a&e features
Our big gay wedding
Local couples share stories from their special day
Thinking about popping the question to your significant other? Nervous about planning a wedding? We asked local couples to share their wedding day memories, which just might put you at ease.
Katy Ray and Erica Sansing

(Photo courtesy Lola Snaps Photography)
Katy Ray is PR and communications manager for LGBTQutie.com. Erica Sansing owns Sansing Studios, a photo studio.
When and where were you married? Erica and I were married at the Cathedral of the Incarnation, an Episcopal cathedral in downtown Baltimore. We opted for a religious ceremony, as our faith is so important to us, and we wanted to take our vows in front of God, family and friends. Given that most Christian-based faiths still haven’t caught up to the true measures of Jesus’ teachings, we had to opt for an Episcopal marriage ceremony, as the Episcopal church is one of few who will wed gay couples. We had our reception at the Rusty Scupper, overlooking the Baltimore harbor. It was breathtaking.
What was the most difficult element of your wedding to achieve? I think first and foremost, having two people come together to make about a thousand decisions is a great exercise in achieving communication skills and compatibility. Throughout the wedding process, we learned to compromise on any and everything. Of course it was difficult to achieve the perfect day, but we did. Finding the venue was pretty easy, and the reception is so much easier when you work in house with the caterer.
Did the overall heteronormativity of the industry (e.g. attire, invitations, cakes, etc.) pose any problem? If so, what? Absolutely. When filling out questionnaires online, for anything from flowers to wedding registries, there were many surveys where only “wife” and “groom” were listed and you couldn’t put “wife and wife” for both. I am impressed with Macy’s, however, as they had provided the options we needed. We were also very impressed with the Rusty Scupper. Michelle Rigby, their wedding event coordinator, was incredibly supportive and affirming. She made us feel like queens and treated our big day with such respect and enthusiasm. Sadly, we did not have this same experience with some local businesses.
Another issue that pops up is buying wedding decor. Most decorations come in sets of “husband and wife” or “groom and bride” so we would have had to buy doubles of some things to have “wife and wife” seat signs, etc. Luckily for us, my sister is a crafter, and she was able to make our wedding decorations and provide that level of visibility in decorations.
Any resistance or weirdness from family/friends? I don’t know many marriages where family resistance doesn’t exist. But in terms of the wedding, my wife’s family was very supportive and welcoming, and my sister and her family were extremely supportive. Unfortunately, my parents were not in attendance and are not a present part of my life. My best friend Circon walked me down the aisle and stood by my side, which was infinitely more meaningful than the patriarchal tradition of a father “giving” his daughter away. The whole notion behind that is rooted in heteronormativity, patriarchy and woman’s inferiority. That’s not to say women shouldn’t be walked down the aisle by their fathers, but for me it made more sense for the person who was there for me most in my life to walk me down, and I have no ill-resolved feelings about that person not being my father.
What advice would you give other D.C.-area same-sex couples planning to wed?
1. Communicate: It’s really important to listen to each other and make sure you communicate your needs. Have negotiables and non-negotiables, and know what those are going into the conversation. Our wedding was our perfect compromise, and I couldn’t be happier.
2. Budget: You really want to make sure you have a general figure for what you’re going to spend. My wife and I decided to purchase a house before our wedding, because we felt that having a home for our lifetime was substantially more important than spending too much money on one day of celebration.
3. Try to have fun and cherish the good times: Wedding planning should be fun! Don’t let anyone rob you of that excitement; not family, ignorant wedding industry workers or anyone.
4. Find a place that offers you inside catering and a menu at price per person. It saves you so much headache on the day of.
5. Your wedding is for YOU, not anyone else.
Chris and Chase Maggiano

(Photo by John Jack Gallagher)
Chris is president of Cormier & Co., a consulting firm; Chase is executive director of the Washington Chorus.
When and where were you married? Sept. 4, 2016 at Chase’s family home in Middleburg, Va.
What was the most difficult element of your wedding to achieve? We wanted to make sure we enjoyed the day and also that it was unique to us. This took a lot of effort but paid off in the end. It was truly the best day of our lives.
Did the overall heteronormativity of the industry pose any problem? If so, what? The industry is shockingly heteronormative and gendered. We only used vendors that acknowledged that they have same-sex couple clients and encouraged those who didn’t get our business to change their approach.
Any resistance or weirdness from family/friends? Chris’s mom found a surrogate before we even cut the cake (a cousin’s girlfriend), so there’s that. We’ll probably adopt in a few years but it was still funny.
What advice would you give other D.C.-area same-sex couples planning to wed? There’s a lot of external stress and pressure that comes at you when planning your wedding. Decide what one or two things are most important to you and then let them guide what the day will be for you.
Susan Messina and Maryann Krayer

(Photo courtesy of the couple)
Susan Messina is director of development and communications for Iona Senior Services. Maryann Krayer is a school psychologist in Charles County, Md. They’ve been together since 1991.
