QUEERY: Sean Holihan
The RAINN policy manager answers 20 queer questions
Editor’s note: Doing something interesting or creative during lockdown? The Blade is always looking for compelling Queery subjects. To be eligible, the subject must be a D.C.-area resident, openly LGBTQ and someone who’s never previously done it. Trans folks, queer women and people of color are especially desired. Send Queery suggestions to Features Editor Joey DiGuglielmo at [email protected] and you or a friend could be in an upcoming issue!
For more than 25 years, RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) has provided critical support to survivors and their loved ones through the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800-656-HOPE or rainn.org).
As the primary provider of services in the U.S., RAINN takes a survivor-centered, trauma-informed approach to developing programs and services that support survivors of sexual violence and their loved ones and works to end sexual violence in all its forms.
After working with Camille Cooper, RAINN’s vice president of policy, for more than a decade, Sean Holihan “jumped at the chance” to join the staff as policy manager just over a year ago.
Although RAINN does not track the sexual orientation of its callers, HRC has said LGBTQ youth are twice as likely to have experienced sexual dating violence or physical dating violence and that “many” of its callers are queer. The coronavirus lockdown is likely exacerbating the issue, Holihan says.
“For children quarantined with their abusers, stay-at-home orders have exacerbated abuse they are experiencing,” the 39-year-old Norfolk, Va., native says. “History has shown that sexual and domestic violence actually increase during times of crisis or natural disasters, but because many victims are stuck at home, unable to get away from an abuser or even report that the abuse is happening, sexual assault exams are down during this time. Once stay-at-home orders are lifted across the country, we expect to see a large increase of reports, as well as calls to the National Sexual Assault Hotline and are working to ensure we can be there to support survivors at this crucial time.”
RAINN was started by Scott Berkowitz in 1994. Singer/songwriter Tori Amos was RAINN’s first spokesperson and continues to be involved.
Holihan worked previously as a communications and policy consultant with his husband, Danny Barefoot, at their small firm. Holihan came to Washington 11 years ago to work with the Democratic Party.
He’s been isolating at home during the pandemic and says, “I’ve accepted that I can’t change what’s happening.”
Highly active in D.C. gay social circles, Holihan says he’s known “a handful” of friends and acquaintances who’ve had COVID-19 but “thankfully they’ve all recovered by now.”
He lives in Shaw and enjoys baseball, video games, his cats, Pokemon Go and “binge watching old seasons of ‘Drag Race’” in his down time.
How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?
I came out when I was 17 as bisexual to my mom. All she said was, “Yeah sure, bi now, gay later.” Never loved that sentiment, but she wasn’t wrong.
Who’s your LGBTQ hero?
Bayard Rustin. He was an out gay man who spent more than two years in prison as a conscientious objector to the draft, participated in the first Freedom Rides, helped desegregate the Armed Forces and worked alongside MLK Jr. for equality. This man is a legend.
What LGBTQ stereotype most annoys you?
I think I hate the idea that all gays are exclusive and mean to each other. Anyone and everyone CAN be mean to each other. However, if anything, I’ve found D.C. to be a great place for new people to make a family of their own.
What’s your proudest professional achievement?
Over the years I’ve worked to help pass legislation that helped out-of-work fishermen create new careers as ship builders (long story), help people get protective orders against their abuser and ensure that victims of sexual assault had access to medical help.
What terrifies you?
Being alone in this world. I saw my Uncle Bobby suffer and die from AIDS when I was a kid. He passed without anyone to care for him except for my mom. It terrified me and made me think that’s what living my life as an openly gay man held in store. I’m happy to say my life has turned out differently, but it’s something that I still fear.
What’s something trashy or vapid you love?
Miller Lite and the arcade game Buck Hunter.
What’s your greatest domestic skill?
I am a pretty decent bartender.
What’s your favorite LGBTQ movie or show?
Movie: “But I’m a Cheerleader” still holds up despite coming out in 1999. TV show: “Six Feet Under.”
What’s your social media pet peeve?
People commenting on other people’s posts or tweets just to be a jerk. Why engage? Just keep scrolling.
What would the end of the LGBTQ movement look like to you?
A completely trans-inclusive country.
What’s the most overrated social custom?
