Arts & Entertainment
Change of heart
Texas PFLAG mom shares journey of accepting her lesbian daughter
Shari Johnson (left) with her daughter Cholene and husband James in Grenada for Cholene’s white coat ceremony at the start of her medical school program in January 2011. (Photo courtesy Johnson/Changing Lives Press)
Shari Johnson hasn’t thought much about Mother’s Day.
“I really haven’t thought that far ahead,” the long-time Odessa, Texas, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and conservative Evangelical Christian says by phone from her home. “[My children] pretty much call me if they’re available but I try not to put a whole lot of that unrealized expectation into things. They have their own lives and their own spouses so it’s about them and that’s how it should be and it works for us.”
Johnson might not be thinking much about being a mom this weekend but it’s a topic she’s thought about intently in recent years. Her first book “Above All Things,” published through her daughter Cholene Espinoza’s Changing Lives Press, comes out May 21 and tells of Johnson’s nearly decade-long journey from the time Cholene came out to her by phone as a lesbian in July 2002, to Johnson’s status now as a PFLAG mom (she started a chapter of the gay-affirming group in Odessa) who has retained her faith in the process (order the book here).
The book tells extensively of Johnson’s (a former dental hygienist) rocky early life, her born-again experience in 1971 after two failed marriages, the black-and-white world view that developed out of years of going to Evangelical churches and the painful journey that came from not only accepting her daughter being gay, but the extensive ramifications it had on every aspect of her life.
Though her prayer had initially been that Cholene — an overachiever pilot with years of Air Force and commercial flying under her belt who’s now in medical school — would “be delivered” from homosexuality, Johnson now sees the experience as a catalyst for a radical adjustment to her faith and overall world view. She credits God with her change of heart and writes several times in the book of experiences where she feels the Lord was speaking to her.
“I kept praying that God would change my daughter but I’m the one who ended up being changed,” Johnson writes. “Prior to this time, I thought I had all the answers. Now I’m not even sure that I understand the questions. I viewed life as being either black or white, there was no gray. I avoided anyone who didn’t think as I did. I was a ‘my-mind-is-made-up-don’t-confuse-me-with-the-facts’-type of person.”
But Johnson’s views began to evolve as she realized her daughter’s 2004 marriage to White House correspondent Ellen Ratner was bringing an unfairly different reaction than it would have had she been marrying a man, the hypocrisy she says Christians often exhibit when talking of the supposed sin of homosexuality compared to most other sins (of which Johnson says they often given themselves a “free pass”), and the realization that nobody (especially a Christian) would choose a gay orientation for themselves. These epiphanies had life-changing effects on her.
After years of study and thought, Johnson believes centuries of anti-gay preaching in Christian churches of most varieties comes down to mistakes in scriptural interpretation.
“If we believe that homosexuality is not a choice, then we have to either believe that God is cruel to have played this terrible trick on people and not the loving God we think he is (and that would be a God I could not serve),” she writes in the book. “Or there has to be a mistake in interpreting the scriptures. I chose to believe the latter.”
Though initially highly skeptical, Johnson feels the Lord brought her to a place where she was able to consider that she may have been wrong before.
“I always thought I had sought the will of God in my life before but I realize now what I had often been doing was going to him with my plan and then leaving before I got an answer,” she says. “If people are truly seeking, and all I’m asking people to do is consider that we could be wrong on the way some of these scriptures have been interpreted over the years, but when I finally got around to reading what some of these writers were saying — and I avoided even reading this stuff for the longest time — I realized I needed to start thinking for myself and not just keep blindly repeating what someone else had told me.”
Johnson credits the writings of Rev. Paula Jackson and her work “What Does the Bible Say About Being Gay? — Probably Not What You’ve Been Told,” with helping her expand her theological horizons. That Jackson didn’t write in a “histrionic, blasphemous, in-your-face” manner that “didn’t disregard my point of view,” resonated with Johnson.
“She just presented the facts and lets the reader come to his or her own conclusions,” Johnson writes. “The entire study boils down to this one question: What if we’re wrong?”
Espinoza, who eventually hopes to work as a doctor with Ratner in South Sudan, says it’s important for gay Christians to follow the example of Christ rather than get sidelined in what she and her mother now feel is misconstrued anti-gay theology.
“Christ did not have anything to say about homosexuality but he had a lot to say about love, honor and respect,” she wrote in an e-mail to the Blade. “If we are loving, honorable and respectful in our relationships, I think that reduces a lot of the guilt and self loathing in our heads. We need to separate those who condemn us from the message of love and reconciliation, the message that Christ has brought to us.”
