Opinions
‘It Gets Better’ campaign jumps the shark
Videos becoming another venue for political hypocrisy
Since Dan Savage started his āIt Gets Betterā campaign, it has seen a surprising amount of support in the media and from unexpected sources. It seems nearly each day, a new video makes headlines because of the high-profile person who appears in it ā athletes, celebrities, politicians. The vast majority of these news-making videos come from straight people, many of whom might not have been expected to come out in support of gay youth in the past.
But for some time now, it has seemed that these videos have failed to live up to everything that made the āIt Gets Betterā campaign so powerful when it began, and have instead become a publicity tool for making straight public figures look good.
Why did āIt Gets Betterā seem like such a noble cause in the beginning? Because it achieved a very specific goal: It gave LGBT youth who are feeling scared, confused, uncomfortable about their feelings and their futures a hopeful voice to listen to. As difficult as it is for LGBT kids to find peers who understand them and are going through the same thing, it can be nearly impossible for them to have a direct talk with someone who has already been through it, who has grown up, understands what they’re going through from personal experience, and can say that it really does get better.
As a kid, it can be difficult to see beyond your current situation, and this is amplified for LGBT youth who often have no one they can talk to about what they are going through. What these kids need more than anything else is to be told that they have a future.Ā The first āIt Gets Betterā videos seemed to be about just that.
Then straight people made videos. They couldn’t say they’d been in the intended audience’s shoes, but they had good intentions and wanted to provide moral support. The president of the United States made one, and that was historic so it made headlines. It was a nice gesture, but also vague and less personal because President Obama couldn’t really say he knew what it was like to grow up gay. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made a video, which was historic as well, given the State Department’s own ābullyingā of its gay employees during the Cold War. It was important, notable, newsworthy, but again didn’t do any of the things a heart-to-heart conversation between an out gay adult and a confused, scared, closeted teen was supposed to do.
Bullying and gay teen suicide became mainstream news stories in 2011, and they were generally the focus of the āIt Gets Betterā videos, despite the fact that direct bullying is just one of the factors that can make life miserable for gay teens (loneliness, pressure for most to stay closeted, fear that they’ll never find people who are like them are other factors). As more straight celebrities, politicians andĀ athletes made videos, they began to focus primarily on the general idea of “being picked on.” Congressman Jim Moran’s video is uncomfortable to watch because, having no experience to relate to troubled gay teens with, he resorts to talking about how he was a “shy kid” growing up. He looks like he doesn’t know what else to say, and how could he? He never grew up with the broad, institutional persecution that LGBT youth face. But with so many other politicians making similar videos, his office must have felt that it needed to make its own.
Perhaps the new āIt Gets Betterā video from the United States congressional delegation from New Jersey, which features several politicians who have voted against pro-gay legislation in Congress, marks the point when this campaign has truly jumped the shark. As reported by Elizabeth Flock of the Washington Post, Rep. Leonard Lance, who appears in the video, voted against repeal of āDonāt Ask, Donāt Tell.ā Rep. Frank LoBiondo, who says in the video, āThere are actions we can take to make things better now,āĀ voted against repeal of DADT and for the Marriage Protection Act, which would prohibit federal courts from hearing cases that involve challenges to the Defense of Marriage Act. Rep. Jon Runyan appears in the video and has said in the past that he supports civil unions but that gay people should not be allowed to be married. The congressmen may tout their disapproval of classic schoolyard bullying, and yet they are contributing to a public culture that enshrines discrimination against LGBT people into law.
The fact that a YouTube video can be seen as more important than an anti-gay congressional record signifies that the āIt Gets Betterā campaign has now become just as shallow as our political discourse.
Direct bullying is not the only thing that pressures gay kids to either stay closeted or risk facing social consequences. Public disapproval on a broad level can make a gay teenagerās situation seem more hopeless, and it can make traditional ābullyingā seem supported by society ā in the eyes of both the bully and the person being bullied. This type of bullying is more pervasive and can cause deep damage to self-esteem.
What these kids need is love, respect, and for somebody to tell them that theyāve been where they are and know what itās like. It is still too early to tell how the intended audience is being affected by the āIt Gets Betterā campaign. We can only hope that when they are older and when they can answer back and tell us about what they went through, they will say that they were inspired by the campaign, that it didnāt seem like a cynical ploy for people to grab media attention by feigning tolerance, and a tool for politicians to conceal their hypocrisy.
