Living
Confessions of a Pretty Lady
Sandra Bernhard on her live show, her comedic successors and the Prince cover she simply had to do
Sandra Bernhard
Saturday
8 p.m. (doors at 6)
Howard Theatre
620 T Street, NW
Thehowardtheatre.com
$35 advance, $40 door
By BRIAN WALMER
Itās a busy Monday afternoon for actress/comedian Sandra Bernhard when we talk.
āIām dealing with lots of business stuff, tons and tons of stuff,ā she says, her voice instantly recognizable.
Controversial, sexy, outspoken Bernhard has been a staple in the entertainment world for three decades and shows no signs of slowing down.Ā She continues to appear on various TV shows and tours with her stage show, which is in Washington this weekend. Look for her Saturday night at the newly refurbished Howard Theatre.
In a sense, Bernhard, whoās been out for years, is not a typical comedian.Ā She doesnāt just stand there telling joke after joke, waiting for the audienceās reaction.Ā Instead, she engages the crowd with her views and takes on everything from politics to pop culture and weaves in a selection of songs that drive her point home.
Her current show, āI Love Being Me, Donāt You?,ā debuted in 2011 and has evolved dramatically since then, a trend she credits to her constant wave of new ideas and her own boredom.
āEvents occur and my life changes, things happen and I fold it in because Iām excited about telling a new story.ā
Bernhard was here in 2008 for a three-week engagement at The Jewish Community Center for the 20th anniversary of āWithout You Iām Nothing,ā a show that helped put her on the map in the late ā80s.
āItās always interesting to look back and have a different perspective on what was going on at the time.Ā Bring it into modern day.Ā You of course have to alter it for whatās going on.Ā A lot of it still holds up so I think thatās a great thing.ā
She says D.C. audiences are more open minded than other markets.
āActually I think theyāre more informed, that makes them more open minded,ā she says. āThe last time I played D.C. was that long run at The JCC, so I assume that was sort of the general audience.Ā They were relatively informed and smart as one would expect in D.C.Ā They seemed to be into it.Ā At the same time longing for entertainment, because Iām sure itās tedious being in that city with all the politics and stuff.Ā I really enjoyed performing there.ā
Of her trademark out-of-left-field covers, which previously have included acts as far ranging as Nina Simone to Bob Dylan, AC/DC to Prince, she says she starts with the lyrics.
āItās always a song that has a great story, lyric that resonates even if it at first it seems kinda hokey or over the top,ā she says. āLike a hair metal song.Ā Itās just like a song that I can tap into the emotion and turn it into something sorta different and thatās kinda the criteria for what I do.ā
And, as one might expect, with Bernhard, itās about much more than simply singing a song. One thinks of her recent take on Lady Gagaās āThe Edge of Glory,ā which elicits an āexactlyā from the comedian.
āYou gotta really give the audience what they came to see and what they pay for,ā she says. āAnd never make fun of a song. I donāt like making fun of songs even if theyāre sort of laced with irony and Iām bringing something very different to them.ā
Later this month, Bernhard will be at Carnegie Hall for a Prince tribute.
āAs you know, āLittle Red Corvetteā is kinda my signature song and when I read about it I called my manager and said, āYou gotta get me on this, I mean this is insane, this is like my signature song, nobody else can do this,ā so when it all came together I was very excited.ā
The mix of comedy and music is more unusual in the performing world than you might initially think. Along the way, Bernhard has recorded four albums of music. She says sheād love to do another studio album and would ālove to collaborate with a great producer. But you know you need money and need support and I donāt really have that right now, but I hope I do again.Ā In the meantime at least when people come see me perform, they know Iām in the pocket.ā
The day of our phone chat is the Monday after the Grammys, which Bernhard said she watched just enough of āto know it was really depressing.ā
Why?