Johnson has become a staunch advocate for LGBT acceptance within Christian churches in the Odessa area. It’s led to a thorny conundrum — she’s tried sharing her story, but often leaves Bible studies and church services feeling she’s been merely placated. She’s at a point now where she can’t stomach anti-gay teaching from the pulpit and has left several churches in frustration. She says gay-welcoming churches in her part of the state are pretty much non-existent.
Johnson has lots of interesting opinions on trends in the modern church, especially with the anti-gay teaching that abounds in the Bible Belt.
She concedes there is a time, whether it’s in the political or religious realm, where it’s OK to respectfully agree to disagree.
“This whole idea of, ‘You have to see things my way,’ that’s never worked in politics, religion or anything else,” she says. “It never worked and it never will. But God gave me a big wake-up call and I would love for other people to not have to go through what I went through. That’s really why I wrote the book.”
She says it’s possible that churches with anti-gay teaching that seem to be thriving — even those led by household-name preachers like Rick Warren and Joel Osteen — might not be as blest as it appears.
“You can’t always assume that God’s blessing a church just because of the numbers,” she says. “People go to church for all sorts of reasons. And when these men have been put on the spot on national television and asked about gay issues and the whole Christian community is sort of collectively holding its breath waiting to hear what they say, they give the accepted answer, but I doubt very seriously that’s what they’re preaching from the pulpit or what they really feel in their hearts.”
But could so many religious teachers have been so wrong for so many years on gay issues? Johnson says yes.
“It’s happened since creation,” she says. “Anytime man gets involved, he manages to screw things up … Anytime there’s been a religious movement that gets started, it’s basically that person’s idea of who God is and what sin is. We tend to think we have all this figured out but you know what the Bible says about our own righteousness — it’s like filthy rags to God.”
But how does someone — especially a gay teen struggling with suicidal thoughts growing up in an Evangelical household — know whom to listen to? Aren’t there well-meaning Christians who simply believe homosexuality isn’t part of God’s plan?
Johnson says that’s where her biggest concern lies — she wants LGBT teens and young adults to have a chance to consider the possibility that their being gay isn’t the sinful curse many churches make it out to be. It’s the main reason she started her PFLAG chapter.
“I don’t have an easy answer for this but we have to have a place for kids to go and hear a different message. They’re not exposed to it at home, they have no place to hear a positive message, they’re in trouble and it has nothing to do with who they really are.”
With so many voices out there claiming to be spokesmen for God or claiming to have heard from God directly, Johnson admits absolute truth is “not always easy to discern.” She says she knows it’s God speaking when she feels compelled to go out of her comfort zone for the greater good.
“I usually know that if it’s contrary to the way I think, it’s usually God,” she says with a self-deprecating tone she uses often in the book. “I tend to line up with the other guy more often in my own thinking. But I can tell if I’m doing something for selfish reasons or whatever, it’s not of God. He does not let up. If it’s something I feel I’m supposed to do … I’m usually thinking, ‘Don’t make me do this.’ You have to learn to set aside the voice of past teaching, past thinking. … For everyone it’s different, but I feel when it’s truly God speaking, it’s a different thing and you know it.”
Out & About
‘How We Survived’ panel set for March 25
‘Living History’ discussion to be held at Spark Social
Friends of Dorothy Cafe will host “Part One, Living History: How We Survived,” will take place on Wednesday, March 25 at 7:30 p.m. at Spark Social House.
This event will be moderated by Abby Stuckrath, host of the “Queering the District” podcast. Panelists include: Earline Budd, activist, trans rights advocate; TJ Flavell of Go Gay DC; DC LGBTQ+ Center Board Member David Bissette; and Alexa Rodriguez, founder and executive director, Trans-Latinx DMV.
This event is part of a four-part storytelling series called “Living History,” which centers LGBTQ elders, activists, artists, and icons sharing their lived experiences and reflections with younger generations. The conversations explore themes like resilience, community organizing, chosen family, and the lessons earlier generations hope today’s LGBTQ+ and ally communities will carry forward.
Saturday, March 21
Go Gay DC will host “LGBTQ+ Community Brunch” at 11 a.m. at Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant. This fun weekly event brings the DMV area LGBTQ+ community, including allies, together for delicious food and conversation. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.
The DC Center for the LGBT Community will host “Sunday Supper on Saturday” at 2 p.m. It’s more than just an event; it’s an opportunity to step away from the busyness of life and invest in something meaningful, and enjoy delicious food, genuine laughter, and conversations that spark connection and inspiration. For more details, visit the Center’s website.