Right now, I guess I’d have to say shaking hands when you greet someone.
What was your religion, if any, as a child and what is it today?
I was baptized as a Methodist to get back at my Catholic grandparents. My grandparents made my mom marry my dad right before I was born to avoid the shame of having a baby out of wedlock. My parents divorced five years later and I haven’t been religious in a long, long time.
What’s D.C.’s best hidden gem?
So’s Your Mom in Adams Morgan makes amazing sandwiches. Just give them your cash and get out because they don’t take cards and you can’t eat inside.
What’s been the most memorable pop culture moment of your lifetime?
Gathering with my first group of gay friends in Virginia Beach, Va., to watch “Queer as Folk” before heading out to this bar called Ambush is probably something that will always stick with me.
What celebrity death hit you hardest?
I moved around a lot as a kid and instead of playing outside, I would watch a ton of “Saturday Night Live” reruns. I absolutely loved Phil Hartman. Hearing about his death hit me hard.
If you could redo one moment from your past, what would it be?
I dropped out of college to drive cross country and live in Berkeley for a short time with my brother and sister. It wasn’t even that fun.
What are your obsessions?
This is going to sound so hokey but it’s the people around me. I have an amazing group of people around me and I’m incredibly lucky to have them in my life. Not being able to see all of them at this time is a big reminder of that.
Finish this sentence — It’s about damn time:
… baseball comes back.
What do you wish you’d known at 18?
To aim higher. It took me until I was 25 to realize I wanted to do more with my life than just scrape by.
The most passionate group of people I’ve ever met.
Another busy summer season arrives in Rehoboth Beach
Fine dining, drag shows, theater, and more on tap for 2023
The summer of 2023 will be an exciting time in Rehoboth Beach, with lots to see and do as always. Great people, and of course the sand, sea, and boardwalk. Everyone in town has been working hard over the winter to make this the best season ever at the beach. New businesses, old ones moving to new locations, milestone anniversaries, and just loads of fun all around.
While I am often just a burger and fries’ guy, Rehoboth has become a real foodie paradise for those who enjoy, and appreciate, really fine dining. (For more on the dining scene, see separate story in the Blade.)
The City of Rehoboth has fewer than 1,500 full-time residents. Many who have a Rehoboth address like me, live outside the city boundary. But at any time during the summer season, the population swells to more than 25,000. Among them are many members of the LGBTQ community. If you are one of them, stop by CAMP Rehoboth, the LGBTQ community center, founded by Murray Archibald and Steve Elkins in 1991.
Today, many of the businesses in town are owned by members of the community and even those that aren’t are supportive of the community. The most famous residents of the area are President Biden and first lady Jill Biden, who try to spend some weekends at their home there. Not sure how much time they will have this summer between the duties of being president and running for reelection. I do know when there, they love the famous chicken salad sandwiches, among other great things, from Lori Klein’s Lori’s Oy Veh Café in the CAMP courtyard. Lori’s is celebrating its 27th season. If you stop in the courtyard, you will be pleased to see new tables and chairs where you can sit and enjoy your meal.
My favorite hangout on Baltimore Avenue, the gayest block in Rehoboth, is Aqua Grill. The perfect place to spend happy hour any day of the week. Chris, one of the hot and charming waiters, is back serving drinks on the deck. Then there is The Pines restaurant across the street with a great showroom upstairs and always fun entertainment. The guys who own it have expanded their operations with Drift on Baltimore and now taken over the old Philip Morton Gallery and turned it into their offices. They are also preparing to open Bodhi on 1st street. One of the great old standbys at the beach is The Purple Parrot Grill and Biergarten on Rehoboth Avenue. Owners Hugh Fuller and Troy Roberts make everyone feel welcome. The old girl has a bright new paint job this year and she’s better than ever with some great entertainment.
Make sure you read the Blade’s column on food at the beach but here are just some of the places I passed on my walk around town on sidewalk sale weekend. There are Eden Restaurant, Azafran, and La Fable on the beach block of Baltimore Avenue. Then the always reliable standby the Blue Moon. In addition to some of the best food in town, the Moon has an extensive calendar of special events planned for summer, including the much anticipated return of talented NYC pianist Nate Buccieri beginning June 25. He plays Sunday-Thursday for most of the summer; check bluemoonrehoboth.com for specifics.