āThe music business is so [pauses] itāll never be what it was,ā she says. ā[TheĀ Grammys] tries to keep this illusion alive and it just doesnāt work anymore.ā
But with the paradigm shift has come certain freedoms, Bernhard suggests. She maintains a level of control that would be harder to ensure at a major label. Despite the constantly evolving nature of her tour, she says her various live releases still manage to capture enough of each show she does to keep her happy. Look for a release culled from a five-night run she did at Joeās Pub in New York last year āsoon,ā she says.
Since Bernhard gets asked constantly about Madonna ā everyone remembers her famous cameo in āTruth or Dareā ā we took a different route. Of Cyndi Lauper, whom Bernhard joined for a few dates on the singerās 2006 āBody Acoustic Tour,ā she waxes nostalgic with no apparent subtext.
āSheās a great talent and it was fun and interesting,ā Bernhard says. āI didnāt do that many shows; it was just the right amount.Ā We knew each other and she needed some support out on the road and they asked if I wanted to do some of the dates and I said āYeah, you know, sure.āā
Bernhard has seen a few episodes of Lauperās new reality show.
āI think itās sort of entertaining in a way you know?Ā Itās yeah [pause], I donāt know if sheās happy with it.Ā Iām sure it was sort of a real compromise on her part.ā
Is there nobility in the willingness of Lauper ā or any star ā to put him- or herself out there to that degree?
āI donāt think thatās necessarily enchanting for people,ā she says.
And yes, Bernhard considered the idea herself, perhaps to a further degree than many fans may realize. She says her idea for āA Day in the Life of Sandra Bernhard,ā she calls a ālightly scripted version of my lifeā she pitched 18 years ago to HBO, failed to secure a green light.
āThey didnāt understand what I was talking about. It was kind of the first and the last of it all.ā
A more recent delve into similar terrain ā her web show āComedians Walking and Getting Mani-Pedis,ā intended as an answer of sorts, to Jerry Seinfeldās āComedians in Cars Getting Coffee,ā ended up being ākind of an experimentā that āI wasnāt really happy with.ā
Despite guests like Lizz Winstead, Rosie Perez and Wendy Williams, Bernhard says it ādidnāt go where I wanted it to go.ā
āI came up with the idea of doing a show from the manicuring station but the people who produce it came up with that stupid title and I was totally not into it,ā she says.ā
Itās on indefinite hiatus.
We dart around to all kinds of topics in our remaining moments and Bernhard, whom, as you might imagine, can be intimidating, is game for it all.
She does confess to a little self-censorship when it comes to whether her soon-to-be-15-year-old daughter, Cicely, is in the audience or not. She knows sheās sometimes mentioned in the act.
āI think sometimes now more than before itās starting to irritate her,ā Bernhard says. āWhen sheās at the shows, I try not to do certain pieces that I would do when sheās not there. She doesnāt follow me that closely either. Like if I came home with a CD, sheād never sit down and listen to it so Iām not too worried about her staring into the material per se.ā
Because so much of her material is autobiographical, she has no plans to write a memoir. She says sheās been frank enough, though she confesses to āsemi truthful, semi made upā story telling in her act, to keep her name largely out of tabloids.
Other celebs, she surmises, want it.
āYou look at Rihanna and Chris Brown.Ā Obviously they want the publicity. Theyāre willing to sacrifice their personal happiness, especially her.Ā They got that whole thing going and I think itās depressing, especially for a woman.Ā I donāt think itās necessary to put myself out there in that way.ā
Her trademark openness, she says, made her own coming out nearly moot.
āMy work always spoke for itself which was all about personal expression, independence and freedom, no matter who or what you are,ā Bernhard says. āThatās really where I stand on all of that.Ā What do I need to do that for?Ā Iāve always been comfortable in my own skin.ā
Celebs who make their coming out a proclamation or acceptance speech event ā Jodie Foster at the Golden Globes is fresh on everyoneās mind ā strike Bernhard as excessive.
āI donāt need approval of my peers or my supposed group.Ā You know, Iām not a group kind of person. I find that very self-serving. Who fucking cares anyway?ā
Pressed for her comedic successors, she cites the cast of āBridesmaidsā and name checks Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig and Amy Poehler.
āAll that kind of grouping of girls who kinda came from the imrpov world are just really smart and funny and talented.ā
She calls the late Phyllis Diller, whom she appeared with on Roseanne Barrās āRoseanneās Nuts,ā āamazing and incredible ā I just love her for who she was and all the years she kept at it and was so brilliant. Sheās a fabulous person. Iām so glad I got to know her. She was really a cool lady.ā
A new book ā it would be her fourth ā is āon the back burner.ā Bernhard says she would need a ābigger platformā than she currently has to make it worth the effort.
Thereās only one topic that comes up for which Bernhard is tight lipped.
Though vague, she does admit to a writer friend who ājust came up with an idea for me and another actress thatās under development right now,ā she says.
Could it be? Brash, outspoken Bernhard declining to elaborate?
For once, mystery prevails and she sounds almost coy.
āIām really excited about it but Iām not gonna talk about it until itās really happening.ā
Real Estate
What LGBTQ buyers, sellers need to know about new real estate rules
Regulations are reshaping how transactions are conducted
In recent months, the real estate landscape has undergone significant changes, with new rules and regulations reshaping how transactions are conducted. These changes affect buyers and sellers across the board, but LGBTQ individuals and couples navigating the housing market should be particularly aware of how these updates might impact their decisions and opportunities. At GayRealEstate.com, weāre here to keep you informed and empowered.
1. Transparency in Agent Compensation
One of the most notable changes involves how real estate agents are compensated. New rules aim to increase transparency, requiring agents to clearly disclose their commissions and how they are paid. For LGBTQ buyers and sellers, this means youāll have a better understanding of the financial side of your transaction, making it easier to avoid hidden fees or misunderstandings.
Tip: Make sure your agent explains their compensation structure up front. Working with an LGBTQ-friendly real estate agent through GayRealEstate.com ensures youāre connected with professionals who prioritize clarity and fairness.
2. Contracts Before Home Tours
In some areas, buyers are now required to sign a representation agreement before touring homes. While this adds a layer of formality, it can also help you establish a stronger relationship with your agent and ensure theyāre working in your best interest.
What It Means for LGBTQ Buyers: Choosing an agent who understands your unique needs is critical. Signing a contract ensures that your agent is committed to helping you find a home in a community where youāll feel safe and welcome.
3. New Protections Against Discrimination
Recent policy changes reinforce anti-discrimination measures in housing, which is particularly relevant for LGBTQ individuals. While federal laws like the Fair Housing Act prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity, some states have gone further by implementing additional protections.
How to Navigate: Familiarize yourself with your stateās specific laws, and rely on LGBTQ-friendly agents who are committed to advocating for your rights throughout the transaction process.
4. Market Conditions: Buyers vs. Sellers
The current housing market is in flux, with inventory levels, interest rates, and demand varying widely by region. Sellers may face longer listing times, while buyers could encounter more competitive environments in desirable areas.
5. Mortgage Updates for LGBTQ Couples
Lenders are becoming more inclusive in recognizing diverse family structures, but disparities still exist. Itās essential to work with lenders who understand your unique situation and ensure fair treatment during the mortgage process.
Advice: An LGBTQ-friendly agent can connect you with lenders who are sensitive to your needs and knowledgeable about programs that support equal access to home financing.
Why These Changes Matter
The new rules emphasize fairness, transparency, and accountability ā values that align closely with the mission of GayRealEstate.com. However, navigating these changes requires expert guidance, especially for LGBTQ buyers and sellers who may face additional challenges in the market.
Take Action Today
Buying or selling a home is one of the most significant decisions youāll make, and having the right support can make all the difference. At GayRealEstate.com, we connect LGBTQ buyers and sellers with experienced, LGBTQ-friendly agents who are committed to protecting your rights and helping you achieve your goals.
