Living
A life in pictures
Rehoboth’s Tony Burns donates life’s work — 50,000 photos — to the community he loves
Tony Burns with a few of the photo albums he donated to Camp Rehoboth's library. The collection spans 30 years in 70 albums and is comprised of more than 50,000 shots. (Photo by Murray Archibald; courtesy of Camp Rehoboth)
Tony Burns is a documenter and collector.
He has a mammoth music collection representing everything short of MP3s (he doesn’t do computers): 78s, 45s, CDs, 8 tracks and LPs. For 30 years he had two homes, one in Alexandria, Va., and another, where he now lives full-time, in Rehoboth Beach, Del. And there are two climate-controlled storage units.
But this isn’t a pack rat or hoarder-style compulsion — it’s all meticulously organized. It became a running joke with his friends when he downsized to one residence.
“People didn’t think I could do it,” Burns, who’s gay, says. “I took the furniture to a local auction. I mean if you can’t use it, you know. But there are 60 boxes of archives, all labeled, each with an index that went in the storage space, which is essentially the basement I don’t have for life. … And I’ve integrated some things here. I always like to think of myself as a historian and archivist but some might call me a pack rat. It just depends who’s doing the analyzing.”
Burns’ trademark, though, especially in Rehoboth, is his photography. He’s been shooting dinners and dances, protests and brunches — you name it — for 30 years. The Detroit native grew up with seven younger sisters and has spent decades taking shots of his siblings and 31 nieces and nephews. Though he spent his career working in Washington in the Department of Health and Human Services, photography was always his passion.
“All my life I’ve taken energy from interacting with people,” Burns says. “I guess it’s my love of history and archives and taking photographs really captures something that you can look back on and appreciate years later. And also I have found that people like to have remembrances of the different events that they participated in.”
Burns enjoys shocking people he bumps into at random and handing them photos out of a collection of about 600 shots he carts around with him. He always prints duplicates and tries to make sure everyone in his photos eventually gets a copy of his or her own.
“It’s fun surprising people. Almost like bird watching. You may not see somebody for several years and then all of a sudden you do. I don’t have a photographic memory, but I can remember the events people were at and even if I haven’t seen them for four or five years, I can pick out their photograph almost immediately.”
Steve Elkins, Camp Rehoboth’s executive director, says Burns’ memory is staggering.
“He always makes like six copies,” Elkins says. “One for his albums and one for everybody in the photo. And he just carries them around till he sees them. One of my first memories of him was in New York. I ran into him in Manhattan. He says, ‘Wait, I’ll be right back.’ He disappeared and came back with a photograph of me. He’s just got an encyclopedic memory for those things. He remembers everything. So and so lived in this house and he’s been with this person and his mother worked in the Clinton administration. It’s amazing.”
A reception in Burns’ honor will be held Saturday at Camp Rehoboth from 4 to 6 p.m. Burns has donated his vast photo collection — more than 50,000 photos in 70 leather albums — to the library at Camp Rehoboth. He donated money to have the library renovated and feels it’s an appropriate home for his shots, which have also run for years in Letters from Camp Rehoboth, the community center’s publication.
Each album is identified by month and the collection is arranged chronologically. Most of the events are from Washington or Rehoboth, but Burns has also shot in Baltimore, Philadelphia and New York over the years. They’re mostly gay events — Victory Fund brunches, Human Rights Campaign dinners, AIDS benefits and more — but Burns says the gay and straight communities are so merged in Rehoboth, he doesn’t make much of a distinction anymore.
Though he loves the D.C. area, he says Rehoboth is where he’s happiest. He says it’s become much more viable as a year-round community than when he first bought his beach house in 1977.
“It’s really the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow,” he says. “I think it’s the gay destination in the whole country.”
Burns, who’s had boyfriends at various times but is single now, avoided going digital for years but is now glad he did. He still doesn’t have a computer and prints out his digital photos in kiosks. He calls himself a “background person” and says that’s just where he’s happiest. He shuns social networking and had to be cajoled into agreeing to the reception.
“I just like to be in the background,” he says. “During my years in the Department, and I held some rather responsible positions, it just made me feel good to know I was enabling the secretary to look good and it’s just something I’ve always felt strongly about in my life. If you can contribute to somebody who really has talents to communicate with others in a much stronger fashion than you could yourself, I get satisfaction from that. And it’s always fun for there to be perhaps a little mystery. Today with Facebook and Twitter, it’s almost like ‘1984.’ You lose your mystique when your laundry is all there hanging out to dry.”
Reception for Tony Burns
Saturday, 4-6 p.m.
Camp Rehoboth Community Center
37 Baltimore Ave.
Rehoboth Beach, DE
camprehoboth.com
Real Estate
Under-the-radar Delaware beach towns smart buyers are targeting
There are other options if Rehoboth prices are scaring you off
Look, we love Rehoboth. We will always love Rehoboth. Queer folks have been flocking there since the 1940s, and with scores of LGBTQ-owned businesses and a Pride calendar packed tighter than the boardwalk in July, “Rehomo” earned its crown fair and square.
But let’s be honest with each other: trying to buy property there right now feels a lot like trying to get a reservation at the one good restaurant in town on a Saturday in August. Everyone wants in, inventory is tighter than your swim trunks after Labor Day brunch, and the prices have officially entered “are you kidding me” territory.
So here’s a thought: What if you didn’t fight the crowd? What if, instead, you let Rehoboth keep doing its glorious, chaotic, glitter-bomb thing and you quietly built your beach life 15 minutes away for considerably less drama and considerably more square footage? Here are four towns ready for their close-up.
Lewes: The Charming Overachiever
Lewes is what happens when a beach town actually has its life together. Historic charm, walkability, proximity to Cape Henlopen State Park, less crowding, and a strong year-round community. Unlike towns that turn into ghost towns after Labor Day, Lewes maintains a real community all year long, which is more than we can say for some situationships.
And right now, the market is practically begging you to make a move. It’s one of the most desirable and stable markets in the county — built for buyers thinking long-term, not flippers, and Sussex County overall has flipped into genuine buyer’s market territory for the first time in years. Translation: you finally get to be the one with leverage.
Bethany Beach: My Personal Pick
Full disclosure: I own in Bethany. So consider this section a little biased — and also the most honest thing I’ll tell you in this whole article.
When I drive down from D.C., I’m not looking for more of D.C. I love this city, but I also love leaving it — and yes, some of the people in it too (you know who you are, and so do I). Bethany gives me that full exhale. It’s quiet in the way that actually means something: fewer crowds, slower mornings, a soundtrack that’s mostly waves instead of nightlife. It leans hard into its “quiet resort” reputation, with low property taxes and a limited geographic footprint, and it is not the least bit sorry about it.
But quiet doesn’t mean isolated. I’ve got a genuinely excellent food scene nearby, real shopping, and a string of charming neighboring beach towns — and when I do want a taste of Rehoboth’s energy, it’s a short, easy drive away. I get to choose my dose of chaos instead of living inside it.
And here’s the part that matters most for this article: the price. If you’ve looked at Rehoboth listings and quietly closed the tab in despair, I need you to hear this — you can absolutely afford a beach house. It just doesn’t have to be in Rehoboth. Bethany’s average home value sits around $848,592, which is still real money, no question — but it buys you more house, more land, and more peace than the same budget gets you closer to the boardwalk. Bethany is welcoming too, just without Rehoboth’s decades of built-in queer institutional history — and for plenty of us, that trade-off is more than worth it.
Fenwick Island: Small Town, Big Flex
Fenwick rarely gets mentioned and, frankly, it should be insulted. It’s tiny, it’s quiet, and it has beach access without the carnival energy. The market data tends to lump it in with Bethany, where single-family oceanfront homes clear $1 million while entry-level condos start in the $600s — proof that “under-the-radar” doesn’t mean “bargain bin,” it means “fewer people fighting you for it.”
South Bethany: For the Boat Gays
Some of us want sand between our toes. Others want a private dock and a boat named something deeply unserious. South Bethany’s canal communities are built for the latter — water access on both sides, fewer crowds, and a lifestyle that says, “I have a captain’s hat and I am not afraid to wear it.”
The Math Works in Your Favor Now
Here’s the part that should really get your attention: Sussex County’s median sold price has dropped to $440,000, down 3.3% year-over-year, and buyers are routinely closing around 88 cents on the dollar compared to asking price. That’s a far cry from the unhinged bidding wars of 2021 and 2022, when overpaying was basically a competitive sport. Inventory across the county sits at nearly 2,500 active listings — the most of any county in Delaware, meaning you actually get to be picky for once. Revolutionary, we know.
And no, choosing one of these towns doesn’t mean leaving your people behind. Sussex Pride serves the entire county, not just Rehoboth proper, and CAMP Rehoboth’s resources extend well beyond town limits too. You’re not exiling yourself to the suburbs of queerness — you’re just getting a bigger kitchen, a quieter porch, and a much shorter line for the bathroom.
Add in the fact that Delaware has no estate tax and some of the lowest property taxes around, savings that genuinely add up over a retirement horizon, and the case writes itself. Rehoboth will always be the beating, sequined heart of queer beach culture in Delaware. But if you’ve been telling yourself a beach house isn’t in the cards — I’m here to tell you it absolutely is. It just might be 15 minutes south, with your own quiet porch, your own salt air, and considerably more room to breathe.
Have a real estate question or Rehoboth market tip? Reach out to [email protected] for LGBTQ-friendly real estate resources in the Rehoboth area.
Justin Noble is a Realtor licensed in D.C., Maryland, and Delaware with Monument Sotheby’s International Realty. Reach him at [email protected] or 302-897-7499.
Real Estate
‘Culture eats strategy for breakfast’
Real estate agents must adapt, learn how to manage from within
“Culture Eats Strategy for Breakfast” was a phrase often repeated in many of my management courses from the University of Illinois. The concept was discussed at length – how the best laid plans can sometimes be supported or derailed by the culture of the people involved in whichever project to be implemented. Whether it be a project to implement new software, roll out a new product or service, or just reaching a sales target, the way the team involved works together can indeed affect the outcome.
