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Don’t label Maria Bello

Actress-turned-author explores power and pain of typecasting

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Maria Bello, gay news, Washington Blade
Maria Bello, gay news, Washington Blade

Maria Bello says a 2013 illness that sidelined her gave her time to rethink the rigid way society categorizes love, sexuality and relationships, labels she says never fit her own life. (Photo by Amanda Demme; courtesy Dey Street Books)

Maria Bello

 

In conversation with Daniel Jones (New York Times)

 

Sixth & I Historic Synagogue

 

600 I St. N.W.

 

$17 (ticket

 

$30 (ticket and book)

 

$38 (two tickets, one book)

 

sixthandi.org

 

Actress Maria Bello spent the summer of 2013 in bed ill with a parasitic illness she contracted while doing relief work in Haiti.

Turning to the roughly 150 journals she’s been keeping since age 10, the actress, best known for her roles in the films “Payback,” “Coyote Ugly” and “A History of Violence” as well as the TV hit “ER,” found herself pondering all sorts of questions from all facets of her life from work, family, romantic relationships and more.

She eventually distilled her personal discoveries into the new book “Whatever … Love is Love: Questioning the Labels We Give Ourselves.” On Monday night she’ll be in Washington at the Sixth & I Synagogue to discuss the book with Daniel Jones of the New York Times, which published her essay “Coming Out as a Modern Family,” in which she discussed her current relationship with partner Clare Munn.

We talked with her Tuesday — the day of the Supreme Court marriage arguments — by phone to find out why she has such a thorny relationship with labels. Her comments have been slightly edited for length.

MARIA BELLO: How are you?

WASHINGTON BLADE: We’re good. It’s a big day in Washington!

BELLO: I know! I’ve been watching all day and tweeting about it. I’m so excited and the whole community must be.

BLADE: Yes, it feels momentous.

BELLO: It is. We’re on the verge and the tide is changing and it’s very exciting.

BLADE: It sounds like you had an epiphany of sorts when you began your relationship with Clare. Prior to that, had you had much involvement or investment in LGBT issues?

BELLO: Yes, always, even when I was going to a Catholic university. I’ve always been involved in LGBT rights because they have always been a huge force in human rights in general and it’s a human right to be able to marry who you love and love who you love. I was very inspired by Marsha P. Johnson, a famous African-American transgender, flamboyant, really beautiful woman when I used to live on Christopher Street. She threw the first shot glass at Stonewall.

BLADE: Did you journal continuously or in spurts over the years?

BELLO: Pretty consistently. I started at 10 but only have them going back to age 13. The first one I have is a green notebook with little hearts drawn all over it. The challenge with my journals was trying to choose the material to go into the book and what I realized more and more was that I wasn’t just taking a walk down memory lane, I was uncovering all these pieces and I had so many questions about the girl I was, the woman I had become, about my family, you know, myself, my religion, my sexuality and as I started asking more questions, I heard from so many more people that they were asking similar questions. I had no idea it would become part of a larger conversation. I always journalized pretty consistently. I can’t imagine I ever went more than three months or so without writing. Sometimes they were just gratitude lists I made because I was so miserable.

BLADE: What big picture started to emerge from reading them?

BELLO: Relationships are fluid, partnerships are fluid, life is fluid and the more you accept that, which is sometimes a very hard thing to accept, you become more mindful. It doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time. Sometimes it’s just being where you’re at. Sometimes you could be miserable and mindful and I have to allow myself space to have those days and sometimes those weeks where, you know, you’re sad, angry confused. But my mom always told me unless you hit the bottom, you’re not able to push yourself back up. I always loved that.

BLADE: How do you differentiate between happiness, joy and containment?

BELLO: It’s kind of what I just answered. More coming from my preferred self, my most authentic self. When I can do that and be in the moment, I am more curious and happier when I have an understanding of that and, you know, connect to my higher power. Call it God, call it whatever you like. For me, it’s that connection that brings me joy. And also watching my son play soccer. He’s going to Ireland this summer to play in like the world cup of kids’ soccer. He’s freaking awesome.

BLADE: How old is Jackson?

BELLO: He’s 14. He was 12 when he said those amazing words (that became the book title).

BLADE: How long were you ill?

BELLO: A few months. Actually when I was quite sick and recovering and frail, I think your body has a way of telling you when it’s time to take a break or take a breath. It was a real transforming time in my life. I looked around my bedside and saw who was there — my mom, my brother and Jack and Jack’s dad and Clare and many of my friends. I’m so proud to have so much love in my life.

BLADE: Are you healthy now?

BELLO: I am. … Except for the smoking thing, which I’m working on again. It’s my vice.

BLADE: You say nobody should feel judged or afraid because of a label. We use labels all the time to decide where to put things in a grocery store, to decide what genre a film or book is, to say if someone is a blond or brunette even when there are so many variations of different things. Why have the labels associated with sexuality gotten such a bad rap?

