Living
Hopeful glimmers
LGBT education activists report small gains despite overall political hostility
Despite setbacks, LGBT education activists are still making strides. (Washington Blade file photo by Michael Key)
My son is starting high school this fall, which I find hard to believe. It seems like just yesterday that I was driving him to preschool. This year feels different for other reasons, too.
Last year, we headed into school time with the assumption that progress toward LGBT equality and inclusion in education would continue with little hindrance. This year, however, the pall of federal actions against LGBT students, particularly transgender ones, hangs heavy over all of us.
One of the first acts of the Trump administration was to withdraw guidance instituted by the Obama administration on how schools should protect transgender and gender-nonconforming students under Title IX. More recently, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos, a proponent of allowing students to use publicly subsidized vouchers to go to private schools, was asked by reporters on Aug. 4, “if she would intervene if states offered vouchers to private schools that discriminated against LGBT students,” the ACLU reports. They note, “She declined to answer or provide reassurance that taxpayer dollars would not be used to discriminate.”
And despite growing efforts in recent years to reduce anti-LGBT and other forms of bullying in schools and online, we now have a president whose personal behavior has been described as “a lot like plain old bullying” (CNN’s Chris Cillizza) and “bear[ing] many of the hallmarks of cyberbullying” (Politico’s Sarah Holder).
If you think the president’s behavior doesn’t have an impact in our schools, think again. In November, the Southern Poverty Law Center’s Teaching Tolerance project conducted an online survey of 10,000 K-12 educators across the country.
“More than 2,500 said they knew of fights, threats, assaults and other incidents that could be traced directly to election rhetoric,” it said in a statement. “Many teachers took pains to point out that the incidents they were reporting represent a distinct uptick; these dynamics are new and can be traced directly to the results of the election.” The behavior, it noted, was “directed against immigrants, Muslims, girls, LGBT students, kids with disabilities and anyone who was on the ‘wrong’ side of the election.”
What hope can we find then, in back-to-school times like these?
First, I do believe we will retain much of the progress we have made toward LGBT inclusion and understanding in schools. Organizations like GLSEN, PFLAG and HRC’s Welcoming Schools project have been doing terrific on-the-ground work for years. Resources for educators continue to increase. One recent notable work is Rethinking Sexism, Gender and Sexuality, an essay collection from Rethinking Schools that offers both practical tips and reflective insights on creating classrooms, curriculum and more to nurture all children.
The professional organizations of educators, too, are continuing their support. Last summer, the National Education Association, the National Parent Teacher Association and the American Federation of Teachers had all announced support for plans and policies to promote safety and support for LGBT students, working in partnership with local, state and federal authorities.
Right after the Trump administration’s announcement on trans students this year, Federation President Randi Weingarten said in a statement, “We want to be clear to those kids: (Abuse and harassment at school for being trans) is not OK with your teachers or with us at the (Federation), and we will continue fighting to protect you.”
Additionally, the Federation invited trans student Gavin Grimm, who brought a federal lawsuit against his school for not letting him use the restroom corresponding to his gender identity, to speak at their biennial TEACH convention in Washington in July.
The National Education Association kept up its support by adopting a resolution in June to “continue to advance” the rights of LGBT students and educators with a series of specific actions, including offering its members tools to promote local policies; legislative support; filing “friend of the court” briefs; and not holding meetings in cities with discriminatory policies. The organization also honored federal marriage equality plaintiff Jim Obergefell at its 2017 Human and Civil Rights Awards in July.
And when the Department of Education invited representatives from two anti-LGBT groups to speak at its “Engaging Fathers and Families” event in June, the National Parent Teacher Association withdrew.
I am also encouraged by the strength and resilience of young people themselves. The status of Gavin Grimm’s lawsuit is in question now that he has graduated, but he recently told LGBTQ Nation that despite the government’s anti-trans actions, “I see a positive future … because the conversation is growing.”
