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LGBT books galore slated for spring release

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Dozens and dozens of LGBT books — oceans more than any individual could possibly get to — are slated for spring. A few are available now. Among the highlights:

• “Lesbian Love” (Amazon Digital), an anthology of lesbian erotica by authors Elizabeth Coldwell, Beverly Langland, Sommer Marsden and others. Edited by Miranda Forbes. March 5.

• “Microagressions in Everyday Life: Race, Gender and Sexual Orientation” (Wiley) by Derald Wing Sue is an exploration of subtle, often unintentional biases in everyday life and the impact they have on members of traditionally disadvantaged groups. March 8.

• “Sinning in the Rain” (Melrose Books) by Nick Heddle is a novel set in the late ’20s about a young gay gopher at a major Hollywood movie studio who develops a new technique to ease the transition to talkies but has Nazis and a sinister gossip columnist on his heels. Gene and his handsome boyfriend Jamie battle opposition from many directions. March 8.

• “Assuming a Body: Transgender and Rhetorics of Materiality” (Columbia University Press) by Gayle Salamon explores issues of transgender embodiment through phenomenology, psychoanalysis and queer theory. March 15.

• “The Meaning of Gay: Interaction, Publicity and Community Among Homosexual Men in 1960s San Francisco” (Lexington Books) by J. Todd Ormsbee traces the conflicts among San Francisco’s gay men with the dominant society describing the broad range of meanings they came to ascribe to gays between 1962 and 1972. March 16.

• Look for local gay author Garrett Peck May 15 at the Gaithersburg Book Festival where he’ll speak about his book “The Prohibition Hangover: Alcohol in America from Demon Rum to Cult Cabernet” (www.prohibitionhangover.com), released last year.

• “The A to Z of Lesbian Literature” (Scarecrow Press) by Meredith Miller traces the history of lesbian lit through hundreds of cross-referenced dictionary entries on important writers such as Sappho, Colette, Mary Wollstonecraft and others who are less known. March 16.

• “Letting Go” (Bella Books) by Ann O’Leary is a novel about Laura, a 39-year-old uber-successful lesbian with her own advertising agency who is targeted by Kelly, a barhopping charmer used to getting what she wants and Kate, a commercial artist who has brains and talent and a secret crush on Laura. March 15.

• “Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning Teen Literature: a Guide to Reading Interests” (Libraries Unlimited) by Carlisle Webber is, as the title suggests, a guide to outstanding books for LGBT teens that includes fiction, nonfiction, poetry, graphic novels and more. March 30.

• “Hot Stuff: Disco and the Remaking of American Culture” (W.W. Norton & Co.) by Alice Echols explores how disco played a major role in broadening the social realms for blacks, feminists and gays and gave new spaces for gay men to mix in large crowds. March 29.

• “How to Be a Movie Star: Elizabeth Taylor in Hollywood” (Mariner Books), gay author William Mann’s bio of La Liz, comes out in paperback April 1.

• “Watch Us!” (Bruno Gmunder) by Jacob Mott is a gay erotica cartoon book featuring a mix of American bubblegum and Japanese Manga styles. April.

• “Female Force: Ellen DeGeneres” (Bluewater Productions) by Sandra Ruckdeschel is a quickie bio (just 32 pages) on America’s most famous lesbian superstar. March 31.

• “Are We Thinking Straight?: the Politics of Straightness in a Lesbian and Gay Social Movement Organization” (Routledge) by Daniel Cortese explores how the Straight and Gay Alliance (SAGA) strategically used a straight identity as a social movement tool. April 3.

• “Holy Terror: Lies the Christian Right Tells Us to Deny Gay, Lesbian and Transgender Equality” (Alyson Books) by Mel White is the paperback debut of White’s seminal book in which the gay author documents the 30-year war fundamentalist Christians have waged against gays. April 1.

• “The Songs of Hollywood” (Oxford University Press) by Philip Furia and Laurie Patterson is a photo-packed exploration of the use of song in film both in musicals and dramas. April 7.

• “Left in His Closet” (Tate Publishing) by Mary Krome explores the lives of straight women whose husbands left them for other men. April 13.

• “The Essential Gay Mystics” (Harper San Francisco), an anthology compiled by Andrew Harvey, features selections from 60 gay and lesbian writers who explore his theory that notions of sin and sex don’t have to be reconciled for gays and that gay sex is innately spiritual. April 30.

• “Ex-Gay No Way: Survival and Recovery from Religious Abuse” (Findhorn Press) by Jallen Rix, is a first-hand account of the author’s experience attending a Southern Baptist “ex-gay” ministry camp in his youth and how it confused him and ravaged his self-esteem. May 1.

