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Still fighting the good fight 14 years after ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ repeal

First out military general on the need to ‘build an army’ amid new attacks on LGBTQ service members

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Tracey Hepner and Tammy Smith (Washington Blade photo by Daniel Truitt)

The date was Aug. 10, 2012, and Tammy Smith was being promoted to brigadier general. Tracey Hepner stood beside her wife and pinned a star on her uniform, making Smith the first openly gay military general in United States history. 

Tammy Smith and Tracey Hepner met on an Olivia cruise in 2004. The couple married in March 2012 and now live in Delaware. 

“She just had this gravitational pull,” Smith said. “It’s just as soon as I saw her, I felt like the universe was pulling me in her direction, so I knew that she was someone who I needed to meet. So of course, I didn’t talk to her.” 

Eventually, they were seated together at dinner and discovered their shared interests. 

Years later, Smith would become the first openly gay military general after “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was repealed. 

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was the law in place from 1993 to 2011 that prohibited openly LGBTQ individuals from serving in the military. 

Smith served under this policy, as well as after it was repealed until her retirement in 2021. During DADT, Hepner founded two organizations, Rainbow Ribbon and the Rainbow Ribbon Project, a postcard initiative, and the Military Partners and Families Coalition, which were both dedicated to raising visibility for LGBTQ military families. 

During this time, Hepner couldn’t be out either. Organizing Rainbow Ribbon took some “covert operation” with friends and allies agreeing to be the face of the organization. 

“The advocacy part really came into my life personally … when I saw how despondent the most important person in my life became when ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ paralyzed her,” Hepner said. “And it just hit me as it was staring me right in the face.”

While Smith was serving under DADT, she was “insulated” from the gay community and didn’t really keep up with what was going on. 

“Being part of the gay community was not something I could do easily or openly,” Smith said. “It really cut us off from our ability to just participate in many of the things that were going on around us.”

It got too hard to serve under the weight of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” Smith said. It was easy earlier in her career, but it got more difficult after meeting Tracey. 

“It’s harder to hide somebody that you truly love,” she said. “As soon as I felt that gravitational pull on that ship, I knew Tracy was my person. Having that good relationship made my situation now feel bad, because I just couldn’t be fully me and I had to keep her a secret.”

The Military Partners and Families Coalition was created while “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was still in effect. Co-founded by Hepner, the coalition was made up of existing organizations that were willing to work with them, such as the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) and Blue Star Families, to provide resources and support to all military families, regardless of sexual orientation. Smith was serving in Afghanistan when MPFC was launched. 

Today, MPFC is no longer active and merged with the Service Members Legal Defense Network, OutServe, and the American Military Partner Association, which eventually became the Modern Military Association of America. 

Smith said that back in 2012, there were not as many out public figures and she was “terrified” ahead of the big promotion ceremony, though she knew it was necessary at the time. Her family had come to D.C. to attend the event at the Women’s Memorial at the Arlington National Cemetery, but they weren’t told about the other significant aspect of the day beforehand.  

“I assumed that the response would be some sort of negative, homophobic backlash,” Smith said. “I just assumed that all these bad things were going to happen, and none of those bad things happened.”

Though there were rough spots along the way, Smith said the couple’s story has been well received. Their lives were not upended, the two of them became closer, and Smith grew closer to the other thing she was married to, the Army. 

Following her coming out, Smith served for 10 more years until her mandatory retirement. Now that openly gay military members could serve, the couple lived on bases in Georgia, Virginia, and South Korea. 

“That was our entry, literally into being a full fledged 100% military family, and then we went ahead and got a house outpost,” Hepner said. “And then we never looked back. We lived at the military installation for those final 10 years until her retirement … It was a wonderful decade that we got to serve in the military as a military family.”

The first knock on the door of their military installation was someone bringing cookies and welcoming them. Smith said Hepner made lifelong friends with military spouses and had a great time being part of that network. 

After coming out, Smith said she was unsure of what she was doing as she went along but was given some room by the trust the Army had in her.