Commentary
To West Africa with love
Thoughts on Ghanaian tradition, queerness, and Western imperialism
You may know by now that Ghanaās parliament has just passed one of the harshest laws against its LGBTQ citizens in West Africa. Many advocates, activists, LGBTQ people, and allies are still trying to process why and how this happened.
During this announcement a person Iām closely tied to was in Juaben, Ghana.
They were celebrating the life and passing of their grandmother, who happens to be a Queen Mother (Juabenhemaa) of the Asante Kingdom in Ghana. It was an elaborate two week traditional ceremony with both private and public events and was attended by thousands as well as the whoās who in Ghana including President Nana Akufo Addo himself.
As a history major, a cultural enthusiast and Afro-futurist, I was excited to have first hand accounts with photos and videos of all the ceremonies and to see beautiful Ghanaian royalty and people in their decorated clothes, dress, dance, and tradition. While at the same time supporting my loved one virtually.
About four days into the two week ceremony, my person in Ghana texted me about a male dancer wearing traditional womenās clothes, wearing makeup with a stuffed buttocks. They found it intriguing and was eager to share with me. In this traditional space, it was normalized and the cultural dancer continued to even dance with other men at the ceremony.
They reported to me that some of the young anti-LGBTQ Ghanian Americans at the ceremony were disgusted and confused. One remarked āWhat? Is this ‘Drag Race now?ā as the colorfully dressed person continued to skillfully dance their traditional dance in honor of the Asante Queen Mother.Ā
Four days later the anti-LGBTQ law passed through the parliament of Ghana, devastating LGBTQ Ghanians, advocates, allies, and diaspora.
The bill now awaits the presidentās signature to be enacted.
As I read through the 36-page long document called Promotion of Proper Human Sexual Rights and Ghanaian Family Values Bill of 2021, the basis document for this legislation, it includes repetitive emphasis of resistance to foreign imposition and the maintenance of Ghanaian values, culture, sovereignty, and independence and rejection of homosexuality. The document is a combination of the efforts of various groups including Christian organizations, Muslim organizations, family rights organizations, and the traditional chiefs of Ghana.
I found it interesting that there was but one paragraph that mentioned the importance of protecting the lives of LGBTQ people. Can you guess which one group (Christian organizations, Muslim organizations, Family rights organizations and the traditional chiefs of Ghana) was solely appealing to protect the lives of LGBTQ people in the bill?Ā
The National House of Chiefs, the group most steeped in Ghanaian historical and cultural tradition, made some attempt within the document to shield the lives of LGBTQ people from harm.
Time and time again, advocates have purported that it is indeed the hatred of queer people that is an imposition. Yet they are Christian and family value organizations funded by the right wing organizations that claim to protect local culture and values but instead create divisions that threaten the livelihoods of their Ghanaian queer families.
It begs the question, What is so western about LGBTQ people?
If we are being completely honest, the language, culture and framework is certainly western.
The expression of self was never demonized in many now erased cultures across the world but the idea and framework of queerness today is.
The LGBTQ movement is largely a western movement and culture. From the rainbow flag to its terminology. Today LGBTQ/queer is the language we use universally to describe people whose self and sexual expression is not mainstream.
During colonization, many cultural indigenous traditions were lost including the language we used to identify our family and communities. It was then replaced with Christianity used as a tool to control and restrict ā as it continues to do so today.
Indigenous Native Americans are fortunate to have retained their language and some of their culture. Their language of two-spirit makes room culturally for those Indigenous people we would call queer today.
There are countless examples of cultures within West African traditions and culture that have celebrated and have space and language for their ātwo-spiritā people as described by the Native Americans or their āDagaraā people as described by people from the Ghanaian neighboring country Burkina Faso.
That said, as a result of our erased cultures today, LGBTQ/queer is the language and culture we have globally adopted – obviously to the ire of those who donāt quite understand their own culture.
Regardless of language, culture or foreign imposition, there is no excuse for the hatred, exclusion, and persecution of any group of people ā period.
From Uganda in East Africa, Ghana, West Africa to St. Vincent in the Eastern Caribbean the sentiment remains the same where there seems to be a confusion around cultural identity and the clutching onto an idea of sovereignty in efforts to continue to resist years of colonial oppression, imposition, and trauma.