There is also Ava’s and Theo’s and Frank and Louie’s on the second block.The venerable Back Porch on Rehoboth Avenue has been serving some of Rehoboth’s finest food for decades, and, of course, Houston White further up the street if you’re craving a steak.Then there is Goolee’s Grill on 1st street and the new location of JAM on 2nd. Goolee’s is celebrating its 20th anniversary with a cocktail party on June 1, 5-9 p.m.; tickets are $15 and available online.
My favorite morning place, it has become my afternoon place as well, is the totally refurbished Coffee Mill in the mews between Rehoboth Avenue and Baltimore Avenue, just next to the wonderful Browseabout Books on Rehoboth Avenue. Dewey Beach residents will soon have their own Coffee Mill in a beachfront location, 1700 Coastal Highway. It will have a great view of the beach and ocean from its rooftop deck. Mel and Bob are going to be busy this year with all their places including Brashhh on 1st street, now celebrating its 11th year, and The Mill Creamery serving Hopkins ice cream. Longtime Rehoboth business owner Steve Fallon, one of the best promoters of the beach I know, has the fun Gidget’s Gadgets on Rehoboth Avenue and his second place selling vinyl records, Extendedplay. Then there is Coho’s Market and Grill on Rehoboth Avenue.
Back on the gayest block in Rehoboth, Baltimore Avenue, don’t forget to stop in and purchase some incredible one-of-a-kind jewelry pieces, and now original art, at Elegant Slumming and then get your hair cut in The Grateful Head Salon.
For more afternoon and evening entertainment there is the popular Diego’s Bar and Nightclub (37298 Rehoboth Avenue Ext.), a perfect spot for outdoor happy hours and late night dancing. Local legend Magnolia Applebottom holds court all summer with performances slated for the Thursday and Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend. Sunday’s show runs 6-9 p.m. followed by DJ Mags “with her boys” from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. In addition to Magnolia, Diego’s brings internationally known DJs to town during the summer. And the free parking is a nice bonus in a town with a chronic shortage of parking spaces. Diego’s has an exciting summer of special events planned, so follow them online for updates. Among the acts coming to Diego’s this summer are “Jaws the Musical” (June 18), Ada Vox (July 5), and Edmund Bagnell (July 17).
Don’t miss the always fun Freddie’s Beach Bar on 1st street, where the amazing Freddie Lutz has brought his wonderful concept from Virginia to the beach. The beloved Pamala Stanley performs periodically at Freddie’s; follow her on social media for updated dates.
Remember Rehoboth still has some great culture even if the town commissioners have been trying to force it out of town. The amazing Clear Space Theatre is stillon Baltimore Avenue. This season’s productions include Lucy in the Sea with Darvon, Jesus Christ Superstar, Kinky Boots, and The Spongebob Musical.
This will be a summer not to miss at the beach. Better make your plans to visit soon, if you haven’t already, because hotels and rentals are booking fast.
Pride season arrives!
LGBTQ community events planned across region
Pride season has already begun. Last month’s Roanoke Pride filled the Virginia city’s Elmwood Park with rainbow flags. Pride events begin in D.C. this month and continue through June. Regionally, some cities have opted to hold their Pride events as late as the fall.
Organizers of Trans Pride D.C. (transpridewashingtondc.org) plan a full day of workshops and events on Saturday, May 20 at Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial Library (901 G Street, N.W.). These events are currently listed on Facebook and Eventbrite as running from 9 a.m. – 4 p.m.
The HIV/PrEP Programs at the Charles County Department of Health are hosting PrEP for Pride 2023 at 4545 Crain Highway in White Plains, Md. on Saturday May 20 from 12-7 p.m.
The festival is free, though those who RSVP will be entered into a door prize drawing. PrEP for Pride’s Eventbrite page advertises a pride walk, a PrEP Mini Ball, music, art, health & wellness information, food options and other vendors.
Equality Prince William Pride (equalitypincewilliam.org) will be held on Sunday, May 21 at the Harris Pavillion (9201 Center Street, Manassas, Va.) from 12-4 p.m., according to its Facebook events page.
