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Our big gay wedding

Local couples share stories from their special day

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gay wedding, refund, gay news, Washington BladeThinking about popping the question to your significant other? Nervous about planning a wedding? We asked local couples to share their wedding day memories, which just might put you at ease.

Katy Ray and Erica Sansing

(Photo courtesy Lola Snaps Photography)

Katy Ray is PR and communications manager for LGBTQutie.com. Erica Sansing owns Sansing Studios, a photo studio.

When and where were you married? Erica and I were married at the Cathedral of the Incarnation, an Episcopal cathedral in downtown Baltimore. We opted for a religious ceremony, as our faith is so important to us, and we wanted to take our vows in front of God, family and friends. Given that most Christian-based faiths still haven’t caught up to the true measures of Jesus’ teachings, we had to opt for an Episcopal marriage ceremony, as the Episcopal church is one of few who will wed gay couples. We had our reception at the Rusty Scupper, overlooking the Baltimore harbor. It was breathtaking.

What was the most difficult element of your wedding to achieve? I think first and foremost, having two people come together to make about a thousand decisions is a great exercise in achieving communication skills and compatibility. Throughout the wedding process, we learned to compromise on any and everything. Of course it was difficult to achieve the perfect day, but we did. Finding the venue was pretty easy, and the reception is so much easier when you work in house with the caterer.

Did the overall heteronormativity of the industry (e.g. attire, invitations, cakes, etc.) pose any problem? If so, what? Absolutely. When filling out questionnaires online, for anything from flowers to wedding registries, there were many surveys where only “wife” and “groom” were listed and you couldn’t put “wife and wife” for both. I am impressed with Macy’s, however, as they had provided the options we needed. We were also very impressed with the Rusty Scupper. Michelle Rigby, their wedding event coordinator, was incredibly supportive and affirming. She made us feel like queens and treated our big day with such respect and enthusiasm. Sadly, we did not have this same experience with some local businesses.

Another issue that pops up is buying wedding decor. Most decorations come in sets of “husband and wife” or “groom and bride” so we would have had to buy doubles of some things to have “wife and wife” seat signs, etc. Luckily for us, my sister is a crafter, and she was able to make our wedding decorations and provide that level of visibility in decorations.

Any resistance or weirdness from family/friends? I don’t know many marriages where family resistance doesn’t exist. But in terms of the wedding, my wife’s family was very supportive and welcoming, and my sister and her family were extremely supportive. Unfortunately, my parents were not in attendance and are not a present part of my life. My best friend Circon walked me down the aisle and stood by my side, which was infinitely more meaningful than the patriarchal tradition of a father “giving” his daughter away. The whole notion behind that is rooted in heteronormativity, patriarchy and woman’s inferiority. That’s not to say women shouldn’t be walked down the aisle by their fathers, but for me it made more sense for the person who was there for me most in my life to walk me down, and I have no ill-resolved feelings about that person not being my father.

What advice would you give other D.C.-area same-sex couples planning to wed? 

1. Communicate: It’s really important to listen to each other and make sure you communicate your needs. Have negotiables and non-negotiables, and know what those are going into the conversation. Our wedding was our perfect compromise, and I couldn’t be happier.

2. Budget: You really want to make sure you have a general figure for what you’re going to spend. My wife and I decided to purchase a house before our wedding, because we felt that having a home for our lifetime was substantially more important than spending too much money on one day of celebration.

3. Try to have fun and cherish the good times: Wedding planning should be fun! Don’t let anyone rob you of that excitement; not family, ignorant wedding industry workers or anyone.

4. Find a place that offers you inside catering and a menu at price per person. It saves you so much headache on the day of.

5. Your wedding is for YOU, not anyone else.

Chris and Chase Maggiano

(Photo by John Jack Gallagher)

Chris is president of Cormier & Co., a consulting firm; Chase is executive director of the Washington Chorus.

When and where were you married? Sept. 4, 2016 at Chase’s family home in Middleburg, Va.

What was the most difficult element of your wedding to achieve?  We wanted to make sure we enjoyed the day and also that it was unique to us. This took a lot of effort but paid off in the end. It was truly the best day of our lives.

Did the overall heteronormativity of the industry pose any problem? If so, what? The industry is shockingly heteronormative and gendered. We only used vendors that acknowledged that they have same-sex couple clients and encouraged those who didn’t get our business to change their approach.

Any resistance or weirdness from family/friends? Chris’s mom found a surrogate before we even cut the cake (a cousin’s girlfriend), so there’s that. We’ll probably adopt in a few years but it was still funny.