We havenāt even begun to discuss how Christianity, another colonial tool, has culturally divided us and has our societal progress in a chokehold.
However, as a futurist, it is not helpful to remain in a place of blame, anger and self pity ā it gets us nowhere. This is the hand that we have been dealt and we must work in various ways to build up our businesses and to nurture and grow families, communities, and our people.
And so I offer this piece to the brave advocates across various post colonial landscapes ā draw close to the cultures and identities from whence you came. Activists like Lady Phyll and Alex Kofi Donor have remained entrenched within their cultural tradition signifying that being queer identifying people and being African in identity and culture arenāt mutually exclusive.
We ought to be bold in addressing and working with external groups ā the extremely tough and dangerous part of advocacy ā entering churches, parliaments, universities, and being visible and contributing citizens not only within local queer communities but outside of the silos and enclaves of our safe spaces. That visibility puts a human face and personality to our cause. We must be our own politicians. Building real relationships with folks who we may not always agree with but who we may see eye to eye with on other issues. Start showing up for other marginalized groups besides our own.
And perhaps Iām blinded by the context of the advocacy done in little Barbados, perhaps itās a safer place these days, an easier place to exercise this level of visibility … maybe.
What I do know is that we need to employ thoughtful strategy to our advocacy efforts because it was the strategy of the colonial powers that got us in this situation in the first place.
And it will be our understanding of our own people and the application of strategic thinking that will get us out.
Opinions
10 reminders of why we must vote for Harris
A strong LGBTQ turnout could swing election in key states
There are a million reasons to vote for Kamala Harris over Donald Trump but here are 10 of the best. If youāre not feeling the burn about casting your ballot, please remember just how close our last two elections were and how dire the 2016 consequences for the country. Indeed, a strong turnout by LGBTQ and allied voters could prove decisive in some key states.
So letās review 10 reasons why itās not only important ā but essential ā that all LGBTQ and allied voters show up to vote for Kamala Harris.
#10 The opportunity to make history. For the second time in 16 years, America has the exciting chance to make a historic choice for the White House. Kamala Harris would be the first woman and first woman of color to serve as president if elected. Itās not the #1 reason to vote for her but itās a pretty damn good ancillary benefit.
#9 The chance to send Trump into oblivion. After eight long years of commanding endless mainstream media attention for his ever-expanding list of racist, sexist, xenophobic, and transphobic attacks, we have the chance to finally dispatch ourselves of the toxic Trump. Heās insulted everyone from Gold Star families and the disabled to Meryl Streep and Rosie OāDonnell. That thereās anyone left willing to vote for him is mindboggling. (Iām talking to you Lindsey Graham and Ted Cruz.) Imagine how much our collective blood pressure will ease without having to endure wall-to-wall coverage of his every social media post. āMorning Joeā will be hard pressed to continue without Trump to mock but itās a sacrifice Iām willing to make.
#8 To preserve trans military service. In his first term, Trump tweeted that trans people were barred from serving their country āin any capacity.ā It was a cruel stunt that damaged careers and led to a direct uptick in hate crimes targeting the trans community. Thereās no doubt he would reinstate that ban on day one. Itās ironic that Trump goes after brave members of the military given his own ābone spurā excuse to avoid Vietnam. None of his kids has served either, of course. Trump has referred to dead service members as ālosersā and āsuckers.ā That comment alone ā corroborated by his chief of staff John Kelly ā should be disqualifying.
#7 To continue growing the economy. Iāve never understood all the naysayers who complain about the U.S. economy, which is envied the world over. No other country emerged from COVID as strong as we did, defying all expert predictions of recession ā record stock market numbers, record employment, rapidly declining inflation and interest rates. The Democrats have never been good at messaging and itās frustrating that they allow Trump to talk down our economy at every rally without a coherent response. The truth is our economy is strong and Harrisās plans to tax the wealthiest and invest in small businesses has been endorsed by leading economists over Trumpās ridiculous and doomed idea of starting a trade war with China over tariffs. The LGBTQ community is disproportionally entrepreneurial, so Harrisās tax benefits for small business owners will boost us tremendously.