The event is billed as a family-friendly event with music, vendors and kids activities. Performers include musician John Levengood, BRUU Band & Choir and the drag artists Coco Bottoms, Muffy Blake Stephyns and Ophelia Bottoms.
D.C. Black Pride (dcblackpride.org) events are held throughout the city May 26-29 primarily at the Renaissance Washington DC Downtown Hotel (999 9th Street, N.W.).
Official events include a Unity Ball, a vendor expo, a talent showcase, forums, parties and the annual Pride Festival in the Park at Fort Dupont Park on May 29 from 12-7 p.m.
The third Caroline County Pride Festival (carolinepride.com) “A Carnival Adventure” will be held in downtown Denton, Md. (301 Market Street) on Saturday, May 27 from 3-8 p.m. according to the group’s Facebook event page.
Baltimore Trans Pride (baltimoresafehaven.org/transpride) kicks off the month at 2117 North Charles Street in Baltimore, Md. on Saturday, June 3, according to Baltimore Safe Haven’s Facebook event page.
The Baltimore Trans Pride 2023 Grand March is to be held at 1 p.m. on Saturday along North Charles Street between 22nd and 23rd. The Block Party continues at 3 p.m. with performances beginning at 4 p.m.
Afterparties are scheduled at The Crown (1901 North Charles Street) and Ottobar (2549 North Howard Street). Baltimore Safe Haven also hosts a kickoff ball on Friday, June 2 at 2640 Saint Paul Street at 6 p.m.
Annapolis Pride (annapolispride.org) holds its annual parade and festival on Saturday, June 3 from 12-5 p.m. on Inner West Street in Annapolis, Md. according to the Facebook event page.
Reston Pride (restonpiride.org) holds its annual festival at Lake Anne Plaza (1609 Washington Place) in Reston, Va. on Saturday, June 3 from 12-6 p.m., according to the Facebook event page.
Ellicott City, Md. holds OEC Pride (visitoldellicottcity.com/events/oec-pride) on June 3-4 in Old Ellicott City. Events include a mascara run up and down Main Street and a movie presentation of “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert”.
Suffolk, Va. holds its third annual Suffolk Pride Festival (facebook.com/SuffolkPrideVA) on Saturday, June 3 from 5-8 p.m. at Bennetts Creek Park (3000 Bennetts Creek Park Road, Suffolk, Va.), according to the Facebook event page.
Portsmouth Pride Fest ’23 (portsmouthprideva.com) is the second annual LGBTQ community celebration in Portsmouth, Va. The festival is to be held on Saturday, June 3 from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. at the Portsmouth Festival Field next to Atlantic Union Pavilion, according to the Facebook event page.
The Alexandria LGBTQ Task Force presents the sixth annual Alexandria Pride (alexandriava.gov/LGBTQ) at Alexandria City Hall in Market Square of Old Town Alexandria, Va. (301 King Street) on Saturday, June 3 from 1-5 p.m.
Newport News, Va. has its first I Am What I Am (IAWIA) Pride Festival on Sunday, June 4 from 12-7 p.m. at Tradition Brewing Company (700 Thimble Shoals Boulevard, Newport News, Va.), according to the Facebook event page.
The 2023 Cumberland Pride Festival (cumberlandpride.org) will be held at Canal Place (13 Canal Street, Columbia, Md.) Sunday, June 4 from 12-4 p.m., according to the Facebook event page.
Culpepper County in rural Virginia will be getting its very first pride celebration with Culpepper Pride Festival (culpeperpride.com) on Sunday, June 4 from 12-5 p.m. at Mountain Run (10753 Mountain Run Lake Road, Culpepper, Va.). An after-hours 21+ drag show will be held.
Equality Loudoun’s “Across the Decades” 2023 Loudoun Pride Festival (eqloco.com) will be held on Sunday, June 4 from 1-7 p.m. at Claude Moore Park (21668 Heritage Farm Ln, Sterling, Va.). This is a ticketed event with a $5 general admission.
Delaware Pride (delawarepride.org) is being celebrated as a festival on Saturday, June 10 at Legislative Hall (411 Legislative Avenue, Dover, Del.) from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. according to the Facebook page.