• “The Harvey Milk Interviews: In His Own Words” (Vince Emery Productions) by Harvey Milk contains the texts of nearly 40 interviews the late gay iconoclast did for newspapers, radio and television in which he describes his life, struggles, strategies and dreams. Included are transcripts of three famous political debates Milk conducted with John Briggs and a DVD of a feature-length documentary showing previously unseen TV interviews. May 1.

• “Palm Tress on the Hudson: a True Story of the Mob, Judy Garland & Interior Decorating” (Square One Publishers) by Elliot Tiber is the prequel to his 2007 memoir “Taking Woodstock,” which was adapted for the screen by Ang Lee. June 15. Also look for Susie Boyt’s “My Judy Garland Life: a Memoir,” (Bloomsbury USA) in which the author tells of her Garland obsession and how it led her to meet Mickey Rooney and Liza Minnelli, on April 27.

• “She Looks Just Like You: a Memoir of (Nonbiological Lesbian) Motherhood” (Beacon Press) by Amie Klembnauer Miller is the author’s first-hand account of how she came to terms with the issues of confusion and mixed emotions when her lesbian partner conceived. May 1.

• “Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Gay or Lesbian Child” (Columbia University Press) by Michael LaSala presents the results of his research of 65 gay and lesbian children and their parents when they came out and offers advice for how other families in the same situation can better navigate feelings of depression, anxiety and grief. June 1.

• “Leave the Light On” (Central Recovery Press) by Jennifer Storm is a memoir in which the author shares her tale of alcohol and drugs, her recovery and how it intersected with childhood sexual abuse and her lesbianism. April.

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Autos

Two awesome, affordable rides

Kia K4 and Nissan Kicks are more than budget friendly

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Kia K4 hatchback

Remember when buying a new car didn’t require the financial stamina of a “Succession” character? This summer, the average new-vehicle price hit $49,758—basically $50,000 with a little lipstick on it. That makes the Kia K4 hatchback and Nissan Kicks especially refreshing. Neither requires a second mortgage, a trust fund or a makeover to look good. And both prove you can still buy a new vehicle without selling your soul — or your vacation plans.

KIA K4 HATCHBACK

$25,000

Mpg: 28 city/34 highway

0 to 60 mph: 9.1 seconds

Cargo space: 22.2 cu. ft. 

PROS: Edgy exterior. Roomy interior. User-friendly controls.

CONS: So-so base engine. Pricy turbo. No all-wheel drive.

WHAT’S NEW: Basically everything. The K4 hatchback debuted earlier this year, joining the K4 sedan. 

Kia’s stylish five-door K4 boasts three trim levels. The first two use a capable four-cylinder engine, while the top-of-the-line model comes with a turbo.

That turbo provides some genuine zip, though it won’t blow your socks off. Think Janelle Monáe in a tailored suit, not Brad Pitt arriving at the F1 racetrack in a fireproof jumpsuit.

The real star, though, is the design. Sleek. Upscale. A tad mysterious. 

Inside, another surprise: vast legroom and storage. Fold the backseats and you can toss in the usual road-trip clutter, plus that regrettable piece of furniture you bought after watching one too many HGTV shows.

Technology is also a bonus, including a digital key that lets you use a smartphone or smartwatch as a direct key fob. You can even share this digital key with friends or family. Just don’t share it with anyone who often loses their actual keys.

Despite some SUV vibes, the K4 remains unapologetically car-like. It sits lower. Feels more conventional. And offers hatchback practicality without itching to conquer the Rockies.

The biggest downside? No all-wheel drive.

Still, for shoppers who crave style, space and gadgetry, the K4 won’t break the bank. To me, it’s like finding a designer jacket at a thrift shop.

NISSAN KICKS 

Nissan Kicks

$23,000

Mpg: 28 city/35 highway

0 to 60 mph: 8.9 seconds

Cargo space: 23.9 cubic feet

PROS: Dashing design. Safety gear galore. All-wheel drive.

CONS: Bit pokey. Noisy engine. Limited rear visibility.

WHAT’S NEW: Redesigned last year with a bit more power, bigger cabin and bold looks, Nissan leaves the winning formula alone.

Like the Kia K4, the Nissan Kicks comes in three trims levels. But it also includes all-wheel drive — a nice plus when navigating snow, sleet or cratered alleys. 

There’s an extensive suite of active and passive safety features. And the high ground clearance improves driver visibility, which is somewhat hindered in the back by thick roof pillars. 

Styling is tastefully flamboyant. Dramatic lighting. Two-tone finishes. Cheerful, without being cartoonish. Miranda Priestly would approve. 