Regardless of whether Grimm himself succeeds, others are continuing the fight. Three trans students, Juliet Evancho, Elissa Ridenour and A.S., backed by Lambda Legal, reached a settlement Aug. 1 in which the Pine-Richland School District in Pennsylvania agreed to respect trans students’ identities with regard to student records, names and pronouns; to include gender identity in its nondiscrimination policies and to allow them to use the bathroom matching their gender identities.
And thanks to the efforts of trans advocates and allies in New Jersey, Gov. Chris Christie (R), not known as a strong LGBT supporter, at the end of July signed legislation requiring the state education commission to develop guidelines to create safe and non-discriminatory school environments for trans students.
All is not doom and gloom, therefore, although we shouldn’t minimize the struggles that remain. For those seeking some advice and assistance on navigating schools as an LGBT family, I’ve updated my annual annotated list of LGBT back-to-school resources, which you can find at mombian.com.
May the worst struggle we have this year be in trying to get our kids to do their homework.
Dana Rudolph is the founder and publisher of Mombian (mombian.com), a GLAAD Media Award-winning blog and resource directory for LGBT parents.
Real Estate
Under-the-radar Delaware beach towns smart buyers are targeting
There are other options if Rehoboth prices are scaring you off
Look, we love Rehoboth. We will always love Rehoboth. Queer folks have been flocking there since the 1940s, and with scores of LGBTQ-owned businesses and a Pride calendar packed tighter than the boardwalk in July, “Rehomo” earned its crown fair and square.
But let’s be honest with each other: trying to buy property there right now feels a lot like trying to get a reservation at the one good restaurant in town on a Saturday in August. Everyone wants in, inventory is tighter than your swim trunks after Labor Day brunch, and the prices have officially entered “are you kidding me” territory.
So here’s a thought: What if you didn’t fight the crowd? What if, instead, you let Rehoboth keep doing its glorious, chaotic, glitter-bomb thing and you quietly built your beach life 15 minutes away for considerably less drama and considerably more square footage? Here are four towns ready for their close-up.
Lewes: The Charming Overachiever
Lewes is what happens when a beach town actually has its life together. Historic charm, walkability, proximity to Cape Henlopen State Park, less crowding, and a strong year-round community. Unlike towns that turn into ghost towns after Labor Day, Lewes maintains a real community all year long, which is more than we can say for some situationships.
And right now, the market is practically begging you to make a move. It’s one of the most desirable and stable markets in the county — built for buyers thinking long-term, not flippers, and Sussex County overall has flipped into genuine buyer’s market territory for the first time in years. Translation: you finally get to be the one with leverage.
Bethany Beach: My Personal Pick
Full disclosure: I own in Bethany. So consider this section a little biased — and also the most honest thing I’ll tell you in this whole article.
When I drive down from D.C., I’m not looking for more of D.C. I love this city, but I also love leaving it — and yes, some of the people in it too (you know who you are, and so do I). Bethany gives me that full exhale. It’s quiet in the way that actually means something: fewer crowds, slower mornings, a soundtrack that’s mostly waves instead of nightlife. It leans hard into its “quiet resort” reputation, with low property taxes and a limited geographic footprint, and it is not the least bit sorry about it.
But quiet doesn’t mean isolated. I’ve got a genuinely excellent food scene nearby, real shopping, and a string of charming neighboring beach towns — and when I do want a taste of Rehoboth’s energy, it’s a short, easy drive away. I get to choose my dose of chaos instead of living inside it.
And here’s the part that matters most for this article: the price. If you’ve looked at Rehoboth listings and quietly closed the tab in despair, I need you to hear this — you can absolutely afford a beach house. It just doesn’t have to be in Rehoboth. Bethany’s average home value sits around $848,592, which is still real money, no question — but it buys you more house, more land, and more peace than the same budget gets you closer to the boardwalk. Bethany is welcoming too, just without Rehoboth’s decades of built-in queer institutional history — and for plenty of us, that trade-off is more than worth it.
Fenwick Island: Small Town, Big Flex
Fenwick rarely gets mentioned and, frankly, it should be insulted. It’s tiny, it’s quiet, and it has beach access without the carnival energy. The market data tends to lump it in with Bethany, where single-family oceanfront homes clear $1 million while entry-level condos start in the $600s — proof that “under-the-radar” doesn’t mean “bargain bin,” it means “fewer people fighting you for it.”