D.C.’s massive Capital Pride (capitalpride.org) includes the 2023 Capital Pride Parade on Saturday, June 10 and the 2023 Capital Pride Festival on Pennsylvania Avenue on Sunday, June 11. On top of the many official events, there are a great number of parties in venues throughout the city over the week, including the not-to-be-missed Pride on the Pier and Fireworks Show, held 2-9 p.m. on Saturday, June 10 at the Wharf. There are two timed VIP sessions that include catered food and open bar. The region’s only Pride fireworks display, sponsored by the Leonard-Litz Foundation, takes place at 9 p.m. Visit prideonthepierdc.com for tickets and information.
The Third annual Pride in the ViBe, will be held at ViBe Park (1810 Cyprus Avenue, Virginia Beach, Va.) on Sunday, June 11 from 1-6 p.m., according to the Facebook event page.
Scenic Chesapeake, Va. is the backdrop for Pride in the ‘Peake 2023 at City Park Section B next to the basketball courts on Sunday, July 11, according to an allevents.in posting.
Eastern Panhanlde Pride is to be held on Saturday, June 17 from 12-5 p.m. in downtown Martinsburg, W.Va., according to EPP’s Facebook page.
The Delmarva Pride Center presents DELAMRVA Pride (delmarvapridecenter.com) with events from June 16-18. The DELMARVA Pride Festival is to be held on Saturday, June 17 along South Harrison Street in downtown Easton, Md. Other events include a drag show and a Sunday brunch, according to the Pride Center’s Facebook page.
The Ghent Business Association presents Ghent Pride “Party at the Palace Shops” on Tuesday, June 20 from 6-10 p.m. at The Palace Shops and Staton (301 West 21st Street, Norfolk, Va.), according to the Facebook event page. This is a ticketed event with general admission $13.
The Human Rights Commission of the City of Rockville holds the seventh annual Rockville Pride (rockvillemd.gov/2276/Rockville-Pride) on Saturday, June 24 from 1-4 p.m. at Rockville Town Square (131 Gibbs Street, Rockville, Md.).
Arlington Pride (arlvapride.com) holds events from June 23-25 that include a pageant, a brunch, a festival and an afterparty. The Arlington Pride Festival returns for its second year on June 24 from 12-7 p.m. at the Rosslyn Gateway Park (1300 Lee Highway, Arlington, Va.), according to the Eventbrite listing.
Fredericksburg Pride (fxbgpride.org) holds events throughout the month, but everything culminates in the Pride March and then Festival on Saturday, June 24. The Pride March is held at Riverfront Park (705 Sophia Street, Fredericksburg, Va.) at 10 followed by the Festival at 11 a.m.-5 p.m. at Old Mill Park (2201 Caroline Street, Fredericksburg, Va.).
The 10th anniversary Frederick Pride (frederickpride.org) is to be held at Carroll Creek Linear Park on Saturday, June 24 from 11 a.m.-6 p.m. with food, music, drag, vendors and more, according to the Facebook event page.
The Salisbury Pride (salisburyprideparade.com) Parade and Festival is on Saturday, June 24. The Parade begins at 2 p.m. at West Main Street and Camden Street. The parade moves along Main with the festival following the parade at 2:30. Magnolia Applebottom is the headliner and grand marshall, according to Salisbury Pride’s Facebook page.
The “Break Free 23” Hampton Roads Pride (hamptonroadspride.org) is set for Saturday, June 24 at Town Point Park (113 Waterside Drive, Norfolk, Va.) and includes the famous boat parade.
The Pride Center of Maryland hosts a number of Baltimore Pride (baltimorepride.org) events June 19-25. The big events include the annual parade and block party on Charles Street on Saturday, June 24 and the festival at Druid Hill Park on Sunday.
July and beyond
You can look forward to LGBTQ pride celebrations in Harrisburg, Pa. and the Maryland towns of Hagerstown and Westminster as well as Black Pride RVA in Richmond, Va. in July. Other municipalities have decided to hold their pride celebrations a little later in the year. These pride events include Winchester Pride in Winchester, Va. (Sept. 9), Shenandoah Valley Pride in Harrisonburg, Va. (Sept. 16), SWVA Pridefest in Vinton, Va. (Sept. 16), Virginia Pridefest in Richmond, Va. (Sept. 23), TriPride in Johnson City, Tenn. (Sept. 23), Staunton Pride in Staunton, Va. (Oct. 7), Upper Chesapeake Bay Pride in Harve de Grace, Md. (Oct. 7), Pride Franklin County in Chambersburg, Pa. (Oct. 8) and Laurel Pride in Laurel, Md. (Oct. 14).