What advice would you give other D.C.-area same-sex couples planning to wed? There’s a lot of external stress and pressure that comes at you when planning your wedding. Decide what one or two things are most important to you and then let them guide what the day will be for you.

Susan Messina and Maryann Krayer

(Photo courtesy of the couple)

Susan Messina is director of development and communications for Iona Senior Services. Maryann Krayer is a school psychologist in Charles County, Md. They’ve been together since 1991.

When and where were you married? We were legally married in January 2013 at our congregation, River Road Unitarian Universalist Congregation in Bethesda, Md. We had already had a commitment ceremony there in 2007, when it was not legal, but that was when we had our big ceremony. The 2013 ceremony was a big hit, an all-church event where five couples participated, four of whom repeated their vows from their legal weddings in other jurisdictions. We were the only couple to actually get married at that time. River Road hosted a big potluck and it was followed by all-generation dancing. People still talk about it as the best party River Road ever threw.

What was the most difficult element of your wedding to achieve? I will only speak about our commitment ceremony since that is the most “true wedding-like” of our two events. The most difficult element for us honestly was just the massive project management of the event. We had about 80 guests and many of them were from out of town, so we had to provide them with a lot of hand holding.

Did the overall heteronormativity of the industry pose any problem? If so, what? We had no problems with the caterer or stationer. We did our own flowers. I borrowed a friend’s dress and my partner wore a suit she already owned. The only misstep was at our Dupont Circle hotel where we stayed the night. We had a problem with our room and when I called to ask for a new one I mentioned it was my honeymoon. They accommodated us and then sent champagne to the new room. The funny thing was they sent it to Mr. and Mrs. Krayer because my wife had made the reservations in her name and even though it was Dupont Circle, they made the assumption we were a man and woman.

Any resistance or weirdness from family/friends? We had no weirdness. My parents even asked if they could invite their best couple friend.

What advice would you give other D.C.-area same-sex couples planning to wed?  Make a budget and stick to it. Think about who you want to be there the most.

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Summer in D.C. brings sports, Restaurant Week, festivals, and more

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Washington Spirit CEO Kim Stone hosts Pride Night OUT on Sunday, Aug. 23. (Photo courtesy of Washington Spirit)

Summer in D.C. just hits different. Congress is out, school is out, the sun is out, thighs are out. With the skies clearing from Canadian smoke, here are a few ways to stay entertained.

Dining

Summer restaurant week: The Restaurant Association of Metropolitan Washington (RAMW) is once again hosting Summer Restaurant Week, Aug. 18-24. This weeklong dining experience showcases the dynamic dining scene of the DMV, including 2026 RAMMY Award-winning favorites (the annual D.C. food awards show that took place June 29). Participating restaurants will offer three-course brunch and lunch selections for $25 or $35 per person, and three-course dinners for $40, $55 and $65 per person.

New Restaurants: A handful of new spots have opened, so the summer is a great time to check them out:

  • Oribu: A new Mediterranean-Japanese restaurant in the Grand Hyatt hotel, which just underwent a remodeling effort. The sleek restaurant brings upscale charm, with dishes like Wagyu beef tartare with potato pavé and caviar.
  • The Oak Room: A snazzy old-school American grill has just opened in Georgetown, alongside its sister upstairs supper club (Bernadette’s) restaurant, in the old El Centro space.
  • Uchi: This showy Japanese sushi-forward chain has landed in Dupont with a chef’s tasting menu of favorites like fatty tuna.
  • Kathmandu: Recalling the capital of Nepal, this warm, buzzy subterranean restaurant right in the heart of U Street brings spice, flair, and rare ingredients to its dishes (see: buffalo burgers) and drinks.

Sports

  • Washington Spirit Pride Night OUT: On Sunday, Aug. 23, head to Audi Field for a massive, high-energy game following the exciting month of World Cup. The designated Pride Night OUT game promises boisterous crowds plus pre- and post-game community engagements. 
  • Washington Tennis Open – Now called the Mubadala DC Open, this annual tournament is only combined mens’ and womens’ 500-level tennis tournament in the world. The open is one of D.C.’s longest-standing sports traditions, and will take place at the Rock Creek Park Tennis Center July 25-Aug. 2. Naomi Osaka, Venus Williams, Ben Shelton, Frances Tiafoe, and others are expected to play.