#6 To aid Ukraine. The Blade has traveled to Poland and other Eastern European countries to cover the plight of LGBTQ migrants fleeing Ukraine after Russiaās invasion. Their stories are heartbreaking. We have an obligation to stand by Ukraine along with Western Europe to stop the murderous Putin and preserve democracy. Trump will cave to Putinās demands that he be allowed to annex large swaths of Ukrainian territory, emboldening the Russian dictator and encouraging further incursions into other neighboring countries.
#5 To stop Project 2025 in its tracks. We have documented the anti-LGBTQ horrors that await us if Project 2025 becomes the governing blueprint for a second Trump administration. The assaults are too many to recap here so just remember these lines from the document: āThe next conservative President must make the institutions of American civil society hard targets for woke culture warriors. This starts with deleting the terms sexual orientation and gender identity, diversity, equity and inclusion, gender, gender equality, gender awareness, gender-sensitiveā¦.out of every federal rule, agency regulation, contracts, grant regulation and piece of legislation that exists.ā
#4 To protect a womanās right to control her body. Predictably, women are now dying as a result of Trumpās abortion bans, as reported by ProPublica. And it will only get worse if Trump is re-elected and his congressional allies push through a national abortion ban as theyāve promised to do. If you think this isnāt about you, consider that Roe v. Wade provided the foundation for the Obergefell marriage ruling, which Justices Alito and Thomas have already said should be revisited.
#3 Supreme Court. Speaking of the high court, there is credible speculation that if Trump wins, Alito and Thomas will be pressured to retire, giving Trump an unprecedented five picks and a MAGA majority. Thatās game over for a generation and the end of Obergefell marriage equality, Lawrence privacy rights, and more.
#2 To preserve and advance LGBTQ equality. The last 20 years have brought unimaginable progress for LGBTQ rights, from marriage equality to the end of āDonāt Ask, Donāt Tellā to Bostockās conferring employment protections to most of us, and so much more. Thereās more to do, especially given the anti-LGBTQ state laws passed around the country giving rise to book bans, bathroom bans, and dangerous anti-trans healthcare restrictions. A Trump presidency jeopardizes all of our recent gains and puts us back on defense. A Harris presidency ensures we continue to move ahead and gives us a chance to undo some of the recent setbacks.
#1 To defend democracy. Trump and J.D. Vance whine a lot about criticism that they are undermining democracy, claiming these accusations are to blame for two recent assassination attempts. For someone who trafficks in violent rhetoric all the time, itās a brazen and hypocritical claim. Thereās an old saying about living by the sword that Trump should Google. But itās not hyperbole to suggest that a Trump presidency would represent the end of democracy. Heās already incited an insurrection after badly losing the 2020 election. Trump and Project 2025 promise to gut the federal government, lock up critics and journalists, allow Putin to do āwhatever the hell he wants,ā privatize critical government functions, ban books and DEI, and even to ban pornography. The list goes on. Yes, itās the end of American democracy if he wins.
But this election isnāt just about rejecting Trump. Itās also about embracing the promise of a Harris administration, which would bolster the economy, respect human rights, fight for equality, combat climate change, fix the border, advance gun reform, and promote many other common sense, centrist policies supported by a majority of Americans.
There you have it, a succinct reminder of whatās at stake on Nov. 5. So vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz and send a message that character still matters, that America remains a trusted defender of human rights, and that we wonāt let a dangerous convicted felon anywhere near the Oval Office again.
Kevin Naff is editor of the Washington Blade. Reach him at [email protected].
Commentary
On National Coming Out Day: No more silent compromises
Rejecting half-truths, embracing the whole me, and redefining my worth
Though I’ve never lived “in the closet” over the years, I realized I hadn’t fully stepped out of it in every aspect of life. While I embraced being out, certain moments hindered my personal and professional growth.
Have you ever let someone assume something about your life, like having a wife or girlfriend, because it was easier than correcting them? Perhaps you thought, “I’m not in the closet, so it doesn’t matter.” But looking back, did it matter?
This question lingered in my mind for far too long. We must ask whether our actions reflect who we are or if we’re choosing a more convenient version of ourselves. When someone asked, “Is your girlfriend coming to happy hour?” I wasn’t offended, but I wasn’t being entirely authentic, either.
As a gay man, I found it flattering when people assumed I was straight. Was I accepting it as validation of my masculinity? Perhaps. But over time, I realized that allowing these assumptions to persist wasn’t as harmless as I initially believed.
I’ve been fortunate never to experience the closet. The unwavering support from my family, friends, and colleagues has empowered me to live authentically.