South Bethany: For the Boat Gays
Some of us want sand between our toes. Others want a private dock and a boat named something deeply unserious. South Bethany’s canal communities are built for the latter — water access on both sides, fewer crowds, and a lifestyle that says, “I have a captain’s hat and I am not afraid to wear it.”
The Math Works in Your Favor Now
Here’s the part that should really get your attention: Sussex County’s median sold price has dropped to $440,000, down 3.3% year-over-year, and buyers are routinely closing around 88 cents on the dollar compared to asking price. That’s a far cry from the unhinged bidding wars of 2021 and 2022, when overpaying was basically a competitive sport. Inventory across the county sits at nearly 2,500 active listings — the most of any county in Delaware, meaning you actually get to be picky for once. Revolutionary, we know.
And no, choosing one of these towns doesn’t mean leaving your people behind. Sussex Pride serves the entire county, not just Rehoboth proper, and CAMP Rehoboth’s resources extend well beyond town limits too. You’re not exiling yourself to the suburbs of queerness — you’re just getting a bigger kitchen, a quieter porch, and a much shorter line for the bathroom.
Add in the fact that Delaware has no estate tax and some of the lowest property taxes around, savings that genuinely add up over a retirement horizon, and the case writes itself. Rehoboth will always be the beating, sequined heart of queer beach culture in Delaware. But if you’ve been telling yourself a beach house isn’t in the cards — I’m here to tell you it absolutely is. It just might be 15 minutes south, with your own quiet porch, your own salt air, and considerably more room to breathe.
Have a real estate question or Rehoboth market tip? Reach out to [email protected] for LGBTQ-friendly real estate resources in the Rehoboth area.
Justin Noble is a Realtor licensed in D.C., Maryland, and Delaware with Monument Sotheby’s International Realty. Reach him at [email protected] or 302-897-7499.
Real Estate
‘Culture eats strategy for breakfast’
Real estate agents must adapt, learn how to manage from within
“Culture Eats Strategy for Breakfast” was a phrase often repeated in many of my management courses from the University of Illinois. The concept was discussed at length – how the best laid plans can sometimes be supported or derailed by the culture of the people involved in whichever project to be implemented. Whether it be a project to implement new software, roll out a new product or service, or just reaching a sales target, the way the team involved works together can indeed affect the outcome.
Perhaps this is just another way to say, “teamwork makes the dream work!” Most teams usually have someone who is designated as a leader. The leader can try to lead through authority and control or can alternatively try to lead through influence and encouraging a more collective framework for solving problems.
Why does this matter when picking the right real estate agent or team to work with? Besides having a job as a salesperson for the brokerage, the real estate agent is contractually bound to act on their client’s behalf. The buyer broker agreement is in place so that the agent and the client can work together as a team in communications regarding offer strategy, during negotiations, implementing marketing plans, as well as selecting which renovations or upgrades to choose before selling a property. After the property goes under contract, the job isn’t “done”. There is still work to do.
At this point, the agents then turn into a project manager of sorts – coordinating communications between the lending team, the title attorneys, the other client’s agents, any governmental agencies that could be involved in down payment assistance or helping to clear a property for a sale, and often times groups like a condo board, a home inspector, or contractors when arranging repairs and estimates before a final walk through.
In short, the agent takes on somewhat of a “leadership role” in the transaction and ensures that all the ducks stay in a row until the project is complete. That agent will hopefully be very fluid and forthcoming with their information, copying the required parties on all communications and creating a “paper trail” of who said what or didn’t offer to fix A, B, or C, so that all the minutiae of the contract can be addressed and fulfilled before the settlement date. The agent often must wear many hats and quickly learn the communication styles of an entire new set of people in a short period. One person may not return calls for a week after being contacted. Another person may go on vacation at the beginning of the process and not return emails for two weeks. Another person may wish to have daily updates of the progress of the process.
