Commentary
An answer to our prayers
While some religious organizations are grabbing headlines with their same-sex marriage protests, an equally passionate group of Christians rejoices in the District of Columbia’s new marriage equality law. For more than 20 years, we at Dumbarton United Methodist Church have been praying and working for an end to the civil and religious discrimination against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Legal same-sex marriages are an answer to our prayers.
Recognizing such marriages is a logical step for my 238-year-old congregation, Dumbarton United Methodist Church — the first Methodist church in the District. In 1987, seeking to open our hearts, minds and doors, we publicly welcomed lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and their families into full participation in the life and ministries of the congregation and we continue to do so today. We rejoice that at this point in history, the arc of justice now bends toward equal recognition of marriage for all couples.
Now, with marriage equality in the District of Columbia, our congregation will give its full support and blessing to those who have been excluded from this sacred rite. We will honor and celebrate the wedding of any couple, licensed in D.C., who seek to commit their lives to one another in marriage.
We are painfully aware that same-sex weddings are not sanctioned by our denomination, and therefore, the clergy in our congregation who perform these weddings do so at some risk. However, marriage equality is about justice and civil rights. While this country is still dealing with the vestiges of sexism and racism, our law acknowledges that it is not acceptable to discriminate against people based upon gender and race. With its new law, the District of Columbia acknowledges that it is wrong to discriminate against people based upon sexual orientation. Marriage equality is another mile marker on the road to “liberty and justice for all.”
Marriage equality is also a faith concern. Scripture, tradition, reason, and experience all point to the importance and value of stable, committed relationships. Those same sources teach me that all people are to be treated equally. As a pastor, I am called to extend care to all people even as Jesus did.
Jesus kept trying to teach people to see each others’ hearts, to recognize the good and righteousness in one another. Jesus also saved his harshest words for the Pharisees who were so bound up in their narrow legalisms they could not extend grace to all God’s children. Jesus extended grace and ministry to all persons whether they were Hebrew, Gentile, Pharisee or Samaritan. Today, Jesus would extend grace to people no matter where they are from, what they look like or who they love.
Twenty plus years of ministry have woven the pastoral role into my very being. I am called to make my priestly acts available for anyone seeking them. I do not refuse anyone communion. I officiate at funerals for members and strangers. I have served as a volunteer in the pastoral care department of several hospitals. With John Wesley, the founder of Methodism, I see that the world is my parish. I will treat all couples that seek to be married at my church equally without regard for sexual orientation. This is both justice and a pastoral issue.
When it comes down to it, marriage is about love and loyalty – about two people taking the big, bold, audacious step of committing themselves to each other for life – for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health. When two people marry, they entwine their resources and well-being together, which the state recognizes and the church supports.
State and church should provide such legal recognition and spiritual support for all couples. Dumbarton United Methodist Church is committed to marriage equality. We celebrate love and loyalty wherever it is found. And we rejoice that the District of Columbia stands ready to do the same.
Rev. Mary Kay Totty is the pastor of Dumbarton United Methodist Church in Washington, D.C.
During the holidays, overindulging in alcohol and food is widely accepted. Throughout history, for as long as the holiday season has been celebrated in the United States, we are encouraged to have that extra drink or plate of food.
Alcohol, for instance, is widely used in excess, and this has never changed. While our knowledge about moderation and the short and long-term health impacts of alcohol have changed for the better, most Americans face the obstacle of overindulgence during the holidays, deciding whether to avoid the temptation or go with the flow.
There are countless reasons why alcohol is consumed in excess this time of year, and in many instances, people are encouraged to take part. Alcohol suppliers, liquor stores, bars, taverns, and restaurants tend to see an increase in alcohol sales. Alcohol advertising during the holidays is undoubtedly geared to play off of our emotions.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), nine in 10 Americans say that concerns such as not having enough money, missing loved ones, and family conflict cause stress this time of year. Financial concerns were the most common reason for stress, as 58% of U.S. adults say they spend too much money or do not have enough money to spend.
Unfortunately, close to two in five adults who experience stress during the holiday season said they use harmful coping mechanisms, such as alcohol or drugs. It’s well documented that sexual and gender minorities have higher rates of substance misuse and substance use disorders. People in LGBTQ communities often face more stressful and anxious situations during the holidays with family, for example, and frequently turn to alcohol to cope.
According to the National Center for Drug Abuse Statistics (NCDAS), 22.5% of D.C. adults over 18 binge drink at least once per month. Binge-drinking adults in D.C. binge a median of 1.5 times monthly. The 25% most active drinkers binge 3.4 times per month. There is an average of 392 deaths in D.C. attributed to excessive alcohol use each year.
Research gathered by The Trevor Project shows that more than half of LGBTQ youth used alcohol in the last year, including 47% of LGBTQ youth under the age of 21. The holiday season is a different experience for everyone, yet some individuals struggle more than others.
The average person will admit that the holiday season is a pleasant and joyous time of year. However, many people struggle with addiction and mental health issues, and this becomes exacerbated because of the constant pressure to overindulge in holiday cheer and celebration.
There are strategies and resources to help. For example, the D.C. LGBTQ+ Community Center offers crisis resources for everyday safety, connection, and emotional well being. Individuals can find information for emergency shelter and housing, basic needs, mental health, substance use, and victimization support. Alternatively, you can text or call 988, the crisis lifeline, to talk to someone.
Most LGBTQ individuals who are experiencing anxiety about the holiday season and visiting family and friends need someone who will listen to how they are feeling.
During the holidays, pay attention to your feelings and develop a plan for when you are feeling stressed, sad, or lonely. Avoid alcohol and drugs; while this is easier said than done for some people, the holiday season presents challenges that can trigger the use of alcohol, for example. It’s wise to recognize these triggers and avoid alcohol.
If you are struggling, focus on practicing self-care and remaining connected with your friends, family, or local community. Feelings can amplify for some people this time of year, making it necessary to support others. Attend your local faith community, support group, community centers, or local meet-ups. Most importantly, know when to seek help. This can be especially important for anyone already struggling with a substance use disorder or mental health issues.
Don’t let the holidays become something you dread. While society tells us to indulge in certain things and throw care and caution to the wind, we can choose not to listen. Focus on the more authentic meanings of the holiday season and encourage others to do the same.
Nickolaus Hayes is a healthcare professional in the field of substance use and addiction recovery and is part of the editorial team at DRS. His primary focus is spreading awareness by educating individuals on the topics surrounding substance use.
Commentary
Boarding the Celebrity ASCENT in Barcelona
It’s that time of year, and I am in Barcelona to board the beautiful Celebrity ASCENT for what I hope will be another memorable 13-day transatlantic cruise back to Fort Lauderdale. It is my annual trip. First, it’s two fun days in a city I love. Barcelona is a wonderful walking city, with great food and people. I look forward to seeing many friends I often see only once a year on this annual cruise, and to meeting new ones. This year there will be about 80 people in our group who all book with my travel agent My Lux Cruise, based in Texas. Over the years, owners Scott Moster, and his husband Dustin Ruffatto, have become good friends. I have suggested a couple of trips to them, which they then planned. Turns out they were popular. One was last year’s trip to the Galapagos where we had 32 in our group, on a ship with only 100 people. Then we have our upcoming cruise in June of 2025, a 12-day round trip from Southampton, England, on the beautiful Celebrity APEX, to the Norwegian Fjords and the Arctic Circle. I can’t wait for that one as it has been on my bucket list for years. It is my understanding we have about 100 already booked on that trip. Now on this year’s transatlantic I decided to pamper myself a little, and upgraded to the Retreat, the fancier part of the ship.
I will be boarding the ASCENT on Saturday, Oct. 26 and will arrive in Fort Lauderdale at 7 a.m. on Friday, Nov. 8. Yes, I will be away for the election, but I have voted. I also reminded all the other Americans going, to do the same. I will be in Bermuda on Election Day. While I am staying positive Harris and Walz will win, a number of us have discussed whether if the orange ogre wins, can we convince the captain to turn the ship around and head back to Spain. Again, I am sure the people of the United States can’t be insane enough to let that happen.
Knowing a lot of people on the ship makes life on board really pleasant. For those of you who have read my blogs before, and I will be writing a blog again this year, you know I have a set schedule on the ship. Up at 7 a.m. and have coffee, juice, and a bagel, delivered to the room. Then I open the balcony door, and write for a couple of hours. Then it’s off to the gym for an hour, have to work off that bagel, and then maybe meet friends in the Retreat lounge for a cappuccino. Then maybe meet some friends for a light lunch in the Oceanview buffet. Then it’s a tough afternoon of hanging out on the sundeck, and maybe even having a mudslide, or a strawberry daiquiri, if someone twists my arm. Am I getting you tired already from my exhausting schedule? Then it’s back to the room to relax and change for the LGBTQ happy hour, and then the big decision of the day. Dinner and show, or show and then dinner? Decisions, decisions. There are four regular dining rooms and six specialty restaurants. I anticipate trying them all during the cruise and will be writing about them.
There are eight sea days and four stops during the cruise. The first stop is Alicante, Spain, and then the next is Gibraltar and a visit to its monkeys. Then it’s two days at sea to our next stop, Punta Delgada, in the Azores. Then four days at sea until we reach Bermuda. Then another two days until we dock in Fort Lauderdale. I actually love the sea days the best, just relaxing on the ship. I am hoping as always to do some interviews with the performers, and have an appointment set to interview the cruise director. With any luck I will get an interview with the captain. Interesting that even though my blogs, and interviews, have generated business for Celebrity, their PR department always makes things more difficult than they have to be. In referring to them I will borrow Tim Walz’s word, ‘weird.’ Hope you will read and enjoy the blog posts over the next two weeks.
Peter Rosenstein is a longtime LGBTQ rights and Democratic Party activist.
Commentary
To West Africa with love
Thoughts on Ghanaian tradition, queerness, and Western imperialism
You may know by now that Ghana’s parliament has just passed one of the harshest laws against its LGBTQ citizens in West Africa. Many advocates, activists, LGBTQ people, and allies are still trying to process why and how this happened.
During this announcement a person I’m closely tied to was in Juaben, Ghana.
They were celebrating the life and passing of their grandmother, who happens to be a Queen Mother (Juabenhemaa) of the Asante Kingdom in Ghana. It was an elaborate two week traditional ceremony with both private and public events and was attended by thousands as well as the who’s who in Ghana including President Nana Akufo Addo himself.
As a history major, a cultural enthusiast and Afro-futurist, I was excited to have first hand accounts with photos and videos of all the ceremonies and to see beautiful Ghanaian royalty and people in their decorated clothes, dress, dance, and tradition. While at the same time supporting my loved one virtually.
About four days into the two week ceremony, my person in Ghana texted me about a male dancer wearing traditional women’s clothes, wearing makeup with a stuffed buttocks. They found it intriguing and was eager to share with me. In this traditional space, it was normalized and the cultural dancer continued to even dance with other men at the ceremony.
They reported to me that some of the young anti-LGBTQ Ghanian Americans at the ceremony were disgusted and confused. One remarked ‘What? Is this ‘Drag Race now?’ as the colorfully dressed person continued to skillfully dance their traditional dance in honor of the Asante Queen Mother.
Four days later the anti-LGBTQ law passed through the parliament of Ghana, devastating LGBTQ Ghanians, advocates, allies, and diaspora.
The bill now awaits the president’s signature to be enacted.
