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Debunking ‘Myths’

Despite generalizations, new book is thoughtful antidote

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You Can Tell Just by Looking, Michael Amico, Ann Pellegrini, Michael Bronski, book, books, gay news, Washington Blade
You Can Tell Just by Looking, Michael Amico, Ann Pellegrini, Michael Bronski, book, books, gay news, Washington Blade

‘You Can Tell Just by Looking’ by Michael Bronski, Ann Pellegrini and Michael Amico. (Image courtesy Beacon Press)

‘You Can Tell Just By Looking and 20 Other Myths about LGBT Life and People’

By Michael Bronski, Ann Pellegrini and Michael Amico

Beacon Press

$16

You’ve been hearing rumors. You don’t know what to believe.

Your favorite club is closing, it’s got new owners, it’s being remodeled, none of the above. You can get married anytime, the law is being repealed, it’s being approved. You’re being downsized, you’re getting a raise.

Sometimes, you don’t know what to think. Other times, you think you know but you’re wrong. In the new book “’You Can Tell Just By Looking’ And 20 Other Myths about LGBT Life and People” by Michael Bronski, Ann Pellegrini and Michael Amico, you’ll see where truth and misconception cross paths.

For most of your life, you’ve probably heard how no one person is better than anybody else. We’re all created equal. Or are we?

Thinking, for instance, that LGBT people are “the same as” straight people “obscures the fact that specific everyday realities and social structures have shaped the lives of LGBT people very differently,” say the authors. Even the term “LGBT” ignores that L, G, B and T are “all distinct experiences.”

The myths continue:

Take, for instance, the notion that “gaydar” is more than just intuition, “a skill that everybody … has.” While research shows that lesbians and gay men can identify other lesbians and gay men better than can straight people, it may only be a matter of desire or empathy.

Or consider the myth that homophobia masks a straight person’s true desire. That belief came from something published more than 50 years ago; the author took the thought in a different direction, but “it became the main idea people took away from the book.”

Same-sex marriage does not “harm” marriage as a whole; in fact, it may “make for happier heterosexual couples.” Not all religions “condemn” homosexuality; no one race is particularly biased against it; parenting has nothing to do with the sexuality of the mothers or fathers (“good parenting… is not a biological given”); bodies and sexuality are “complicated;” and it’s not necessarily easier coming out today than it was a half-century ago.

Though your Mama warned against such things, based on the cover, you might think that this is a fun kind of book. And you’d be disappointed.

No, “’You Can Tell Just by Looking’” is filled with deep thinking research-based information and no-nonsense answers to “myths” that may or may not be widely rumored. It’s wordy to the extreme, and though the authors claim that LBGT readers believe myths about themselves, I often wondered if this book was preaching to the choir. There’s a whole lotta overgeneralization goin’ on here, too.

Still, the authors don’t shy away from controversy; they tackle some tough (and food-for-thought) ideas with thoughtful inspection. I appreciated that lack of fear and the willingness they had to confront ill-conceived credos.

Overall, I think that if you’re searching for retorts to blanket statements about LGBT people, this book may give you what you need. It won’t be the most fun thing you’ve ever read, but “’You Can Tell Just by Looking’” is one I believe may help.

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PHOTOS: World Pride March

LGBTQ rights demonstration held in Amsterdam

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A scene from the 2026 World Pride March in Amsterdam. (Washington Blade photo by Michael Key)

The 2026 World Pride March was held on Saturday, Aug. 8 in Amsterdam. Tens of thousands of participants marched from Martin Luther Kingpark to the grounds of the Pride Village at Museumplein.

(Washington Blade photos by Michael Key)

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PHOTOS: Daddy Issues at Kiki

Evry Pleasure, Tiara Missou-Sidora, Indiana Bones perform

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Evry Pleasure performs at the 'Daddy Issues' drag show at Kiki on Wednesday. (Washington Blade photo by Landon Shackelford)

The weekly drag show “Daddy Issues” was held at Kiki on Wednesday, Aug. 5. Performers included Evry Pleasure, Indiana Bones and Tiara Missou-Sidora.

(Washington Blade photos by Landon Shackelford)

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Books

Something’s off about Dad. When is it time to step in?

‘When Memory Fades’ can help when families face dementia

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(Book cover image courtesy of St. Martin's Essentials)

‘When Memory Fades’
By Nathaniel Chin, MD
c.2026, St. Martin’s Essentials
$30/422 pages

Mom called you in a panic the other day.

She’d lost her keys and by the time you arrived to help, she’d found them. In the refrigerator.

These kinds of things keep happening, not often but often enough, and you don’t know quite what to worry about. But in the new book “When Memory Fades” by Nathaniel Chin, MD, you’ll learn about the journey ahead, for both of you.

You can’t remember why you walked into a room. You got lost last week, going to the bank. Popular wisdom says that things like that are normal as we age, but Chin says that’s not true – although the answer may not be a worst-case scenario, either. Yes, memory problems could just be signs of stress, dehydration, or lack of sleep – or is it time to see a doctor?

Chin says maybe, yes.

He was working his way through medical residency when his father, a geriatrician in Madison, Wisc., was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Chin, now a geriatrician, was blindsided, but that diagnosis also changed his life.

Here, he writes about the brain, and how Alzheimer’s and dementia are diagnosed, explaining that dementia has many faces and, depending on a doctor’s evaluation, memory problems might be slowed or improved. He shares his father’s illness with readers, but he also writes about his mother, a steadfast, steady caretaker.

Her story reminds reader-guardians to care for themselves, too.

Know how to talk the talk, so that you can have “a more productive” conversation with your doctor. Understand that there’s nothing “normal” about dementia or Alzheimer’s. Know the statistics – African Americans are affected with dementia twice as much as whites – and know how to lower your risks. Learn here what questions to ask, how to break the news to everyone, and any legal matters that will be important soon. And know how to tend to you.

Says Chin, “The best action you can take is to educate yourself… The more you understand, the better equipped you are to make sound judgments.”

Something’s off about Dad, just a lot of little things that don’t add up. When is it time to step in? “When Memory Fades” can help you decide.

Wise, wide-spread, comprehensive, and compassionately helpful, this is a book you can read and then take it to the doctor with your loved one. It’s a book that makes sense when nothing else does, and its biggest feature is that it smoothly transitions from easy-to-grasp science and charts, to gentle coaching for caregivers. Author Nathaniel Chin, MD writes with storytelling, humility, grace, and experience from both sides of the Alzheimer’s/dementia issue, and his words are reassuring but also urgent. Learn, but don’t wait, he says. Know how to safeguard yourself. See your doctor, and don’t fear testing. Watch for signs of depression. And never, ever stop asking for help.

Read those last seven words, and find “When Memory Fades” now. It’s a book to have on your shelf, whether you’re 45 or 95 because, as you’ll see, dementia happens and knowledge is key.

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