“There was an assumption that I would do the right thing on behalf of the Army … but I had to create a new path,” Smith said. “How do I now best represent the Army with a wife instead of a husband? But a lot of that was built on the trust that the Army had in me individually as a person to be able to navigate that, because it’s not like they could tell me what to do. They didn’t know either.”

Smith said that she has tried to maintain the platform of being a spokesperson who is a veteran but also a member of the LGBTQ community. She wants to improve things for veterans, especially during times of cuts to support systems such as the Veterans Administration. 

You don’t get to pick to be the first, said Smith. You either step up or you don’t and it’s been a privilege to be put into the position of given that choice. Smith said the couple has navigated everything together and they have tried to do as much as they can while they have the platform, as she knows the importance of visibility of LGBTQ service members.

“We’re just ordinary people that were put in an extraordinary role, and right now we need more ordinary people to step into extraordinary roles because of what’s happening in our current environment,” Hepner said. “Today, we need everybody. We need to build an army.”

Tracey Hepner and Tammy Smith (Washington Blade photo by Daniel Truitt)
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Summer in D.C. brings sports, Restaurant Week, festivals, and more

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Washington Spirit CEO Kim Stone hosts Pride Night OUT on Sunday, Aug. 23. (Photo courtesy of Washington Spirit)

Summer in D.C. just hits different. Congress is out, school is out, the sun is out, thighs are out. With the skies clearing from Canadian smoke, here are a few ways to stay entertained.

Dining

Summer restaurant week: The Restaurant Association of Metropolitan Washington (RAMW) is once again hosting Summer Restaurant Week, Aug. 18-24. This weeklong dining experience showcases the dynamic dining scene of the DMV, including 2026 RAMMY Award-winning favorites (the annual D.C. food awards show that took place June 29). Participating restaurants will offer three-course brunch and lunch selections for $25 or $35 per person, and three-course dinners for $40, $55 and $65 per person.

New Restaurants: A handful of new spots have opened, so the summer is a great time to check them out:

  • Oribu: A new Mediterranean-Japanese restaurant in the Grand Hyatt hotel, which just underwent a remodeling effort. The sleek restaurant brings upscale charm, with dishes like Wagyu beef tartare with potato pavé and caviar.
  • The Oak Room: A snazzy old-school American grill has just opened in Georgetown, alongside its sister upstairs supper club (Bernadette’s) restaurant, in the old El Centro space.
  • Uchi: This showy Japanese sushi-forward chain has landed in Dupont with a chef’s tasting menu of favorites like fatty tuna.
  • Kathmandu: Recalling the capital of Nepal, this warm, buzzy subterranean restaurant right in the heart of U Street brings spice, flair, and rare ingredients to its dishes (see: buffalo burgers) and drinks.

Sports

  • Washington Spirit Pride Night OUT: On Sunday, Aug. 23, head to Audi Field for a massive, high-energy game following the exciting month of World Cup. The designated Pride Night OUT game promises boisterous crowds plus pre- and post-game community engagements. 
  • Washington Tennis Open – Now called the Mubadala DC Open, this annual tournament is only combined mens’ and womens’ 500-level tennis tournament in the world. The open is one of D.C.’s longest-standing sports traditions, and will take place at the Rock Creek Park Tennis Center July 25-Aug. 2. Naomi Osaka, Venus Williams, Ben Shelton, Frances Tiafoe, and others are expected to play.

Festivals

  • Afro Plus Fest: This huge, three-day Afro-Caribbean Hip-Hop Festival brings together headliners Davido, Alkaline, and Wizkid, plus Tems and Ayra Starr. The event moves from RFK to the Northwest Stadium Complex for three days, Sept. 4-6.
  • Capital Fringe Festival: Running from July 11-21, this massive celebration features dozens of live theater, comedy, dance, and boundary-pushing nighttime performances across multiple DC neighborhoods. 
  • The National Book Festival returns, with headliners like Cynthia Erivo, and Martin Scorsese. The one-day festival, Saturday, Aug. 22, brings together bookworms and word nerds under the theme “America 250: It’s Your Story.” There are talks, workshops, musical sessions and more.
  • All Things Go: A three-day festival Sept. 25-27 at Merriweather Post Pavilion featuring Mitski, Hayley Williams, Brandi Carlile, MUNA, Zara Larsson, Ethel Cain, and many, many more artists. There are single-day and three-day tickets. Featuring and highlighting female artists, the festival has turned into a must-see for many LGBTQ audience members.
  • Fuchsia Fest: The inaugural Fuchsia Fest is a new multi-day celebration created to celebrate LGBTQ community and expression, bringing together a mix of community gatherings, entertainment, and nightlife. The event takes place Sept. 18-20 and is hosted by Capital Pride.