As I read through the 36-page long document called Promotion of Proper Human Sexual Rights and Ghanaian Family Values Bill of 2021, the basis document for this legislation, it includes repetitive emphasis of resistance to foreign imposition and the maintenance of Ghanaian values, culture, sovereignty, and independence and rejection of homosexuality. The document is a combination of the efforts of various groups including Christian organizations, Muslim organizations, family rights organizations, and the traditional chiefs of Ghana.
I found it interesting that there was but one paragraph that mentioned the importance of protecting the lives of LGBTQ people. Can you guess which one group (Christian organizations, Muslim organizations, Family rights organizations and the traditional chiefs of Ghana) was solely appealing to protect the lives of LGBTQ people in the bill?
The National House of Chiefs, the group most steeped in Ghanaian historical and cultural tradition, made some attempt within the document to shield the lives of LGBTQ people from harm.
Time and time again, advocates have purported that it is indeed the hatred of queer people that is an imposition. Yet they are Christian and family value organizations funded by the right wing organizations that claim to protect local culture and values but instead create divisions that threaten the livelihoods of their Ghanaian queer families.
It begs the question, What is so western about LGBTQ people?
If we are being completely honest, the language, culture and framework is certainly western.
The expression of self was never demonized in many now erased cultures across the world but the idea and framework of queerness today is.
The LGBTQ movement is largely a western movement and culture. From the rainbow flag to its terminology. Today LGBTQ/queer is the language we use universally to describe people whose self and sexual expression is not mainstream.
During colonization, many cultural indigenous traditions were lost including the language we used to identify our family and communities. It was then replaced with Christianity used as a tool to control and restrict — as it continues to do so today.
Indigenous Native Americans are fortunate to have retained their language and some of their culture. Their language of two-spirit makes room culturally for those Indigenous people we would call queer today.
There are countless examples of cultures within West African traditions and culture that have celebrated and have space and language for their “two-spirit” people as described by the Native Americans or their “Dagara” people as described by people from the Ghanaian neighboring country Burkina Faso.
That said, as a result of our erased cultures today, LGBTQ/queer is the language and culture we have globally adopted – obviously to the ire of those who don’t quite understand their own culture.
Regardless of language, culture or foreign imposition, there is no excuse for the hatred, exclusion, and persecution of any group of people — period.
From Uganda in East Africa, Ghana, West Africa to St. Vincent in the Eastern Caribbean the sentiment remains the same where there seems to be a confusion around cultural identity and the clutching onto an idea of sovereignty in efforts to continue to resist years of colonial oppression, imposition, and trauma.
We haven’t even begun to discuss how Christianity, another colonial tool, has culturally divided us and has our societal progress in a chokehold.
However, as a futurist, it is not helpful to remain in a place of blame, anger and self pity — it gets us nowhere. This is the hand that we have been dealt and we must work in various ways to build up our businesses and to nurture and grow families, communities, and our people.
And so I offer this piece to the brave advocates across various post colonial landscapes — draw close to the cultures and identities from whence you came. Activists like Lady Phyll and Alex Kofi Donor have remained entrenched within their cultural tradition signifying that being queer identifying people and being African in identity and culture aren’t mutually exclusive.
We ought to be bold in addressing and working with external groups — the extremely tough and dangerous part of advocacy — entering churches, parliaments, universities, and being visible and contributing citizens not only within local queer communities but outside of the silos and enclaves of our safe spaces. That visibility puts a human face and personality to our cause. We must be our own politicians. Building real relationships with folks who we may not always agree with but who we may see eye to eye with on other issues. Start showing up for other marginalized groups besides our own.
And perhaps I’m blinded by the context of the advocacy done in little Barbados, perhaps it’s a safer place these days, an easier place to exercise this level of visibility … maybe.
What I do know is that we need to employ thoughtful strategy to our advocacy efforts because it was the strategy of the colonial powers that got us in this situation in the first place.
And it will be our understanding of our own people and the application of strategic thinking that will get us out.
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