Self-identification: What the plus in ‘LGBTQ+’ means
Terminology rapidly expanding into mainstream dialogue
For a long time, many Americans refrained from talking about sexual orientation and gender identity because it was taboo. While these conversations are still uncomfortable for some people, others stay quiet simply because they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing.
Among allies, there is fear that misgendering someone or misspeaking about another person’s sexuality will be viewed as being less inclusive. Meanwhile, older generations, even those within the LGBTQ+ community, also struggle to keep up as terms beyond “LGBTQ” rapidly enter mainstream lingo.
In either scenario, the plus in “LGBTQ+” can be misunderstood. But as awareness of these terms continues to rise, it’s important to know what they mean.
Below are some of the most popular but misunderstood terms of self-identification, compiling gender identities (one’s concept of self as male, female, a blend of both or neither and what they call themselves) and sexual orientation (how one identifies in terms of whom they are romantically and/or sexually attracted to).
Asexual refers to someone who lacks a sexual attraction or interest in sexual activities with others. Often called “ace(s)” for short, asexual individuals exist on a spectrum, wherein someone can be completely or partially asexual, meaning they may experience no, little, or conditional sexual attraction to another person. Little interest in sex, however, doesn’t diminish a person’s desire for emotionally intimate relationships.
Cisgender, or simply “cis,” describes a person whose gender identity aligns with the sex assigned to them at birth. The terms cisgender and transgender originate from Latin-derived prefixes of “cis,” meaning “on this side of,” and “trans,” meaning “across from.” Just as “trans” can be added to terms describing gender to identify someone as a trans-woman or trans-man, the same can be done to say cis-woman or cis-man to identify someone as adhering to the sex associated with their gender at birth.
Meanwhile, gender non-conforming refers to someone who doesn’t behave in line with the traditional expectations of their gender. These individuals may express their gender in ways that aren’t easily categorizable as a specific gender. While many gender non-conforming people also identify as transgender, that isn’t the case for all gender non-conforming people.
Under the larger umbrella of gender non-conforming identity, non-binary describes a person who does not identify exclusively as a man or a woman. Non-binary people may identify as being both a man and a woman, somewhere in between, or completely outside of those labels.
Some non-binary people identify as transgender, but non-binary also references other identities such as agender (a person who does not identify as any gender), bigender (a person with two gender identities or a combination of two gender identities), genderqueer or gender-fluid.
Genderqueer people commonly reject notions of rigid categories of gender and embrace a fluidity of gender identity and sometimes sexual orientation. People with this identity may see themselves as being both male and female, or neither as they fall outside of binary gender norms. Gender-fluid is also within this range of non-conformity as these individuals don’t identify with a single fixed gender.
In terms of sexuality, pansexual refers to someone with the potential for emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to people of any gender. These feelings don’t necessarily arise simultaneously or to the same degree, and sometimes the term is used interchangeably with bisexual.
More recently, the two-spirit gender identity has enjoyed more mainstream use. Chosen to describe certain North American Indigenous and Canadian First Nation people who identify with a third gender, the term implies a masculine and feminine spirit in one body.
Other gender expressions such as masc, referring to representations of masculinity without necessarily claiming a relationship to manhood, and femme, meaning expressions of femininity regardless of gender and relations to womanhood, are also used to describe how people dynamically express gender outside of gender norms.
Yet, just as terminology for self-identification is introduced, so are also new ways to describe how an individual feels about their identity. One term that everyone can relate to or aspire to have is gender euphoria – the joyful experience and sense of self that occurs when a person’s authentic gender is expressed and acknowledged by themselves and/or by others.
Most importantly, though, LGBTQ+ people use a variety of terms to identify themselves, some of which may not be mentioned in this article. Always listen for a person’s self-identification to use the preferred terms for them.
(The Human Rights Campaign and Johns Hopkins University contributed to this report.)
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