Having a family was, and still is, my guiding light. But by my late 20s, that vision began to fade. By my mid 30s, I saw family life, as a gay man, was a possibility, but I buried myself in building a company. I convinced myself that balancing family and business was unattainable since finding someone with shared values seemed impossible. But was it?
As an entrepreneur, I’ve experienced the highs and lows of building something from scratch, always embracing challenges. Itās easy when you love what you do. Like building a business, personal growth is shaped by what you choose to invest in and what you attract into your life. Despite my successes, something still felt misaligned. What was I doing wrong?
I remember moments like vendors taking us to after-hours bars or strip clubs. I recall one instance at a national expo when a vendor took us to a female strip club. I’ve never enjoyed strip clubs, gay or straight; I’d instead host a dinner party. Early into the night, someone arranged a lap dance for me, and I jokingly asked if she could switch places with the security guy. We both laughed, but here’s the issue: I never told them why I got up and left, only her. At that moment, did I sell myself short? Would it affect our partnership? I wasn’t in the closet but wasn’t entirely out either.
Another moment came in my 30s when I was learning how to navigate dating. A friend suggested I downplay my career to avoid intimidating potential partners. I agreed initially but eventually asked myself: Why should I downplay my accomplishments to make others comfortable? By minimizing my worth, I wasn’t just being inauthentic; I was undervaluing myself and the hard work I put into it. What was I trying to attract into my life?
As my journey continued, I became increasingly aware of what I was inviting into my life. My personal and professional lives were out of alignment. When I opened an office in India, I came out to the local director before signing business documents. Why? Friends and colleagues struggle because their business partners don’t know their authentic selves, and I refused to let this happen. More importantly, I owed being genuine to myself.
Many of us create barriers between our personal and professional lives. While change can be difficult, I needed to align them. We believe we’re not lying because we’re “not in the closet.” But by not fully expressing our authentic selves, we hold ourselves back. For me, dismantling those barriers allowed me to transform what I was attracting into my life, personally and professionally.
Had I not become self-aware, I’d still be stuck in a cycle of inauthenticity, missing out on my full potential. Without changing my mindset, I would have continued letting others’ assumptions define me and limit my growth. I only began breaking free from that cycle by fully embracing my true self.
Even though I’ve never lived in the closet, I still fear what being this open might bring. But that’s precisely why I need to do it. My personal and professional allies have shown unwavering support, standing by me through everything. To those who have supported me on this journey, thank you, it’s now my turn to support others.
Authenticity isn’t just a choice; it’s essential for a fulfilled life. You must ask, you must act, and yes, you will fail and learn along the way, but that’s OK. Every time you act, you move closer to your authentic self. Embrace vulnerability and the discomfort of feeling exposed, it’s then you will begin to reclaim your strength.
To the person on the partner track who’s afraid to bring their partner to a company retreat: bring them! To the young adult worried about being kicked out of the house: seek local support; someone will help you! To the person fearful of losing their job because of who they are: quit! To the person who wants a family, look around; someone shares those values! If someone offers to set you up with a girl or guy, ask if they have a brother or sister, and you might get a date! To those still searching for the right partner, ditch the apps and be present!
I kept my personal life “private” for years because I thought, “I’m not in the closet.” I’m not referring to social media; this is about deep-rooted beliefs that live rent-free in our minds, filtering our responses and decisions. While writing this piece, I mistakenly typed, “I’m not out,” perhaps it wasn’t a mistake; it was a sign. I am grateful those filters expired long ago and are now evicted for living rent-free.
We live in a world where mental health is still stigmatized. Small acts of inauthenticity can cause anxiety that spills into our professional lives. It makes us seem “off” and can lead to missed opportunities. Worst of all, you may feel trapped and remain silent.
It’s time to stop allowing these things to hold us back. We must discuss mental health, authenticity, and their impact on our lives. The journey isn’t about becoming someone new; it’s about shedding what doesn’t define you so you can fully embrace who you’ve always been.
As I continue my journey, I will do so boldly, out loud, and unapologetically. Note to readers: If you’re struggling, want to discuss this topic further, or just need a virtual coffee chat, feel free to reach out via Instagram, @gregorybarretta.Ā
Gregory Barretta is a serial entrepreneur overseeing several companies, committed to mentoring, leading, and empowering others to grow.
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