BELLO: Because it’s not just about sexual orientation, it’s about partnerships and family and how traditional labels, you know, seem to put people in these tidy little boxes and those traditional labels don’t seem to be working anymore. In the end, I always feel like call me whatever you want, I’ll label myself practically anything to advance human rights and that feels good for me, but I see these poor kids ashamed and being blamed for their sexuality or having partnerships that are different. … It’s important to claim the labels that make you feel your authentic self.

BLADE: When you see the studies about how monogamous people really are and how many stay married their entire lives, it does make you question whether these societal expectations are realistic.

BELLO: In one of my chapters I write about having an affair and talk about this very issue. It’s said that more than 50 percent of married people have admitted having affairs. Men, women, conservative, liberal, across the board. And yet we just don’t talk about it. We seem to just wave our finger and say, “OK, you’re a bad guy or bad girl if you had an affair,” but what we should really be talking is the question of why this is happening and the complications of sexuality. What does it mean. … There has to be a reason these people in long-term, committed relationships go outside the relationship for something besides partnership.

BLADE: True, but don’t we need some sort of compartmentalization system in the world for such matters if only to make sense of all the thousands of people we encounter? Wouldn’t things get too overwhelming if we shunned labels altogether?

BELLO: Oh yes, we need some. My point is that only use the ones you are proud of and make you feel part of a community. Identifying a movie or a person by the way they look, that’s really simplistic. What we’re talking about are bigger issues. Facebook added 51 new gender options last year. I’m at least 15 of them. I think our lexicon needs to expand to include all of those.

BLADE: You write about growing up Roman Catholic. Do you have any relationship with the church today?

BELLO: I’m so excited about the new pope, with his openness and his attention to what really matters, which is love and (addressing) poverty and peace. … I’m happy to be part of this movement that’s happening in the church, even in the church I go to in Santa Monica, more of an acceptance and getting back to real values and what it’s all about, which is love.

BLADE: Has it been hard to take the good and leave the dogma you don’t agree with behind?

BELLO: It’s getting easier and easier as I get older because I’m doing that with everything in my life. I guess part of it is being middle aged and menopausal, but I’m excited about the question and I hope the book will help people question their own labels and look at the ones that empower them and get rid of the ones that disempower them.

BLADE: You were so good with Viggo Mortensen in “History of Violence.” What is he like as a fellow actor?

BELLO: Oh my god, such an incredibly authentic and funny man. You would never think the funny part, but he’s hysterical.

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The queer Asian comics building collective joy in D.C.

Spotlighting chaotic ways family, romance, identity take shape in their lives

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Alex Kim performs at the Pride Comedy Special in Washington, D.C., on June 18, 2026. (Photo by Christina Lee/VOICES)

Kevin Chen’s family tombstone has room for four: him, his parents and his boyfriend. The arrangement might prove to be a little awkward. 

“My boyfriend is 100% white, and my parents are 100% disappointed,” Chen confessed.

Jokes about family traditions and the untraditional ways they’re practiced earned a burst of laughs at the bar where Chen was opening for the Pride Comedy Special. The D.C. stand-up event, produced by Comedy Bonfyre last month, spotlighted queer Asian comics who shared the chaotic ways family, romance and identity take shape in their lives. 

From candid oral sex takes to top surgery hypotheticals like “Where do the boobs go?”, the night highlighted the loud camaraderie of the queer Asian experience — one that sounds like a cacophony of snorts, cackles and belly laughs. While the comics say they are not quite a community, there’s more than enough shared material to bring them together. 

“It was such a magical experience. I loved performing in a queer API lineup. It feels so validating,” Chen said after the show. “I’m wondering, ‘Is this how white men feel all the time?’”

Each performance evoked queer Asian joy through a medium that could use more of its presence.

According to Chen, who is based in D.C., it’s hard to say whether there is a true queer Asian comedy presence in his city. There are only a scattered “handful” of Asian comics, and people of color are underrepresented in queer comic circles, he said. 

When Tarunika Anand, a nonbinary lesbian comic, first entered the mainstream D.C. comedy scene, they mostly encountered straight white men, describing the experience as “a culture shock.”

“I feel like sometimes a lot of queer spaces are really white, and then a lot of Asian spaces are really straight,” Anand said. “I don’t feel like I fit into either.”

But feeling marginalized didn’t stop these comics from honing their craft and creating spaces for others like them. Alex Kim, who headlined the special and is based in Brooklyn, runs the queer Asian comedy group Boba Gays, which began on WhatsApp and has since made its way to Lincoln Center. 

Every Wednesday, Anand co-produces a free comedy show called Funny Side Up. The queer-led group focuses on inclusivity and showcasing new talent.

“It’s really beautiful to speak about your experience and your existence in a way that’s uplifting,” Anand said. 

Family is a major throughline of their comedic repertoires. 

Chen, for instance, shared that he identifies with jokes about having Asian immigrant parents and the expectations they pass down. 

“You see me, you know this part about me, you know this experience intimately, and I can see the truth that you’re trying to wrap a joke around,” he said. “That hits even harder because that’s my truth too. I think that’s what makes good comedy.”

Anand had the audience at the special howling when they explained that their parents’ be-more-like-them comparisons didn’t end when they came out. Instead, the expectations took on a new form. 

“Now, my parents want me to be the best gay,” Anand said. “They’re like, ‘Do you know Ellen DeGeneres?’” 

Kim said he’s been trying to unlearn things from his Christian Korean mom. Yet he described a moment when he was getting ready for the club and realized he looked just like his mother getting ready for church. 

“I’ve been finding it hard to escape her,” Kim said. 

Mutual recognition also radiates through the different ways queer love can take shape. From singlehood to death-do-us-part commitments, the comics cover just about every corner.

Anand is holding out hope for settling down with “a nice, pretty, Indian girl.” They recently went through a breakup and said they felt they dodged a bullet. 

“As a person of color, I just don’t think I should be with a Swiftie,” they said. 

Chen, touching on what it’s like to be in a queer interracial relationship, said that meeting his white boyfriend’s baby nephew for the first time felt like he was forced to participate in a diversity, equity and inclusion training. 

“The dad was like, ‘Please welcome Kevin. Be curious about his culture, his history, his foods,’” Chen joked. 

Laughter is not the only reward for the comics.

To Anand, comedy is a space where they can say whatever they want. “It gives me a voice,” they said. 

Nik Narain, a North Carolina-based trans and nonbinary South Asian comic who performed at the special, said meeting older trans comedians and taking the stage helped him feel reassured in his identity during his transition. 

“Stand-up was a really cool way to process that onstage,” he said. “[It] became a way for me to repackage my thoughts.”

Queer Asians are still figuring out their place in the greater D.C. comedy scene. The group is small in numbers and many are still working toward a full-time comedy career. But Narain feels he’s already made it.

Narain is reluctant to pin it all on one moment. He feels that success is already peeking through in milestones — opening for celebrities, traveling to performances and self-producing shows.

“As long as I can keep doing this, I’m super happy,” he said.

This story was produced as part of the AAJA VOICES fellowship program, a student journalism project of the Asian American Journalists Association (AAJA).

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Mr. Henry’s celebrates 60 years of proud inclusivity

Capitol Hill staple remains ‘a caring community’

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Mr. Henry’s has long been popular with D.C.’s LGBTQ community. (Photo by Liz Stewart)

America’s 250th isn’t the only milestone birthday D.C. is celebrating this year. 

Beloved D.C. restaurant Mr. Henry’s, that Capitol Hill staple, celebrates its Diamond Jubilee all year long. Named for its original owner Henry Yaffe, the restaurant opened on a warm day 60 years ago in the summer of 1966 and has never looked back.

Yaffe took over what was then a country western restaurant, renovated the interior to his liking, and created an institution. Yet Yaffe had another goal. As a gay man, “he created Mr. Henry’s to be a place where everyone felt welcome — not easy in 1966 — and he succeeded,” says current owner Mary Quillian.

Mary Quillian is the current owner of Mr. Henry’s. (Photo by Liz Stewart)

“Mr. Henry’s has long been a place the LGBTQ community has supported because they felt and still feel welcomed,” says Quillian. Even in the current administration, “the gay community and the diversity-minded community continue to come.”

Since then, Mr. Henry’s has changed hands, opened and closed its second floor, welcomed famed musical acts, and played host to politicians, date nights, breakups, and birthdays. But it still feels like home (and has a note in the National Trust for Historic Preservation) at 601 Pennsylvania Ave., S.E.

Its wood-paneled, Victorian-inspired art-filled décor in the downstairs dining room and bar serves American pub fare for lunch and dinner daily, with brunch on weekends (and a dog-friendly patio). Upstairs, Mr. Henry’s hosts live jazz performances and special events most nights, continuing a musical tradition that has defined the venue for decades. That upstairs bar has played host to names like Roberta Flack and Woody Allen.

Musician Kevin Cordt said that, “Mr. Henry’s has been a part of my life for more than 30 years. I started as a customer, then became a bartender and server, and now I have the good fortune to play trumpet at one of the best live music venues in Washington, D.C.”

Aaron Myers, executive director of the D.C. Commission on the Arts and Humanities, is also a supporter. “Not many cities can sport venues that have consistently served the community in the space of culture for more than 50 years, let alone can brag as the birthplace of culture defining talent.”