Power, though, is more akin to Miranda’s art director Nigel Kipling. Dependable. Functional. Just not enthusiastic.

Inside, the mod cabin has large 12.3-inch displays, wireless smartphone connectivity and charging, and “zero gravity seats” designed to reduce driver fatigue and stiffness. Add in the stunning Bose Personal Plus audio system, with 10 speakers—including those integrated into the headrests—for an immersive 360-degree sound experience.

The Kicks doesn’t try to be rugged or luxurious. It simply offers a lot of everyday usefulness in a small package. 

There is a trade-off. The engine gets noisy when pushed, and there are sportier (often pricier) competitors. But that’s hardly a crime. Not every vehicle needs to perform catwalk struts down the street. 

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Advice

Should I divorce my catty gay friend group?

They’re mean but I’m afraid to be alone

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(Image by Andrew Rybalko/Bigstock)

Hi Michael,

When is it worth stopping being friends with someone, or more than one person?

Lately I feel like my friends aren’t being very nice to me. In fact it reminds me of high school, and junior high school, when I was being bullied.

I’m not the most attractive in the group, I know that. They are always ribbing me about not working out enough or that I should get a hair transplant (I am balding) or making fun of the way I dress. I am not that stylish, I just don’t have a good sense for clothes. I thought about asking for some advice but I worry that would just lead to more mocking.

That I am not having as much sex as they are—it’s actually my preference, but of course I get comments about not being able to get someone to hook up with because of my appearance, clothes, low-key personality etc.

As I’m writing this I could go on and on. I think I’ve just tried laughing with them or ignoring it, but it does really get to me. 

There’s a standard in this town that I know I don’t fit. Great body, handsome face, overall hot, witty and sarcastic sense of humor, make a lot of money in some impressive job. I am sure you know the type I am describing. 

Some of the things I can’t help (appearance), some I don’t really want to fix (hooking up a lot). My brother died of an overdose so I don’t use drugs or alcohol, which, no surprise, evokes more judgment. 

My job is my job, I like it a lot and it is meaningful to me but I’m never going to be rich.  

The problem with that is, all my friends like to take a lot of expensive vacations. I can go on some but not on all. When we go I am watching my expenses, which provokes more judgment and jokes, always delivered as if they are “kidding” but it hurts.

I started off by saying I feel like I’m back to being a bullied kid. You know, laugh it off so that they don’t see you crying. But it doesn’t feel like I am respecting myself when I do that.

If I speak up and ask them to stop, I just get more jokes. I am NOT taken seriously.

The idea of walking away is scary, though. Who else would I have to spend my weekends with? I am afraid of being lonely. 

I could write more but I think I’m conveying why I am feeling pretty hopeless about these friendships.

Michael replies:

I think it’s a bad idea to spend time with people who are mean or abusive toward you.

But before you walk away from your friend group, do you think it’s worth talking to them, individually, or as a group? In a serious way, without joking, laughing, or minimizing your pain so as not to make them uncomfortable. 

Their behavior sounds very junior high school, but they are adults. Telling them how their behavior affects you might lead them to confront themselves, but it might not.

You didn’t write anything about what you actually like about these friends. Is it just that they allow you to spend time with them? Or do they have some good qualities? Getting clear about this would help you figure out if you want to push for change here.

I know what you mean about “the standard” in D.C. (and very likely in other locations).  I hear from clients over and over about the hierarchy of attractiveness and success. When people don’t feel they measure up, it is easy to feel less-than, and invisible. 

There are lots of reasons why gay men can be mean to other gay men. (Of course, everyone can be mean, and for all sorts of reasons). One biggie: it’s nice to feel like part of the in-crowd, after growing up feeling like an outcast. But this means establishing a pecking order so that there are others to look down on and exclude. It’s understandable, all too common, and unkind.

It’s also true that the heterosexual world tends to value beauty in women and financial success in men. Gay men hit themselves with a double whammy, glorifying both.

Still, you’re not going to single-handedly change the problematic aspects of gay culture.  You may be able to influence some of your friends, however. That remains to be seen, and would take some courage on your part if you want to tackle that.

It does sound like it’s time for you to make some new friends. This may seem even more scary than speaking up to the friends you have, but it also might give you a sense that you are taking control of your life.   

True, in D.C. (and elsewhere), there are a lot of gay men focused on the attributes you say you lack. But “the scene” is not the only game in town. There also have to be a good number of guys out there who are looking for other qualities that you may possess, and that you may also admire in others. These are the people for you to find and befriend.

I can’t tell you exactly how to go about that. You’re going to have to be creative and try some new things. Activity groups, hobbies that involve other people, sports. You never know whom you might meet, where. Don’t forget that you might enjoy meeting and hanging out with people who aren’t gay, as well.