Perhaps this is just another way to say, “teamwork makes the dream work!” Most teams usually have someone who is designated as a leader. The leader can try to lead through authority and control or can alternatively try to lead through influence and encouraging a more collective framework for solving problems.
Why does this matter when picking the right real estate agent or team to work with? Besides having a job as a salesperson for the brokerage, the real estate agent is contractually bound to act on their client’s behalf. The buyer broker agreement is in place so that the agent and the client can work together as a team in communications regarding offer strategy, during negotiations, implementing marketing plans, as well as selecting which renovations or upgrades to choose before selling a property. After the property goes under contract, the job isn’t “done”. There is still work to do.
At this point, the agents then turn into a project manager of sorts – coordinating communications between the lending team, the title attorneys, the other client’s agents, any governmental agencies that could be involved in down payment assistance or helping to clear a property for a sale, and often times groups like a condo board, a home inspector, or contractors when arranging repairs and estimates before a final walk through.
In short, the agent takes on somewhat of a “leadership role” in the transaction and ensures that all the ducks stay in a row until the project is complete. That agent will hopefully be very fluid and forthcoming with their information, copying the required parties on all communications and creating a “paper trail” of who said what or didn’t offer to fix A, B, or C, so that all the minutiae of the contract can be addressed and fulfilled before the settlement date. The agent often must wear many hats and quickly learn the communication styles of an entire new set of people in a short period. One person may not return calls for a week after being contacted. Another person may go on vacation at the beginning of the process and not return emails for two weeks. Another person may wish to have daily updates of the progress of the process.
In this way – an agent quickly learns in each transaction that “culture can eat strategy for breakfast.” Because the agent must adapt to a wide variety of communication styles, learn how to “manage from within”, build support for closing the project by the due date, and somehow keep all the interested parties invested, engaged, and responsive.
Who you work with matters when picking the right person to represent you in your next transaction – so, just remember that “teamwork makes the dream work!”
Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with RLAH. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].
Dear Michael,
I’ve been dating Mark for three years, living together for two, and I’m not sure he’s for me. We get along great but I’m questioning how attracted I am to him.
I was never crazy about him physically but he was such a sweet and smart guy that I wanted to date him.
Sex was never mind-blowing and the longer we’ve been together the more this is bothering me. I wonder if I could find someone who appeals to me more, physically.
On the plus side, I like him a lot. He has good values, shares my religious faith, which is hard to find in another gay guy, is responsible and has a good work ethic. Also, I just have fun with him and he’s always interested to hear what’s on my mind. He’s an all-around decent guy.
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking that he seems great and that I’m a fool for even questioning our relationship. But all my friends are always talking about the amazing sex they are having, and then I think I’m missing out on a key part of life because my sex life is comparatively lackluster.
I don’t want to settle. But how likely am I to find another guy who is as all-around a good catch as Mark, but with more sexual chemistry?
Michael replies:
I don’t think the right approach is to wonder about your chances for of finding someone better. Anyone you find will have things you aren’t crazy about.
For example, you might find someone whom you’re wildly attracted to sexually, but they’ll bore you or annoy you, or have values you don’t respect.
I understand that you aren’t wildly sexually attracted to Mark. The truth is that it’s extremely unlikely that you would remain wildly sexually attracted to anyone for that long. People tend to get used to each other over time. Sex can remain great, but more from closeness and love than heat and sizzle.
I work with people all the time who wonder if there is someone “better” out there. And I tell them, they’re never going to get through all the possibilities before they die. Instead, how about thinking if the guy you are with is someone you’d like to go with on this journey through life?
Mark’s attributes that you mention sound wonderful to me. After more than 30 years working with folks on relationships, and being in my own 30+ year relationship, I have learned a thing or two about what creates a relationship that is satisfying and good. A decent, kind guy with admirable values is an excellent start.
The question is, can you live with your sex life not being on an orgasmically hot mind-blowing level? I hope the answer is yes, because sex with anyone you pick is not likely to stay in that sort of realm for long.
Another point to consider: I don’t think you should get too caught up in what your friends are telling you. They may be having amazing sex, but are they all having it with the same long-term partner? As I mentioned, long-term sex can be great, but the excitement tends to be replaced by caring connection over time.
I’ll generalize here for a moment: Because so many gay men have many sexual partners, the kind of sex you have with someone new, whom you’re tremendously attracted to, tends to be glorified among gay men as the gold standard of sex. But it’s not realistic for sex with a long-term partner.
This glorification is a big problem: It leaves gay men who are not having torrid sex with lots of guys feeling like there is something wrong with the sex they are having, that they are missing out on something super fantastic. Just like you are feeling.
If you want a lifetime of ongoing hot sex, I don’t think you should be looking for a relationship. If you are willing to accept sex being a not-always fantastic, but perhaps consistently loving, often good, and occasionally great part of life with a kind decent guy, then Mark might just be the right partner for you after all.
(Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].)
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