Art and Music

  • United We Dance: A high-energy rave with house, techno, bass, and festival music, on Aug. 1 at the 9:30 Club. 
  • The Fray. On Aug. 14, this American rock band famous for How To Save A Life is at Merriweather Post Pavilion.
  • Kesha: Kesha’s high-energy The Freedom Tour comes to the D.C. area on Aug. 14 at Jiffy Lube Live.
  • ALOK: On Sept. 3 at Lincoln Theater, ALOK (they/them) performs. The poet, comedian, and actor is putting on a new comedy show.
  • 2charm, the emerging Australian electronic club-pop duo popular with the queer community, which blends hyperpop and dance music, comes to the Atlantis.
  • Sapphic Dance Party: a vibrant, inclusive nightlife and social event designed specifically for queer women, lesbians, bisexuals, trans individuals, and nonbinary folks, at Atlantis on Aug. 21.
  • Jazz in the Garden: The most quintessential of D.C. activities returns Friday evenings through Aug. 14. This season’s theme, “American Sounds,” is a nod to the nation’s 250th anniversary. Tunes themes range from Appalachian and Americana to Creole jazz, Hill Country blues, contemporary jazz, and more. Tickets are available through a lottery system a week before each event.
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Tickets on sale for chef Patrick O’Connell’s book launch event

Sept. 18 kickoff to feature José Andrés, Tom Sietsema

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Acclaimed chef Patrick O’Connell is preparing to publish his new memoir, “Main, Middle & Gay” in September and he’s launching the book with an event on Sept. 18 at 6 p.m. at Lisner Auditorium featuring Chef José Andrés and former Washington Post food critic Tom Sietsema.

Tickets for the event go on sale Tuesday, July 21 at Ticketmaster; prices start at $55.

 O’Connell, who’s gay, is the pioneering Michelin-starred chef and longtime proprietor of the Inn at Little Washington. He spoke with the Blade about the September event and the launch of his first memoir.

 “I’ve known [Andrés and Sietsema] for more than 25 years and I have great respect for them,” O’Connell said. “I felt that it would allow us to add a different dimension rather than just have an interviewer. The chemistry will be fun and lively and unpredictable and exciting. I think we’re all different personalities and we’ll compliment each other.”

O’Connell has published cookbooks but this is his first memoir. The event will feature a short film that will highlight his work and the Inn.

“What I hope to do with the event is bring the book to life visually,” he said. “So we’re producing a short film that will be part of it. Most of the audience will not have read the book so it’ll give them a visual flavor of the book. It parallels the evolution of American cuisine over 50 years. It’s a rare perspective to be in the trenches for that long.”

The book’s title refers to the location of the garage on the corner of Main, Middle, and Gay streets in Washington, Va., where he launched his restaurant that became an international culinary destination. 

The Blade will publish the rest of its wide-ranging interview with O’Connell in September in conjunction with the book’s release.

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The queer Asian comics building collective joy in D.C.

Spotlighting chaotic ways family, romance, identity take shape in their lives

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Alex Kim performs at the Pride Comedy Special in Washington, D.C., on June 18, 2026. (Photo by Christina Lee/VOICES)

Kevin Chen’s family tombstone has room for four: him, his parents and his boyfriend. The arrangement might prove to be a little awkward. 

“My boyfriend is 100% white, and my parents are 100% disappointed,” Chen confessed.

Jokes about family traditions and the untraditional ways they’re practiced earned a burst of laughs at the bar where Chen was opening for the Pride Comedy Special. The D.C. stand-up event, produced by Comedy Bonfyre last month, spotlighted queer Asian comics who shared the chaotic ways family, romance and identity take shape in their lives. 