You didn’t mention anything about looking for love in your life. Maybe that’s not your interest; maybe you don’t feel like adequate partner material (if so, I hope you will work to challenge that belief); or maybe you’re doing just fine in that area. I don’t know.  But if you would like to find a good guy, I hope that widening your field will help.

Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found online at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].

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Real Estate

With gas prices soaring again, a staycation is a good plan

Home can be your personal retreat and your own private resort

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Retreat to your own deck or backyard for an affordable, stress-free staycation. (Photo by Artazum LLC/Bigstock)

When airfare costs more than your monthly utility bill and a weekend road trip requires a second mortgage just to fill the gas tank, many homeowners are discovering an unexpected luxury: the staycation.

A staycation isn’t settling for less—it’s reaping the benefits of one of the biggest investments you can make: your home. Much more than a place to sleep, it’s your personal retreat, your gathering place and, with a little preparation, your very own private resort.

Whether you own a single-family home, a townhouse, or a condo, creating a memorable staycation starts with appreciating what made you fall in love with your property in the first place.

Start with a home refresh. Think about checking into a beautiful vacation rental. It’s spotless, organized, and inviting. You can recreate that same feeling by spending a day preparing your home before your staycation officially begins.

Clear away clutter, deep clean the bathrooms and kitchen, wash the windows, and put fresh linens on every bed – even if you’re not expecting guests. Fluff the pillows, light a favorite candle, and place fresh flowers on the table. These small touches instantly make your home feel more luxurious.

If your budget allows, hiring a professional cleaning service can be one of the best staycation perquisites you make. After all, vacation should begin the moment you wake up and not after you’ve spent the day scrubbing floors.

Treat your staycation like a real trip. Set away messages on your phone and out of office notices on your email. Skip unnecessary chores for a few days. Giving yourself permission to relax may be the most valuable part of the entire experience.

One of the greatest advantages homeowners have over travelers is private outdoor living space. Whether it’s a spacious backyard, a screened porch, a rooftop terrace, or a cozy condo balcony, these areas can become the centerpiece of your staycation.

Stringing lights and adding comfortable seating, colorful planters, and outdoor rugs can completely transform the atmosphere without spending thousands of dollars. Add a portable fire pit, a tabletop fountain, or a hammock, and suddenly your backyard starts competing with many resorts.

Host an evening cookout, organize a game night, invite neighbors over for dessert, or gather around the fire pit for conversation after sunset. These simple moments often become the memories we treasure most.

Inside, transform your family room into a home theater complete with popcorn and comfortable blankets. Turn your breakfast room into a morning coffee café. Designate a quiet reading corner where phones are prohibited. Create a spa-like bathroom with plush towels, candles, bath salts, and relaxing music.

One of the highlights of traveling is experiencing new food. Instead of dining out every night, create themed dinners inspired by your favorite destinations. Prepare homemade Italian pasta one evening, Caribbean grilled seafood another, or a backyard Texas barbecue over the weekend. For a touch of whimsy, dress the part.

Pair each meal with music and libations from the region and enjoy dinner outdoors whenever possible. Suddenly, your dining room becomes part of the vacation experience instead of just another place to eat.

Families with children can turn a staycation into an adventure by seeing their home through a child’s eyes. Set up a backyard camping experience with a tent, flashlights, and s’mores around the fire pit. Transform the living room into an indoor campground complete with sleeping bags and a movie under a blanket “fort.” Organize a backyard Olympics with relay races, water balloon tosses, scavenger hunts, or miniature golf using household items. 

Encourage children to plan a family picnic in the backyard or on the patio, choose a theme for a movie marathon, or help prepare meals inspired by countries they’d like to visit someday. The goal is to create experiences your children will remember long after summer is over.

Enjoy the amenities you already pay for. Condominium communities and many planned neighborhoods offer amenities that residents often overlook.

Swimming pools, fitness centers, tennis and pickleball courts, walking trails, clubhouses, grilling stations, and community gardens are designed to enhance your lifestyle. During your staycation, make a point of exploring everything your community offers. You may discover you’ve been living beside your own private resort all along.

Real estate professionals often talk about resale value, appreciation, and return on investment. While those things certainly matter, there’s another return that’s harder to measure: the enjoyment you get from living in your home every day.

You don’t need a boarding pass to recharge. You don’t need a hotel reservation to make memories. Sometimes the perfect getaway is the one you already own.


Valerie M. Blake is a licensed Associate Broker in D.C., Maryland, and Virginia with RLAH @properties. Call or text her at 202-246-8602, email her at [email protected] or follow her on Facebook at TheRealst8ofAffairs.

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