Whether youāre just starting your real estate journey or ready to make your next move, weāre here to help. Visit GayRealEstate.com to find your perfect agent and get started today.
This article is brought to you by GayRealEstate.com, the nationās largest network of LGBTQ-friendly real estate agents.
Jeff Hammerberg is founding CEO of Hammerberg & Associates, Inc. Reach him at 303-378-5526.
Real Estate
Your holiday home journey
Real estate decisions often tap into our deeper desires for connection
Thanksgiving and real estate share an essential theme: the importance of home. It is traditionally a time of gratitude, togetherness, and reflection. While its hallmark symbols may include turkey dinners, family gatherings, and autumnal dƩcor, it also invites us to think deeply about our values and who and what we hold dear.
For some people, the family home connotes a place of safety, comfort, and community. For others, visiting with family over the holiday can be a contentious and stressful ordeal best avoided. Countless of my friends have severed toxic relationships that can rival an exploding, deep-fried turkey. They have opted instead for dining out or hosting a gathering of food and football with like-minded people.
During Thanksgiving, the idea of āhomeā becomes particularly poignant. It is more than just a physical structure; itās where people gather, memories are made, and traditions are passed down. For those involved in real estate ā whether as professionals or as individuals embroiled in the market ā this emotional dimension of home is a driving force.
When buying a house, itās not just about square footage or the number of bedrooms. It’s about envisioning a Thanksgiving dinner in the dining room, imagining children playing in the backyard, or hosting friends in the cozy living space. Real estate decisions often tap into our deeper desires for connection, stability, and legacy ā values closely tied to the spirit of Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving falls in the quieter part of the real estate calendar, with spring and summer being the traditionally hot seasons for buying and selling. Yet, for those who choose to list their homes in November, the holiday offers unique opportunities. Sellers can use Thanksgivingās warm, inviting atmosphere to their advantage, staging homes with seasonal touches like autumn wreaths, a cornucopia of fruits and nuts, the sparkle of a dining room chandelier, and the scent of freshly baked pies.
A well-decorated home during this time can evoke an emotional connection with potential buyers. A cozy environment can help them imagine spending their future holidays in that very space. Additionally, homes listed during the Thanksgiving season often face less competition, as fewer properties are on the market. This can lead to more serious offers from motivated buyers.
For buyers, Thanksgiving can function as a reminder of why they are on the hunt for a new home in the first place. Perhaps they are looking for a bigger space for a growing family. They may be downsizing to retire or to simplify life. They might be looking for home to accommodate both children and aging parents simultaneously. The holiday season underscores the importance of finding a home that aligns with lifestyle needs and future goals.
In our tight real estate market, buyers still face challenges such as limited inventory and higher interest rates; however, Thanksgiving encourages a shift in perspective. Itās a time to focus on gratitude for what is within reach ā whether itās finding a starter home, securing a dream property, or taking incremental steps toward long-term, financial goals.
Interestingly, Thanksgiving weekend has become an increasingly popular time for real estate research. Families can gather around the table and begin discussing the future, including moving to a new city, upgrading their home, or purchasing an investment property. Digital tools like web searches and virtual tours can help buyers and sellers stay connected to the real estate market without disrupting their Thanksgiving traditions.
Whether you are buying or selling, Thanksgiving offers an opportunity to reflect on the role of gratitude in real estate. For buyers, itās about being thankful for the chance to find a home that meets their needs, even if the journey is challenging. For sellers, itās a moment to appreciate the memories made in a home while looking forward to new opportunities.
For real estate agents and other industry professionals, Thanksgiving is a time to express gratitude to clients and colleagues, build stronger relationships, and highlight the human aspect of a business often driven by transactions alone.
If you are staying put this Thanksgiving, you have a chance to celebrate your current home, no matter its size or condition. Simple gestures like decorating with fall colors, rearranging furniture for a cozy feel, or preparing a special meal can deepen your connection to your space. Inviting neighbors, friends, or family to share in the festivities can reinforce the sense of community that makes a house a home.