From candid oral sex takes to top surgery hypotheticals like “Where do the boobs go?”, the night highlighted the loud camaraderie of the queer Asian experience — one that sounds like a cacophony of snorts, cackles and belly laughs. While the comics say they are not quite a community, there’s more than enough shared material to bring them together. 

“It was such a magical experience. I loved performing in a queer API lineup. It feels so validating,” Chen said after the show. “I’m wondering, ‘Is this how white men feel all the time?’”

Each performance evoked queer Asian joy through a medium that could use more of its presence.

According to Chen, who is based in D.C., it’s hard to say whether there is a true queer Asian comedy presence in his city. There are only a scattered “handful” of Asian comics, and people of color are underrepresented in queer comic circles, he said. 

When Tarunika Anand, a nonbinary lesbian comic, first entered the mainstream D.C. comedy scene, they mostly encountered straight white men, describing the experience as “a culture shock.”

“I feel like sometimes a lot of queer spaces are really white, and then a lot of Asian spaces are really straight,” Anand said. “I don’t feel like I fit into either.”

But feeling marginalized didn’t stop these comics from honing their craft and creating spaces for others like them. Alex Kim, who headlined the special and is based in Brooklyn, runs the queer Asian comedy group Boba Gays, which began on WhatsApp and has since made its way to Lincoln Center. 

Every Wednesday, Anand co-produces a free comedy show called Funny Side Up. The queer-led group focuses on inclusivity and showcasing new talent.

“It’s really beautiful to speak about your experience and your existence in a way that’s uplifting,” Anand said. 

Family is a major throughline of their comedic repertoires. 

Chen, for instance, shared that he identifies with jokes about having Asian immigrant parents and the expectations they pass down. 

“You see me, you know this part about me, you know this experience intimately, and I can see the truth that you’re trying to wrap a joke around,” he said. “That hits even harder because that’s my truth too. I think that’s what makes good comedy.”

Anand had the audience at the special howling when they explained that their parents’ be-more-like-them comparisons didn’t end when they came out. Instead, the expectations took on a new form. 

“Now, my parents want me to be the best gay,” Anand said. “They’re like, ‘Do you know Ellen DeGeneres?’” 

Kim said he’s been trying to unlearn things from his Christian Korean mom. Yet he described a moment when he was getting ready for the club and realized he looked just like his mother getting ready for church. 

“I’ve been finding it hard to escape her,” Kim said. 

Mutual recognition also radiates through the different ways queer love can take shape. From singlehood to death-do-us-part commitments, the comics cover just about every corner.

Anand is holding out hope for settling down with “a nice, pretty, Indian girl.” They recently went through a breakup and said they felt they dodged a bullet. 

“As a person of color, I just don’t think I should be with a Swiftie,” they said. 

Chen, touching on what it’s like to be in a queer interracial relationship, said that meeting his white boyfriend’s baby nephew for the first time felt like he was forced to participate in a diversity, equity and inclusion training. 

“The dad was like, ‘Please welcome Kevin. Be curious about his culture, his history, his foods,’” Chen joked. 

Laughter is not the only reward for the comics.

To Anand, comedy is a space where they can say whatever they want. “It gives me a voice,” they said. 

Nik Narain, a North Carolina-based trans and nonbinary South Asian comic who performed at the special, said meeting older trans comedians and taking the stage helped him feel reassured in his identity during his transition. 

“Stand-up was a really cool way to process that onstage,” he said. “[It] became a way for me to repackage my thoughts.”

Queer Asians are still figuring out their place in the greater D.C. comedy scene. The group is small in numbers and many are still working toward a full-time comedy career. But Narain feels he’s already made it.

Narain is reluctant to pin it all on one moment. He feels that success is already peeking through in milestones — opening for celebrities, traveling to performances and self-producing shows.

“As long as I can keep doing this, I’m super happy,” he said.

This story was produced as part of the AAJA VOICES fellowship program, a student journalism project of the Asian American Journalists Association (AAJA).

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