When and where were you married? We were legally married in January 2013 at our congregation, River Road Unitarian Universalist Congregation in Bethesda, Md. We had already had a commitment ceremony there in 2007, when it was not legal, but that was when we had our big ceremony. The 2013 ceremony was a big hit, an all-church event where five couples participated, four of whom repeated their vows from their legal weddings in other jurisdictions. We were the only couple to actually get married at that time. River Road hosted a big potluck and it was followed by all-generation dancing. People still talk about it as the best party River Road ever threw.
What was the most difficult element of your wedding to achieve? I will only speak about our commitment ceremony since that is the most “true wedding-like” of our two events. The most difficult element for us honestly was just the massive project management of the event. We had about 80 guests and many of them were from out of town, so we had to provide them with a lot of hand holding.
Did the overall heteronormativity of the industry pose any problem? If so, what? We had no problems with the caterer or stationer. We did our own flowers. I borrowed a friend’s dress and my partner wore a suit she already owned. The only misstep was at our Dupont Circle hotel where we stayed the night. We had a problem with our room and when I called to ask for a new one I mentioned it was my honeymoon. They accommodated us and then sent champagne to the new room. The funny thing was they sent it to Mr. and Mrs. Krayer because my wife had made the reservations in her name and even though it was Dupont Circle, they made the assumption we were a man and woman.
Any resistance or weirdness from family/friends? We had no weirdness. My parents even asked if they could invite their best couple friend.
What advice would you give other D.C.-area same-sex couples planning to wed? Make a budget and stick to it. Think about who you want to be there the most.
a&e features
Marc Shaiman reflects on musical success stories
In new memoir, Broadway composer talks ‘Fidler,’ ‘Wiz,’ and stalking Bette Midler
If you haven’t heard the name Marc Shaiman, you’ve most likely heard his music or lyrics in one of your favorite Broadway shows or movies released in the past 50 years. From composing the Broadway scores for Hairspray and Catch Me if You Can to most recently working on Only Murders in the Building, Hocus Pocus 2, and Mary Poppins Returns, the openly queer artist has had a versatile career — one that keeps him just an Oscar away from EGOT status.
The one thing the award-winning composer, lyricist, and writer credits with launching his successful career? Showing up, time and time again. Eventually, he lucked out in finding himself at the right place at the right time, meeting industry figures like Rob Reiner, Billy Crystal, and Bette Midler, who were immediately impressed with his musical instincts on the piano.
“Put my picture under the dictionary definition for being in the right place at the right time,” Shaiman says. “What I often try to say to students is, ‘Show up. Say yes to everything.’ Because you never know who is in the back of the theater that you had no idea was going to be there. Or even when you audition and don’t get the part. My book is an endless example of dreams coming true, and a lot of these came true just because I showed up. I raised my hand. I had the chutzpah!”
Recalling one example from his memoir, titled Never Mind the Happy: Showbiz Stories from a Sore Winner ( just hit bookshelves on Jan. 27), Shaiman says he heard Midler was only hiring Los Angeles-based artists for her world tour. At the young age of 20, the New York-based Shaiman took a chance and bought the cheapest flight he could find from JFK. Once landing in L.A., he called up Midler and simply asked: “Where’s rehearsal?”
“Would I do that nowadays? I don’t know,” Shaiman admits. “But when you’re young and you’re fearless … I was just obsessed, I guess you could say. Maybe I was a stalker! Luckily, I was a stalker who had the goods to be able to co-create with her and live up to my wanting to be around.”
On the occasion of Never Mind the Happy’s official release, the Bladehad the opportunity to chat with Shaiman about his decades-spanning career. He recalls the sexual freedom of his community theater days, the first time he heard someone gleefully yell profanities during a late screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and why the late Rob Reiner was instrumental to both his career and his lasting marriage to Louis Mirabal. This interview has been edited and condensed.
BLADE: Naturally, a good place to start would be your book, “Never Mind the Happy.” What prompted you to want to tell the story of your life at this point in your career?
SHAIMAN: I had a couple of years where, if there was an anniversary of a movie or a Broadway show I co-created, I’d write about it online. People were always saying to me, “Oh my God, you should write a book!” But I see them say that to everybody. Someone says, “Oh, today my kitten knocked over the tea kettle.” “You should write a book with these hysterical stories.” So I just took it with a grain of salt when people would say that to me. But then I was listening to Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ podcast, and Jane Fonda was on talking about her memoir — not that I’m comparing myself to a career like Jane Fonda’s — but she felt it was time to take a life review. That really stuck in my head. At the time, I was sulking or moping about something that had not gone as well as I wished. And I guess I kind of thought, “Let me look back at all these things that I have done.” Because I have done a lot. I’m just weeks short of my 50th year in show business, despite how youthful I look! I just sat down and started writing before anyone asked, as far as an actual publisher.