Whether itās the home you currently have, the one youāre searching for, or the one you are leaving behind, each holds a unique place in your life story. Take stock of the journey so far, recognize the progress made, and look forward to the possibilities ahead.
Digital Media
LGBTQ youth love TikTok. Does TikTok love them back?
Platformās algorithm found to promote homophobia, violence
When Jocelyn was stuck inside during most of 2020, they did what any high school senior would do: scrolled through TikTok. They found themself on the hashtag #tiktokmademegay a lot. (To protect privacy,Ā the BladeĀ is opting to only use Jocelynās first name).
āAt the time, I didn’t give it a lot of thought,ā they say, acknowledging that most users viewed it as āmore of a joke.ā
Now a senior in college, where Jocelyn will graduate with a degree in Womenās, Gender, and Sexuality Studies and Computer Science this spring, they have a more nuanced perspective. Nuanced enough to embark on a year-long independent thesis on the topic.
They still get that the hashtag is a joke, but probe into what lies behind it, noting a tension between the āthe born-this-way narrative of sexuality essentialismā to the idea that āsexuality is socially constructed.ā They also question the power this narrative gives to TikTok in its ability to surveil user data and identity.
What got Jocelyn so interested in it in the first place was the fact it was a conservative talking point being replicated by the queer community. Because, what amounts to a joke or an intellectual query for some, is a point of anxiety and fear-mongering for others.
The conservative think tank known for writingĀ Project 2025, the Heritage Foundation wroteĀ āHow Big Tech Turns Kids TransāĀ arguing that āDigital spaces are ever more designed to promote sexual and transgender content.ā This argument has incredible staying power and has been echoed by numerous far-right pundits likeĀ Oli LondonĀ andĀ Charlie Kirk.
It has also been referenced by lawmakers. Tennessee Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R) stated theĀ Kids Online Safety ActĀ (KOSA), bi-partisan legislation she co-sponsored restricting youth access to social media, was meant to “protect minor children from the transgender [sic] in our culture.”
TikTok has faced numerous challenges over the years. From MontanaāsĀ currently unsuccessfulĀ ban on use in its state to theĀ ādivest-or-ban billāĀ signed by President Joe Biden in April or theĀ lawsuitĀ brought by more than a dozen attorneys general in Octoberāit is clear there is a broad coalition of U.S. lawmakers concerned about the app.Ā
These actsāwhich cite both national security and youth mental healthācome in conjunction with a larger movement to limit youth access to social mediaālocally, nationally, and internationally.
Data security experts and some legislators state that the national security risk of the app is onlyĀ hypothetical due to the fact TikTok houses U.S. user data in the states. There are pressing concerns about the safety of user data, explains Shae Gardner, the policy director at LGBT Tech. Focusing those concerns entirely on one platform due to a hypothetical risk rather than the widespread, real risks across multiple platforms is disingenuous.
āProponents [of this ban] have been saying that this is urgent and necessary to protect the data of Americans,ā says Gardner, āBut we have been asking for years for nationwide data privacy protections, and watching the efforts die over and over again on the legislative vine.ā
In fact, Gardner argues, āRegulating one application is both legally dubious and will ultimately be ineffective in doing so.ā Gardner explains that though LGBT Tech is not involved in any legislation against the ban, which other tech policy groups are, they hold the shared belief that it is unconstitutional to target a single platform rather than the wider ecosystem.
The risk to youth mental health, which has also been cited as a major concern, is more complicated. Best sellers like theĀ highly critiquedĀ āThe Anxious Generationā argue that all youth mental illness is linked to social media. The data doesnāt back this up,Ā argueĀ numerous experts.