Sunday, March 22
LGBTQ+ Community Coffee and Conversation will be at 12 p.m. at As You Are. This event is for people looking to make more friends and meaningful connections in the LGBTQ community. Attendance is free and more details are available on Eventbrite.
Monday, March 23
Center Aging: Monday Coffee Klatch” will be at 10 a.m. on Zoom. This is a social hour for older LGBTQ+ adults. Guests are encouraged to bring a beverage of choice. For more information, contact Adam ([email protected]).
Queer Book Club will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. The Queer Book Club meets on the fourth Monday of the month to discuss queer books by queer authors. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website.
Tuesday, March 24
Coming Out Discussion Group will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a safe space to share experiences about coming out and discuss topics as it relates to doing so — by sharing struggles and victories the group allows those newly coming out and who have been out for a while to learn from others. For more details, visit the group’s Facebook.
Genderqueer DC will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This is a support group for people who identify outside of the gender binary, whether you’re bigender, agender, genderfluid, or just know that you’re not 100% cis. For more details, visit www.genderqueerdc.org or Facebook.
Wednesday, March 25
Job Club will be at 6 p.m. on Zoom upon request. This is a weekly job support program to help job entrants and seekers, including the long-term unemployed, improve self-confidence, motivation, resilience and productivity for effective job searches and networking — allowing participants to move away from being merely “applicants” toward being “candidates.” For more information, email [email protected] or visit www.thedccenter.org/careers.
Thursday, March 26
The DC Center’s Fresh Produce Program will be held all day at the DC Center for the LGBT Community. People will be informed on Wednesday at 5 p.m. if they are picked to receive a produce box. No proof of residency or income is required. For more information, email [email protected] or call 202-682-2245.
Virtual Yoga Class will be at 7 p.m. on Zoom. This free weekly class is a combination of yoga, breath work and meditation that allows LGBTQ+ community members to continue their healing journey with somatic and mindfulness practices. For more details, visit the DC Center’s website.
Celebrity News
Housewives take Capitol Hill by storm
Bravolebrities promote expanded PrEP access, HIV/AIDS funding
Real Housewives from across the country took over Capitol Hill on Wednesdayto advocate for expanded PrEP access and to push for continued — if not increased — funding for HIV/AIDS research.
The event brought together Housewives from multiple franchises, including NeNe Leakes and Phaedra Parks from Atlanta; Candiace Dillard Bassett from Potomac; Erika Jayne from Beverly Hills; Luann de Lesseps from New York; Melissa Gorga from New Jersey; and Marysol Patton from Miami, alongside Tristan Schukraft, founder and CEO of MISTR, an online platform that connects people to HIV prevention tools and care.
MISTR, the nation’s largest telehealth platform for sexual health, brought stars from across Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise to Washington for Housewives on the Hill, a day of advocacy focused on expanding access to HIV prevention and treatment. During the event, the Housewives shared personal stories on how HIV has impacted their lives and the ongoing impact of HIV across communities in the U.S.
PrEP, the medication MISTR helps get out to the public, is a medication that can, if taken properly, reduce the risk of contracting HIV through sex by up to 99 percent, according to public health officials. Advocates say wider access to the medication — including through insurance coverage and telehealth services — is critical to reducing new HIV infections across the United States.
The day began with a panel in the ornate Kennedy Caucus Room of the Russell Senate Office Building, where the Housewives shared personal stories about the importance of HIV prevention.
Many of the Housewives offered personal accounts of why HIV prevention matters to them.
Bassett drew on her experience under the Obama-Biden administration in public affairs and spoke about how policy decisions can directly impact marginalized communities.
“Before my career in entertainment, I actually worked in the White House Offices of Public Engagement and Intergovernmental Affairs, and part of my job was to liaise between the White House and communities,” Bassett shared to the crowded room. “And so I got to see firsthand the effect that federal policy could have on those communities and the outcomes that could come out of that work, particularly marginalized communities.”
She then looked toward her fellow Housewives, pointing out that the issue does not affect all communities equally, with minority groups disproportionately impacted by HIV.
“And just what Phaedra said about this disease and HIV and AIDS, and how it disproportionately affects so many, particularly Black people — we make up, as you said, 12 percent of the population, and we are 40 percent of those affected by HIV. Just let that sink in. Let the walls hear that … It’s so important that we have these conversations, not just in forums like this, but around your kitchen tables, in your group chats, on the street — wherever we are. We need to be talking about what we can be doing as communities and as individuals to combat HIV and AIDS.”