Festivals

  • Afro Plus Fest: This huge, three-day Afro-Caribbean Hip-Hop Festival brings together headliners Davido, Alkaline, and Wizkid, plus Tems and Ayra Starr. The event moves from RFK to the Northwest Stadium Complex for three days, Sept. 4-6.
  • Capital Fringe Festival: Running from July 11-21, this massive celebration features dozens of live theater, comedy, dance, and boundary-pushing nighttime performances across multiple DC neighborhoods. 
  • The National Book Festival returns, with headliners like Cynthia Erivo, and Martin Scorsese. The one-day festival, Saturday, Aug. 22, brings together bookworms and word nerds under the theme “America 250: It’s Your Story.” There are talks, workshops, musical sessions and more.
  • All Things Go: A three-day festival Sept. 25-27 at Merriweather Post Pavilion featuring Mitski, Hayley Williams, Brandi Carlile, MUNA, Zara Larsson, Ethel Cain, and many, many more artists. There are single-day and three-day tickets. Featuring and highlighting female artists, the festival has turned into a must-see for many LGBTQ audience members.
  • Fuchsia Fest: The inaugural Fuchsia Fest is a new multi-day celebration created to celebrate LGBTQ community and expression, bringing together a mix of community gatherings, entertainment, and nightlife. The event takes place Sept. 18-20 and is hosted by Capital Pride.

Art and Music

  • United We Dance: A high-energy rave with house, techno, bass, and festival music, on Aug. 1 at the 9:30 Club. 
  • The Fray. On Aug. 14, this American rock band famous for How To Save A Life is at Merriweather Post Pavilion.
  • Kesha: Kesha’s high-energy The Freedom Tour comes to the D.C. area on Aug. 14 at Jiffy Lube Live.
  • ALOK: On Sept. 3 at Lincoln Theater, ALOK (they/them) performs. The poet, comedian, and actor is putting on a new comedy show.
  • 2charm, the emerging Australian electronic club-pop duo popular with the queer community, which blends hyperpop and dance music, comes to the Atlantis.
  • Sapphic Dance Party: a vibrant, inclusive nightlife and social event designed specifically for queer women, lesbians, bisexuals, trans individuals, and nonbinary folks, at Atlantis on Aug. 21.
  • Jazz in the Garden: The most quintessential of D.C. activities returns Friday evenings through Aug. 14. This season’s theme, “American Sounds,” is a nod to the nation’s 250th anniversary. Tunes themes range from Appalachian and Americana to Creole jazz, Hill Country blues, contemporary jazz, and more. Tickets are available through a lottery system a week before each event.
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Tickets on sale for chef Patrick O’Connell’s book launch event

Sept. 18 kickoff to feature José Andrés, Tom Sietsema

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Acclaimed chef Patrick O’Connell is preparing to publish his new memoir, “Main, Middle & Gay” in September and he’s launching the book with an event on Sept. 18 at 6 p.m. at Lisner Auditorium featuring Chef José Andrés and former Washington Post food critic Tom Sietsema.

Tickets for the event go on sale Tuesday, July 21 at Ticketmaster; prices start at $55.

 O’Connell, who’s gay, is the pioneering Michelin-starred chef and longtime proprietor of the Inn at Little Washington. He spoke with the Blade about the September event and the launch of his first memoir.

 “I’ve known [Andrés and Sietsema] for more than 25 years and I have great respect for them,” O’Connell said. “I felt that it would allow us to add a different dimension rather than just have an interviewer. The chemistry will be fun and lively and unpredictable and exciting. I think we’re all different personalities and we’ll compliment each other.”

O’Connell has published cookbooks but this is his first memoir. The event will feature a short film that will highlight his work and the Inn.

“What I hope to do with the event is bring the book to life visually,” he said. “So we’re producing a short film that will be part of it. Most of the audience will not have read the book so it’ll give them a visual flavor of the book. It parallels the evolution of American cuisine over 50 years. It’s a rare perspective to be in the trenches for that long.”

The book’s title refers to the location of the garage on the corner of Main, Middle, and Gay streets in Washington, Va., where he launched his restaurant that became an international culinary destination. 

The Blade will publish the rest of its wide-ranging interview with O’Connell in September in conjunction with the book’s release.

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The queer Asian comics building collective joy in D.C.

Spotlighting chaotic ways family, romance, identity take shape in their lives

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Alex Kim performs at the Pride Comedy Special in Washington, D.C., on June 18, 2026. (Photo by Christina Lee/VOICES)

Kevin Chen’s family tombstone has room for four: him, his parents and his boyfriend. The arrangement might prove to be a little awkward. 