Amid the panic,Ā LGBTQ advocatesĀ have passionately argued that queer youthās access to technology is uniquely beneficial due to a lack of education and community in the physical world. The Trevor Project identified TikTok as the platform whereĀ LGBTQ youthĀ felt most āsafe and understood.āĀ
Data largely backs this up. A systematic review from 2022 found that āsocial media may support the mental health and well-being of LGBTQ youths through peer connection, identity management, and social support.ā The review noted that more research is needed, noting that their results may be limited by weak evidence due to factors like small sample sizes.
Celia B. Fisher, the Marie Ward Doty University Chair in Ethics at Fordham University, was able to gather a larger sample by conducting a national survey of more than 500 on Instagram. With that reach, explains Fisher, āyou’re more likely to get a fuller view of what’s going on nationally.ā
āThere’s an anonymity with national surveys,ā adds Fisher, ā[It] brings different people to answer questions that they may not want to talk about to somebody in person.ā
In March 2024, she published the peer-reviewed article āSocial media: A double-edged sword for LGBTQ+ youthā in the Journal āComputers in Human Behavior.ā Many results agreed with the larger narrative of online spaces as refuges and community-building spaces. āIt’s a wonderful place when they can find the appropriate sites,ā says Fisher.
Jocelyn, the student researcher, echoes this. āMany of the videos I have come across discuss how the comfortability of the queer spaces on TikTok was part of the reason they felt comfortable enough to come out and explore their sexuality.ā
When youth drift into non-welcoming territory, the story is different.
Fisherās research finds that more than 80% of youth are exposed to discrimination either directly or vicariously (watching others being discriminated against) in the last month. Fisher wrote, ābetween 40% and 63% of all youth met the criteria for moderate levels of depression, anxiety, and substance use disorder (SUD).ā Youth who described high exposure to discrimination had higher levels of depression, anxiety, and SUD.
The hate does not simply come from the run-of-the-mill bully finding a classmate online. āAlgorithms expose them to these things,ā says Fisher.
āIf an algorithm sees that you’re interested in RuPaulā¦ Then it begins its work on figuring out other sites that may be attached to similar interests. But as it moves on, it begins to add the heterosexist and transphobic types of posts.ā
The fact that the algorithms that govern our tech can be sexist, racist, and homophobic is old news and highly studied, but it continues to have compounding impacts. Media Matters for America found in 2021 that TikTokās algorithm specifically promotes homophobia and anti-trans violence.
Jocelyn also worries about handing over the power of identification and community to an algorithm. In addition to the #tiktokmademegay, other users promote the idea that āTikTok knows things about themself before they know it.ā This rhetoric is āscaryā says Jocelyn, because āhanding over the keys of self-identification to an algorithm that we have no idea how it works is not something that feels right.ā
Gardner echoes the complex views on the state of social media. Outside of her day job as a policy maven, Gardner is a TikToker under the handle @shaeitaintsoo, where she shares educational content about LGBTQ issues.
āThese spaces also allow for a lot of queer joy and a lot of authenticity in a way that makes me proud to be a part of this community,ā she says. At the same time, backlash is part of the job. The success of TikTokās moderation has ebbed and flowed during her four years as a public figure on the app.
Gardner emphasizes that āhatred and harassment do not live in algorithms.ā The discrimination faced online is replicated bigotry from offline spaces. Social media can amplify and distribute the bigotry in new ways. āIt is the responsibility of the platforms to be making significant efforts to ensure that the replication is not then also multiplied and made ten times worse.ā
Gardner sees the backlash as a ātale as old as timeā that has been replicated without much evidence onto emerging technology. āI’m not saying that tale is not rooted in some element of truth. But this, this didn’t start with TikTok, I would push back against language that seems to think it will end with TikTok.ā
In the meantime, Gardner implores those worried to not lose sight of the most important concerns.
āIf your concern is that [kids and teens] are spending too much time in online spaces. What are you doing to create safe, physical ones for them?ā Gardner asks.
(This story is part of the Digital Equity Local Voices Fellowship Lab through News is Out. The lab initiative is made possible with support from Comcast NBCUniversal.)
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