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Trolling for comic material in 2015’s headlines

From de Blasio to torture, a torrent of bad news

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Kate Clinton, gay news, Washington Blade
Kate Clinton, gay news, Washington Blade, miss como

Kate Clinton is a humorist who has entertained LGBT audiences for 30 years.

My grammar school, Sts. Peter and Paul, had a yearly, school-wide Christmas talent pageant. Everyone was crazy for it. In second grade I brought down the house with my lip-synced interpretation of “I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ for Christmas.” I outshirleyed Miss Temple. The lip-syncing should have been my first gay clue.

I had rehearsed for months. When I nailed the line, “I put a tack on teacher’s chair; somebody snitched on me,” I saw the curvaceous, raven-haired, fourth grade teacher, Miss Como laugh so hard she slid off her chair. The juicy pleasure of bringing the Gina Lollobrigida of lay teachers to her knees reinforced for me the necessity of meticulous preparation for performance.

Even now Miss Como is my coach and muse when I have January downtime to write a new show. She helps me guard my writing time from bouts of SORD, what my dear wi-fi hotspot calls “Seasonal-Off-Road-Disorder.” After a few weeks of not performing, I get a little jiggy and/or whiney.

Then if I’m not careful, I expend precious creative energy in random pop-up performances for unsuspecting delivery people, Bob Newhartish conversations with automated phone voices and interviews of small children in woolen dinosaur hats. My dear galpal rolls her eyes when I do that hysterical thing with the retractable vacuum cord. Again.

The image of Miss Como pitching and rolling to the floor keeps me focused on the task at hand. She is my taskmaster, my Miss January Dominatrix and this January, I am writing for my 2015 show: “Hello, Katey! A One Woman Pussy Riot.” I’d rather be trying to get the grumpy Fairway cashier to laugh at me and the bit I’m doing with the gnarly claw of ginger.

It’s not for lack of material. I can hardly keep up with LGBT news. When I first started performing, if something gay happened in the news, I could talk about it for five years. Lily Tomlin wore purple. Discuss. Now two or three states pass marriage equality rulings in the time it takes me to fly cross-country and that night after a Seattle show someone tells me they’re surprised and disappointed I didn’t mention the historic news.

As a recovering Catholic it would be easy-peasy to do a whole show on Pope Francis. In his Christmas message to the Vatican Curia, he did a “Top 15 List of Ailments of the Curia.” They were not amused to be called on their “terrorism of gossip” and “the spiritual Alzheimer’s” of forgetting why they became priests. In our house, we pray the Pope has a food-taster.

But after the LGBT and papal news, it’s all downhill. In my business, what’s bad for us is good for me and currently it’s meta-bad. So Miss Como has to ride my ass to look at NYC police turning their backs on Bill de Blasio. It’s a short step from treating a tall, white mayor with such insubordinate disrespect, to “shooting to kill” young black men. Next stop: the torture report.

Speaking of Guantanamo and Cuba, Miss Como got out the riding crop to spur me on to write about the hypocrisy of Joyboy Marco Rubio touting the spread of free-market capitalist democracy in the world, except of course in Cuba, where it won’t work.

Currently Miss C is yanking my chain to make a hysterical connection between colonialism and “man-spreading,” the problem of men and boys sitting so spread-legged on public transportation they occupy two or three seats.

Miss Como, I would much rather be waiting for a light on the corner of 70th and Broadway, crouched down, informing an old lady’s older dog that Pope Francis said dogs are allowed in heaven.

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RFK Jr. a dangerous spoiler helping Trump

A reckless man now on the ballot in several swing states

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Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is an embarrassment to his family, and to so many others like me who supported his father and uncle. He uses his last name to try to gain credibility and that is sad. 

His real claim to fame is being an anti-vaxxer and lying about what impact vaccinations will have on the health of the American people. Were it up to him, and God forbid he had been president during the COVID-19 pandemic, millions more Americans would have died. Because of his dangerous lies, many more will die of diseases once nearly eradicated, like measles. 

Listening to RFK Jr. is difficult because of his voice. The cause of that is Spasmodic dysphonia, a rare neurological condition, in which an abnormality in the brain’s neural network results in involuntary spasms of the muscles that open or close the vocal cords. He has said, “I feel sorry for the people who have to listen to me.” I am also sorry for people who listen to him, but not because of his disability. I am sorry for those who listen to him because of the garbage he spouts when he speaks. He is actually a man with dangerous ideas, and one whose outsized ego could end up getting us Donald Trump as president. 