From the start, Yaffe promoted a rare yet celebrated combination of locals’ bar and soulful nightlife venue. Mr. Henry’s has attracted a diverse crowd at a time when such spaces were – and perhaps still are – uncommon, a diversity that is credited with helping protect the pub during the 1968 D.C. riots.

Longtime customer Evelyn Branic said, “Mr. Henry’s has been my ‘Cheers’ hangout since my wife and I moved to the Hill in 1987. I’ve experienced many iconic moments meeting politicians, reporters, civic activists, and neighbors engaging in spirited conversations. Whether political, LGBTQ, historians, neighbors, or out-of-towners, everyone could find a special place to be greeted as a friend.”

Its welcoming tables come dabbed with a bit of tea: In 1971, in a moment that has since become part of Capitol Hill lore, Yaffe lost the pub in a poker game to Larry Quillian. The Quillian family, recognizing the special role Mr. Henry’s played in the neighborhood, took over ownership, and committed to preserving its spirit. Today, Larry’s daughter Mary owns the bar, having given it a bit of a facelift for the bar’s 50th birthday, bringing in new tables and some fresh menu items.

For example, the menu has some of those dishes that regulars would riot if they disappeared. The Reuben and the hamburgers, the chili and in-house roasted turkey have never departed the menu. Dishes do evolve, says Quillen: they added wings about two decades ago.

In 2026, the restaurant is hosting monthly ticketed “decades” parties, celebrating each of the 10-year periods the restaurant’s been open, plus there were specials in June for Pride. The official 60th anniversary gala takes place Aug. 29, featuring performers, beverages, timeless favorite foods, swag – and the unveiling of a new cocktail.

Inclusive, eccentric, eclectic, Mr. Henry’s is looking forward to maintaining its centrality to diverse crowds in Capitol Hill. Battling inflation, rising menu prices, changing tastes, and thin margins, Quillian says that Mr. Henry’s has — and will always be — “a caring community for so many different folks. And THAT is why I am committed to keeping us going. Society needs places like Mr. Henry’s, now more than ever.”

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Television loses a legend, longtime ‘Will & Grace’ director James Burrows

Iconic hitmaker leaves behind a legacy of telling LGBTQ stories

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James Burrows (Photo by kathclick/Bigstock)

You don’t have to be a pretentious film major to name 10 movie directors. But naming television directors is not that simple. They’re the unsung heroes of your favorite shows, and the late James Burrows was the television director. He passed on June 19, but his DNA runs through television history. 

He directed over 1200 episodes of television and over 50 pilots. He co-created “Cheers” and directed many episodes of long-running series like “Friends,” “Taxi,” “Frasier,” “The Big Bang Theory,” and “Two and a Half Men.” You also may remember him from playing a heightened version of himself on the Lisa Kudrow comedy “The Comeback.”  

He has left an indelible mark on the LGBTQ community. As recently as last year, he directed the series run of “Mid-Century Modern” starring Nathan Lane, Matt Bomer, and Linda Lavin. He was also a longtime director of “Will & Grace” and directed every episode of the series revival. He even directed the unaired “Absolutely Fabulous” pilot with Kathryn Hahn, Kristen Johnston, and Zosia Mamet. 

Not to mention he’s worked with queer icons throughout history, including Betty White and Stockard Channing on their single-season series, and Jennifer Coolidge in “2 Broke Girls.” 

He started his career on shows like “The Mary Tyler Moore Show,” “Rhoda,” “Laverne & Shirley,” and the first four seasons of “Taxi.” 

He continued to work steadily and directed successful pilots that went to series for “Roc,” “3rd Rock From the Sun,” “Dharma & Greg,” and “Wings.” He directed multiple episodes of “Friends,” “Caroline in the City,” and “Frasier.”  

This magic continued into the 2000s with him directing the pilots for “Two and a Half Men,” “The Big Bang Theory,” and multiple episodes of “Mike & Molly,” and the entire return series of “Will & Grace.” 

What was the secret to his success? He’d enact the “fun clause” in his contract. In his words, “Life is too short to deal with obnoxious leads,” he shared. “So as long as the writing is good and the cast is fun, I’m going to enjoy the experience.” 

He had the magic touch, having multiple pilots turned into long-running series. He was nominated for an Emmy 24 times in 26 years and worked consistently until a year before his death.  

The secret was the way he brought the cast together. He describes, “it was my job to mold them into an ensemble, and they did round into a group of people who loved each other.”

This earned him 11 Emmy Awards and five Directors Guild of America Awards, including being awarded the inaugural DGA’s Lifetime Achievement Award for Television Direction. 

In a 2003 interview by the Television Academy, he was asked how he wants to be remembered, and he said, “That every night forever you can tune in somewhere, and there’ll be a show I did.”

He’s survived by his wife, Debbie, four daughters, seven grandchildren, and the countless people whose careers he launched and the countless viewers he inspired with his television legacy. 

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