“My boyfriend is 100% white, and my parents are 100% disappointed,” Chen confessed.

Jokes about family traditions and the untraditional ways they’re practiced earned a burst of laughs at the bar where Chen was opening for the Pride Comedy Special. The D.C. stand-up event, produced by Comedy Bonfyre last month, spotlighted queer Asian comics who shared the chaotic ways family, romance and identity take shape in their lives. 

From candid oral sex takes to top surgery hypotheticals like “Where do the boobs go?”, the night highlighted the loud camaraderie of the queer Asian experience — one that sounds like a cacophony of snorts, cackles and belly laughs. While the comics say they are not quite a community, there’s more than enough shared material to bring them together. 

“It was such a magical experience. I loved performing in a queer API lineup. It feels so validating,” Chen said after the show. “I’m wondering, ‘Is this how white men feel all the time?’”

Each performance evoked queer Asian joy through a medium that could use more of its presence.

According to Chen, who is based in D.C., it’s hard to say whether there is a true queer Asian comedy presence in his city. There are only a scattered “handful” of Asian comics, and people of color are underrepresented in queer comic circles, he said. 

When Tarunika Anand, a nonbinary lesbian comic, first entered the mainstream D.C. comedy scene, they mostly encountered straight white men, describing the experience as “a culture shock.”

“I feel like sometimes a lot of queer spaces are really white, and then a lot of Asian spaces are really straight,” Anand said. “I don’t feel like I fit into either.”

But feeling marginalized didn’t stop these comics from honing their craft and creating spaces for others like them. Alex Kim, who headlined the special and is based in Brooklyn, runs the queer Asian comedy group Boba Gays, which began on WhatsApp and has since made its way to Lincoln Center. 

Every Wednesday, Anand co-produces a free comedy show called Funny Side Up. The queer-led group focuses on inclusivity and showcasing new talent.

“It’s really beautiful to speak about your experience and your existence in a way that’s uplifting,” Anand said. 

Family is a major throughline of their comedic repertoires. 

Chen, for instance, shared that he identifies with jokes about having Asian immigrant parents and the expectations they pass down. 

“You see me, you know this part about me, you know this experience intimately, and I can see the truth that you’re trying to wrap a joke around,” he said. “That hits even harder because that’s my truth too. I think that’s what makes good comedy.”

Anand had the audience at the special howling when they explained that their parents’ be-more-like-them comparisons didn’t end when they came out. Instead, the expectations took on a new form. 

“Now, my parents want me to be the best gay,” Anand said. “They’re like, ‘Do you know Ellen DeGeneres?’” 

Kim said he’s been trying to unlearn things from his Christian Korean mom. Yet he described a moment when he was getting ready for the club and realized he looked just like his mother getting ready for church. 

“I’ve been finding it hard to escape her,” Kim said. 

Mutual recognition also radiates through the different ways queer love can take shape. From singlehood to death-do-us-part commitments, the comics cover just about every corner.

Anand is holding out hope for settling down with “a nice, pretty, Indian girl.” They recently went through a breakup and said they felt they dodged a bullet. 

“As a person of color, I just don’t think I should be with a Swiftie,” they said. 

Chen, touching on what it’s like to be in a queer interracial relationship, said that meeting his white boyfriend’s baby nephew for the first time felt like he was forced to participate in a diversity, equity and inclusion training. 

“The dad was like, ‘Please welcome Kevin. Be curious about his culture, his history, his foods,’” Chen joked. 

Laughter is not the only reward for the comics.

To Anand, comedy is a space where they can say whatever they want. “It gives me a voice,” they said. 

Nik Narain, a North Carolina-based trans and nonbinary South Asian comic who performed at the special, said meeting older trans comedians and taking the stage helped him feel reassured in his identity during his transition. 

“Stand-up was a really cool way to process that onstage,” he said. “[It] became a way for me to repackage my thoughts.”

Queer Asians are still figuring out their place in the greater D.C. comedy scene. The group is small in numbers and many are still working toward a full-time comedy career. But Narain feels he’s already made it.

Narain is reluctant to pin it all on one moment. He feels that success is already peeking through in milestones — opening for celebrities, traveling to performances and self-producing shows.

“As long as I can keep doing this, I’m super happy,” he said.

This story was produced as part of the AAJA VOICES fellowship program, a student journalism project of the Asian American Journalists Association (AAJA).

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