Kennedy is an environmental lawyer who recently made the bizarre statement, “Biden is a ‘much worse’ threat to democracy than Trump.” Like Trump, Kennedy is forever making statements like that and then trying to weasel out of them like he has with this one. The statement reminded me of when Susan Sarandon said in 2016, “there is no significant difference between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.” 

Kennedy recently sent out a campaign email saying the Jan. 6 Capitol Hill rioters were simply “activists.” Then when the blowback got too strong, he blamed that on someone else.  Kennedy is a lawyer with no real government or foreign policy experience. Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to matter to many Americans, even though Trump clearly proved it should. We live in an often dangerous, and very complicated, world. A president has to deal with issues that could mean life or death, such as the wars in Ukraine and the Middle East. 

Like Trump, RFK Jr. is on his third wife. His current wife is the talented actress, Cheryl Hines. When asked whether she agrees with his views Hines said, “there are some political topics she differs on with her husband, which she did not disclose.” She did mention one and referenced “the time Kennedy, made a comparison to the Holocaust while delivering a speech at a rally against vaccine mandates. She assured her Twitter followers she found the comparison ‘reprehensible.’ We can all agree it was reprehensible but so is much of what RFK Jr. says.

Kennedy recently named Nicole Shanahan as his running mate. Her ex-husband is Sergey Brin, one of the founders of Google. She is a California lawyer involved in the tech field. It looks like she bought her way onto the ticket donating millions of dollars, including $4 million, toward the Super Bowl ad Kennedy produced. He will use her money to help get him on ballots across the nation. As of  April 10th Kennedy is already on the ballot in Utah, and his campaign has gathered the necessary signatures to be on the ballot in New Hampshire, Nevada, Hawaii, North Carolina and Idaho, according to a recent campaign news release.

If he gets on swing state ballots, it heightens his chance of being a spoiler. The reality of this was touted by one of his staffers who when talking to a group of Republicans about the campaign in New York, said “The only way that Trump can even see the remote possibility of taking New York is if Bobby is on the ballot. If it’s Trump vs. Biden, Biden wins. Biden wins six days, seven days a week. With Bobby in the mix, anything can happen. How do we block Biden from winning the presidency? Again, that’s the number one priority for me.” 

After the blowback, Kennedy said she didn’t speak for the campaign and let her go. But in reality, when looking at who to choose as my candidate I look at the people he/she surrounds themselves with. Who is advising them? I guess for Kennedy it doesn’t really matter since he won’t be elected. But it is time people like Kennedy stop trying to fool the American people into thinking they could win.  

He will simply get the political epitaph ‘Spoiler’ if Trump wins. No one will remember him for anything else. Let’s pray, and work hard, to see that doesn’t happen.

Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist. He writes regularly for the Blade.

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The High Road – Walking the Pathway to National Cannabis Legalization

Grassroots organizing has been the driving force behind shifting public perception and pushing for policy changes in the cannabis industry

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Photo courtesy of Big Stock

As we gear up for a major election year, the buzz around cannabis legalization is getting louder. Policymakers are starting to see the need for comprehensive reform, while advocates and small business owners in the industry are cautiously optimistic about the future. But let’s not kid ourselves, this system was designed to keep certain communities out, and it’s crucial that we continue to address these deep-rooted inequities as we blaze the trail forward. A step towards legalization that doesn’t prioritize equity and dismantle the barriers that have held back marginalized groups would be a major bummer. In this op-ed, we’re going to take a groovy journey through the evolution of grassroots organizing in the cannabis industry and highlight the importance of social equity in achieving true national cannabis legalization and boosting our humanity along the way.

Over the years, I’ve been right in the thick of it, helping to build grassroots organizations like Supernova Woman and Equity Trade Network. These groups have been on the frontlines, fighting for cannabis programs in Oakland and San Francisco. I’ve also rocked my own brand, Gift of Doja, and organized the first Cannabis Garden at a major neighborhood street fair, Carnaval San Francisco. I even served as the chair of the first Cannabis Oversight Committee in the nation. But the real magic has always happened in when working in coalitions. Each individual and organization brings a unique piece to the puzzle. Grassroots organizating is as challenging as crafting a democratic society but is worth the effort in generating workable implementable solutions. Collective efforts have been game-changers in shifting public opinion and paving the way for major policy changes at both the state and local levels.

 As we navigate the path towards cannabis legalization, lobbyist and lawmakers can’t forget about the small business owners who have been grinding to build their dreams. Political advocacy and lobbying are important, but if we’re not uplifting the voices and experiences of those who have been fighting on the ground, we’re missing the mark. Big companies can hire lobbyists, but small business owners don’t have that luxury and if we are not in the room we are on the table. Coalitions allow for us to be in the room when we can’t physically be there. Our communities, especially people of color, have been hit hard by systemic oppression, from over-policing to mass incarceration and limited economic opportunities to limit our ability to be in the room of power and decision making. 