In this way – an agent quickly learns in each transaction that “culture can eat strategy for breakfast.” Because the agent must adapt to a wide variety of communication styles, learn how to “manage from within”, build support for closing the project by the due date, and somehow keep all the interested parties invested, engaged, and responsive.
Who you work with matters when picking the right person to represent you in your next transaction – so, just remember that “teamwork makes the dream work!”
Joseph Hudson is a referral agent with RLAH. Reach him at 703-587-0597 or [email protected].
Dear Michael,
I’ve been dating Mark for three years, living together for two, and I’m not sure he’s for me. We get along great but I’m questioning how attracted I am to him.
I was never crazy about him physically but he was such a sweet and smart guy that I wanted to date him.
Sex was never mind-blowing and the longer we’ve been together the more this is bothering me. I wonder if I could find someone who appeals to me more, physically.
On the plus side, I like him a lot. He has good values, shares my religious faith, which is hard to find in another gay guy, is responsible and has a good work ethic. Also, I just have fun with him and he’s always interested to hear what’s on my mind. He’s an all-around decent guy.
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking that he seems great and that I’m a fool for even questioning our relationship. But all my friends are always talking about the amazing sex they are having, and then I think I’m missing out on a key part of life because my sex life is comparatively lackluster.
I don’t want to settle. But how likely am I to find another guy who is as all-around a good catch as Mark, but with more sexual chemistry?
Michael replies:
I don’t think the right approach is to wonder about your chances for of finding someone better. Anyone you find will have things you aren’t crazy about.
For example, you might find someone whom you’re wildly attracted to sexually, but they’ll bore you or annoy you, or have values you don’t respect.
I understand that you aren’t wildly sexually attracted to Mark. The truth is that it’s extremely unlikely that you would remain wildly sexually attracted to anyone for that long. People tend to get used to each other over time. Sex can remain great, but more from closeness and love than heat and sizzle.
I work with people all the time who wonder if there is someone “better” out there. And I tell them, they’re never going to get through all the possibilities before they die. Instead, how about thinking if the guy you are with is someone you’d like to go with on this journey through life?
Mark’s attributes that you mention sound wonderful to me. After more than 30 years working with folks on relationships, and being in my own 30+ year relationship, I have learned a thing or two about what creates a relationship that is satisfying and good. A decent, kind guy with admirable values is an excellent start.
The question is, can you live with your sex life not being on an orgasmically hot mind-blowing level? I hope the answer is yes, because sex with anyone you pick is not likely to stay in that sort of realm for long.
Another point to consider: I don’t think you should get too caught up in what your friends are telling you. They may be having amazing sex, but are they all having it with the same long-term partner? As I mentioned, long-term sex can be great, but the excitement tends to be replaced by caring connection over time.
I’ll generalize here for a moment: Because so many gay men have many sexual partners, the kind of sex you have with someone new, whom you’re tremendously attracted to, tends to be glorified among gay men as the gold standard of sex. But it’s not realistic for sex with a long-term partner.
This glorification is a big problem: It leaves gay men who are not having torrid sex with lots of guys feeling like there is something wrong with the sex they are having, that they are missing out on something super fantastic. Just like you are feeling.
If you want a lifetime of ongoing hot sex, I don’t think you should be looking for a relationship. If you are willing to accept sex being a not-always fantastic, but perhaps consistently loving, often good, and occasionally great part of life with a kind decent guy, then Mark might just be the right partner for you after all.
(Michael Radkowsky, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who works with couples and individuals in D.C., Maryland, Virginia, New York, and all PSYPACT states. He can be found at michaelradkowsky.com. All identifying information has been changed for reasons of confidentiality. Have a question? Send it to [email protected].)
Former Fla. gubernatorial candidate Andrew Gillum arrested on drug charges
Dutch prime minister scheduled to open World Pride human rights conference
Philadelphia murder suspect remains at large
Mary’s House founder, CEO retires
Va., Md., advocates brace for next fight after Supreme Court sports ruling
‘My Favorite Sociopath’ debuts at Shepherdstown’s CATF
Under-the-radar Delaware beach towns smart buyers are targeting
In Trump’s divided America, Michael Weinstein’s AHF responds
When a church fears the rainbow
