSRP of $610,000 and can easily exceed — yowza! — $800,000.
Colors? There are 150 to choose from for the exterior and 400 for the interior. You can even customize the illuminated door sills, interior stitching and wheel accents.
And the ride quality? Sublime. Adaptive air suspension reads the road constantly, leveling out imperfections before they even register. Rear-axle steering enhances maneuverability, making this full-sized sedan feel surprisingly nimble in tight spaces. On the highway, the S-Class simply glides like a private yacht on the calmest of seas — extremely quiet, composed and completely unbothered.
Whenever you slide inside, the cabin immediately sets the tone. A massive OLED digital display — the same high-def technology used for cinematic viewing and gaming monitors — anchors the dashboard, running the latest MBUX infotainment interface. Highly customizable, this software allows for advanced voice commands that feel natural, not forced. And an augmented-reality navigation system takes your route and overlays it onto live camera feeds. It’s intuitive — mostly, as there is a learning curve for all this cutting-edge gear. Overall, though, such amenities make older setups feel like dial-up internet.
A Burmester surround-sound stereo is available in 3D or 4D, with up to 31 speakers, 1,690 watts and tactile transducers in the seats that vibrate and pulse with the music. Those seats are, of course, extremely comfortable. And the seatbelts? These are now heated.
Let’s not forget the latest cabin air-filtration system, which can remove ultra-fine particles to deliver air quality that rivals medical environments. Clean air, yes, but even this seems like a special treat. It’s like being swaddled in couture, not ready-to-wear.
And lastly, there’s the rear-seat area, which — to be honest — is where the S-Class really shines. Executive packages offer multi-contour reclining seats with rapid heating and ventilating, heated armrests and massage functions. You can opt for a footrest, which ups the glam factor to give you a calf massage. Dual 13.1-inch display screens come with their own remote controls. There’s also a video-conferencing feature, to help transform the rear cabin into a fully connected mobile office. For me, it feels less “back seat” and more “private lounge.”
Even in fiction, high-tech luxury carries weight. Tony Stark helped cement the idea that state-of-the art vehicles can be aspirational, not just practical. The magical S-Class fits right into that narrative — minus the flying suit (for now).
Advice
I’m a 64-year-old single gay man and I hate my life
How can I turn things around before it’s too late?
Dear Michael,
I’m a 64-year-old single gay man and I hate my life.
I’ve never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months. I can’t say why. I don’t think I’m defective. I wasn’t unattractive when I was younger (still not bad looking), I think I’m an interesting person to spend time with, but everything always seemed to fizzle out.
Thankfully, I missed AIDS because I came out after people knew what to do. Sometimes I wonder if fear of contracting the virus metastasized into a fear of getting close. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve consciously kept people away. Consciously I have wanted someone to share my life with, very much.
With my 65th birthday and official senior citizen status approaching, I’ve been taking stock of my life and am coming to the hard realization that I’m never going to find that elusive partner.
I don’t go out anymore because people look right through me, except the ones who have a fetish for older guys. No one’s actually interested in me as me, a unique person rather than what they see on the surface.
I’m tired of my coupled friends. They’re always talking about “we.” Yes, I have become resentful that they have what I want and will never get. I know that’s not admirable but it’s how I feel, secretly, and I am sick of feeling like this when I am around them. So why be around them?
And I’m tired of my friends who are focused on sex all the time. It just all feels like a waste of time. I don’t get anything from a hookup anymore, they’ve been feeling increasingly meaningless. I feel like I’m someone’s momentary opportunity to get off, rather than any kind of real connection.
I’m just sick of the whole chase I’ve been doing for the last 40+ years.
I’m realizing that the whole thing has been pointless, a quest for a partner who is never going to materialize and a lot of diversions along the way that have added up to a despairing feeling that I’ve wasted my life trying to get something that will never happen.
Gay life hasn’t been so gay for me. And I’m officially old, maybe even nearing the finish line. Yes, if you haven’t noticed, I’m getting bitter.
What do I do with this dead end?
Michael replies:
How about looking for a different road to go down?
I’m not going to challenge your belief that you aren’t going to find a partner. I think it’s possible that you could, because there are other guys out there, in your age range, who are looking. But you have no guarantee, especially if you have decided to take it off the table.
So what else can you do with your life? How can you make your remaining time on this earth well-lived?
From your letter, it’s clear what you don’t want to do: Look for a boyfriend, hook up, or spend time with your current friends. Surely there must be more possibilities for your life than those options.
So my advice is to figure out some things you care about and start doing them. Travel? Volunteering? Getting a companion animal? Taking classes? Finding a new career? Those are just a few of the ideas I can come up with, but I don’t know you. What ideas can you generate, that you suspect you’d like to pursue?
In other words, start putting one foot in front of the other and go in some new directions that intrigue you enough to explore.
Sitting around feeling miserable does not help you to get anywhere. It keeps you feeling miserable. Sitting around waiting to feel better does not lead you to feel better. What would help you get to a better place would be to start taking action on your own behalf. Always keep in mind that while you are alive, with your faculties intact, you do have the choice to take this step, over and over and over again.
If you give yourself something (or some things) worthwhile to put your focus on, and do your best to shift your focus there whenever you notice that you are lamenting, I’m hopeful you will create a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
I’m also hopeful that if you are spending time doing things that you actually enjoy and that enrich your life, you may find more satisfying companionship than you are experiencing with your current friend group. (And yes, this could include a romantic relationship if you decide to be open to this possibility.)
A brief reply in an advice column can point you in the right direction, but it is likely not enough to sustain and motivate you through a major life overhaul.
Therefore, I suggest that you find a therapist to help you figure out how to move forward and what to move toward; and also to grieve, and put to rest as best you can, the loss of the life you hoped you would have.
I know that transcending the loss of a huge lifelong dream may seem impossible. But working toward this, as best you are able, would help you.
Relatedly, one more thing that I hope you can address with a therapist is your bitterness. I do understand why you feel so bitter, and I also think that it is torquing your life in a downhill direction.
Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, and New York. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].
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