Social equity needs to be front and center in any cannabis legalization efforts. It’s not enough to just remove criminal penalties or create a legal market. We need to actively work on repairing the damage caused by years of prohibition. That means fighting for resources, investment, and low-interest loans for small businesses. It means creating a tiered fee and tax structure that doesn’t crush the little guys. And it means opening up equity programs to all industries, not just cannabis. Social justice without economic access and repair is like a joint without a lighter – it just won’t spark the change we need. We have a responsibility to evolve the economy and break down unnecessary barriers. Activism, social justice, and economic reform are all connected, man.

Industry leaders, culture creators, advocates, and consumers alike, we all need to step up and promote social equity. It’s on us to support initiatives that provide resources, mentorship, and funding for individuals from affected communities to enter the legal cannabis market. And let’s not forget the power of our wallets. Buying from companies that align with our values and support the work we believe in can send a powerful message. Voting with our dollars might just be more impactful than showing up at the ballot box.

As we head into a major election year, the cannabis industry is at a crossroads. It’s a time for drumming up voter interest and for candidates to make promises that grassroots organizations have fought hard for. Small business owners will be navigating a tricky landscape, but we can’t lose sight of the power of collective work. By keeping social equity at the forefront, we can undo the harms of the past while building new frameworks that will shape a brighter future for all.

In conclusion, grassroots organizing has been the driving force behind shifting public perception and pushing for policy changes in the cannabis industry. But let’s not forget that true national cannabis legalization can only be achieved if we address social equity. It’s time for us to come together, listen to the voices of those most impacted, and walk the high road towards a future where cannabis legalization isn’t just about business opportunities, but also about healing and empowerment for all communities. Let’s light up a joint of social justice and blaze a trail towards a better tomorrow.

Nina Parks, Co-Founder of Equity Trade Network & Supernova Women [email protected]

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Canna Get An Amen! Coming Out as a Gay Cannabis Advocate for 420

In the intersection of cannabis advocacy and personal identity lies a powerful opportunity for growth and change.

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Photo courtesy of Big Stock.

I came out to my parents as gay when I was 15. But something that took me much longer to feel fully authentic around my family has been cannabis.

Even though I have been consuming cannabis since about that time over 12 years ago, it wasn’t until my most recent pit stop in Ohio on my way to Washington D.C for the 420 Unity Day of Action. There, amidst the backdrop of my home state recently legalizing cannabis, I made the decision to be unapologetically candid about my work in cannabis justice with my family. The response I received was unexpectedly affirming, and it sparked a profound shift within me.

Since Ohio legalized cannabis, something profound has shifted in the air. There’s a palpable sense of change on the horizon, a feeling that attitudes towards cannabis are evolving. Talks of how cool it would be to run a family business in the industry and just curiosity around what changes they could expect to come. Witnessing my family’s newfound openness and acceptance of my advocacy work and cannabis as a whole filled me with a sense of optimism as I embarked on a week of advocating for cannabis justice in D.C.

This experience served as a poignant reminder of the parallels between the journey of coming out and engaging in cannabis advocacy. Both require a willingness to confront societal norms and reveal aspects of oneself that may be met with judgment or resistance. Just as coming out is a deeply personal and transformative experience, so too is openly advocating for cannabis reform.

In both instances, there is a profound sense of vulnerability. The fear of rejection and the uncertainty of how others will perceive us can be overwhelming. Yet, there is also tremendous power in embracing our authenticity and owning our truth. Just as my family’s acceptance fueled my optimism for the fight for cannabis justice, so too can our collective authenticity inspire change on a broader scale.

As I extend an invitation to friends and allies in D.C. to join us in the fight for cannabis justice, I am reminded of the importance of solidarity and unity in our advocacy efforts. Together, we have the opportunity to stand alongside advocates, previously incarcerated individuals, and families still fighting for freedom at the White House Candlelight Vigil this Thursday by Lafayette Square, as part of our 420 Unity Day of Action. If you can’t make it, you can still support virtually by sending a letter and calling your representatives

In the intersection of cannabis advocacy and personal identity lies a powerful opportunity for growth and change. By embracing authenticity and candor with ourselves and with our fellow advocates, we can not only transform ourselves but also contribute to the broader movement toward justice and equality. Let us continue to stand boldly in our truth, knowing that together, we can create a brighter and more inclusive future for all.

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