After the panel, the group moved to the Lincoln Room, part of the Majority Whip’s office suite, where they continued conversations with lawmakers and staff about access to care, education, and prevention.
Bassett, fresh out of “The Traitors” castle, emphasized the need to humanize heavy topics like HIV.
“While you may not have anyone in your direct family affected by HIV, six degrees of separation — everyone knows someone who has been affected,” Bassett told the Washington Blade. “If you can tie the nature of dealing with illness back to families, they have to hopefully see themselves in it. People want community. Social media has done a good job connecting us in that way.”
Bassett encouraged attendees to be brave, to educate themselves about preventive measures, and to take advantage of telemedicine through platforms like MISTR.
“Step out and have faith that the people who are supposed to bind you are supposed to help you,” she added.
Schukraft said the turnout reflected the public’s strong interest in HIV prevention and awareness.
“Over 400 people attended the panel, and we had to turn people away,” Schukraft told the Blade. “These are real communities across the country, sharing stories and emphasizing the importance of HIV prevention and long-term care. Telemedicine is key — it helps rural and urban communities, reduces stigma, and allows people to consult doctors from home. The more honest you are with the doctor, the better care you get.”
For Leakes, using her iconic voice to educate others was a natural extension of her platform.
“Talking about sex, HIV, those topics can be embarrassing,” she admitted. “Atlanta has a high HIV rate, particularly in the Black and gay communities. Confidence to speak and educate my community feels good. The number of people that came out to support us this morning — some were turned away — was amazing. It’s important to make the conversation fun and approachable for the younger generation.”
“Atlanta has a high HIV rate, particularly in the Black and gay communities,” Leakes added to the Blade. “The South, Miami, Houston — these areas remain high, and ignorance contributes. Confidence to speak and educate my community feels good.”
Parks echoed the sentiment, highlighting both the challenges and the resilience of the LGBTQ community.
“Many people need this incentive and don’t have a voice. Medical care is expensive and inaccessible for some, so MISTR provides resources and telemedicine access to PrEP,” Parks said. “The LGBTQ+ community fights battles daily; sometimes they lose, but they keep going. Housewives show that women can stay the course.”
The lawyer, who also teased some new and upcoming projects, highlighted Atlanta’s return to Bravo on April 5 with “two new peaches in the house,” which she assured would be must-see TV. She also mentioned her upcoming role in “Dancing with the Stars.”
Patton said that the atmosphere on the Hill was very welcoming (more so than Andy Cohen’s couch at reunion time, one might assume.) She also noted that by working with Schukraft and MISTR, she was able to see firsthand how technology and telehealth can remove barriers to care.
“Everyone’s been so friendly, enthusiastic, and encouraging,” said Patton. “I was impressed with MISTR — how they get medication to people who can’t see a doctor or don’t have funds. Telehealth and medication delivery reduce stigma and help prevent the spread of HIV. Access needs to be available for prevention to work.”
Jayne gave the Blade a more personal reflection, particularly touching on how much treatment has changed since the disease began in the 1980s.
“Growing up in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, an HIV diagnosis meant death,” she said. “The stigma was terrible, and I lost many people in the arts community. Now, people live longer, but the disease remains. I think it’s important to use whatever influence I have to educate.”
U.S. Sen. Tammy Baldwin (D-Wis.), the first openly lesbian senator who has long advocated for HIV research and prevention, said the Housewives’ visit underscored the importance of public awareness and celebrity influence in the fight against HIV.
“When I first got involved, AIDS was a death sentence — no treatment, no cure. Now we know so much more due to public education and health research. Advocacy spreads awareness that PrEP exists, prevents transmission, and funds research toward a cure. Bipartisan pressure is needed to keep funding going.”
Baldwin continued, explaining that this is not a one-and-done effort. To end the epidemic, all of Congress must come together to fight a virus that does not recognize political party, class, sexuality, or gender.
“We have the end of this epidemic within our reach, but we have to keep focused on it. We have to keep investing. That’s why what we’re doing today, and why … the Real Housewives coming to Capitol Hill with their celebrity and pressing this topic is so important because we have seen this administration, the Trump administration, propose cuts globally, drastic cuts globally, to the fight against AIDS, but also locally. I’m in a position as a member of the Senate Appropriations Committee to fight back, to actually fund programs that they’re trying to cut, but that’s not a given, and we need to really keep the pressure up on a bipartisan basis to keep that funding going.”
‘How We Survived’ panel set for March 25
Calendar: March 21-26
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