I started writing as a way to try to remind myself of the joyous, wonderful things that have happened, and for me not to always be so caught up on what didn’t go right. I’ve been telling some of these stories over the years, and it was really fun to sit down and not just be at a dinner party telling a story. There’s something about the written word and really figuring out the best way to tell the story and how to get across a certain person’s voice. I really enjoyed the writing. It was the editing that was the hard part!
BLADE: You recall experiences that made you fall in love with the world of theater and music, from the days you would skip class to go see a show or work in regional productions. What was it like returning to those early memories?
SHAIMAN: Wonderful. My few years of doing community theater included productions that were all kids, and many productions with adults, where I was this freaky little 12-year-old who could play show business piano beyond my years. It was just bizarre! Every time a director would introduce me to another cast of adults, they’d be like, “Are you kidding?” I’d go to the piano, and I would sightread the overture to Funny Girl, and everybody said, “Oh, OK!” Those were just joyous, wonderful years, making the kind of friends that are literally still my friends. You’re discovering musical theatre, you’re discovering new friends who have the same likes and dreams, and discovering sex. Oh my god! I lost my virginity at the opening night of Jesus Christ Superstar, so I’m all for community theater!
BLADE: What do you recall from your early experiences watching Broadway shows? Did that open everything up for you?
SHAIMAN: I don’t remember seeing Fiddler on the Roof when I was a kid, but I remember being really enthralled with this one woman’s picture in the souvenir folio — the smile on her face as she’s looking up in the pictures or looking to her father for approval. I always remember zooming in on her and being fascinated by this woman’s face: turns out it was Bette Midler. So my love for Bette Midler began even before I heard her solo records.
Pippin and The Wiz were the first Broadway musicals I saw as a young teenager who had started working in community theater and really wanted to be a part of it. I still remember Pippin with Ben Vereen and all those hands. At the time, I thought getting a seat in the front row was really cool — I’ve learned since that it only hurts your neck, but I remember sitting in the front row at The Wiz as Stephanie Mills sang Home. Oh my god, I can still see it right now. And then I saw Bette Midler in concert, finally, after idolizing her and being a crazed fan who did nothing but listen to her records, dreaming that someday I’d get to play for her. And it all came true even before I turned 18 years old. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time, and met one of her backup singers and became their musical director. I was brought to a Bette Midler rehearsal. I still hadn’t even turned 18, she heard me play and said, “Stick around.” And I’ve stuck around close to 55 years! She’s going to interview me in L.A. at the Academy Museum. Would I have ever thought that Bette Midler would say yes to sitting with me, interviewing me about my life and career?
BLADE: That’s amazing. Has she had a chance to read the book yet?
SHAIMAN: She read it. We just talked yesterday, and she wants to ask the right questions at the event. And she even said to me, “Marc, I wasn’t even aware of all that you’ve done.” We’ve been great friends for all these years, but sometimes months or almost years go by where you’re not completely in touch.
a&e features
D.C. LGBTQ sports bar Pitchers listed for sale
Move follows months of challenges for local businesses in wake of Trump actions
A Santa Monica, Calif.-based commercial real estate company called Zacuto Group has released a 20-page online brochure announcing the sale of the D.C. LGBTQ sports bar Pitchers and its adjoining lesbian bar A League of Her Own.
The brochure does not disclose the sale price, and Pitchers owner David Perruzza told the Washington Blade he prefers to hold off on talking about his plans to sell the business at this time.
He said the sale price will be disclosed to “those who are interested.”
“Matthew Luchs and Matt Ambrose of the Zacuto Group have been selected to exclusively market for sale Pitchers D.C., located at 2317 18th Street, NW in Washington, D.C located in the vibrant and nightlife Adams Morgan neighborhood,” the sales brochure states.
“Since opening its doors in 2018, Pitchers has quickly become the largest and most prominent LGBTQ+ bar in Washington, D.C., serving as a cornerstone of D.C.’s modern queer nightlife scene,” it says, adding, “The 10,000+ SF building designed as a large-scale inclusive LGBTQ+ sports bar and social hub, offering a welcoming environment for the entire community.”
It points out that the Pitchers building, which has two years remaining on its lease and has a five-year renewal option, is a multi-level venue that features five bar areas, “indoor and outdoor seating, and multiple patios, creating a dynamic and flexible layout that supports a wide range of events and high customer volume.”
“Pitchers D.C. is also home to A League of Her Own, the only dedicated lesbian bar in Washington, D.C., further strengthening its role as a vital and inclusive community space at a time when such venues are increasingly rare nationwide,” the brochure says.
Zacuto Group sales agent Luchs, who serves as the company’s senior vice president, did not immediately respond to a phone message left by the Blade seeking further information, including the sale price.
News of Perruzza’s decision to sell Pitchers and A League of Her Own follows his Facebook postings last fall saying Pitchers, like other bars in D.C., was adversely impacted by the Trump administration’s deployment of National Guard soldiers on D.C. streets
In an Oct. 10 Facebook post, Perruzza said he was facing, “probably the worst economy I have seen in a while and everyone in D.C. is dealing with the Trump drama.” He told the Blade in a Nov. 10 interview that Pitchers continued to draw a large customer base, but patrons were not spending as much on drinks.
The Zacuto Group sales brochure says Pitchers currently provides a “rare combination of scale, multiple bars, inclusivity, and established reputation that provides a unique investment opportunity for any buyer seeking a long-term asset with a loyal and consistent customer base,” suggesting that, similar to other D.C. LGBTQ bars, business has returned to normal with less impact from the Trump related issues.
The sales brochure can be accessed here.
a&e features
Alexander Skarsgård describes ‘Pillion’ in 3 words: lube, sweat, leather
Highly anticipated film a refreshingly loving look at Dom-sub life
Whether you’ve seen him in popular HBO series like “True Blood,” “Succession,” or “Big Little Lies,” the dynamic Swedish actor Alexander Skarsgård has that smoldering gaze that immediately draws viewers in.
Following in the footsteps of his father Stellan, (who just won the Golden Globe for “Sentimental Value”) the Golden Globe, Emmy, and SAG winner Skarsgård continues to be an actor who is fearless in the roles he takes on.
That courageousness is evident in Skarsgård’s latest film, the BDSM black comedy “Pillion,”which he also executive produces. He plays Ray, the handsome, hyper-dominant leader of a gay bike gang. The film was written and directed by Harry Lighton, and is based on the 2020 novel “Box Hill,” by Adam Mars-Jones.
“This was a small film by a first time filmmaker and it wasn’t financed when I read it,” Skarsgård told journalists at a recent awards news conference. “And I felt that, if I could help in any small way of getting it financed, I wanted to, because I thought it was such an incredible screenplay and I believe in Harry Lighton so much as a filmmaker. And it felt tonally unlike anything I’d ever read. It was such an exciting, surprising read.”
Skarsgård was blown away by the quality of the unconventional script. “When I heard BDSM relationship, biker culture, I expected something very different. I didn’t expect it to have so much sweetness and tenderness and awkwardness.”
For the sex scenes and nudity with co-star, Harry Melling — who excels in his portrayal as Ray’s submissive Colin — Skarsgård talked very early on with Lighton about how he wanted to shoot those scenes, and why they were in the film.
“I often find sex scenes quite boring in movies because a lot of the tension is in the drama leading up to two people hooking up, or several people hooking up, as in our movie. But what I really enjoyed about these scenes — they are all pivotal moments in Colin’s journey and his development. It’s the first time he gets a blowjob. It’s the first time he has sex. It’s the first time he has an orgasm. And these are pivotal moments for him, so they mean a lot. And that made those scenes impactful and important.”
Skarsgård was happy that Lighton’s script didn’t have gratuitous scenes that shock for the sake of just shocking. “I really appreciated that because I find that when this subculture is portrayed, it’s often dangerous and crazy and wild and something like transgressive.”
He continued: “I really love that Harry wanted it to feel real. It can be sexy and intense, but also quite loving and sweet. And you can have an orgy in the woods, rub up against a Sunday roast with the family. And that kind of feels real.”
One of the obstacles Skarsgård had to work with was Ray’s emotionally distant personality.
“Ray is so enigmatic throughout the film and you obviously never find out anything about him, his past. He doesn’t reveal much. He doesn’t expose himself. And that was a challenge to try to make the character interesting, because that could easily feel quite flat…That was something that I thought quite a lot about in pre production…there are no big dramatic shifts in his arc.”
For the film, Lighton consulted the GMBCC, the UK’s largest LGBT+ biker club, attending their annual meetup at which 80 riders were present.
“Working with these guys was extraordinary and it brought so much texture and richness to the film to have them present,” said Skarsgård. “They were incredibly sweet and guiding with us — I can’t imagine making this movie without them. I’d go on a road trip with them anytime.”
Added Skarsgård: “To sum up ‘Pillion’ in three words: lube, sweat, and leather. I hope people will connect with Colin and his journey, and come to understand the nuance and complexity of his bond with Ray.”
This year is shaping up to be a busy one for Skarsgård. “Pillion” premieres in select cities on Feb. 6 and then moves into wide release on Feb. 20. After that for Skarsgård is a role in queer ally Charli XCX’s mockumentary, “The Moment,” which premieres at the Sundance Film Festival. HIs sci-fi comedy series, Apple TV’s “Murderbot,” which he also executive produces, will begin filming its second season. And this weekend, he hosts “Saturday Night Live.”
