Furious Goose Pocket Squares
Fancy silken pocket squares — like the luxurious Selim’s Hammer geometric depicting Ottoman flintstock pistols nestled in an arabesque of roses — doubles as an aristocratic neckerchief with anarchist flair to help elevate your Coachella look from basic bitch to baddest. $54, furiousgoose.co.
Smash the Patriarchy Earrings
It’s been all-out war on toxic masculinity in 2018 and there’s no reason to relent now. OHME’s brass (and brash) Smash the Patriarchy earrings put all the men at your holiday dinner table on notice without you having to say a word. $73, wildfang.com
Üllo Wine Purifier
Selective Sulfite Capture technology in the Üllo purifier restores your vintage to its just-bottled taste, removing the artificial preservative suspected to cause those nasty wine headaches. Package includes an adjustable aerator, four replacement filters, travel bag and display base to capture stray drips. Custom hand-blown glassware also is available and designed to work specifically with the device for a chicer presentation. $80, ullowine.
Bullies and Biceps Calendar
Photographer Mike Ruiz panders to your sensitivities by bringing shirtless models and adorable, adoptable dogs together for his 2019 Bullies and Biceps calendar. The just-safe-enough-for-your-
Haus of Karyn Rolling Papers
As the marijuana-legalization train picks up steam, so are fey ways to get fuzzy, like rolling a fatty in slow burning, 100 percent hemp “Fancy AF” papers from lesbian-owned maker Haus of Kayrn. Stuff a toker’s stocking with the also available “Happy Pride, Bitch” set while you’re at it. $2.99, haus-of-karyn.
Exotics by Cedrick Heel-Boot
Miss Vanjie will be yelling your name on loop after a death drop in the Sarae Boot from Exotics by Cedrick, featuring a leather upper with faux snakeskin print, side zippers and a five-inch spiked table-leg heel that lets all those hoes know you came to snatch the crown. $1,250, exoticsbycedric
Marsanne Brands Custom Dog Sweater
Get the most bark for your buck with Marsanne Brands’ custom dog sweaters, available in sizes that range from Chihuahua to Chow Chow, adorned with fabric roses and sequins in you-pick colorways and embroidered with your pet’s name. Canine couture cheaper than from a store. $39, shopmarsanne.com
Mr. Turk x 2(X)IST Smoking Jacket set
Add more merry to your Christmas morning routine in the Hef-inspired velvet satin smoking jacket and matching lounge pants, a collab between gay go-tos Mr Turk and 2(X)IST, that save the best package for last. $596, 2xist.com
I Love My Weiner Amenity Bag
You’re so vain, you probably think this bag is about you. Might be, if you’ve got a special doxie in your life or, ya know, just an affinity for what your daddy gave you. $24.95, nakeddecor.com
Upcycled Mixed Print Jogger
Sewing-room floor scraps are redeemed in no-two-are-alike joggers (and other couture clothing and accessories) from Zero Waste Daniel, which makes it its duty to avenge textile pollution and champion fair labor practices one toss-away at a time. $123, zerowastedaniel.
Nitro Noir Eau de Parfum
If the Paramount Network’s ill-fated, thrice-canceled, but-nonetheless-delicious
Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyrox.